Chapter 6:
It was a long slow trip back to Austin that took over 2 weeks. However, by the time they reached the city limits, Charlie and Bass were almost up to fighting condition again, at least physically. Mentally and emotionally, Miles still had his doubts.
2 Weeks before
Miles stood outside of Charlie's tent, worry and fury both warred within him. One of the soldiers had just returned and informed him he found Charlie and Bass and they would be returning momentarily. Miles' suspicion had gone into overdrive with this information. Exactly where had the two of them been this late at night?
Finally the two of them came into view. If possible, both of them seemed more subdued and beat down. As soon as they got close, Miles gestured for them to go into Charlie's tent and the followed without question or comment. Once inside, Miles turned on them, remembering how thin the tent's walls were. "Where the hell have you two been?" He demanded.
Bass opened his mouth to speak, but Charlie cut him off.
"I went to kill the kid."
"Excuse me? What kid?"
"The prisoner, the one who left me to be taken by New Orleans."
Miles gaped at her.
"You went to kill him?"
"Don't worry, Monroe stopped me."
Miles looked to his former friend. He looked tired and worn, but didn't disagree with her. Miles turned back on Charlie.
"Did anything I said earlier get through to you?" Miles fumed. "You sat there and nodded. And then you thought 'Hey, why don't I go shoot an unarmed kid who's chained up?'"
Charlie sighed. "Look, I already got this lecture once tonight, ok? I'm tired. The kid is fine. Can I please just go to bed?"
"That depends. Do I need to place a guard on your tent, to make sure you don't go assassin in the middle of the night?"
"The kid's alive." Charlie said again. "I'm fine. It's over, ok?"
"No, Charlie, it's not ok." Miles growled. "After everything…"
"Oh my god, Miles, enough!" She snapped at him. He blinked at her, surprised. "I heard it already, ok? Killing him isn't going to make me feel better; it'll only make things worse. I got it. Now will you both please leave so I can get some sleep?"
Miles opened his mouth to snap back at her, when Bass finally spoke up. "Just leave her alone, Brother. It's been handled. She's not going to go out there again." Miles stared both of them down. He felt like he was missing something and he didn't like it. He noticed Charlie was calling Bass 'Monroe' again. He finally sighed; realizing whatever it was it wasn't going to make his life any easier. He had to trust Bass, that it was really over for the time being and Charlie wasn't going to do anything stupid.
"Fine." He glared at Charlie. "But you….quit acting like an asshole." Charlie gave him a sarcastic grin.
"Yes sir, General." And then she turned her back to him, obviously dismissing him. Miles found himself missing the days when all he worried about was his next drink, but he turned and left without pursuing the fight. Because his back was turned, he didn't see the look that Charlie and Bass shared, although it was filled with too many emotions for him to interpret, he would have known instantly his instincts were right and there was much more to this situation.
Bass followed him out and Miles dragged him across the way to their own tents.
"Now, how worried do I have to be?"
Bass sighed. "Look Miles, she lost her head temporarily. I stopped her. I think she gets it now." He looked off for a moment. "At least, I think she realizes that killing the kid won't help. I don't know about the rest of it. You'll still need to watch her."
"Why didn't you come get me?" He demanded, suspicion still nagging at him.
"There wasn't any time. I heard the guards say she asked to see the prisoner and I realized what was up. I only barely got there."
Miles shook his head. "Well, thank you, for stopping her."
Bass nodded. Something flashed in his eyes that looked a lot like guilt. But before Miles could question him on it, Bass answered him.
"Well, I do know something about reacting out of fear and anger, don't I?"
Miles sighed, appeased with that explanation.
"Just get some rest." He said, wearily. With that he turned and entered his own tent, but sleep really didn't enter the picture for him as he stayed up worrying, about Charlie, about Rachel and what tomorrow would bring.
Present
Charlie and Bass rode on either side of Miles. Charlie was subdued and barely spoke, she certainly didn't initiate any conversations in the past few weeks and Miles was getting more and more concerned about her mental state.
She was also pushing her recovery. Before she was really able he and Bass found her out training with different soldiers. She pushed herself harder and harder. He and Bass both kept an eye on her, making sure she didn't push too hard. But when either of them tried to talk to her she just stared at them in a careful measured way.
Miles would be relieved when they got back and hopefully Rachel would be able to get through to Charlie.
Bass wasn't much better. Whatever he experienced in New Orleans seemed to have brought about a more pronounced change than Miles had first suspected. Instead of the cold General who constantly just acted, now he seemed plagued by doubts and unable to make even the most basic decisions. Miles wasn't even sure what he'd be like if he had to fight right now.
Miles got the impression that whatever battle Charlie and Bass had over the kid that night was a lot worse than Bass had let on. Charlie was still referring to him as 'Monroe', they barely spoke, and when they did, it usually erupted into a screaming match. While Bass may be much calmer than he usually was, Charlie seemed to bring out his anger quite effectively. Compared to the way they seemed when they first came back and the bond that formed between them, Miles wasn't sure whether he should be relieved or more concerned. At this point, however, he was leaning towards concerned.
