The Evil Stick here! One of my first fics from a long time hiatus. Hope you like busting your gut because I like writing raunchy comedies. Hiro Mashima comes up with the most colorful characters and so I am hijacking them for my stories. The diverse characters of Fairy Tail are my favorite. Here's the prologue to The Evil Stick's "Wendy's First S-Class Mission." I promise Wendy and Team Natsu will be in the next chapter.

Prologue

"This is an outrage. The Trimens from Blue Pegasus have come to stop me?," The elderly mage with long, pale green hair curled her wrinkled lip up at the four men who stood in front of her. "I thought the town would have sent the job request to a more talented guild like Fairy Tail or Sabertooth. They have underestimated my power and insulted me by sending a second rate guild!"

*Sniff Sniff* "Men… I detect the parfume of maturity," Ichiya artfully pointed two of his stumpy fingers at the frail old lady.

"I can be your pet if you want me to. I'll even purr in your lap…," Eve blushed and smiled sweetly at the old lady who suffers from a serious case of osteoporosis.

The lady had a look of pure disgust on her thin, horse-like face.

Hibiki smoothed back his hair with his hand "Your strength as a mage is admirable. Lovely women your age possess experience that can make men shiver in fright… or delight."

"Indeed. Every man needs a cougar at some point in time." Ren jutted out his hips and tilted his head to the ground "I am very mindful of joints, and I promise not to break your hips… unless you want me too."

Her jaw dropped and her dentures slowly lowered towards ground leaving a long trail of glue and saliva from her mouth. The four men in front of her blushed as she scrambled to put them back in place.

Hibiki tapped on his magical keyboard "According to my archive, there are many advantages to a smooth oral cavity."

Ren smoothed out his shirt "I'm always eager to try new things… or in this case… old things."

"Men… the parfume of fine wine only grows sweeter with age" Ichiya struck a sexy pose.

"You can have me tucked in by 8 o'clock sharp" Eve held his hand shyly to his chest.

"ENOUGH!" She lifted an shaky, bony finger and the group of men "YOU CREEPY B-LIST CELEBRITIES WILL LEARN WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CROSS A MAGE WITH THE POWER OF PLAGUE!"

The four Trimens were knocked to the ground by an invisible wave of magic given off by the petite old woman as her scratchy voice crackled out a maniacal laughter.

"Now, all those close to you will be affected by your philanderous ways!" She turned her back to them "Let that be a lesson to you!"

The pale old lady phased into a cloud of green smoke and floated away grumbling about "youth these days."

The Trimens watched as the green cloud floated out of town. They were surprised that they felt completely normal despite being hit with her magic wave.

"Men… mission accomplished" Ichiya stood on the tips of his toes and gave his victory pose.

"Aww… I wanted her to read me a bedtime story…" Eve sighed sadly.

"You scared her away, Eve" Ren pouted and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"It was you and that hip breaking comment!" Eve whined.

Hibiki sadly watched the cloud of green smoke down the road "It doesn't matter who it was that scared her off, the job requested that she be escorted out of town because she was scaring the townsfolk. I sort of feel sorry for her, she didn't even do anything to us."

Ichiya struck another pose "Men… I will collect the reward and we will head back to the guild."

The three men saluted the shorter man "Yes, Teacher!"

None of them gave another thought about the old lady who possessed the power of plague or her ominous warning:

"Now, all those close to you will be affected by your philanderous ways!"

Short chapter, I know. Keep in mind this is only the prologue and I had to depict how they brought this illness on themselves. The story will follow Wendy from here on out.

Too obnoxious? Or did it just seem obnoxious because the prologue featured the Trimens? It's not easy to keep them in-character since they all have different flirting styles. Review and tell me what you think.