Hey guys! I am so sorry about the delay and I hope that you guys are still even interested. This is a big chapter though, in more ways than one, so I hope that makes up for it somehow.
-Emery
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the OTH characters or the show. This is simply a product of my imagination.
XOXOXOXOXOXOX
She looked perfect with her naked porcelain skin just barely covered by the blanket, their legs tangled between each other. She was beautiful. Brooke always had been. Lucas had no idea why it had taken them this long to get back to where they were supposed to be, not that he had realized it before they had fallen in bed together. But, now that it had happened, he realized that this was how it was supposed to be. Lucas had never felt like this about another girl, especially not Peyton. And he intended to tell Brooke that when she finally opened her eyes. But for now, he was content with just watching her.
Brooke rolled over in bed, stretching like she always did. He thought she looked like a cat, especially when she let out that sound that could only be described as a purr. She hit a large, warm mass as she tried to reposition herself and crinkled her eyebrows in confusion. She tried moving her legs but found they were weighed down heavily by another pair of very hairy legs. Brooke finally lifted her head when she heard the familiar chuckling coming from the mass.
She looked adorable. Her hair was in her face and she had that ever present pout on her lips. God, he had missed her. Sure, he had seen her pretty much every day since he could remember, but he missed this. Waking up to her. He missed feeling like his heart might explode when she looked at him for the first time in the morning. He loved every moment of being with her, especially the morning after. He brushed his hand across her face, sweeping her hair out of her eyes, and turned his body so that it was facing hers.
"Morning, Pretty Girl." Lucas said, rubbing his thumb on her cheek.
Brooke fell back on her pillow and shut her eyes tightly. Iit wasn't a dream. Of course she remembered what had happened the night before, she hadn't been that drunk. But she had also hoped that it was all just a dream and that she would wake up alone in her bed. Apparently, it was very real.
"Oh, God." Brooke whispered. She put her hands on her face and shook her head. "Oh, we are so stupid. What were we thinking?"
Lucas sat back into his spot on the bed, his eyes on the ceiling. She regrets it. This was not how he had imagined this going. He figured they would talk about how wonderful this was and how they wished they had both realized it sooner and then they would spend the whole day in bed. Brooke was clearly not having any of that. But that didn't mean Lucas couldn't try.
"Brooke, don't do that. Don't make it seem like a stupid, insignificant one night stand. It wasn't and you know that." Lucas sat all the way up and looked down at her.
She removed her hands from her face and looked angry. "Of course I know that, Lucas. That's what makes it so stupid. We're playing with fire here, and you know that."
"Maybe. But I think this is how it's supposed to be. Maybe this is how it was always supposed to be. We were just too stupid to realize it." Lucas looked at her with those eyes she knew so well. The "serious eyes". They were begging her to see it like he did, pleading with her to just stay in bed with him. And if she wasn't careful, she just might. Brooke had never known how to resist those eyes.
"Get out of my bed and go get my bra and underwear." Brooke told him, pointing in the general direction of where she thought the garments might have landed. Her strategy was to just pretend it hadn't happened, and that meant not talking about it at all.
Lucas eyed her carefully. He knew what she was doing, but he wasn't going to play that game. Lucas wanted her. He wanted everything with her. He knew that now. And he wasn't going to let her get away with the stuff she was pulling right now. In fact, this was only good news to him. Her avoidance meant that she knew it too; she just didn't want to think about it, much less do anything about it. But still, she knew.
"Why? It's not like I haven't seen it all before. Multiple times actually." Lucas smirked as he fingered the top of the blanket she held so tightly to her body.
She looked at him with disgust. Not exactly what he was looking for. He sighed and got out of the bed, slipping on his boxers as he searched for what she asked for.
Lucas finally found what she wanted and placed them on the bed next to her. Immediately, Brooke took them and shimmied into both her bra and underwear, using the blanket to shield herself from Lucas' eyes.
"Brooke." Lucas tried again, this time using his hand to tilt her face up to his and she finally met his eye.
"What do you want me to say, Lucas?" Brooke looked away from him.
"Say that you want to try this with me. Say that you want me. Say that you want to be with me." Lucas put his hands on her cheeks and once again they were eye to eye. "Say that you love me."