A rider was suddenly on the road ahead of them riding towards them fast. Everyone tensed, not really expecting trouble with Austin in sight, but careful none the less.
The rider came straight up to them and jerked to a halt.
"General Matheson, a message for you!" The rider stated.
Miles glared at him. Whatever was so urgent that it couldn't wait until they got to the city couldn't be good. He grabbed the message and tore it open.
"Son of a Bitch!" He swore after reading its contents.
"What?" Charlie asked.
Miles looked up at the rider. "She couldn't have waited just a few more days?"
The rider looked alarmed. "Sir, I was just asked to give this to you, I don't know…."
"Of course you don't." Miles snapped. "Just….go" Miles waved him off and the rider left.
"What is going on?" Charlie demanded. Miles stopped the troops and got off his horse, he motioned for Charlie and Bass to follow him out of earshot of the rest of their men.
"Your mother." Miles visibly gritted his teeth. "She hadn't heard from your Grandfather or Willoughby since the insect attack, so she took it upon herself to head down there."
Next to him, Bass let out a humorless chuckle and Charlie cursed.
"We need to head down there." Charlie said
"Yeah, but it could be a trap." Miles offered.
"So we take some troops." Charlie insisted.
"When we don't know what we're facing? It's dangerous."
"It's my mom."
"I'm aware, Charlie."
"Well, we have to do something. If you don't want to go, I'm going."
"Would you just wait a minute and let me come up with a plan?" Miles looked to Bass. "What do you think?"
"I just don't know, Miles." Bass hesitated.
Miles felt his frustration go up another notch. Before Bass would have had an opinion, even if it was a 'wrong' one, he would have had an opinion.
Charlie openly scoffed at him.
Bass shot her a look. "Is there something you wanted to say?"
She shrugged. "I don't know reverend. I thought maybe you wanted to take a moment to pray on it."
"I'm sorry, that I'm trying to stop and consider instead of jumping into things."
"No, you're scared to act. Let's be clear. While you're 'considering', my mom could be dying…or worse. If you want to suddenly become a pacifist, fine. Then go join a monastery and become a monk. We need to prepare for war!"
"Right, and the way to win that would be to chain them all up and shoot them in the head, right?"
"Like that's something you haven't done before."
"Maybe that's why I'm taking the time to consider now!"
She gave him a small smile.
"Too little, too late. When we need you to act like a General you decide to turn into the Dalai fricken Lama."
"You know what, Charlie…!"
"ENOUGH!" Miles yelled. "Jesus, could we please have one conversation without the two of you ready to rip each other's throats out?" He looked at Charlie. "And how do you know about the Dalai Lama?"
"My dad had some of his books; he made us read them as kids." She answered. But she and Bass didn't stop their glaring match.
Realizing that with the two them, nothing would be decided, Miles turned towards her. "Charlie, leave us alone for a few minutes."
"He's acting like a pussy and I have to leave?"
Bass advanced on her threateningly. She stood her ground but moved into position to attack. Miles was in between them. "I said that's enough! Charlie, GO! NOW!"
She spun and flew back towards the troops. Bass watched her go, but didn't relax until she was well out of sight.
Miles turned back to him. "You know she has a point, you've picked a hell of a time to try and find your conscience."
"I'm sorry, Miles. I wish I had the luxury of years, to sit and stew over my actions like you had. Maybe that's what I should do, just disappear and hide at the bottom of a bottle."
Miles let out a laugh. "Oh, that's beautiful."
"Isn't just? Or maybe I can just rely on Rachel to make the moral decisions for me."
"So what do you want to do, Bass? Wring your hands over every thought? Worry over every kill you make from now on? Seriously?"
"Maybe I just need some time!"
"We don't have time!" Miles yelled. "I can't use you like you were before Shelly died. I need you to be here for this."
At that Bass started laughing.
"WHAT?" Miles shouted after a few seconds of listening to it.
"You can't use me? YOU can't USE me? Because I'm only of use to you if I'm able to kill people…well as long as I take orders from you or make decisions you agree with?" There was no anger in his voice now, just amusement.
"Goddammit, Bass, we are facing a war here. I need your head in this."
"My head is in this, maybe just not in the way you want."
Miles took a step forward. "You know what? Do whatever you want. I'm going to get the troops back to Austin and take some and head to Willoughby with Charlie. I don't have time to hold your hand."
Bass scoffed and turned away from him. He heard Miles stomp away and then he heard him yelling out orders. Bass stared off in the distance for several long moments and then he heard someone approach behind him.
"Don't. Just don't, Charlie." He warned. The anger was clear in his voice.
"Look, I do get it. You don't know how to make decisions as a General anymore because you are too afraid."
He spun around. "I said 'don't'." He growled at her, but she didn't back down.
