Chapter 10- From Within His Heart
Riku wasn't sure how long he sat in the hall that night after DiZ had left him alone to ponder the things said. The bandaged man's words repeated themselves over and over again in the silver haired teen's mind, causing a horrible squeezing sensation in the middle of his chest. How could DiZ even ask something like this of him? How could he even bring himself to do any sort of physical damage to someone as fragile and delicate as Naminé? It wasn't possible.
He couldn't even bring Xion here by force let alone want to harm a hair on Naminé's head. He might be a creature of the dark, but his compassion for people was just too strong to allow him to succumb to such a horrible thing. Riku buried his face further into his knees, hoping the pressure would ease the throbbing in his skull. He didn't hear the light footsteps coming his way he was so lost in thought, but the moment a small hand touched his shoulder, he felt himself relax and his heart leap into his throat. He knew it was Naminé the instant she came in contact with him, and he breathed in her scent, remembering DiZ's words. "Naminé is a Nobody. Nobodies cannot feel love the way that you or I can feel love."
"Riku? Are you okay?" her soft voice questioned as he could hear her re-positioning to sit on her knees next to him. "Riku?" He felt another small hand reach around to his face and cup his cheek, applying just enough pressure to coax him to lift his head. "Look at me," she demanded, her voice still soft but strong, and the boy obliged. His eyes could see the outline of her form through the blackness of his blindfold. "What did DiZ say to you?"
"It's nothing, Naminé. Just the same, usual bull from him," Riku sighed. "Putting more on me than he should be, but don't worry. I'll be fine. I'll figure it out. I always do, right?" he added trying to smirk, but just couldn't even find the energy to give the girl a smile.
"Listen, how about we go and visit Sora? It's been awhile since you've been back here, and I think he might like to see you," Naminé soothed, changing the subject, running her thumb over Riku's cheek, and her eyes softened, a gentle smile appearing on her pink lips, and Riku had to resist the urge to reach out and hold her face in his hands. Going to visit Sora actually did sound like a good idea. He hadn't seen his best friend for weeks, and while Sora may not be able to respond to him, he knew that somewhere deep down in his heart, Sora would be able to hear him.
"Yeah, I'd like that," Riku responded with a nod, and pushed himself to his feet. Naminé stood up next to him and the two walked down to the basement, through DiZ's computer room, much to Riku's relief, that was devoid of him, and down the long hallway that would lead to the pod room and into Sora's room. He stayed quiet as they made their way there, only looking up to see the shadows of Donald and Goofy asleep in their pods, unsure of what to say and thinking of the things he wanted to tell Sora, but certainly not wanting to say them in front of Naminé.
They approached the room and Naminé opened the door. Riku followed silently behind and they both stood in front Sora's pod, staring up at his sleeping, suspended form in awkward silence. Riku turned his head down at Naminé, who inclined her small, blonde one and he could see the worry in her eyes. Riku tried to smile as best he could. "Naminé, would it be okay if I had some time with Sora alone? Don't worry, I'm alright. I just, kinda want to talk to him by myself if that's okay," he added feeling somewhat shy, and felt the heat rise to his cheeks. In truth, he did want to be by himself, because with Sora, he could completely spill his guts and there would be no worrying about anyone judging him or laughing at him or telling him how foolish and stupid he was. He couldn't talk to DiZ in the way he'd needed, and the last thing he wanted to was lay his burdens on Naminé after all she'd been dealing with, with her powers not working, DiZ constantly on her case, so she was out of the question. Not only that, but Riku never wanted her finding out what DiZ asked of him.
Naminé closed her violet-blue eyes and nodded her head once. "I understand, Riku," she smiled back at him and then turned and walked away, slipping quietly out the door, leaving the two best friends alone.
Riku gazed back upward toward Sora's sleeping form and folded his arms across his chest. "Look at you," he mused. "Still sleeping like there's not a thing in the world wrong. You should be back on the island right now taking care of Kairi, not here being lazy and taking a nap." Riku chuckled to himself, just imagining the sorts of protests Sora would be trying to spout off was enough to make laugh. "You've always been like that though, haven't you? I'd go out and work my butt off on making the raft so the three of us could get off the island travel to another world, and you'd go and make yourself a nice little bed in the sand and snooze on the beach. Now here you are snoozing in here. Nothing has changed." Riku laughed again as he thought back to the time he'd began building the raft while finding Sora and Kairi lounging around on the beach.
15 year old Riku carrying a rather large, thick and heavy log with one arm was slowly making his way along the shoreline of Destiny Islands, shaking his silver head in disbelief at the sight before him. There was that spikey-haired, lazy bum yet again, laying sprawled out in the sand taking a nap and a feisty redhead thumping him on the head. The brown haired boy, who'd promised to find them provisions for their trip, was doing what he always did. None of the work. Riku laughed to himself as he began making his way toward his two friends, Sora and Kairi. He could hear them conversing, something about worlds, and he just caught the enthusiasm in Sora's voice. "I wanna see 'em all!"