For a moment, Lucas thought he had her. He could read Brooke like a book, he had become a pro at it actually, and though there was hesitance, he saw that she wanted all the same things he did. But then he saw the one thing that was more powerful than anything they had together. And that was fear.
She moved his hands off of her and pushed her way past him to the bathroom.
"Go to school, Lucas."
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
She had spent a long time in the shower. She tried to wash him off her skin and erase him from her mind, but even as she got out 45 minutes later, Lucas was on the forefront of her mind. Brooke wrapped the towel around her body and wiped the steam off the mirror. As she looked at herself, she could actually see the anger. It was all so ridiculous. How could he just say things like that to her? And how could he expect that she would just turn around and say it all right back? She wasn't going to do that. In fact, she wasn't even sure she believed Lucas. Not after a drunken night of sex after his break up. Brooke wasn't going there again, especially not with him.
This was exactly what she didn't want. This is why she had changed. This is why she wasn't "carefree and impulsive", as Lucas put it. It got her in a lot of trouble. When they became friends and just friends after graduation, she knew that things needed to change. They couldn't go on being the old "Brooke and Lucas". That would be a problem at some point. Lucas didn't see it that way. He continued to be the kind, caring, sweet, loving guy she has fallen in love with. And that couldn't work. She couldn't be the same girl, with the same guy (who had a very significant girlfriend), and not fall back into love with him. It was too slippery of a slope and she had refused to do it.
So, Brooke changed. She became reserved and just a little bit distant. And she certainly wasn't going to be the old flirty and flighty girl she used to be. That would only get her back where she started, recreating the whole vicious circle. One thing Brooke knew was that Lucas was a necessity in her life. Maybe not at first, but certainly now. She was already angry at herself for jeopardizing that last night, but Lucas was ruining it forever. And Brooke just couldn't have that.
She stepped out of her bathroom and dressed in sweats. She brushed her hair but left it hanging wet on her back and forgot all about wearing make up. Brooke certainly wasn't going to work today. She was going to be too busy coming up with strategies and solutions to her newest (oldest) dilemma.
Finally, Brooke emerged from her room.
"I made coffee." A voice said from the kitchen.
Brooke made a noise somewhere between a yelp and a shriek.
"Damn it, Lucas! What part of 'Go to school' don't you understand?" Brooke breathed heavily as she yelled. She tried to keep her eyes on anything but Lucas. He was just standing there in his jeans from last night, no shirt, hair still adorably messy from bed, and he was holding a cup of coffee. How does it get better than that?
"I also ran out and bought some Ben and Jerry's." He told her lifting the pint of Phish Food and two spoons. "I thought we both might need it this morning."
Oh, he's good, Brooke thought to herself. She couldn't help but give him a small smile as she gratefully took the ice cream and a spoon from his and went to sit on the couch. Brooke was busy enjoying the combination of Ben and Jerry's with the coffee Lucas had made while Lucas took a few bites and then put down the spoon and sat back on the couch.
"So, can we talk about this now?" Lucas asked tentatively.
"Nope. Not now, not ever." She told him turning on the TV and not making eye contact.
Lucas let out a big sigh and skillfully grabbed the remote from her, turning off the TV. "Stop it, Brooke. We have to talk about it. We have to talk about it because I want it to be a regular occurrence. I want to be with you, Brooke. What can I do to make you understand that?"
"Maybe try not telling me after a drunken night of sex after your girlfriend, of three years, broke up with you. Not to mention, said girlfriend is the reason we broke up four years ago." Brooke finally looked at him, eyes ablaze.
Lucas was surprised. When he thought about it, he shouldn't be. Peyton always had been a sensitive issue with Brooke, but now it was a significant reason. He understood what she was saying. He really did, and it was unfortunate that it happened this way. However, it didn't change anything for him. He still wanted Brooke, not Peyton. And when he thought about it, he was pretty sure he always had.
Brooke stood up.
"I'm not doing this again, Lucas. It's nearly killed me before and I won't do it again. I can't."