"You need to change your perspective. You were a soldier before anything. You need to look at it like that. Think about how you would want to be led. Think of decisions that would affect you as well. It will help remind you that you are leading people, not just pawns."
He stared at her. She sighed.
"My mom and my grandfather could be in danger. I know you hate her and don't care much for him, but we need you. Please."
"All right." He said quietly. They stared at each other for a few moments. Bass had been pretending to ignore her since the night they kissed, but it was only an act. In reality, he was hyper aware of her. He always knew where she was and if she was within 10 feet of him, he was aware of her every movement. When he wasn't around her, he was constantly fighting with himself over going to find her and checking on her, trying not to remember the way she had said his name that night or the way she felt in his arms.
Charlie looked like she wanted to say more, but then she just turned and walked away. Her hands were clenched at her sides. It was obvious she had gone back to hating him and he deserved it for taking advantage of her like that. That had him doubting himself more than anything. If he was someone capable of something like that, how far over the edge was he? And knowing how wrong it was, how could he be still fighting with himself over his desire for her? Except it wasn't just desire. He had feelings for her.
His own hands clenched. There was only one fact. It was wrong.
He followed the path that Charlie just took. None of it mattered. If he wanted to make amends, she needed his help. He needed to focus on what was ahead for her and Miles. They were right; he was no help to anyone stuck in his own head like this. He walked up to where Charlie and Miles were standing obviously making plans to leave.
"Get me 20 men to send with us. You lead the rest back into Austin. I'm sending a message to Blanchard explaining we'll meet with him when we get back." Miles was telling his own Lieutenant.
"You're gonna need more than 20." Bass told him when he got within earshot. Miles looked up at him with slight surprise.
"You back in the game, then?"
"Apparently, I have to be, with you making decisions like that."
"Really? What do you suggest?"
"If we're worried about insects, we need at least 50. We also need blankets or shirts, or fabric torn up to make masks to cover noses and mouths."
Miles nodded and turned to his Lieutenant. "You heard him."
Charlie spoke up. "And anything flammable." They both focused on her.
"Good idea, insects don't do well against fire." Miles said. He looked at both of them. "All right, let's get it together; I want to leave out within the hour."
They nodded and went to get prepared to travel.
Charlie was relieved to be away from both of them for the moment. She felt like she was going to explode. The nightmares still weren't letting her sleep much and she still felt so hollow inside. The only time that it had let up was the night Bass stopped her from killing Devon, the night they kissed. She knew he was right, when he told her it was a mistake. There was no way in hell that it could ever be right, except it didn't feel wrong at the time.
Since then he had been ignoring her and it hurt. It fucking hurt. She missed the son of a bitch! How had it even come to this, where Monroe was one of the people who knew her best and she was used to spending her time with? When did he become the one she depended on?
Now, with as bad as she felt and the situation the only times she didn't feel completely lost was when she was fighting and training. Or when she was attacking Monroe. Since he was determined to ignore her, she was determined to be enough of a bitch he couldn't. It had led to quite a few screaming matches. She knew logically she was being immature; it was obvious he was struggling as much as she was. She just had so much anger inside of her and the one person who she had come to rely on was now unavailable and it was the only way she could deal with being around him all the time.
Still, when it came down to it, she had to go talk to him. She knew they needed him to go after her mother, and if she had to admit it, she was not confident herself anymore and would feel better with him fighting beside her if it came to it. It was the first real talk they'd had since the night they had kissed, but keeping their distance didn't lessen the longing she felt. By the time she had walked away, her hands had been clenched at her sides in an attempt to not reach out to him. He looked so uncertain and lost. All she had wanted was to offer him the same comfort he had offered her. Unfortunately, look how that had ended.
Charlie knew she needed to get away. She needed to leave and be by herself for a while. She was planning on talking to Miles when they got back; find a mission she could go on, some sort of reconnaissance maybe, that would require her to leave. But first they had to go find her mom and grandfather. She just had to hold it together a little bit longer. And hopefully she would find her mother and grandfather alive and well.
~.~
Austin, TX
"Ok, so we have a list of all the different chemicals the brain produces when it's in love." Aaron told Priscilla. The two had been doing research in the library at the University for days. "Now we need to come up with a way to find out if any of those chemicals have an adverse effect on the nano."
"How do you propose we do that? We don't have the capability anymore to run those kinds of test or to synthesize those chemicals."
Aaron sighed. "Well, hopefully Rachel will come back soon and she'll have some sort of ideas."
He read over his notes again.
"Wait, if they are trying to change people by altering the limbic system, then quite possibly, its dopamine that would be the one that would have an adverse effect on them. That's got a lot to do with the limbic system." He said.
"Ok, but that still doesn't tell us much."
"But it does, because opiates can increase the dopamine produced, so all we'd have to do is…."
"What? Get our hands on some heroin? Aaron, stop and think. Even if this was the answer, where would we find heroin and would you really want to test that theory?"
