A/N: This is Star! I bring to you AmeriPan, which I hope you will love...but that's highly doubtful since, you know, I'm not as great at writing as my well practiced friends. (Lily: actually she is (Star: lies)) *awkward laugh* XD
Anyway, here you go~
Oh, and beware of stalling!

The door opened yet again, this time revealing an auburn (well, really, brown tinted red, but close enough) haired girl. She peeked out once, saying, "stop that crazy koala! He tried to eat my headband," before quickly closing the door.

She turned around to face the nations, revealing a pink headband pulling back her hair. She had wide hazel eyes (not quite as wide behind her glasses) and wore a sweater, jeans, and boots.

"Hi," the girl said a little shyly, with a tiny wave.

"Hello...?" Canada said.

"Hi Canada," the girl said. "Wow, this is weird..."

She walked over to him and stared at his face, which she could barely see. "Whoa..."

"What are you doing?" Romano asked confusedly.

He looked even more confused when the girl pinked and stuttered, "Uh, h-hi, Romano!"

She walked over and stood next to him. "C-c-can I sit here?" she asked shyly, clasping her hands behind her back.

"I guess," Romano said confusedly. The other nations had similar expressions on their faces.

"Yes!" the girl said celebratorily, fist-pumping. She sat down quickly before pulling out a phone.

"I guess you're another author, then," North Italy said.

The girl nodded, still looking at her phone. "That's right! I'm the resident Baby Turtle-"

"I remember you!" Spain said. "You threatened me and a few others in that Unofficial Omake!"

"Mm hmm," said the Baby Turtle. "I'm also the author STARFIRE67, or Star, if you'd like to call me that."

"How do you come up with a name like that...?" Germany asked, no longer broken (as of a previous chapter).

Star giggled a little bit. "I remember breaking you. That was fun."

"WAIT." Romano looked at her. "You were the one that forced me to play with him?"

Star scooted away a bit-before nodding. "Yeah. But no one else would (or could)."

"And why the fuck not?!" Romano yelled.

"Well," Star said, "Epic doesn't do anything other than SpaMano, or PruMano smut-"

"ICK!" Prussia and Romano yelled at once.

"Aww, but it's such a cute pairing! And Viva won't write yaoi-she had the RoBel chapter and a couple other het pairings, and Lily's been busy-her parents are the worst, in my opinion."

Star opened a couple apps on her phone: the Safari and Notes apps.

"Don't you have a computer?" England asked snarkily.

"Stupid fucking spellcheck," Star snarled at her phone. She glared at England. "I blame you. And yes, I do, but I don't have Microsoft Office on it, so I can't really do anything."

"What did I do?" England asked.

"Everything. It's a damn shame I love EngMano."

"What pairings do you like?!" Romano asked worriedly.

"Let's see...SpaMano, GerMano, EngMano, RomaLiech, RusMano, NorMano, IceMano, HREXChibimano, FranMano, AusMano, RomaHun, RomaBela, RomaBelg, TurkMano, Itacest-"

Romano clamped his hand over her mouth. "Shut. Up."

She looked at everyone and noticed they all looked at her in shock.

"I really, really like Romano," Star said when Romano finally moved his hand. "Don't you remember Viva saying that?"

"Apparently not," Canada said.

"I don't know why though..." Prussia muttered.

Star threw one of her shoes at him. "Fuck you. Maybe my next story should involve something bad happening to Prussia..." Star murmured, typing on her phone.

The phone started ringing in her hand. "Oh fuck. Everyone be silent," Star warned, glaring at everyone, "or you'll all die in my next story."

Everyone nodded, some more fearful than others, as she pressed answer. "Hi Mama! We're fine! Yes, I took out the dog. When are you getting home, Mama? In a couple hours? Okay! I love you too. Bye!"

Star stood up and stretched. "All right. Give me my damn shoe back- thank you. I'm slated to do an AmeriPan chapter, so no more stalling. What flavor have I outlined again...?" Star pulled up her Notes app again. "Oh yeah. Apple flavor."

Star suddenly smiled deviously and tugged on Romano's curl.