Kairi turned her red head toward Sora, her violet-blue eyes just as wide, vibrant and excited Sora's. "So what're we waiting for!"
"Hey!" Riku piped up as he approached his two best friends lounging on the beach. "Aren't you guys forgetting about me?" he questioned his friends teasingly. "So, I guess I'm the only one working on the raft?" He grinned, a sarcastic expression on his face, and shook his head at the two, slightly astounded that the both of them would be so lazy and not actually want to help him build the raft so they could get off the island. He tossed the log to Sora, who attempted to catch it, but failed dramatically, falling over backward with an "Ahhh!" as the weight of the log impacted him. Riku ignored it, knowing Sora was fine and walked up to a giggling Kairi, placing his hands on his hips. "And you're just as lazy as he is."
Kairi raised a hand in an almost embarrassed fashion and placed it on the back of her head. "Hee, so you noticed?" She blushed, raising a fist to her mouth and giggling behind it. "Okay! We'll finish it together!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms out and hopping on her feet a bit, seemingly excited. Riku flopped down into the sand on his rear, enjoying the spray of the sea on his skin, the breeze in his shoulder-length, silvery violet hair and the smell of the ocean, making him feel somewhat relaxed. "I'll race you!" Kairi challenged, throwing her fist in the air.
"Huh?" Sora looked up, somewhat aghast, and still sounding a bit sleepy. Kairi race them? Was what his expression seemed to read.
"What? Are you kidding?" Riku asked her, knowing that without a shadow of a doubt, he and Sora would both outrun Kairi easily, especially with their competitive streak.
Kairi giggled and ignored them. "Ready? GO!" She shouted, placing her hands over her mouth for added emphasis. Not even a second later, both Sora and Riku were leaping to their feet, almost as if a sudden burst out energy had shot through them, Sora getting a second wind, and they took off flying across the sand. They both looked at each other, huge smiles on their faces, because even though they were both competitive, both liked to try and beat the other in anything and everything possible, nothing could deny their closeness and that they had been best friends since toddlerhood, and nothing would ever change that, at least in their hearts they believed it more than anything. Riku could hear Kairi's laughter ringing out from behind them as three best friends raced along the shores of Destiny Islands.
Riku sighed, laying his hand against the cool glass of Sora's cocoon of sleep. "Back then, I really thought that nothing would ever change, even if we did make it off of the island. It's my fault we ended up like this. Sora?" Riku opened his eyes from under the blindfold, looking up toward his peaceful friend. He wanted to take his blindfold off to get a better look at Sora, but the thought of it frightened him. What if he caught his reflection in the glass and could see the orange eyes, eyes that did not belong to him, staring back at him?
Riku wasn't sure how much more he could bear, because even now, he was doing all he could just to hold himself together. "Sora, you were a fool. A damned fool to keep looking for me. You never should have went to Castle Oblivion. Your pursuits didn't find me regardless, and now this has happened to you. You should have left well enough alone. Why would you want to come find me anyway? I'm the one who tried to hurt you. I nearly got you killed, and yet you still came looking for me, why? Why, Sora..." the guilt squeezed somewhere in the depths of Riku hard, and he placed a gloved hand against his pounding chest.
The vessel rocked gently on the ocean's waves, the sound of the water rustling up against the boat almost reminded him of home, and Riku felt a sense of resentment and rage intermixed with a slight relief build up inside of him as he caught his friend walking along the wooden deck of the ship. His feelings confused him. He was glad he was safe, but at the same time, he wanted to hurt him. Maybe if he hurt him, Sora could feel some of the pain Riku felt, for he did not show weakness. To anyone. Especially Sora. "I didn't think you'd come, Sora," Riku called out coldly to the spikey-haired, brunette boy who had turned to look up toward the source of the voice. Sora gasped, surprised at seeing his best friend on the ship. "Good to see you again," Riku told him, unsure if he was lying or not.
"Well, where are Donald and Goofy!" Sora demanded to know, not even bother to acknowledge the fact that his best friend was standing right in front of him. Maleficent was right. Sora had replaced him. Donald and Goofy were more important than over 10 years of friendship, and that thought pained Riku, it hurt so much that his best friend would just give him up, trade him in for new best friends. Were he and Kairi not even important anymore? Riku covered up his pain with anger, making Sora believe he was against him, and in a way, he was. Why bother teaming up with Sora if he was just going to find brand new companions, replace him and Kairi with someone better?
Riku narrowed his aquamarine eyes at Sora. "Are they that important to you? More important than old friends?" he couldn't stop himself from questioning, and Riku observed the brown haired boy. "Instead of worrying about them, you should be asking... about her." Riku stepped aside to reveal a very unaware Kairi from behind him. She was leaning against a pole, her eyes open at half-mast, almost as if she had been weakened or was sick and had no energy to stand on her own. Riku knew why, but Sora did not.