"Actually, Miles knew a guy…."
Priscilla sighed and stood up. She walked over to the window and stared out of it. "There has to be more to this." She shook her head, but didn't continue. Aaron stood up and walked over to her.
"I know you're tired, we've been working on this nonstop for days. Go get some rest."
She turned and looked at him, there were tears in her eyes. "I miss my girls. I just want to see them again." The tears rolled down her face. "If we can't come up with a way to beat this, I want to see them; I want to hold them. Even if it's just for one more time."
Aaron pulled her into a hug. "I'm so sorry. I wish we had found them. Blanchard sent men to the town they were living in, but they had already left. No one knows where they went."
"I don't want their last memory of me to be that mommy was going insane." Priscilla cried. "Children are so ingenuous. They see things and it leaves such a lasting mark on them, it's so hard to undo those first feelings and images."
"I know." Aaron soothed her. "But they are your kids, you will find them again and you can explain everything."
Priscilla laughed weakly and pulled away. "You don't understand. The ideas and memories formed in childhood leave lasting impressions. Even years later, people can be terrified of dogs because of a traumatic incident in their childhood. It severe cases it can take years of therapy…." Her voice trailed off.
"What?" Aaron asked her.
"What if that's it?" She looked up at him.
"What's it?"
"What if we are looking at this too analytically?" She got excited and started searching through the library shelves.
"What are you talking about?" He insisted.
She turned to look at him. "You woke the nano up. It gained consciousness, then it slowly began to learn, much like children do."
"Ok?"
"Well, as it was learning about people, it was right after the bombs dropped, so mainly what it discovered was our fear and hatred. It may view love as an aberration of the human condition. So it acclimated itself to feeding off of our fear and hatred and our baser emotions."
"Which is what we already decided."
"Yes, but you are looking at it from chemical and biological sides. What if we can teach it? What if we can show it there is much more?"
"You want to put the nano in therapy to teach it how to love?"
"Is that really crazier than feeding people heroin to try and resist it?"
Aaron stood there and just opened and closed his mouth several times, completely unsure of what to say.
~.~
Outside Willoughby
They had ridden hard and approached the outskirts to Willoughby rather quickly. Charlie had no trouble locating the most recent tracks that headed there and they were certain they were on Rachel's trail, but not too far behind her. Miles was pushing hard, trying to reach her before she reached the town, however, with 50 men and supplies it was almost impossible to match the speed of a single rider.
The sun was just beginning to set when suddenly Charlie pulled up short and pointed. There was smoke up ahead of them.
"It's about the size of a campfire." Miles commented.
"Think it's my mom?" Charlie asked. "Her tracks head off in that direction."
"Your grandfather's house is also that way, it stands to reason."
"I'll go in ahead and make sure. If it isn't mom, we won't be able to get the drop on them with all the troops."
"No." Bass spoke for the first time since they left.
"Excuse me?" Charlie turned towards him.
"I said 'no'." He repeated himself.
"You don't think I can do it?" She snapped.
"I think I just almost got myself killed the last time you went out to play cowboy and I'm not really in good enough shape to do it again."
"No one asked you to then and they aren't asking you now." Charlie growled.
"Ok, ok." Miles interrupted. "Let's just stop this before it gets started." He sighed. "I'm going in to see if it's Rachel. You two stay here with the troops. I'll signal if it's all clear." He got down off his horse and looked up at them. "If you could refrain from killing each other, that'd be just nifty." With that he headed off in the direction of the fire. For several long moments there was silence, and then Charlie spoke, unable to handle the heaviness in the quiet.
"You really think I'm incapable of sneaking up on a camp fire?" She snapped at Bass.
"I think you are so determined to prove you are 'ok' and in control you wouldn't have just snuck up on that camp fire. If they were enemies, you would have jumped right in head first, just to prove you could."
"More Monroe Wisdom for your years as an evil overlord." She snarked.
"Something like that." He said simply.
"You should have stayed behind with the troops." She snapped.
"Well you asked me to come, didn't you?"
She opened her mouth to answer, but just then a long whistle came through the night. Miles' all clear signal. The motioned to the troops and took off after him.
It didn't take long to reach the camp. It was on the edge of her grandfather's property. Charlie felt the fear that lived inside her now, rear up when she realized that if everything was ok, her mother would be inside the house. Miles was on the ground talking urgently to Rachel. Charlie jumped off her horse and ran over almost before the horse came to a complete stop.
"Rachel." Miles was saying. "Rachel, talk to me."
"Mom?" Charlie cried the fear evident in her voice. "MOM?" She shouted to try and get her attention.
"She doesn't talk." A small voice said. Charlie turned in alarm. There on the other side of the fire, was a small boy crouched low.
"Who are you?" Charlie asked gently.
"I'm Adam." The little boy stood up and came closer. He was so thin that Charlie winced at the sight of him. "I live here. Or I lived here. Before the bugs came. Now everyone's dead. My mom and dad hid me where they couldn't get me, but they died. Everyone died."
