"Look, you don't have to," Beckett added quickly, noticing the girls' obvious hesitation. "I understand completely that you might not want me to know where he is but I guess you should know that even if you don't give it to me, I'm not giving up." She didn't mean it to sound so much like a threat but this wasn't a game; this was the rest of her life they were talking about. And if Alexis didn't give it to her..well she could have Espo and Ryan track him down and let her know in ten minutes flat.
Alexis studied the Detective for a minute. It was a tricky situation for her because on one hand she could give the address over and have her dad get angry when it all went wrong again and alternatively, she could withhold the address and have Beckett find her dad anyway – and she was pretty sure her dad had once told her how Beckett had said to him that he didn't want to be the person who made her life harder. Alexis knew how Beckett got when she really waned something but this time it was her dad the detective wanted, not their latest murderer on a tough case.
"I'll..I'll give it to you," Alexis said and even she noticed the obvious relief on Beckett's face. "But on one condition."
"Anything," Kate replied hastily. Perhaps a little too hastily, she didn't know what Alexis was going to ask yet.
"Before I give you the address, I want to know exactly why you're here. My dad made a huge decision leaving New York behind, leaving you behind." Beckett flinched at the harshness of the words but it was true, he'd left to get away from her and here she was, trying to find him again. "And I also want your word that if he tells you to leave, tells you he doesn't want anything from you, that you should go back to New York and forget about him that you will. I'm about to start a whole new chapter in my life and I need to know that my dad is okay, whether that's with you or not."
"Wow, Alexis," Beckett said with a nervous laugh. "Have you ever thought about becoming a lawyer? You'd be very convincing!" She had a point though, Beckett couldn't expect her to just hand over the address without hesitation, Alexis knew better than anyone how hurt Castle had been, she was right to be wary of Beckett's actions. "But I'll tell you anything you want to know, I promise. But uh..can I just ask why you're being so nice to me, we both know I don't deserve it."
"Like I said, you're here," Alexis replied simply. "You could have just moved on and got over it but you didn't, you left everything to come and chase after my dad and that's the reason I haven't walked away and told you to drop it. Simply being here in California says an awful lot."
Beckett smiled. Castle had an incredible kid, he really did. "Thank you, Alexis, you have no idea how much I want to put things right with you as well as your dad."
"And that's another reason I know you're good for my dad," she laughed. "Do you have any idea how many women have pretended to like me just to get to my dad? But you're not like that, you accept that my dad already as a kid and you're here apologising to me first."
To Kate, it just seemed like common sense. Of course she loved Alexis too, they were a package, sensible daughter and crazy mother too, Beckett had known that from day one. "You and your grandmother are important to me too, you know. I couldn't sort things out with your father without talking to you, I know how much you mean to him and how much he loves you, it just wouldn't be right if you weren't on board with this."
"You know, I think I'm starting to get why my dad has been in love with you for four years," Alexis mused. "I never really understood it when you made it perfectly clear it wasn't happening and he stuck around anyway, but it's becoming clearer."
Beckett ducked her head, heat flooding her cheeks. It wasn't like Castle being in love with her was news, it was just..hearing his daughter say it made it a little more real.
"So I guess I should ask," Alexis began, "are you in love with my dad too?"
It was a stupid question really; would she actually be here if she wasn't in love with him? But Beckett knew how much she'd hurt Castle in the past and it was only to be expected that Alexis would need to hear it for herself. "I am," she replied fiercely. "I love your dad so much and I know I've hurt him and let him down in the past but I'm here to try and change that, if he'll let me." Things were going far too easily so far, there had to be a hitch in the plan at some point soon.
"I haven't seen my dad as happy as he was working with you in..well, ever. He loves writing but the day he met you..oh god he wouldn't stop talking about you! And from that day, I knew you'd become important to him, more than my mom and more than Gina, and I was right. So seeing him hurt..god it was awful, he was a mess after your shooting and I don't think I've ever seen him like that. I guess I just needed to know that you were here because you want to be and not because you felt bad about what had happened.."
"I do feel bad, you have no idea how much I hate myself for what I've put you all through but that's not why I'm here. If I thought it was better if I moved on then I'd try, I'm not sure how much use it would be but I'd try my hardest. But I couldn't do that, not without seeing your dad one last time and telling him exactly how I feel. The past few months..god they've been excruciating but it's all made me a stronger person. After I was shot, I wasn't ready for a relationship, it was hard enough heading back into that precinct and seeing the looks of pity of everyone's faces. But I just kept telling myself that none of it would matter the second Castle walked in, but he never showed. The boys told me Gates had thrown him out so I went to see him at the book signing but he didn't want to know and ever since that day I have tried my absolute hardest to make myself a better person, the kind of person your dad deserves because he is an incredible man and I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't the best I could possibly be for him."