"Kairi!" Sora exclaimed as he whirled around fully, his fists thrust out at his sides.
"That's right," held a hand out over her head. "While you were off goofing around, I finally found her," Riku stated condescendingly. Sora began to run toward where Riku and Kairi stood, and he watched as a man with long, black curly hair, a long, thin, black mustache, a red coat and a silver hook for a hand stepped out in front of Sora blocking his way.
He was known as Captain Hook, the captain of this ship, but Riku wasn't about to pay this man any respect whatsoever, his ship or not. The light glistened off the silver of the Captain's hook. "Not so fast. No shenanigans aboard my vessel, boy." The Captain sneered and next to him stood his first mate, dressed in a blue and white striped shirt, patches of white hair curving around his ears. He was known as Mr. Smee.
"Riku! Why are you siding with the heartless!" Sora pressed, his voice angry and urgent, his gloved hands clenched into fists at his sides.
It did nothing but irritate Riku, but also he recalled the power Maleficent had bestowed on him, and that was his ability to control the Heartless. "The Heartless obey me now, Sora. Now I have nothing to fear," the silver haired boy simply explained, and it was true, right? The Heartless did obey Riku. He didn't have to worry about them trying to swallow his heart as long as he held sway over them.
"You're stupid!" Sora burst out, his fists getting tighter, his eyebrows drawn down in anger and confusion as to why his best friend was acting this way, and Riku couldn't help but wonder why he was acting this way? Why he was so angry with Sora, and why he didn't want him anywhere near Kairi, but all he could think of was seeing Sora laughing, joking and having a great time with his new friends, one of Sora's new friends refusing to allow Riku to travel along with them on their ship, and his own heart ached. Why didn't they want him to come along? This was supposed to be a journey that Riku, Sora and Kairi were going to embark on together, and they weren't. They had all been separated. Riku was almost positive that he didn't want that anymore. "Sooner or later they'll swallow your heart!" Sora insisted.
"Not a chance. My heart's too strong," Riku replied arrogantly. But was his heart really too strong? Was Sora right? What was wrong with him, and why did this feel so satisfying? He ignored Sora's voice of protest, ignored the sorrow in his friend's voice, as well as the twinge of guilt he felt on the back of his neck as Sora blurted out his name. Instead, he just carried on. "I've picked up a few other tricks as well. Like this for instance." Riku held his hand out and summoned what appeared to a dark, shadow form of Sora. It was the anti-form of Sora, a dark form.
"You can go see your friends now." Riku turned his back to Sora as the trapdoor underneath Sora's feet opened and he fell through, his yell of surprise echoing. Riku turned and looked back at Hook. "Let's get under way, already. And keep Sora away from Kairi, until we're ready to land."
Hours later, after arguing with Captain Hook about retrieving Kairi's heart, Riku holding a lifeless Kairi in his arms began backing away from Sora who was now rushing toward them. "Riku, wait!" he cried out, raising a hand to try and stop his friend. Riku backed away, using the darkness in him and summoning Sora's anti-form once more, only this time, making sure he summoned it in battle mode to fight Sora. He didn't care about anything beyond getting Kairi's heart back, and if that meant getting Sora out of his way, well he'd just have to do that then, wouldn't he?
It wasn't long after, Riku found himself encountering Sora once more in Hallow Bastion. He remembered the promise he'd made when he was a child, a secret he swore to keep and that he had been the one chosen by the keyblade, not Sora. Upon Sora's arrival, Riku had obtained the keyblade, calling Sora a delivery boy while throwing him a wooden sword, telling him to go play hero with the wooden sword.
As he made his way back to Maleficent's Castle there in Hallow Bastion, Riku couldn't help but wonder what was happening to him? He was changing, walking the path of darkness and while it was fulfilling, it was empty and lonely, and even starting to scare him. He'd never had these thoughts before, had he? Why did he want Sora to suffer so much, and why was he filled with so much rage, hate and jealousy?
Sora didn't have what it would take to save Kairi, but he did. Riku did everything he could to convince himself of that. If he saved Kairi and Sora couldn't, then things would be different, and more than anything he wanted to save Kairi's life, bring back her heart before Sora ever could. Maybe a semblance of Riku had hoped that if he could save Kairi, Kairi may realize his affections for her. Donald and Goofy had followed him, the true keyblade bearer, into the castle. His irritation was on the rise as once again, there was Sora, following him.
"Quit while you can," Riku warned him, fists clenching in anger at his sides.
"No. Not without Kairi," Sora retorted stubbornly.
"The darkness while destroy you," he stated bluntly as he used his dark powers, changing his clothes into a protective suit of darkness over his body, into a dark form. He hadn't realized it then, but he was the one slowly being thoroughly consumed by darkness, not Sora.