"Everyone?" Charlie asked. She looked towards her grandfather's house.
"I found her." The boy pointed to Rachel. "But she doesn't talk. I started a fire. My dad taught me how to start a fire."
Charlie felt the fear bubbling inside of her as she listened to the boy, but kept staring at her grandfather's house.
"It's all my fault, Miles." Her mother's voice came out gravely and her eyes were focused on Miles. "It's my entire fault again. They did this because of me."
Charlie let out a sob, but jumped up and headed quickly for the house. She heard footsteps behind her, but didn't even have to turn to know that Bass was following close behind her. However, he didn't try to stop her, just followed her up the steps to the door.
When she reached it she came to a stop, she finally looked behind her uncertainly. He met her eyes and nodded. He was with her. It gave her the strength to grab the knob and push it open. The sun was setting now and the sky had turned a dark pink in the clouds. The light came through the western windows bathing the house in a red light.
"Grandpa?" Charlie called. Then the smell hit her. The smell of rotting. Charlie gagged and for a minute she wasn't in her grandfather's house, she was back on that roof top in New Orleans, watching the wave of insects.
She felt a hand on her back. "Charlie…." Bass whispered.
"No." She said and forced herself to move forward. She had to see.
She followed the smell into the kitchen. The red light from the sunset gave everything a surreal quality, but it wasn't enough light to see clearly.
There on the floor was a shape, the smell was thick in the air here.
"Grandpa?" She said again, but this time there were tears in her voice. She went to get closer when the shape started moving. Her eyes focused in the dim light and then she could see, thousands of insects covered the corpse of what was once her grandfather. "NO!" She screamed and went to dart forward. Before she got too far, strong arms grabbed her and pulled her backwards.
"NO!" She screamed again as she struggled against Bass.
"Charlie, you don't need to see anymore!" He yelled, propelling her back through the house. She fought against him, but couldn't break his hold as he yanked her outside on the porch. He finally let her go and she collapsed to her knees. She took several deep breaths and then her stomach turned and she started throwing up there on the porch.
Bass knelt down behind her and grabbed her hair to keep it from getting into her sickness. When everything in her stomach had come up, she knelt there as dry heaves shook her. He didn't speak, just rubbed her back soothingly as she looked up and stared across the yard. As the final light faded from the sky it looked like everything was bathed in blood.
One Year Before the Blackout
Willoughby, Texas
Young Charlie Matheson hid under the bed in her room at her grandparent's house. Tears streamed down her face. She heard footsteps enter the bedroom. They walked slowly across the floor until she could see them directly in front of them from her hiding spot.
"Charlie?" Her grandfather's voice came.
She didn't answer, but a loud sniffle escaped her.
She heard him sigh. "Charlie, I know you're in here. Come out now."
She didn't move. Her grandfather knelt down and pulled up the dust ruffle.
"Charlie, come out from under there, please?"
She shook her head 'no', still crying.
"Charlie, we know it was an accident. We know you didn't mean to break the vase, but this is why we told you not to run in the house."
She started sobbing. "I didn't mean to grandpa. I was just playing and I tripped. Now gramma hates me and you're gonna hate me too!" She cried.
Her grandfather reached under the bed and pulled her out. He picked her up and sat down on the bed with her in his lap. "Charlie, we could never hate you. We love you."
Charlie sniffled loudly. "I broke gramma's vase that her gramma gave her. You won't love me anymore!" She wailed.
"Yes, we do." He assured her again.
"Gramma won't." She cried.
"Of course she will. She's just upset because that vase meant a lot to her."
"You're gonna send me away like Mommy and Daddy did. They love Danny more so they sent me here. Now you're gonna send me away too!"
"Oh, Charlie, that's just not true." He held her tight. "Your parents sent you here because Danny is sick and they need to be with him in the hospital. They sent you here because they do love you, so much, they wanted to make sure you weren't alone."
"Danny is always sick, they are always worried about him and when they aren't they just fight with each other. They never think about me!" She yelled.
"They are just worried because Danny is so sick. He's not like other kids. He will be sick for a long time. He needs you. You're mom and dad are just so worried and they don't know what to do. They need you to be a big girl and strong for them. They do love you so much."
"It doesn't feel like it." She cried. "They never want to play or go anywhere. Then they sent me here. You and gramma at least will play with me, but now you won't cuz you're not gonna love me anymore!"
"Charlotte Matheson, you listen to me and you listen to me good." He pushed her back a bit so he could look into her eyes. "Your grandmother and I will always love you. There is nothing in the world that you could ever do that would make us stop loving you. We aren't going to send you away. We love you too much. You can always count on us. Even when we aren't with you, the one thing you can always count on is that we love you."
Charlie's cries subsided, big blue eyes stared up at him, red from crying with a runny nose.
"I love you grandpa." She said.