And before Lucas had registered what happened, and much less, formed a response, Brooke's bedroom door was slammed shut and he heard the click of a lock. Lucas put his head in his hands and cursed to himself.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
Lucas slammed the door and hoped that Brooke could hear it from her bedroom. Of course, this was just a ploy, he hadn't really left. But Brooke had been in her bedroom for the past 2 and a half hours and Lucas knew that she was waiting for him to leave before she would emerge again. Lucas only felt slightly guilty about tricking Brooke, but he knew that if they didn't settle this today, they never would. They would go back to being the old Brooke and Lucas, best friends. And they would pretend like none of this had ever happened. That wasn't an option for Lucas.
Lucas patiently waited for another couple of minutes until Brooke came out of her room. He knew that she had been listening for him to leave but wanted to make absolute sure that he had left before she came out. Lucas had anticipated this and made sure that he was silent enough to convince her.
Brooke came out of her room and looked around. She couldn't see him and was thankful that he had finally had the courtesy to leave her apartment so she could come out.
Until she heard someone clearing their throat.
Brooke closed her eyes and put her finger on her temples, slowly rubbing circles against them.
"This actually might be the day I kill you, Luke." She told him without even opening her eyes.
He chuckled and she finally tried to place where he was in the apartment. She found that he was standing in the doorway to her bedroom, blocking it so she couldn't escape this time. She gave a loud sigh.
"Fine. Talk. But this changes nothing. In fact, the only reason I'm letting you speak is because you have turned into some creepy stalker guy and I actually fear for my life if I don't let you speak your peace." Brooke told him, crossing her arms and sitting back onto the couch.
Lucas smirked, "I thought you were the one who was going to kill me."
"You're pushing it, Scott." Brooke said making a face at him.
"Brooke, what was your biggest complaint when we were together?" Lucas asked her seriously.
"Your lack of skills in the bedroom." Brooke said without missing a beat. She smirked at him, knowing it would only irk him further.
Now it was Lucas' turn to make a face at her, "Very funny." He told her sarcastically.
She shrugged, "Look, Lucas, I said you could talk, but don't expect me to be a willing participant."
Lucas rubbed his eyes. He knew that he really must love Brooke if even after all the defensive crap she pulls, still all he could think about was how badly he wanted to be with her.
When he finally looked at her she was staring at him, eyebrows raised, waiting to hear what Lucas had to say. He held her gaze. He wasn't backing down. Not now, not ever. He wanted this. And he knew she did, too.
"You wanted me to fight for you, Brooke. You wanted me to stop saving Peyton and rescue you."
He watched as Brooke's eyes filled with tears and looked away. That was all the confirmation he needed. She loved him, too.
But then she closed her eyes. She slammed her hand on the coffee table before looking to him. "I didn't ask you to fight for me, Lucas. I haven't asked that of you in a very long time. You couldn't do it then and you sure as hell couldn't do it now." Her voice was controlled, but the anger it held was worse than her yelling.
Her eyes were on fire and, if he hadn't known that this anger was a good thing, he would have been absolutely terrified. However, Lucas knew that he was this close to breaking down her wall. He just needed to chip away a bit more and hope that she would not actually kill him.
"That's the thing, Brooke. Whether you ask me to or not, from here on out, I'm going to fight for you. I want this, Brooke, I want you. I love you." Lucas said.
The words had barely left his mouth before she was up and in his face, "Fuck you, Lucas. I hate you for doing this to me. What about Peyton?! You guys broke up yesterday, and you are already here telling me that you love me." A mean, cynical laugh came from her mouth.
"Come on, Brooke. You know that Peyton and I never had what you and I did."
"No, I don't know that. In high school, you were all about her. Always around her and saving her. And I finally got to a point where all of that didn't matter anymore. Because we, you and I, were best friends. And you are screwing everything up. Now, take it all back and go call Peyton." Brooke commanded desperately.
"No. I don't love her, Brooke. I never did. It was always you. I saved her because I was insecure and it felt good to be that guy. You didn't need me to save you; you are fully capable of doing that on your own. I love that about you." Lucas said, smiling softly at her.
Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect than he had hoped. She looked even angrier than she had before.
"I needed you, Lucas! Yes, I got through on my own, but that doesn't change the fact that you chose to be there for her and not for me. And then you chose to have a three year relationship with her, so, to claim that you never loved her is really shitty, Lucas." Brooke yelled.