"You're wrong, Riku. The darkness may destroy my body, but it can't touch my heart. My heart will stay with my friends. It'll never die!" Sora replied, sounding determined, his eyes piercing sharply into Riku's.
"Really... Well, we'll just see about that!" Riku replied, raising his hand, throwing it back and launching a massive ball of dark energy Sora's way. The darkness filled him up from the inside out, and all he could think of was destroying him right then and there. The impact of the blast, cast a strong wind, blowing back his hair from his eyes, and he could see Sora clearly as the dark blast made it's aim straight for Sora. He taunted Sora, asking him how he could fight without a weapon, but Sora proudly told him that he had a better weapon, that he didn't need the keyblade. His weapon was his heart. The words disgusted Riku, it made him sick to his stomach to think that Sora's heart was stronger than his, and so he took a jab at Sora, accusing him of having a weak heart, and what good would a weak heart do for him. Sora fought back with words, holding his wooden sword, readying himself for the first attack, when a flash of light happened in Riku's hand clutching the hilt of the keyblade. It had disappeared.
With the keyblade re-obtained, Sora readied himself, while Riku looked on, stunned, summoning his dark sword, Soul Eater, and the two best friends, no former best friends and rivals, were soon engaged in a long, ferocious battle. They assaulted each other, physically and verbally, attacking relentlessly and ruthlessly. Riku swung his Soul Eater, unleashing dark powers he never knew existed inside of him until Maleficent had awoken them, doing everything he could to take Sora down, but Sora's strength was his heart and it sent his power through the keyblade, and much to Riku's dismay, he was taken down by Sora and left wondering how and why as he fled the scene.
Riku rested his forehead against the glass, keeping his hand on it, and he squeezed his eyes closed underneath his blindfold, grateful for it covering his face, even though Sora wasn't awake to see him. "I'm so sorry, Sora," Riku murmured. "I'm so sorry for what I did to you... for what I put you through. You were supposed to be my best friend, and I was just so taken by the darkness that I couldn't see clearly enough around me. I didn't realize what I was doing and what I had done until it was too late."
He could just hear the things Sora would say to him, so clearly in his mind, it was almost as if Sora were communicating with him, but he knew that his mind was just playing tricks on him.
"Riku, c'mon, man. You know I could never hate you! I understand! I know you were manipulated. So does Kairi. We don't hate you, Riku. Me especially. Don't you remember what I said when we were kids? You're my best friend! You always will be. No matter what happens, nothing will ever change that."
"I tried hurt you Sora, even get you killed," Riku responded to Sora's voice in his head and wondered briefly if he were crazy, talking back to a voice like that.
"Stop beating yourself up, Riku. You didn't try to kill me. If you really wanted to kill me, I think you could have easily and you didn't! You protected Kairi, Donald and Goofy when I disappeared, right? You fought against Ansem. That's how I know the real Riku wasn't completely taken by darkness, and your heart found it's way back home, didn't it? You're still you, Riku. You're still my best friend."
Riku just shook his head, bemusedly. He still wasn't sure if this was Sora communicating with him, even though he was sound asleep, put under Naminé's mysterious spell, or if he was just conjuring the things Sora might say to him up in his own mind, but if he had his way about it, it might be okay if it really were Sora responding. "Best friends forever, right Sora?" Riku sighed and stepped back. "A lot's been happening. I'm not even sure if what I'm doing is right or not. I know why you can't wake up right now, Sora. You have a Nobody and his name is Roxas. He holds some of your memories inside of him, but there's also something else going on. The Organization has created a puppet replica of Roxas. Her name is Xion." Riku paused, thinking for a moment, gathering his thoughts.
"Sora, from what I understood merely going based off of what Naminé told me, Xion has your memories of Kairi. Her face is nearly identical to Kairi's. Even some of her personality is similar to Kairi. The memories you had of Kairi escaped from Roxas and into Xion because she is a Replica of your Nobody. She's a lot like the Replica Vexen had created of me. I know you know who he is. I know you saw him and you fought him. Naminé told me all about it. I'm sorry if he warped your view of me... He is the shadows of my heart after all. No, he didn't change how you percieve me. I did that all by myself."
Riku chuckled sadly and shook his head. "I don't even know what I'm saying. DiZ has left it up to me to bring Xion back here to you, Sora and I can't. I just can't. I can't force her here like that. Not wearing that face. DiZ told me to bring her back here by force if I have to, and I've already fought her once. I can't do it again, Sora. I feel guilty just knowing that I hurt her, and I won't do that again. So, it's my fault you haven't woken up yet."
"Don't be ridiculous, Riku. Just because I'm not awake yet, doesn't mean it's your fault. You're not the one who put me in here! You put too much blame on yourself for everything, man. You need to quit doing that. Not everything is your fault and not everything that happened leaves the blame on you. You gotta quit that, Riku. Think positive! I'll be awake before you know it, and then me, you and Kairi can all be together again!"