"I love you, too." He told her. "And your gramma loves you too."
"But she's still mad."
"How about we go downstairs and you apologize and I'm sure she won't be mad anymore, ok?"
Charlie nodded shakily.
"But no more running the house."
She nodded again.
"C'mon, lets go." He urged and she stood up.
"Grandpa?" She took his hand as they started to leave the room. "Can I please stay here with you and Gramma, instead of going back home with Mommy and Daddy? I promise I'll be good and never run in the house again."
Her grandfather knelt down to look at her again. "Charlie, I know you think they don't love you, but your parents love you very much and they would miss you so much if you stayed here. When you get home Danny should be doing a lot better and, you'll see, things will be different."
Charlie looked up at him seriously. "They'll never love me as much as you and gramma do."
"I promise you, they do." He told her.
She looked doubtful, but nodded at him.
Present
The bright orange glow lit up the night sky as the entire town of Willoughby burned to the ground. There were no survivors, besides the little boy. Miles and Bass thought it was best to just burn the town as it was instead of trying to bury all of the bodies. They organized their men and they went building to building, house to house, burning them all to the ground.
The five of them stood there and stared up at the smoke and ashes that floated up into the night. Rachel was supported by Miles. She was almost as bad as she had been after they had fled the Tower.
Charlie stood off to the side, by herself. After her dry heaves on the porch stopped, she seemed to fold in onto herself. Her face was a mask as she stared upwards, lost in her thoughts and memories.
Bass stood a few steps behind the grieving family. His eyes focused on Charlie. He had watched her close up after her breakdown on the porch and knew she was shutting herself off even more from her emotions. When she had stood up finally, she turned and looked at him, there wasn't even any anger in her gaze at him, there was just…nothing. He tried to talk to her, but she just walked away, over to where Miles was still trying to comfort Rachel. He had hoped Miles would notice the state Charlie was in, but he was so distracted with Rachel's state, he seemed to believe her when Charlie told him she'd be ok.
Bass ached for her. He wished he knew what he could do to take away her pain, he wished things hadn't gotten so screwed up that she still viewed as something of a friend and she would let him help her. He would give anything just to be able to help.
Bass felt eyes watching him and turned his head. Next to Rachel, the young boy stood there, staring up at him. For a split second, Bass swore the look in the kid's eyes was years beyond his age and maturity level. But it was gone in an instant and Bass realized it was just a trick of the fire's glow and his own exhaustion and mental state. He gave the kid an encouraging smile of commiseration and the boy gave him a watery smile back before turning and staring once again at the night sky. Bass turned his eyes back to Charlie and resumed his worrying over the girl.
Once he turned back around 'Adam' let a cold smile come over his face. This was absolutely delicious. While as the nano they could see all of the human's thoughts and feelings in their mind, being here like this and watching them with their own senses was so much fun. Poor Rachel was trapped inside her own mind guilt and pain feeding off each other like a hurricane ramping up more and more. Miles was beside himself with worry for the woman. Charlie and Monroe were in just as bad shape and trying to hide their shameful feelings for each other from the others and from themselves, while also dealing with their own pain.
This was the tight knit band that thought they had a chance of standing against them? These people were so alone, even while they prided themselves on their togetherness and family. Part of his consciousness wanted to assimilate them as they did the others, force them with actions and war. He wanted to just watch them destroy themselves. Yes, he would help push things in the direction he wanted, but the humans were simple creatures. He wanted to play with them. See how far he could push their pain and fear until they asked to be assimilated.
This child, 'Adam' they were using as a vessel, actually didn't have a name. He didn't know his parents or where he came from. All the child knew was he grew up as a slave, in a camp, where he was regularly beaten and starved. The nano found his hatred and pain and he had welcomed them just for the chance to escape his life.
This was how they treated the most innocent and fragile of their species. Humans were such hopelessly flawed creatures. All they could do was hurt each other and themselves. They got stuck in patterns of behavior, even knowing the actions they took were wrong. Over and over again they made the same mistakes and lived with that knowledge. Humans, it was amazing they even made it past their primitive state.
There were factions, within the nano, they swore there were other sides to this species. They swore the humans were capable of 'miracles', of great acts of love and compassion. However, as this boy's consciousness knew, these were aberrations of the norm. Millions of humans lived their lives every day with nothing but their own selfish needs to guide them.
No, the new era had come, the humans needed to be assimilated and altered to live up to their full potential.
Eventually, when they all were within the fold, the nano would then be able to start unlocking the deeper secrets and powers of their brains. So far, the humans had only unlocked 10% of the incredible gift of their minds, with the nano's help they would be able to open it up full scale and see exactly what treasures they could find within them.
However, that was the long term plan. For now, Adam just wanted to watch. He would stay here with his creators. He would watch them, watch their pain and how they fragmented. He would watch until they realized the futility of their struggles to maintain their independence, until they realized that the peace they could have, if only they gave in, would be the best thing they could ever do.
