Hey everyone! Here's the next chapter. I don't think it's quite as good as the other ones. As always, feel free to leave feedback! Enjoy and thanks for reading! Thank you also to everyone for their support and encouragement! :) Note: This takes place after Jace confronts Magnus, as told from Alec's POV.

As if by their own will, my feet stopped outside the training room. It wasn't too late to turn around and march right back to my own room. No one would be the wiser. I hadn't made a vocal commitment to Jace when he told me he was going to meet me upstairs to train. He'd walked away before I could even answer, expecting me not to argue with him. I did owe him big time for taking care for me lately...but that was just it. Jace had barely left my side since I'd made my confession to him that night in my room. He gave me anything I needed, be it food, a laugh or a hug. Jace was my reason to smile again, my reason to get out of bed in the morning, my reason to live. Being next to him gave me comfort, but it also felt dangerous. My past feelings for Jace were being unearthed inside me. Was I really falling in love with Jace all over again, or was this just a bad case of Florence Nightingale Syndrome? Maybe I was just extremely grateful for all his support and nursing me back to health...or part of the way, anyway.

Either way, I couldn't elude Jace for the rest of the day. Sooner or later he would come searching for me, probably suspecting I'd be holed up somewhere with a rope around my neck. He'd revive me just so he could strangle me with his own two hands. No. Better to have him swinging a sword at me than to have him than have him leisurely sprawled out on my bed, his watchful eyes making sure I don't try to paper cut myself to death while reading a book. It was easy to be distracted by him that way. Training would erase all distractions from my mind...even if my partner was undeniably attractive.

Jace was pacing in the center of the training room when I entered. He was casually tossing a seraph blade into the air and catching it repeatedly. My silent appearance didn't seem to startle him at all; he smiled and kept a steady rhythm as if he hadn't been at all concerned that I wouldn't show.

"What are we doing today?" I asked, trying to put some enthusiasm into my voice...and failing.

Jace was unbothered by my lack of energy. "I thought we'd try a little one-on-one combat." He walked over to an extra seraph blade laying on the floor, picked it up and tossed it to me.

I caught it in one hand and inspected it. The weapon felt wrong and unbalanced in my hand, like holding a fork after spending hours holding an axe. I knew everything would feel right again once I started moving, but I felt no desire to spar with Jace. Just looking at him was proving to be trial enough. It was hard to ignore the shape of his arms, the powerful muscles in his back and shoulders underneath his t-shirt.

"I don't really feel up to it." I pointed with the seraph blade up to the beams close to the roof. "What about some balance exercises?"

With a grin Jace rested his own blade on his shoulder. "Alexander, are you worried about damaging this fine packaging? Because you shouldn't be. You'll be flat on your back before you can even touch me."

Typical Jace. Never doubting his skills for a second, and taunting others with his confidence. "I'm sort of lacking in the physical health department, Jace."

He nodded his golden head as he considered that. "One round. That's all I'm asking."

Jace had already seen me at my breaking point, but I felt as if refusing this would expose me as weak. I didn't want him to judge me for that. I needed to impress him, to show him I'd progressed.

I twirled the blade expertly in my hand. "Fine. One -"

Jace was rushing at me before I'd finished speaking. I barely raised my blade in time to block his. I hadn't even recovered before he was striking again and again, twisting his body to lash out at different angles. My agility and fluidity steadily started to return. Jace brought his blade down overhead. I parried the blow and shoved back with all my strength, throwing him off balance. I aimed a blow at his neck, which he easily defended against. He swung his blade out to my left side and I leaned to block it.

First mistake. Jace kicked out with his left leg. His boot connected with my right side, knocking me off balance and sending me crashing to the floor. I leapt back up to my feet just as Jace rushed at me again. I twisted out of the way and swung my blade at his back. The blade whistled as it cut through thin air. Jace was straightening out of his forward roll as I charged at him. He turned and rushed forward boldly to meet me.

I already knew what he was going to do. Sure enough, he slid to the floor without losing any forward momentum. One leg was extended in front of him, intended to catch my boot and trip me. Without missing a beat I leapt into the air, tucking my legs into my chest and executing a perfect flip before landing in a defensive stance: blade up and knees bent.

I already felt exhausted. Every muscle was already aching. Jace hadn't broken a sweat. He had a cocky smirk plastered on his face, knowing his victory was moments away. If I was going to defeat him, it would have to be now. Waiting much longer would only bring greater fatigue, and Jace would start to have much more fun.

My instincts took over. I'd trained with Jace long enough to know his moves, his reactions. I stayed rooted in my spot as he sprinted towards me. As adrenaline coursed through my veins his movements seemed to slow down, like he was moving through molasses. He swung his blade to cut across my torso. I dropped into a crouch, feeling a breeze ruffle my hair as the blade sailed over my head. Pressing my hands onto the floor for balance I kicked up and outwards with my leg. My boot hit Jace squarely in his chest. He ricocheted off and collapsed onto his back. I was standing over him pointing my blade at his throat before he could catch his breath.

I grinned triumphantly. "I win."

The landing had left him winded, but Jace's breathing was slowly returning to normal. "You cheated," he accused.

"I did not," I growled, gently kicking him in the side with the tip of my boot.

"Fine. Obviously, then, I let you win."