Riku could hear Sora chastizing him, as well as hear Sora's accompanying laughter, but instead of this comforting him, it just made him feel worse. How would Sora wake up if Riku was too mentally weak to bring Xion here by force, like DiZ told him to do? "Sora, it's all been laid on me. How am I supposed to just drag that poor girl here and force her back to you? She'll disappear and cease to exist. No one will even remember her or her name. She'll be nothing but a faded, lost memory. Why would any person in the world deserve a fate like that?"
"Riku, that doesn't make you weak. That makes you strong and shows you have a strong heart. You don't want someone to suffer by your own hands, and if anything that makes you a great person! You care about what will happen to her, and that's good! Give her the choice to make the decision, Riku. Let Xion decide what she wants to do, and give her time to think about the choice she should make. That's the right thing to do. Forcing her back here is the wrong thing. Your heart's in the right place. You just can't see it. You've been hanging out in darkness for too long."
The teen sighed, running a hand through his silvery-violet locks of hair and gazed back up toward Sora. "It's not just Xion, Sora. It's... it's everything. DiZ has put so much on me, and honestly if it weren't for him, I may have completely given in to the darkness by now. I sometimes can't tell if he's an ally or an enemy, a friend or a foe because he's so confusing. Darkness in Zero is a perfect name for him because of how complicating he makes everything out to be. He can be so kind, but yet he can be incredibly cruel... Sora, not only does he want me to hurt Xion, but he wants me to hurt Naminé, and I can't do that to her... He told me that after all this was said and done, he was leaving Naminé's elimnation up to me. How can I do that, Sora? They're just two, innocent girls that never asked to be brought into this world, so tell me, how in the hell does he expect me to hurt them and send Naminé back into darkness?" Riku's voice trembled with anger as he could feel his emotions rising in his chest.
"Naminé has been so good to me while you and Kairi have been gone. She's done so much for me, and cared about me more than anyone has in a long time. If it weren't for her, I might have died. She's healed me and cured me when I've come back injured after battles, she's let me sleep when I've needed the rest, she's soothed me and comforted me and supported me more than anyone ever has in my entire life. She's stood up for me and looked out for me when things got to be too much with DiZ, and I've done the same for her. DiZ treats her so horribly, Sora...," Riku growled, and he could feel his darkness swirling inside of him, and took deep breaths to control his anger.
"There have been so many times I've just wanted to rip him apart. I even hit him once, and it felt so satisfying. He just pisses me off. He's so negative toward her, claiming she can't feel anything because she's a Nobody when I know that's crap. He's almost made her cry. She trembles when he comes near her sometimes if she knows she's made a mistake. If she can't feel then why does she feel sorrow and fear? DiZ claims she's just remembering it from her former self, but I don't buy that, Sora."
"Hmmm... Riku, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you have feelings for Naminé. You do, don't you? Huh? HUH?"
"W-what!?" Riku was startled by the mischievousness he could hear in Sora's voice. He had to of just be thinking of these things himself. I mean really. Was Sora actually talking to him even though he was asleep? Nah, couldn't be. Riku was just conjuring up these thoughts himself, making himself believe Sora was responding to him... right? "I... do I have feelings for Naminé?" Riku thought outloud, placing his thumb and index finger against his chin. He thought about the affections he carried for Kairi, and the way he felt toward Naminé now, and how vastly different they were. Riku realized right then and there that he did. The feelings he felt toward Naminé were nothing like the feelings he had for Kairi, and these were stronger than what he'd felt toward Kairi in the past.
"You know... I think you're right, Sora. I think I might have feelings for Naminé... that's why I can't do this to her. That's why I can't eliminate her like DiZ wants me to. I care too much for her. It hurts though, because I know I can't be with her in the same manner that you can with Kairi," Riku sputtered, feeling slightly jealous and embarrassed. "Heh, listen to me. I sound like a jealous little boy. Maybe I was? Maybe I still am? I guess it just sucks, knowing that I've fallen for someone I can't be with. I guess no matter what, I'm always going to be alone."
"Riku, you try and do way too much on your own. I might be sleeping, but you still have friends out there. You still have Kairi, Naminé, and the King. When me, Donald and Goofy wake up, you'll have us by your side too!"
"That's just it, Sora. How can you wake up if I don't bring both Xion and Roxas back to you?" Riku exclaimed. "How can I? DiZ told me I didn't have a choice. If I wanted to save my best friend and have him wake up again, then it's on me to bring both Xion and Roxas back to you. Naminé told me it was the only way. The only solution to wake you up is for them to both go away, go back to you and give you all of your memories back so you can wake up again. If we didn't and you woke up, none of us may not even remember you, Sora, and we can't take that risk." Riku exhaled a shaky breath. "Sora, when I fought Xion, she could see right through my farce. If anyone is fake, a big nobody, it's me. Xion knows it."
