"How are the handcuffs?" asked Batman, as he adjusted them over Joker's wrists.
"Oooh, you've never asked me that before!" giggled Joker. "It's ok, Batsy, I like 'em tight!"
"Can you please not joke about this?" demanded Batman. "It's a serious operation."
"What's the point of life without a few laughs?" asked Joker, shrugging.
Batman sighed, looking up at the gates of Arkham. "You think the others got in ok?" he asked.
"No news is good news," said Joker. "If your Super Buddies haven't descended on the building or set off a few alarms, I guess it worked."
Batman nodded. "Let's go," he said, leading Joker across the grounds.
"Please keep off the grass," said a familiar voice, in a flat, dazed tone. They turned to see Poison Ivy standing on the lawn looking at them, a vacant expression in her eyes and two small holes in her forehead.
"Uh…sorry," said Batman, leading Joker back onto the path.
"That's ok, Batman," she murmured. "Everything you do is ok."
"Bet you're happy to see me back in here, huh, sweetheart?" giggled Joker.
She studied him curiously. "Happy," she repeated, flatly. "I don't know what that means."
Joker stared at her, and then reached out and picked a flower off a nearby rose bush. She didn't even flinch – just gazed blankly back at him. "Does this…bother you?" he asked.
"Nothing bothers me anymore," she replied, calmly. "But the sign says don't pick the flowers. Superman makes rules, and we should obey them. Why are you not obeying the rules?"
Joker shuddered. "C'mon, Batsy, let's get outta here," he muttered. "She's creeping me out."
They entered the doors of the asylum and headed down the corridor. Joker soon saw another familiar figure mopping the floor. "I'm sorry to be in your way, Batman," Two-Face said, looking up at them and stepping out of their path. He had the same vacant eyes, and the same flat monotone voice.
"That's ok, Harvey," whispered Batman. "I'm just delivering this prisoner."
Two-Face looked at Joker without recognition. "He shouldn't have broken the rules," he murmured. "People who don't follow the rules deserve to be punished. Isn't that right, Batman?"
"That's right, Harvey," whispered Batman. "That's right."
He pulled Joker away, to the reception area. "I'm just dropping off a prisoner," he said, loudly.
The man behind the desk looked up, and Joker came face to face with himself, only a terrifyingly hollow version of himself. The lobotomized Joker's vacant eyes flickered suddenly, and his smile fell as he studied himself. "Why…certainly, Batman," he stammered. "Who…is he, if you don't mind my asking?"
"It's complicated, Joker…" began Batman.
"I'm you," said Joker. "The way you used to be, before they took it all away from you. The smiles, the jokes, the laughter, you gotta remember that, buddy. Somewhere in there…you gotta remember that."
Lobotomized Joker just stared at him blankly. "Cell 8C is free for the patient," he said at last.
"Thanks," retorted Batman, taking Joker's arm again.
"Oh, and Superman would like you to leave your belt here," said lobotomized Joker.
Batman stared at him. "What?" he demanded.
"Superman's orders," said lobotomized Joker. "He doesn't want anyone armed in Arkham, not even the Justice Lords."
Batman glared at him. "Why don't you get Superman on the phone and tell him that if he wants to give me orders, he'd better come down here and enforce them himself?" he muttered.
"Superman also said that if you didn't obey the order, I was to call the robots," continued lobotomized Joker, still smiling blithely with his finger held over a button. "He said it's your choice."
Batman slowly undid his utility belt, handing it to lobotomized Joker. "Thank you, Batman," he said. "I'll keep it safe for you. Cell 8C," he repeated, nodding down the corridor.
Batman began to lead Joker away, but Joker suddenly grabbed lobotomized Joker's arm.
"Why did the clown go to the doctor's?" he asked.
Lobotomized Joker looked curiously at him. "What sort of question is this?" he asked.
"It's a joke," replied Joker. "You used to know a million of 'em. You used to laugh at them."
"I…I don't know what…laugh is," stammered Lobotomized Joker, looking confused.
Joker laughed hysterically suddenly, causing the lobotomized inmates to look up in concern at him. "The clown went to the doctor's because he was feeling funny," finished Joker. "Get it?"
Lobotomized Joker just stared at him until Batman led him away. "Feeling funny," murmured lobotomized Joker to himself. "Funny." He shook his head. "What a strange man. I do hope Superman can help him."
Batman led Joker into the cell. "What the hell are we gonna do now?!" demanded Joker, rounding on him when the door was closed. "The Kryptonite was in the belt!"
"Maybe if you distract Superman, I can make a break for it and get to my belt," retorted Batman.
"Distract him how?" demanded Joker. "By letting him melt my brain?!"
"I'm thinking of a better plan as fast as I can!" snapped Batman.
Joker glared at him. "I can't believe you'd let him do that to me anyway," he snapped. "That's worse than death, Batsy."
"There's nothing worse than death," retorted Batman.
"Yeah? Try talking with a zombified version of yourself sometime," snapped Joker.
"I'm trying my best to make it right now," snapped Batman.
"I just don't understand how you could let him do it," muttered Joker. "Don't you share the dream of going down fighting, the two of us dying by the other's hand? Me being your first kill, and you being my last? One final joke, one ultimate punchline?"
"Is that really…your dream?" asked Batman, slowly.
"One of them," agreed Joker, nodding. "I also dream of a world where every child can own firearms. And where every home has a Joker fish in every pot."
"Serves me right for thinking you were being serious for a moment," muttered Batman, rolling his eyes.
"Just don't let Supey do it to me again, ok?" snapped Joker. "The world's already lost one Joker too many."
The cell door opened at that moment. "Right in here, Superman," said lobotomized Joker, gesturing inside.
Superman entered a moment later. "Well, well, well, Joker," he said, folding his arms across his chest and smiling. "You've proved easier to capture the second time around. You've seen what's going to happen to you, I trust?" he said, gesturing to lobotomized Joker.
"Over my dead body, Supey," retorted Joker.
"I don't think Batman's going to allow that," said Superman. "He still doesn't entirely approve of killing, do you, Batman?"
Batman shook his head, glancing at the open door. "But you know what, Joker, I think I'll save you for last," continued Superman. "I've already got quite a waiting list for the lobotomies, and since I don't want to play favorites, I think I'll try someone new this time," he said, snapping his fingers.
The guards dragged a struggling Harley into the room, followed by a similarly restrained Crane and Tetch. "We caught them trying to sneak into the asylum," continued Superman. "Crawling to their doom like rats in a trap. I can only assume it was some misguided attempt by your girlfriend to rescue you, thinking she could save you somehow. But you can't, can you, Harley?" he said, gesturing to lobotomized Joker, who studied her blankly. "Look at him. He doesn't know who you are."
"He does," retorted Harley, coldly. "Somewhere in there…he can't have forgotten our love…"
She gazed pleadingly at lobotomized Joker, but there was no hint of recognition in her eyes. "Superman, who is this?" he asked at last.
"This is that girlfriend of yours I was talking about," said Superman. "Remember, Joker?"
He shook his head slowly. "No," he said. "No, I don't remember her."
"Puddin', please," whispered Harley, tears in her eyes. "You gotta remember me, you just gotta…"
"Oh, don't cry, Harley," said Superman, grabbing her arm and turning her to face him. "You'll be together again in a second." And his eyes began to redden.