As the gathering of family and friends ended at the Cohen's home, Ryan watched Taylor slip away to the pool house; Seth has said something about Taylor moving her suitcase in earlier. He finished speaking to Sandy before following her.
As he opened the door his he saw her sitting at the kitchen bar typing on her laptop. He watched her for a few moments before clearing his throat. She stopped typing before looking over to him.
"Hey," she said standing up, walking over to him. She stopped a foot away from him and sat down on the leather chair next to the bed. Ryan sat down on the edge of the bed before anything else was said.
She shifted in her seat, trying not to make eye contact but his eyes seemed to be a more intense shade of blue then usual.
"I don't even know where to start," she whispered lifting her hands to cover her face.
He reached over taking her hands from her face into his, "Taylor, you should have come to me, us against the world, right?"
She nodded as a single tear rolled down her face. The feel of his hands holding hers was one of those things she always missed.
"It was all my fault, how could I look you in the face when I couldn't look at myself in the mirror"
"There is no way anything that happened to you that night was your fault, it doesn't matter what you wore or how you acted, no woman deserves what happened to you"
He lowered himself to the floor, sitting on his knees below her.
"You shouldn't have run. We could have dealt with it."
She looked down at him, "Deal with it, I know what you would have done Ryan. Kid Chino would have avenged my rapist then where would it have left me, you in jail and I would have been alone."
His faced turned from understanding to anger as he let go of her hands and stood up, "You have no right to assume anything about what I would or wouldn't have done, that is not fair."
"Oh, so you're not the guy who got in more fights than Tyson did in his heyday. I am not apologetic for assuming my boyfriend would have driven to LA, found the guy, and kicked his sorry pathetic ass back to last year."
She stood up walking over to him; hitting his chest with her tiny fist, "Take it out on me Ryan, I am the one who let him buy me a drink, I am the one who told Summer it was ok to leave and pick up Kaitlin, I said everything will be ok, everything was ok, I was ok."
He grabbed her hands, "Taylor, stop. Stop hitting me, stop blaming yourself and let me in," he said taking her tiny body into his. Her sobbing tears were rolling down her face onto his shoulder.
"He raped me," she screamed into his chest. "He pushed me into a bathroom stall, threw me on the floor, ripped my panties off and he…"
Her body went limp as she spoke; he picked her up and carried her to the bed. He tried to set her down but her body clung to his.
"Tay baby, it's ok, everything will be ok now," he whispered into her ear.
He held onto her as the sobbing came to a whisper.
"I am so sorry, Ryan," she said before falling asleep in his arms.
The clock hit three am when Ryan rolled over, rubbing the other side of the bed to find it cold. His eyes flew open wondering where Taylor was. He stood up looked around to find an empty room. He made his way to the bathroom; he opened the door slowly to find Taylor lying in the bathtub under bubbles.
Her eyes were closed as she hummed along to her Ipod; he smiled watching her before he took a step closer.
"Taylor," he said as her eyes flew open. She took her earphones out, smiling at him.
"Hey, did I wake you?" she asked moving the bubbles around with her hand.
"No, I just woke up and you weren't there, I was worried"
"Ryan, I need to tell you something," she said looking into his eyes.
"How about you tell me something and I do the same," he said sitting down on the ground next to the tub.
"I think about you everyday, when I left I didn't just leave my boyfriend but my best friend."
He cleared his throat, "I spent the last three years trying not to love you but in the end it only made me love you even more."
"I could never ever go on a second date with any man because at the end of the night, he wasn't you."
He reached out for her hand, "I slept alone for three years thinking I might wake up one morning with you by my side."
"Ryan, I write an advice column for the Cal paper and every question I answer I wonder what you would think"
"Taylor, I think you underestimate me, I knew that. I have your column web page set at my home page, tell me something else."
"I can't sleep at night because I see him, he is my nightly nightmare, but in my dreams you come to save me every night."
"I started writing in a journal everyday since you left, every day I thought about sending you one."
"I haven't been able to watch anime since I left you, I tried once but it wasn't the same without you snoring on my shoulder," she said putting her hand on his face, touching her fingers to his soft lips.
He smiled as she removed her fingers, "Taylor, I want to be with you, I want to forgive you but I need you to forgive yourself before any of that can happen."
He wiped away a tear flowing down her face, "Let's go to bed," he said standing up grabbing a towel.
"Just sleep?" she said taking the towel from his hand.
"Just sleep," he said watching her wrap the towel around her body.
He walked out of the bathroom to get her something to wear. He came back moments later with an old t-shirt from his closet.
"Thank you, Ryan," she said taking the shirt from his hand.
"I'm gonna go get into bed, come when you're ready," he said walking away from her.
He rolled over for the tenth time wondering if she would ever come to bed, seconds later he felt the weight of the bed shift. Her tiny body moved slowly across the bed till she stopped inches from his body.
"Will you hold me," she whispered towards his ear. No response was necessary in his mind. He rolled over slowly; he took one arm slipping it under her neck and the other he placed on her waist. She moved back into his body in an almost careful moment.
"This ok," he whispered into her ear.
"I won't see him tonight; so yes this is ok."
His eyes closed within moment; he started to snore silently. She smiled one last time before drifting off to sleep.
Thanks to my Beta Allyse, you rock my socks. I hope you all enjoy the update. Let me know what you think, and thanks for the reviews.
peace out Lindsay