As much as he tried, Lucas' emotions got the better of him. "You broke up with me, Brooke! I loved you so fucking much. You didn't believe that. I would have been with you forever if you didn't push me towards Peyton." Lucas cried. He was frustrated and this was not what he had in mind for this discussion.
"Oh, believe me, Lucas; I really didn't have to force anything." Brooke's voice cracked and Lucas closed his eyes, knowing that she was on the verge of tears again.
This wasn't what he wanted. He was supposed to be convincing her of his love, not making her cry by blaming the past on her. It was his fault and he knew it.
After a moment, Lucas stood in front of Brooke and caught her chin in his hand, forcing her to look him in the eye.
"You're right. You didn't force anything. And you were right to break up with me; I was the world's worst boyfriend." Lucas told her softly. Brooke looked away, tears still streaming down her face.
"You were right, Brooke, I needed to find out what I could have with Peyton. And now I know that it's not even close to what I had with you. I was hiding out with Peyton, Brooke. I felt like I had to be with her because I had lost you. But even when I was with her, there wasn't a day that I would not have rather been with you, even if it was just being friends with you." Lucas explained.
Brooke looked away.
"So, you knew all this, and you still stayed with her?" Brooke asked, and edge to her voice.
"No. I mean, I knew I wasn't happy with her, but it was just… safe. It's not a good reason, but that's all I have. I didn't know that I loved you. Well, I think subconsciously I've always known that it's been you, but it's not something that was always on my mind. I was just trying to be friends with you." Lucas cupped one of her cheeks in his hand. Brooke pressed her face even closer to it as he wiped away her tears.
"So, what changed?" She asked softly.
"Last night everything thing changed."
Brooke rolled her eyes and tried to pull her face away from Lucas' hand. "We were drunk last night, Lucas." She spat at him.
Lucas just brought his other hand up and cupped her face more firmly, making her stay put and look at him.
"No. Last night, when I kissed you, I knew that nothing would ever be the same. And that I didn't want anything to be the same. I wanted to be with you, I wanted to be able to love you, everyday, for the rest of my life. I looked at you on that bed last night, and I knew that this is where I belong. I gave my heart to you, Brooke, I gave it to you 5 years ago. And I don't want it back. I don't ever want it back."
"Last night was clarity, Brooke. It was something that I already knew, but I needed help with. And, last night… well, last night did that for me. It made me see that there is no one that I could ever be with and that I would rather be alone than without you." Lucas told her seriously.
Brooke couldn't help the small smile that took over her face. Here Lucas was, reciting lines from their past to her. And it meant everything to her.
"I love you, Brooke. I always have. I always will." Lucas paused, studying Brooke. When it didn't seem like she was going to say anything he asked, "So, what do you say, Pretty Girl?"
Brooke looked down. It was a few seconds before she looked up again and once more her eyes were watery and she took a step back from Lucas.
She shook her head and inhaled deeply. When she spoke her voice came out in a raspy whisper, rough from crying.
"Luke, I… I can't." Brooke told him.
Lucas looked absolutely devastated. She had never seen a human being look more crushed than he did at that moment. But she powered through anyways.
"You don't understand, Lucas." She paused to take a breath and try and control her emotions. "I have everything to lose." She told him, one hand gripping her chest, where her heart was.
Lucas felt like he was losing her. He had come so close, he had seen it in her eyes, but now she was slipping away again. He grasped her face desperately, praying to God he would not lose her again.
"Or everything to gain." He pleaded, his voice begging her to reconsider.
She broke eye contact and looked away.
"One or the other." She said.
He had lost her.
He broke away from her body, his eyes filling. "This isn't you, Brooke Davis. You are a girl who takes risks. You get what you want. You don't let fear overpower anything."
It was his last attempt.
And she could only respond with a simple shrug, not even offering him one glance. But in her silhouette, he could see the rivers of tears running down her cheeks.
She had destroyed him. He hung his head as he felt his own hot tears fall and started toward the door. He paused as he walked through the threshold and looked back towards her. She was still in the same spot, silent and still.
He was surprised when he heard his own devastated voice. "I'm the guy for you, Brooke Davis. I still am. But one of these days, you're going to have to start fighting for me, too."
And then he closed the door.
XOXOXOXOXOX
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