'We need to talk' had to to be four of the most nerve wracking words anyone could hear. The flutter of butterflies that cropped up the second your brain had processed what was being said was practically a certainty, the anxiousness of hanging on to listen to what you apparently needed to talk about was enough to drive anyone crazy.

And in their current situation, Beckett saying 'we need to talk' could mean any number of things, some of which Castle really didn't want to think about. "I uh..okay," he agreed hesitantly. "About what?"

She looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "The likelihood of Brad Pitt becoming the next president of the United States," she returned sarcastically. "About us, obviously." She rolled her eyes and he bit back a grin, some things never changed.

Obviously. "I see. And what in particular about us would you like to discuss?" He asked diplomatically. He wasn't entirely sure he was ready for this conversation, it was much easier to pretend he was still livid with her and deny that he still had feelings for her but it was pretty obvious they both knew he was lying. And it appeared she had had enough of avoiding the elephant in the room and had decided now was when they needed to talk about what on earth they were doing.

"Don't be an arse, Castle," she sighed. "You know what I want to talk about."

Oh but winding her up was so much more fun. "Okay, well why don't you start, say whatever it is you so desperately think I should know and then I'll see if there's anything I think I should add?"

Beckett nodded. "Alright, I think that could work. I guess I just want to know where we stand, you know, lay all our cards on the table, no lies or misconceptions between us anymore, just honesty."

Better late than never, he supposed. However, he remained silent and let her continue.

"Like I said to you before, after my shooting I was a state. I guess I didn't realise it myself at the time, but when I look back I can see why my dad was so worried..he'd never seen me like that before, it must have been quite a shock for him. When my mother was murdered, I was the one who had to be strong for the sake of the family she'd left behind, my dad turned to the bottle and it was me that was making sure the bills were paid, doing the food shopping and making sure we ate. So when I was shot and ended up at my dad's cabin to recuperate, for once I wasn't being the grown up one. Someone had just tried to kill me and that took a little getting used to. I mean, I know there's a risk of that on a daily basis with my job, but most of those instances would be down to an accident or a suspect trying too hard to get away, knowing someone had actually sat down and planned the best way to attempt to murder me was a little spine tingling."

"Tell me about it," Castle muttered. Those exact thoughts had run through his head in the immediate aftermath of her shooting, the despair he'd felt at not being able to help, to do anything to change things.

"And so after that, after I'd lied to you and said I need some space, I took the cowards way out and ran. I hid away from everyone who cared about me and ruined us in the process. But I need you to know how sorry I am about that, Castle. I know nothing I can do or say will ever make up for what I did but whatever I can do to help you move past it and forgive me, I'll do."

"Kate, look at me." It was the first time since she'd turned up here in California that he had used her first name and he could see by the look on her face that it had startled her. "You don't have to keep apologising for that, okay? I know you, probably better than you think I do and I know saying you're sorry just isn't a part of your nature. You're not one of those people who feels the need to apologise for every tiny little thing and I like that, makes me cherish it more when you do actually apologise, if that makes sense. I also know that you don't say things unless you actually mean them, so the first time you said you were sorry for what you'd done I'd known that it was truly how you felt."

"Castle, please," she whispered, close to tears. "Please tell me what you're thinking..I know how much I hurt you and I know you have every right to hate me for it, but just tell me what it is you want me to do. I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that I'm sorry and trying to get you to forgive me so please, just tell me if I'm on the right track?"

Castle was torn. Torn between telling her things would never be the same again or hauling her into his lap and kissing her senseless. In the end, he went straight down the middle. "Honestly?" He said. "I think I forgave you the second you showed up on my doorstep determined to talk things through."

The tears fell now, his words breaking some kind of invisible dam inside of her. This was ridiculous, she hadn't cried this much in years.

"You have no idea how..surprised I was to see you standing there, never in a million years would I have ever imagined that you'd fly all the way over here to talk to me and it's also testament to how far you've come as a person, because I'm pretty damn sure the Kate Beckett I met over three years ago wouldn't have dropped everything for this."