Riku felt something shift painfully inside of his heart as he remembered Xion's words.
"You're the real sham!"
"Fair enough. You could say that I am... the biggest Nobody of them all..."
"People call her a fake, a sham, and I've even heard Saïx call her an "It" and it's not right. I called her keyblade a sham because she can wield one and so can Roxas. She can wield one because Roxas is your Nobody, and she is his Replica. It wasn't as powerful as the real thing though, but I have a feeling she will get that strength. She's taking it from Roxas. Roxas is becoming weaker because of her, but once she disappears, I won't have that advantage anymore. Sora, I'll have to fight Roxas to bring him to you, there's no question about that. I know I will have to, and I'll do everything I can to win, but if I do, it'll most likely be because I've given in fully to the darkness. Sora, I can't even take off my blindfold anymore without my eyes changing. He's still inside of me. He's still there, tormenting me and haunting me. My appearance, my heart is slowly changing. If I do this, it's likely that it'll change me forever."
Riku could feel a tingling sensation behind his eyes, and he closed them tight behind his blindfold, taking a few breaths to compose himself. "I'm scared, Sora," Riku admitted to his slumbering best friend. "I'm honestly terrified. I'm not scared of the darkness itself, but I'm scared of what I'll become, of what will happen to me, of what I'll change into. How could I face you, Kairi and everyone on the islands if that happens to me, Sora? I can't fail you though. I have to do this, because I can't fail you. If I fail you again, I don't know what I'm going to do..." Riku turned his back to Sora and leaned against the cocoon of sleep, hunching over slightly as he dropped his face into his hands. He slid slowly down the pod as he felt the strength waver in his legs once more, and landed hard on his rear, dropping his hands into his lap, resting his silvery-violet head against the cool glass. "Why can't you be awake?"
Hours went by before Naminé had finally become worried enough about Riku. He'd spent a lot of time down in Sora's room, and she hoped he was okay or that he hadn't disappeared without a trace yet again. She tiptoed quietly back to the room, to Sora's door and could hear Riku's muffled voice talking to Sora from the other side. She couldn't quite make out all of the words he spoke, but she could catch some, about him blaming himself for Sora not being awake, could hear the changes in his voice going from angry, to quiet, to sorrowful and frightened. Then there was nothing but silence. Worried, Naminé rose to her feet and silently let herself into Sora's room. She could tell Riku was about to break just by looking at him. He sat hunched over, head hanging, his long platinum strands of hair were falling against the sides of his face. His legs were sprawled out in front of him, slightly bent at the knees, and hands lay listlessly in is lap.
Naminé had seen Riku in several different conditions before, but never had she seen him look so lost and on the edge of despair, so vulnerable, and so helpless. He was still just a kid after all, and everything he had done and been through had made this boy wise beyond his years, Naminé knew this, but it still remained unfair. She advanced toward him nervously, her hands folded up to her chest, unable to stop herself. She stopped just at his side, and was close enough to him that she could see he was shaking. "Riku...?" Naminé spoke his name softly, uncertain of how the best way would be to be approach him. "Hey," she said gently touching his shoulder, and she felt him tense up under her hand, so she quickly moved it off and backed away a few steps. That was unlike him. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine, Naminé," Riku replied, voice sounding drained. "I'm just really tired," he lied, attempting to hide the fact that he was embarrassed that Naminé found him in such a disheveled state. Riku turned his head further away from Naminé, not wanting her to see his face, even though his eyes were hidden by his blindfold.
Naminé felt a bit irritated by this, and she folded her arms over her chest as she stared down at the boy who hadn't even bothered lifting his head to acknowledge her. "Hmm? No, I don't think you are alright. I've come to know you, Riku, and this isn't like you at all." The blonde Nobody sighed softly. "Riku, I could hear some of the things you were saying in here, to Sora. You can't blame yourself for Sora not being awake yet. That's not your fault. After all, I'm the one who let my loneliness get the better of me. I was the one who tampered with Sora's memories. If anything, you should be blaming me. I'm the one who made those mistakes."
Riku's head shot up swiftly, and he turned his blindfolded face in Naminé's direction, his mouth down turned into a frown. "Mistakes? Your mistakes? Naminé, are you kidding me? I'm the one who messed up more than anyone. I've made more mistakes than anyone. Don't you get that? If I had never given in to the darkness, this never would have had happened. None of this would even be going on right now. Sora would still be awake and safe on the island taking good care of Kairi. I screwed that all up all by myself." His voice was trembling with anger, but his tone remained low and quiet.
"Riku, let me ask you something," Naminé began, still looking down at him. "Where would you be right now if none of this had ever happened? If you had never given in to the darkness, where you would be?"