"Here," Alexis said when Beckett had finished her speech. "This is my dads address. It's down in LA so you'll need to either drive or catch another flight. He flew back last night after dropping me off but he should be home now."
Beckett looked down at the piece of paper Alexis had given her, neat handwriting spelling out where she needed to be. "Thank you, Alexis," she whispered. "You have no idea how much it means to me that you're giving me this."
"You're welcome. And uh..I know what I said about leaving if he asks but I think anyone can tell how in love with him you are, please don't give up on him."
"I'm not going to," Beckett promised. "He's it for me; I have no intention of screwing this up ever again."
Alexis smiled as Kate walked away. Her father might be a little angry when he found out how Kate had got his address but she was a detective for crying out loud, even if she hadn't got it from Alexis she could have got it from the precinct, she was just speeding things up a little.
Kate Beckett had been the only one to make her dad the happiest he'd ever been, she might have screwed up but Alexis knew her father wasn't a saint; they just needed the chance to talk things through and work it out together.
The second Beckett got back to her hotel, she booked a flight down to LA for that afternoon, landing at 3pm. She'd pick up another hire car and drive over to Castle's place, hoping that he was in - and that he'd want to see her.
She hadn't really thought about what she'd do if he turned her away; all she had planned for was talking to him and apologising but what if she didn't get that? She wasn't giving up, no matter what he told her, he still loved her enough to write her a letter and that was good enough for her, she'd just have to find a way to worm her way in and stick around. After all, that's what he'd done to her at the precinct all those years ago; it was about time she got a little payback.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone. "Beckett," she answered.
"Yo, Beckett, Captain says you're in California, what's going on?" It was Espo.
"Yeah, Beckett, how come you get to sun yourself in California and we're stuck here with your paperwork?" Oh, and Ryan, apparently.
"Hey guys," she laughed. "Sorry I didn't call, it was all super last minute, but I'm in California to find Castle."
"Why is Castle in California?!" Esposito asked.
To get over me, she said silently. "Fresh start, or something," she replied vaguely, she didn't fancy giving them all the details. "Alexis came to college here and he moved with her."
"But..why didn't he tell us?" Ryan asked, sounding hurt.
"I don't know," Beckett asked wearily. "I went to see him at his loft yesterday-" god, was it only yesterday? "-and his mother told me he'd moved." She didn't tell them about the letter, some things were meant to stay private.
"But..he's coming back, right?" Esposito asked.
"I hope so," Kate answered quietly. "I'm going to see him this afternoon so I'll ring you guys later with an update. Oh and boys? You can leave my paperwork, I'll do it when I get back." It was the least they deserved for being so amazing and supportive of her over the past few months.
"No worries, Beckett," Ryan replied. "You get Castle back and we'll do the paperwork."
She cut the call off with a grin, knowing how lucky she was to have such a great team. But their team wasn't the same without Castle and she needed to convince him he belonged in New York.
The flight down to LA was cramped and packed, Beckett squidged in between a woman muttering to herself about the likelihood of the plane crashing and a man who kept shooting her hopeful glances and smiling at her. All in all it wasn't very pleasant and she was grateful for some space when they touched down at LAX.
Her new hire car came equipped with a built in sat nav, so she typed in the address Alexis had given her and followed the directions spoken to her. Her nerves were shot to pieces right now, in matter of minutes she was going to come face to face with Castle and he had no idea.
Not knowing what was going to happen was killing her, Beckett liked to be in control but in this instance, she had no power over what happened, she just had to hope for the best. She couldn't figure out if Alexis' reaction was a good marker to go by or not. Honestly, she had expected the girl to refuse to talk to her, telling her she'd caused enough damage and upset already but Alexis had seemed almost happy to see Beckett, knowing how happy her dad had been before. Beckett wasn't naïve enough to think Castle would be so accommodating though.
The sat nav announced that they had arrived at the destination so Beckett parked the car in a spot on the side of the road. Glancing up at the building as she walked towards it, Beckett noted how typically Castle it was, ocean view from the balcony, overlooking the beach.. The doorman let her in with no trouble as she told him who she was here to see, heading towards the elevator of the posh marble interior of the building.
The elevator stopped on the fourth floor – as Alexis had written down, and Beckett exited into the hallway, spotting the right apartment at the end. She had to remind herself to breathe a few times as she walked towards the door and she thought she might throw up any second.
Raising her hand into a fist, she knocked against the door three times and waited for him to answer. No backing out now.
A/N: I'm sure you all hate me for leaving it there but with what I have planned for the next chapter, it just makes more sense to split it like this. Also, I feel like I should warn you that it's going to get more angsty, this is based on a tumblr prompt (I'll give it to you if you want it) and I'm sticking to it, just a little heads up!
Thank you SO much for all of the reviews so far, the response to this has literally blown me away!
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