"Chigi!" Romano shrieked instantly. "What was that for!"

Spain frowned and opened his mouth to say something, but Star interrupted before he could begin. "Spain never believed in you! I saw him bet you'd lose last chapter against Mexico!"

Romano angrily turned to a now stuttering Spain. "Is that true?"

"Yes! And, and, he always cheats on you in fanfictions!" Star said, opening up .

The other nations all stared with wide eyes.

"You- you-!" Romano said furiously. He was red faced and shaking.

"And he cheats most often with Belgium and North Italy!" Star said.

The other nations gasped as North Italy and Belgium looked depressed.

"Why would I hurt fratello?!" North asked anxiously.

"I don't wanna hurt Roma!" Belgium said insistently as some nations looked at them disapprovingly.

But that was nothing compared to the nations talking to Spain.

"That's bloody low," England stated.

"Yeah! Why would you do that?!" Prussia yelled.

"One should not play with another's heart like that," France sniffed. "It does not give a good name to l'amour!"

"But I…Why would I? Roma's the best thing that happened to me! I would never hurt him!" Spain said.

Romano simply looked straight ahead, absolutely livid.

Star smirked and fist pumped victoriously.

"Why are you so evil?" Sealand asked, the only noticing her actions.

"Because I just read a fanfiction where Spain's an asshole and for some reason, Romano either forgives him or I never get to see him punished," Star said. "This is the closest I could get."

Sealand shivered. Who went after revenge like that except for a die-hard fangirl?

"You better watch out. Epic will kill you," Hungary warned, finally paying attention to Star.

"They'll make up," Star said. "They always do."

"If you say so..." America said. "I just don't want to have to bury one of my citizens."

"Anyway~" Star said cheerfully, interrupting the near chaos. "I've somehow managed to get off topic."

"Were you stalling again?" Germany asked.

"...Maybe." Star sighed. "At least my word count's gonna go up."

"True," Hungary admitted. "Anyway, Japan, America! Get up here!"

"Hungary-san, are you sure that I must-?" Japan began.

"Oh you have to, Japan," Star said. "Oh, and REQUEST ANY ROMANO PAIRING! I MUST WRITE ROMANO PAIRINGS!"

Romano tried to keep her quiet, but she had resorted to licking his hand, so he decided to let go for now.

America grabbed the apple pocky stick and trapped it between his teeth. He gestured to Japan and waited for a moment.

Japan turned red but stepped forward. He hesitantly put the other side and started chewing on it.

America, overenthusiastic as he was, was eating really quickly, his jaw moving twice as fast as Japan's. This was slightly problematic for Japan, who did not like playing this game, simply because he might lose and have to do something extremely embarrassing. America, on the other hand, had nothing to lose, as he'd long ago given up his dignity.

"Well said," England whispered.

Star winked.

America looked at them, but in the process, he broke the stick...and lost the game.

Japan sighed in relief. America wasn't a bad person (well...not a horrible person) but he was… overexcited. And had overexcited tendencies. And a hero complex.

So he could be a bit annoying at times.

"Aww! I lost!" America said.

"Since I won," Japan began, "I insist that you leave me alone for the next three chapters, America."

"But Japan…!" America whined.

"That won't be very long, depending on how fast we get chapters out," Star chuckled. "Plus the Ninja Turtle's back!"

"What is your group name about?" England suddenly asked.

"Aren't you chatty?" Star said. "And I think I'll wait for a different turtle to explain. It's only fair."

Star looked at her phone and said, "I've been here long enough. I think it's time to surrender the stage."

Star smiled then. "I hope you all enjoy this. Who knows if you'll survive Epic next time she has a sugar high?" Star laughed and winked before skipping out the door, leaving behind a group of bewildered nations.

A/N: ACK. I hope this wasn't terrible. DX
I have no pride in myself.

Well I mean it wasn't as good as anything written by the MOTHERFUCKING SENPAI TURTLE. /(-,-)/
But it was still good.

*nods in approval* Someone with sense on this fucking account. -_-'

I think it's official... the Fourth Wall is utterly destroyed. Let us have a moment of silence for any scrap of sanity that died in this chapter.