She was crazy. Absolutely and definitely mad. What was she doing on a plane to California?! Dropping everything and flying to the other side of the country was not something she did often – only once, actually, and that had been in the name of justice. But this..this wasn't work related, not at all. No, this trip to California was about as personal as it got..

But what else could she do? She knew there was no way in hell that she could move on and live her life without at least getting Castle to hear her out, even if that did mean arguments and fights and shouting. If that's what it took then so be it, as long as she had the chance to explain her actions, that's all she asked. Of course, what she really hoped for was for them to find a way past this and move on, jumping into a relationship together, but she couldn't get her hopes up.

She had to be prepared for him to reject her, just as she had told herself when she had gone to see him this morning. Well, thought she was going to see him, same thing. She had given herself a little pep talk, bracing herself for him to slam the door in her face and tell her he never wanted to see her again but that letter…well that letter didn't sound like the words of a man who never wanted to see her again. She had it with her, tucked safely inside her bag along with the letter Royce had written her before he died. She didn't know why she had that one too but she felt as thought this was all somehow connected, that Rick moving to California was a sign that she should start listening to Royce's advice like she had as a rookie and tell Castle how she felt. That was the plan, anyway.

The plane journey wasn't too bad, despite booking last minute, she had a good seat in the middle of the plane and the whole row to choose from, it wasn't very busy. She had settled next to the window for take off, watching the New York City skyline disappear as they ascended into the clouds above. She loved flying, always had done, just something about the way she could relax for a few hours, no cell phone ringing or murder cases to solve.

Obviously on this particular flight, it meant she was left with nothing but her thoughts to distract her. Nerves were fluttering low in her stomach, anticipation for what was to come, how Castle was going to react when she showed up on his doorstep. After she found out where he actually lived, of course. Her plan was to head over to the university campus tomorrow morning and try and find Alexis, preferably without getting arrested for harassing students or something, unfortunately her shiny badge was of no use in this part of the country. So after locating Alexis, she was hoping to get an address for Castle, but she wasn't counting on it, Alexis was probably more angry than Castle at what she had put him through. But once she had found Castle, she had no plan, it was full steam ahead on the apologies and explanations and pleads for him to just hear her out.

But all of that was tomorrow; right now she had to focus on getting to California and hiring a car to take her to her hotel. She shook her head and grinned at the ridiculous car Castle had hired when they'd last come to California together, she definitely wasn't hiring one of those.

The flight passed surprisingly quickly and before she knew it, the pilot had lit up the seatbelt sign and asked everybody to return to their seats in preparation for landing. This was her favourite part, watching the earth come closer as the plane descended, seeing the other planes nearby come in to land and take off too.

It was a smooth landing, they could hardly feel it, but that's when things got serious for Kate, no more half-hearted attempts at apologising, this was a huge deal now. He'd moved the best part of two and a half thousand miles away and she'd dropped her whole life to chase after him, it was time to work for what she wanted.

Beckett couldn't sleep. It was 10pm – 1am New York time, she should be able to sleep by now but here she was, led wide awake in her comfortable hotel bed as thoughts of how Castle would react when he saw her flashed through her mind. Best case scenario – he let her in and they talked it through, just like his mother had suggested. Worst case scenario – he shut the door in her face. One thing was for sure though, whatever the outcome she wasn't giving up, she didn't have a flight back and had enough vacation days for however long this took, and Beckett wasn't leaving California until Castle listened to her.

After a fitful nights sleep, managing an hour here and there, Beckett was up and showered by 7.30, skipping breakfast and stopping at a coffee shop instead. It was crazy how familiar the city looked, it had been nearly fifteen years since she had left New York to head to Stanford but she still remembered everything, where her favourite coffee places were and that shoes store she had loved.

Hopping back into the car with her coffee, she began the short journey over to the Stanford university campus – and just hoped she could find Alexis easily enough.

But if I told you I loved you, would it make you want to stay?