~.~
1 Week Later
Austin, TX
Bass wondered how this became his life. He stood in a shady dive bar on the outskirts of the main city of Austin, watching Charlie order drink after drink. This had become his nightly ritual, following the girl, making sure she didn't get into too much trouble in her state of mind. Every night since they got back he'd been keeping an eye on her, watching while she went out after spending her days working her body to exhaustion with training, then drank copious amounts of alcohol before picking up some random stranger and leaving with them. The entire process set his teeth on edge, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. All he could do was watch her back.
Only tonight seemed different. Tonight she hadn't had her usual fake swagger or fetching smile on her face. She just sat down at the bar and ordered drink after drink, downing those even faster than normal. She sat there slumped, obviously lost in her thoughts.
Two men approached her and while he couldn't hear, he could tell by the look on her face they were getting the sharp side of her tongue. One of the men didn't appear to appreciate that, because he knelt down in her face. She got a cold smile and when the man reached out to touch her, she broke one of his fingers. The other man moved to get involved, but before he could act, Bass was across the bar and had a knife to his throat.
"You want to move on." He growled in his ear.
The man growled back, but knew he was beaten. Bass released him and both the men walked away.
He looked down at Charlie, who glared up at him.
"Decided to quit skulking in the shadows and come out?" She asked, as she downed another drink.
"What the hell are you doing Charlotte?" He demanded.
"Having a drink, Sebastian." She answered snidely.
He sat down across from her and motioned for the bartender to bring him one. "You know that's not what I mean. What are you doing here? You are heading down a very dark road."
"You know what's really annoying? You've been 'reformed' now, for what? A few weeks and you want to sit here and tell me I'm going down a dark road." She laughed. "Give me a break."
He leaned forward and glared at her. "I used to be a lot more like you than I did Miles." He told her. "Even after the Blackout, I wanted to do what was fair, even if it meant going without. I wanted to stay out of it, let the world sort itself out." He sat back and looked away and swallowed. He couldn't believe he was about to tell her this, but nothing else was getting through to her. When he looked back, his glare had softened, but his gaze remained serious. "I met someone, a few years in. I loved her more than I can tell you. It was the first time I committed to someone and even though we were living in hell, I was happy." He took a drink. "She got pregnant and the fool that I was, I was ecstatic. I was worried about how hard it would be, but I truly thought that it would be ok." He looked down at his drink. "Then she died, in my arms, in childbirth. The blood from her and my unborn child was all over me." Charlie's eyes opened wide. He looked up and met her gaze. "After that, human life meant nothing to me. All I knew, all I wanted was to have control over everything, so I wouldn't have to lose anyone else I cared about."
Charlie didn't say anything, her alcohol infused brain tried to process what she had just been told.
"I don't claim to be 'reformed' Charlotte, but I do see my actions a lot more clearly now."
She looked away, unable to bear his gaze any longer. He was making her feel her pain and that was something she didn't want to do.
She looked back at him, with a glare of her own. "Today is Danny's birthday." She was gratified to see his wince, it helped firm up her anger and push down the pain. She took a large drink, hoping to stop the burn of the liquor would stop the remaining pain. "My family is gone." She told him. "What do I have left? My mom? Miles?" She laughed. "Well, I guess I can't expect them to remember, neither of them was there when we were growing up, right?" She took another drink. "Plus Mom has a substitute child to raise now." Bass just watched her and didn't say anything. She thought he'd rise to the bait, defend himself for the death of her brother and she'd get the opportunity to unleash her anger on him, but he just sat there watching her. His eyes held something like regret and sympathy.
She turned away as the look brought her pain back up. She felt her eyes burn with tears. She opened her mouth, to yell at him and accuse him of killing her family, but something else came out entirely.
"I don't have anyone left. I'm alone and I don't even have myself anymore." She looked back at him as her eyes filled. "I used to look at the world so differently, even after all that happened. I didn't think we stood a chance against the Patriots, but I still tried to find moments to be happy. Now, I don't see anything to be happy about. I just wait for the next awful thing to happen. I wait to lose someone else I care about. So I don't want to care about anyone else, not even myself. After Neville found out I killed Jason, I realized despite everything, I wanted to live. I don't care anymore. Because what living is probably going to mean, is losing everything." The tears in her eyes boiled over and she wiped at them angrily. "And I'm so tired of the pain and the fear. The anger takes it away, distracts from it for a while."
"Until you wake up in the middle of the night with it choking you." Bass commented.
She looked at him in surprise. "Yeah, I do know something about this." He said. "I can't make it stop, I never figured out how, but I promise you, this isn't the way. And I am here if you need to talk."
Charlie gritted her teeth. She hadn't meant to admit any of this to him. She blamed the alcohol for her loose tongue. She also blamed him, because he did make her feel better. After they got back from New Orleans, he had been the only one who had made her feel better. Sometimes, when she woke in a panic he would just sit there and distract her, telling her plotlines to his favorite movies or just talking about gossip he was hearing about the troops. Then came the night they kissed and it all fell apart.