"Probably still on the island, living normally and being happy. Hanging out on the paopu tree with my best friends, walking along the beach, eating snowcones on hot days, going to school. I'd probably be doing every single thing that every other kid my age would be doing, but I'm not," Riku added bitterly.
"Would you honestly be happy there if you were still on the island? Didn't you want to leave and escape and see new worlds?" She looked at him sharp, her violet-blue eyes studying him hard.
Riku ignored her. "Naminé, I destroyed my home. I allowed my entire island, my friends and my family, to be destroyed by the darkness I let in. I threw everything away for darkness. I never meant for it to happen, it just did, but still. It did. Because of me. My whole island was devoured by darkness, and if it hadn't of been for Sora, it would probably cease to exist."
"That's a lie!" Riku burst out in protest against the grey-blue haired Organization member, known as Zexion, who stood in front of him, his hair parted and brushed over one side of his face, so he could only see one eye. "I remember everyone from the islands. Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie. Kairi, and Sora too! They're my-my... my closest friends," Riku dropped his head sadly, closing his eyes and shaking his head back and forth. If they were his closest friends then why couldn't he see them in his memories?
"And who threw away those friends? Maybe it's your own actions that you've forgotten," Zexion taunted the distraught boy. "You destroyed your home!"
The darkness whirled above Riku dangerously, drifts of wood, chunks of broken land and trees flying at him in a swirling vortex of debris, and Riku jerked his head back and forth, gasping in shock at the scenery taking place around him. His home was slowly being devoured by darkness, and Riku never realized it until now. "This is... that night!" he gasped in disbelief.
"All of the islands you grew up on were sundered, scattered. Many hearts were forever lost to the darkness. Because of what YOU did!" Zexion explained, pointing outward toward the edge of the piece of island he and Riku stood on, still intact. An image of Riku formed before him, his back facing the two of them.
"You hated being an islander, so you opened the door to darkness and destroyed the islands. It was YOU!" Riku stared aghast, horrstruck as the realization of what he'd done slammed him in all different directions. "You were pulled into the darkness, and now you belong to the darkness," Zexion would not let up. Riku held out a hand and looked at it, not wanting to believe the words coming out of the man's mouth. He laid his hand against his pounding, aching chest. No, he couldn't have done this... How many hearts were lost to the darkness because of him? How many people no longer resided on the island because of his choices?
"Riku," Naminé began, attempting to console him, but she was unsure of if he was even consolable at this point, because it wasn't difficult to see how wrapped up in remorse he was, and how overwhelmed he was by what still remained to be done. "It wasn't just you. You were being manipulated by the darkness. Xehanort, Ansem, found the darkness in your heart, and he tampered with it. Every single heart contains some sort of darkness, except for the seven pure lights which are the seven Princesses of Heart. You know this. It could have been anyone. You just happened to be his target."
"What if I make those same mistakes again, Naminé? DiZ is making me do things I don't want to do because it scares me to death. He's testing me, knowing that it terrifies me. It could change me forever, but he reminded me if I don't, I'm going to let Sora down. I have to capture both Xion and Roxas and bring them back here to him. They're the only key to Sora's awakening." Riku gazed upward at Naminé, and he felt a lump rise in his throat. He swallowed it back hard. "If I could at least do this one thing for Sora, maybe it would help make up for the pain and suffering I caused him. Maybe it would ease the troubles he feels in his own heart. Maybe I could be forgiven a little bit for my past mistakes?" Riku's voice cracked, and he turned his head away from Naminé.
The emotion was now brimming to the surface and he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold it back. He'd been holding it back for so long, because he did not show weakness, and when he did he chastised himself for it. He needed to be strong and stay strong for Naminé, and especially for Sora. This had been drilled into his head over and over again, but right now, he felt weaker mentally, and physically, than he'd ever felt in his entire life.
"Riku, please please don't say that. You know Sora doesn't think like that. Sora knows that you're not to blame for everything. He understands. I've seen his memories, Riku. I know how Sora feels about you. You're his best friend, you're like his brother. He looks up to you. He loves you, so please," Naminé pleaded with him, trying hard to get him to understand, but she could see the Riku was on the verge of completely breaking.
Naminé, my darkness still has a strong hold on me!" Riku errupted, his tone much louder now, loud from anger, loud from fear and remorse, causing Naminé to jump in surprise . "If my darkness were to take over me again, then what would Sora think of me? What if my darkness took over me completely, and I couldn't control my actions or myself? What if I hurt my best friend yet again? I was a monster, Naminé. I tried to kill my best friend. If darkness takes hold again, then what would keep me from accomplishing that task this time around? What would keep me from becoming a monster again?" Riku felt like he was going to cry, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep himself from doing it.