I rolled my eyes. "Just admit that I outsmarted you."

"Fine. You outsmarted me. You keep your useless brain. I'm still the beautiful one."

Jace's words triggered something inside of me. My eyes did a quick once-over of him. The hem of his t-shirt had lifted slightly when he fell, exposing his flat stomach. I stared at the curve of his hip bones where they peeked out from under his clothing. I didn't think Jace knew how truly beautiful he was.

My palms were sweating and my heart was pummeling my ribcage, but not from the exertion of the training. I tore my eyes away from Jace's exposed flesh, hoping he hadn't noticed my gaping.

He hadn't. He reached his hand up to me. "Help me up?"

I gripped his forearm and tugged him to his feet. His eyes looked unfocused and he swayed slightly. Head rush. When he regained his balance he looked at me and grinned, his eyes shimmering as he opened his mouth to say something witty.

My body moved by its own accord, like some other being had possessed me. I didn't even have time to think before I pulled Jace forward, still gripping his forearm, and pressed my lips to his. My head was screaming "Stop!" but my desire could not restrained. I continued kissing him, letting his warm, comforting scent wash over me.

Jace's grip on my forearm tightened, almost to the point of pain. My eyes flew open, flinging me back into cruel reality. Jace's lips were still pressed against mine, but I became too entirely focused on how rigid his body had gone, how wide his eyes were. Gasping, I violently shoved Jace away from me. I took a couple steps back to put more distance between us and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, as if I could just brush the sin away. My cheeks were burning, but I couldn't tell if it was because I was embarrassed or if it was the white hot rage I felt burning inside me.

My mind was racing and it was suddenly difficult to breathe. A voice inside my head was relentlessly screaming "What have you done?" over and over. I looked at Jace, who was staring back at me, aghast. There was no trace of revulsion on his face. He just looked stunned...and concerned.

Damn you, Jace Wayland. Here I'd been unable to control myself and kissed him, and now he was worried about me, as if he was the one who had made the mistake. A grave mistake. A disgusting, foul, pathetic mistake.

Jace's lips parted to say something. I turned and fled before giving him the chance. Jace called after me, but I paid him no heed. I pushed my legs to go faster, desperate to get back to my room. I could hear the pounding of Jace's feet behind me. He called my name and begged me to stop. I ran even faster.

When I finally reached my room I raced inside and slammed the door shut behind me. I pressed my back firmly against it, using my own body as a barricade. There was a loud bang and the door shook slightly as Jace slammed himself into it.

"Alec!" he called, pleading. "Open the door."

"Leave me alone," I called back.

There was silence at first, then a continuous pounding on the door. When the pounding stopped, it was replaced by a rhythmic thud, thud, thud shaking the door, most likely caused by Jace using his shoulder to try to ram the door in. I dug my heels into the floor to keep him out.

"Alexander Gideon Lightwood! Open this door! Now!" Jace shouted, furious.

Here I was with the same problem I'd had earlier: I couldn't keep Jace out forever. He was far too stubborn. He'd dislocate his shoulder or break his foot busting my door down before leaving me alone. Bargaining was my last resort.

"Just give me ten minutes to be alone."

The attack on the door stopped, but I kept myself as a barrier in front of it. I thought for a minute Jace was going to permit my request.

"Three minutes," he countered.

"Seven."

The pounding started up again. "Three!" Jace yelled over the thunderous banging.

"Jace, please!" My voice was strangled, desperate. "Five minutes."

Glorious silence again, then a quiet "Fine."

With a sigh of relief I slid to the floor. Now I had to figure out what to say. Part of me hoped Jace would just punch me and walk away so I wouldn't have to explain myself. I knew he would never hit me, though. Maybe if I provoked him...No. Not even then. Jace still considered me fragile. He'd let me beat him an inch from death before laying a finger on me.

I hadn't realized the seraph blade was still in my hand. It glittered in the light, almost seductively. I tested the edge of the blade with my thumb. It was dull, but maybe if I pressed hard enough...I set the blade shakily against the inside of my left wrist and bit my lip. This kind of pain I could control, and it was easy to heal. I could escape, lose myself in the flow of blood...

Mortified, I hurled the seraph blade across the room. I checked my wrist for any damage, finding only an indentation, a memory, of where the blade had rested. My skin was not reflecting the cuts and scars that lurked inside. Disgust and self-loathing welled up inside of me, but underneath, the gaping wound was heartbreak. I was barely coping with my grief. All anyone at the Institute could really give me was pity. I had plenty of people to listen to me and nod their heads, but what I really needed was for someone to understand.

I'd left the window open to get some fresh air into the room before I'd left for training. I stared at it now, knowing if I was going to escape it was now or never. Jace, of course, would be hot on my heels, but I could throw him off my trail before getting to my destination.

I whispered a hushed apology to my parabatai before pushing to my feet and crossing the room. I slung one leg over the windowsill and glanced back at the door. Still closed. I swung the other leg out and readied myself for the drop. A moment ago I'd been eager to slice my skin open just to make myself feel better, but now, oddly enough, I was hesitant on jumping for fear of breaking my legs.

Physical pain is easy, I tell myself. It's the emotional pain that'll kill you.

Without another glance at the door, I pushed myself off the windowsill.