More than anything she wanted to talk to him about that, but she hadn't had that much to drink. She still knew that whatever feelings she had developed that it was the ultimate taboo. She took a deep breath to get herself under control. "I need to get back. I need to go to sleep." She said.
"I'm walking you back." He told her. "You are in no condition to wander back yourself."
"I'll be fine." She insisted.
"It wasn't a question, Charlotte." He told her.
She sighed. She just wanted to be away from him, but she could tell there would be no arguing with him.
"Fine." She said.
When they hit the night air, she was grateful he was there. She swayed a bit on her feet and realized how drunk she was. They walked back in silence. He let her stumble along, making sure she never actually fell, but letting her pick her own way along.
They had all taken up residence in an old dormitory at the college. The troops they still had in their command were also staying in another dorm. Work had begun on slowly trying to outfit the buildings to withstand insect attacks. Something proving most impossible.
They finally reached the dorm and he followed as she shakily made her way up the steps. First thing she did, was use the dorm restroom, it had been a long walk back and she had to pee. She was surprised he was still waiting for her when she emerged, since her door was right down the hall. She stumbled slightly around him and made her way to her room. She opened the door and looked inside. It was neat as a pin. She cleaned it almost compulsively. She also rearranged the meager furnishings about once a day. Turned out you had a lot of spare time when you only slept about 2-3 hours a night.
"Until you wake up in the middle of the night with it choking you."
His voice reminded her.
"Get some sleep Charlie." His actual voice startled her out of her thoughts. She didn't want to go in there. She turned and looked at him.
"Stay with me." The words came out before she could stop them or think about them. His eyes widened in shock. "Like after New Orleans, please." She felt the need to clarify. She just wanted his presence. She couldn't face being alone tonight. She wanted just one night to feel peace and get some rest.
His mouth opened and closed a few times and he looked away. She suddenly felt foolish and embarrassed for asking. She went to tell him to forget it, but he spoke.
"Ok." His eyes met hers and she relaxed. He understood, she could tell.
She walked in the room and sat down on the bed, slowly taking off her shoes. Unfortunately, her brain couldn't seem to process how to undo the knots. He had followed her in and shut the door. After a few minutes of watching her struggle to untie her boots, he laughed and knelt down batted her hands away and quickly undid them. "You are going to have one hell of a headache tomorrow." He commented. She felt the irrational need to stick her tongue out at him, instead she fell back on the bed and threw her feet up. He shook his head, a smile coming to his face as he watched her. Then he looked around uncomfortably. He grabbed the chair by the desk and pulled it near the bed and sat down in it. He looked around and saw a stack of books on her nightstand table and grabbed one. Hopefully, she would pass out quickly and he could distract himself from where he was with reading.
He kept one eye on her though instead of paying any attention to the words on the page. She stared up at the ceiling blankly, lost in her own world. After several moments, he watched a shudder run through her. Then another. Then her face crumpled and she dissolved into tears. He dropped the book and grabbed her. Somehow he found himself lying next to her on the bed; with his arms tight around her while she sobbed uncontrollably and clung to him.
"My Grandpa is gone." She said. He didn't answer, just held her while she let it all out. He knew she hadn't mourned the old man, but he also knew this wasn't just about that. It was about everything she had lost. He had no idea how long he held her while she cried, eventually she did cry herself out and he heard her breathing even out. He rolled slowly onto his back, thinking she had fallen asleep, but she clung to him and her head rested on his chest. He heard her voice, barely a whisper. "You do make it better." Then there was nothing but her breathing.
He closed his eyes. He knew he should stay alert and leave as soon as he could. God knows what would happen if Miles or Rachel found them like this, but he couldn't let her go. She made it better for him as well and he just wanted to hold on to this moment for a little while longer. He tightened his grip around her briefly hugging her to him and then he relaxed and let her breathing pull him into sleep.
A/N: Ok, first of all to everyone who read, reviewed, messaged, favorite, and followed this, THANK YOU and I'm so sorry for the delay. Quite honestly, I'm exhausted. Beyond exhausted. Work and everything else has me completely swamped and beat down. I have been working on this chapter for about a month and quite honestly, I don't even know where it came from because none of this was in my outline. I don't know if its any good or just repetitive. I don't think much happens in it.
I actually had someone willing to beta for me, but the long delays and me constantly not sending her anything I think she got busy. So once again, all the mistakes are on me. I've tried to reread this tonight before posting, hopefully its not just a complete mess.
I am going to keep writing this and I am working on it every day, but I honestly don't know when I'll be able to update again. August is looking like it will be even more insane than July and I barely made it through July. So please be patient with me. I promise, I'm not giving up.
Thank you again for the kind words and support, the little pokes I get from you all have made me write several times in the last month when all I wanted to do was melt into the couch.