"I would have just been pleased to get rid of you," she chuckled through her tears. "Remember how much I hated you back then?"

"Yeah yeah, no one brought your act, Beckett!" He grinned. He'd missed her so much over the past few months, despite his insistences that he was over her, she had featured in his thoughts more than once a day. "But anyway, seeing you standing there, knowing you'd come all this way for me pleased me a damn sight more than than I wanted to admit. And that first day..god, I was horrible to you, Beckett, that's not me and I can't apologise enough for it."

"Hey," she counteracted quickly. "Don't you dare apologise, okay? I deserved everything you said to me and I had prepared myself for that sort of reaction anyway. After how easily I managed to get Alexis on side, I knew there had to be something coming to stop my running streak. And as for it not being you, don't you think I know that? You said you know me better than I think but the same goes for you, Castle. I might not have your ridiculous observational skills but I've still learnt a thing or two about you. I know that you're one of the kindest, sweetest, most considerate people I have ever met and you're an incredible person. Alexis is lucky to have you as a father and Martha is lucky to have you as a son. And me, well I'm just lucky you even still want to talk to me again. Over the past few years you've been one of the best friends I could ever ask for and I will never, ever be able to repay you for that."

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Beckett," he argued. "And besides, it's not like I've been totally blameless in all of this. In all honesty, this whole thing is an accumulation of three years teasing and fighting and jealousy. I'll admit that at first it was about trying to get into your pants.." He admitted.

Beckett smirked at that, some things would never change.

"And although that never went away, I'm glad it didn't happen," he continued. "We would have crashed and burned and nothing would be like it is now. It might sound stupid saying that after the hell we've been through in the past few months but it brought us back together in the end. I was stuck after killing off Derrick Storm, I had no idea what I was going to write next and I'm seriously a little surprised that Black Pawn didn't drop me there and then, it wasn't like I was giving them anything to work with. And then you came along and after that first case, I went home and wrote half of the first Nikki Heat novel in one night. I was captivated by you and that has never gone away. Even when I was trying to convince myself I hated you I knew it was no use, you'd embedded yourself in me in a way no one else ever has and I think I'm finally going to have to admit defeat and accept that I'm stuck with you."

"No need to sound so disappointed," Beckett teased with a smile. "I think it was the other way around for me. When I first met you, I just wanted you gone, out of the precinct so I could get on with my job without having to worry about what you were doing to screw up my investigations. When you opened up my moms case, I was so angry with you but that's also the time I realised I wanted you around. I'd gotten used to you by then, asking stupid questions and making up awful theories, and even though you did exactly what I'd asked you not to do, I realised you only did it because you cared. No one else would have ever dared to do what you did and even though you knew what was at stake, you did it anyway and if it weren't for you doing that, we wouldn't be in the position we're in now with my moms case. And so when you came back, I couldn't let you leave forever. You'd actually proved quite useful on occasion and as much as I hated to admit it, I knew I'd regret it if I let you walk away." A fresh wave of tears had begun to fall, painting a trail down her face. "And I think that's why it hurt so much to see you walk away from me outside that bookstore after my shooting, knowing that this time I couldn't do anything about it to get you to turn around. A simple 'see you tomorrow,' wasn't going to work and I realised then how much I could lose if I didn't fight for you."

"I thought you'd give up," he said quietly. "When the calls stopped, I thought you'd moved on, forgotten all about me and our partnership."

"The calls stopped because even if you answered, what could I offer you? It took so long to realise that and to stop calling, but then I figured out I needed to be the best person I could possibly be, not just for myself but for you as well. You deserve so much more than me but whether you want me or not, I'm yours."

"Don't," he warned, "don't say things like that. I don't care what you think I deserve, it's what I want that counts. And I will always want you, Beckett, no matter what happens between us."

They'd talked more through just now than they had in three years of working together, they'd got out all they wanted to say, the truth finally making itself known. Castle had laid his cards on the table and now it was time for Beckett's final card. "Good, because I love you, Richard Castle and nothing will ever change that."

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