I'm sorry for the way I hurt you and making you walk away.

And if I wrote you a love song and sang it you everyday, would it ever be enough to make you wanna come back home and stay?

I can't go another day without you..

It wasn't a song Beckett had heard before but listening to the lyrics as she drove through the city, she couldn't help but think they related to her situation perfectly. She hated how things had turned out but she couldn't change the past, she just had to try and sort out her future. Their future.

Please know this is not your fault, and all I want..

Is to tell you I love you and make you wanna stay.

There's gotta be a way, 'cause going on without you is killing me everyday..

She pulled into the car park of the main campus and turned the engine off. Well, here went nothing..

There were a handful of students stood outside the main entrance, but none of them stood out with their bright red hair. Moving around further, Beckett kept her eyes open for any sign of Alexis, scanning every crowd she walked past. From the looks of things, it was registration day so finding her could prove difficult, with near enough every student on campus this morning to sort out administrative obligations before classes started.

Luckily, no one paid her much attention as she walked around; probably assuming she was a worried parent or an advisor or something. She thought she'd found her sitting with some other students on a nearby bench but that turned out to be wrong and Beckett was seriously starting to re-think her plan, there were just so many people..

Until finally, a voice called out to her. "Detective Beckett?" Beckett swirled around and came face to face with Alexis. "What are you doing here?"

"I um..looking for you, actually," Kate said.

"Why, what's wrong? Oh my god, is my dad okay?"

"Uh yeah..I guess so.." Beckett replied. Okay, flaw one of her plan – of course Alexis would assume something had happened to Castle.

"Wait, you haven't seen him?" Alexis asked, confusion evident on her face.

Dammit, had Castle told no one what she had done? "No, Alexis, I haven't seen him," she sighed. "Look, do you have anything to do right now or can we find somewhere to talk?"

"Uh no..we can talk," Alexis answered. "I think there's a café just-"

"There is," Kate interrupted, beginning to walk in the right direction.

Alexis smiled. "I forgot you came here. What's it like being back?" In all honesty she didn't really care how Detective Beckett was feeling at being back, what she really wanted to know was why on earth she was even here, shouldn't she be in New York? Her dad hadn't told her all the details but she knew he wanted to move to get over her – which personally she thought was a ridiculous decision but it wasn't hers to make. She also knew her father hadn't told Beckett he was moving to California, so that must mean Beckett had been to the loft. A good sign, really, at least she still cared. Well, she cared more than her dad must think if she'd flown to California at a moments notice.

"Odd," Beckett replied. "But I wasn't really here for long. Coffee?" she asked as the waitress came to their table to take their order.

"Sure," Alexis nodded. "So um..why are you here?"

"For your dad," Beckett replied simply. "And I know he probably doesn't want to see me and frankly I'm surprised you didn't throw a hissy fit when you saw me here after everything I've done.."

"Oh I'm a little angry," Alexis reassured. "It's just..you're here. In California. No matter what's gone on between you and my dad, surely that counts for something?"

"Let's just hope your dad sees it like that," Beckett muttered. "I suppose I owe you an explanation, really."

"Not really," Alexis shrugged. "At the end of the day it's none of my business but I love my dad and seeing him hurt upsets me. I've never seen him like this, not even when he split up with Gina and I highly doubt when he split up with my mom.."

"I know and I'm sorry, okay? Not just to your dad, but to you and your grandmother too. I hurt your dad badly and I tried to put it right but it was too late and he left. So here I am, hoping against all odds that he doesn't slam the door in my face and gives me the chance to explain myself..even if I don't deserve it. So uh, would you be able to give me the address of his new place?"

"I.." Alexis didn't know what to do. She wanted to believe Beckett, she really did, but her dad had been a mess since Beckett's shooting and he seemed to be under the impression that getting a fresh start away from her was the only way forward, did Alexis really want to be the reason he stopped trying to live his life again?

twitter - holaitsjade

tumblr - stanaabanana