Even so, he didn't move his face away from Naminé's, but her outline through his blindfold was becoming increasingly distorted. "I'm scared, Naminé. I'm terrified of myself because I know what I'm capable of, and I know what may happen, and I don't want to take that risk, but I have no choice. I can't deal with it Naminé. I can't handle it," he admitted, his voice weak, his chin quivering. His eyes burned, his nose tingled, and he could feel everything he'd been holding back inside of him for months on end manifest itself, brimming the surface, and finding it's way out of Riku's eyes. He gazed at Namine for a moment pursing his lips as the first tears slid down his cheeks from underneath his blindfold. Not wanting Naminé to see but knowing she already had, Riku dropped his head into his hand, his other one pressed against the floor as if holding himself up, keeping himself from collapsing, and Naminé felt what could have once been a heart rise up into her throat. She gasped softly as the first quiet sob escaped the boy in front of her.
"Riku," she breathed and began to advance toward him, and he held a hand up, turning his head away from her as if not wanting her near him.
"Naminé, can you please... can you please just let me be alone for awhile? Please?" the silver haired boy did his best to hide the tears in his voice, and be discreet about it as possible, but there was no mistaking it, and Naminé absolutely would not have that. Right now more than anything, he needed a friend, and she was going to be that friend.
"No, Riku. I won't leave you alone. Not like this," she told him firmly, as she moved to stand behind Riku. She dropped to her knees, wrapping one arm up from underneath his own arm, clutching his shoulder with her hand, while wrapping the other arm around him and squeezing his other shoulder with her other hand and underneath her hold, he completely fell to pieces. She could feel his body shaking, jerking underneath her grasp with each silent sob, and he leaned back into her as if trying to seek comfort just by this small motion, keeping his hand over his head. Tears escaped unrelentingly from underneath his blindfold, and he didn't even make attempts to suppress his sobbing. It wasn't worth it, because he couldn't control it.
Riku's breath hitched heavily against his aching throat, and this only caused Naminé to hold him even closer. His weeping was quiet, painful and his chest heaved and jarred with each breath he took. "I'll become a monster if I do this. Sora and Kairi will never forgive me," Riku whispered through his tears, and Naminé felt some of the warm, salty water splash on her hand. She pulled him back to her as much as she could, and laid her face against his shoulder, and just let him cry, knowing he needed it, and she fought back tears of her own, as the ache in her empty chest became more apparent and obvious than anything she'd ever felt in her entire life, and she couldn't help the few tears that escaped her own blue eyes.
"That's not true, Riku. You won't become a monster," Naminé cooed, shushing him. "Sora's heart is strong and pure. Kairi's heart is unadulterated light. They aren't ones to hold grudges against the people they care about more than anything in the world, and that's you, Riku. I know this because I have Kairi's memories, and I also know because of Sora's memories."
"I don't deserve Sora's friendship. Not after everything I did," Riku wept, squeezing his hand tighter around his face, his head falling back to Naminé's shoulder. He didn't have the energy to hold it up anymore. Everything was pouring out of him like waves spilling over the shoreline, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd really honestly cried like this. Maybe when he was just a little boy, when he'd lost a family member he'd loved, Riku wasn't sure and his brain was so impacted with everything else, and his heart ached so severely and physically, that it was all a blur. He couldn't even try to concentrate right now even if he wanted to.
"But Sora feels you deserve his friendship, and he wants your friendship," Naminé corrected him, as she began gently rocking the weeping boy in her arms. Riku realized, briefly, how long it had been since someone had held him so close and so tenderly, that someone cared so much for the things he was thinking, or feeling or going through. Usually he just dealt with his problems all on his own, not telling anyone about anything. He was never really the overly affectionate type, and would mostly just try and blow people off when they attempted to comfort him, but now he didn't care. It was just him and Naminé here. Sora was asleep. He couldn't see what was going on, he couldn't hear the things being said, or at least Riku was sure that he couldn't. He hoped that Sora couldn't anyway. He may not care right now, but later, Riku knew he'd feel embarrassed by displaying such a weakness and vulnerability such as this.
He'd never want Sora to see him in such a state of disarray, in a form of such misery and despondency, but he couldn't help it. Riku's grief had finally found it's way out, it overflowed the surface like a flooded river, and it didn't matter because it wasn't stopping anytime soon. His eyes kept burning and refilling with spiteful tears, and just as he felt he was starting to calm down, another thought floated to the surface and sent him over the edge once more. He could taste the salty water at the corners of his mouth and on top of his lips.
Riku clenched his teeth hissing through them, and all he could do was cry harder, each sound of his soft sobbing more heartbreaking than before, while Naminé held him in her arms, whispering kindnesses and reassurances to him, ignoring his protests, when he called himself worthless, letting him know he wasn't. She just shooshed him gently, reminding him that he was still a human being and not a creature of the dark. Riku listened to her, but no matter how hard she tried, he couldn't believe her and didn't know if he ever could, and so he just continued to lay in her arms, unable to speak anymore, the only sound to be heard was his lamenting sobs echoing off the walls surrounding them.