Chapter 19:
Latest Stupidity:
A murmur passed through the crowd as they watched the man flee and Harry standing rooted to the spot, staring after him in shock. A cynical laugh broke the uneasy murmur of the crowd.
"Guess he didn't love you, eh, Potter?" inquired a voice that was oddly familiar to Harry. He looked around the crowd but didn't see where the shout had originated from and turned curtly toward the castle and started to leave when the voice rose again and he realized who was speaking – Blaise Zabini. Zabini was a friend of Draco's that Harry had never really liked, though he had appeared at the manor often over the years.
"You could have had it all, Potter!" Zabini's voice called angrily. Harry halted stiffly and cast his hand toward the crowd in the direction the voice had come from, and thinking of Zabini and a jumble of curses, cast them in quick succession.
A scream rent the air and Harry smirked as he continued on his way toward the castle after the retreating man. He was sure Poppy would have an amusing, if not annoying time attempting to heal the bastard – he was sure he'd sent so many curses at him that she wouldn't know where to start. Harry ignored the cries from the other man and the jostling of the faculty and crowd as he hurried to catch up with his retreating lover.
Poppy groaned when she realized just who Harry had cursed and saw the extent of the damage, though nothing was life threatening. She rolled her eyes as the man continued to rant. "You're such a fucking fool, Potter! You could have had Draco! I hate you! All he ever wanted was you, never me! I should never have helped him!"
At these words of admission to – something, Minerva, Poppy, and the real Alastor Moody came up and took him into custody. They would find out just how Zabini helped Draco Malfoy one way or another, but first, Poppy needed to get him to the infirmary.
"Attention please," Minerva called, amplifying her voice once more. "Mister Potter has asked me to make the following announcement if he could not. Mister Potter has made it perfectly clear to me that although he feels honoured to be known to the Wizarding world by the titles bestowed upon him, he has requested – politely that he and his family be allowed their privacy from now on."
There was a collective groan from the crowd and Minerva raised her hands for silence. "He has promised all of you that he will be writing his memoirs and that it will contain everything anyone could possibly wish to know about him. He has insisted however, that he will no longer acknowledge anyone requesting further interviews. Now I agree with him fully on this; he has done his duty and fulfilled the task that we appointed to him. He never did like the fame that he received upon returning to the Wizarding world and it is time that his life was his own. He has requested this politely, but I am sure that he will take extreme measures to achieve it if necessary."
Harry had not heard all that went on after casting the curses upon Blaise and leaving to catch up with Severus. He had not pushed himself to do anything other than walk since his stay in the infirmary after his body shutdown from stress, but he had to jog to catch up with the man.
He didn't quite make it though, before he stumbled and fell. "Harry, are you all right?" he heard Remus ask, and knew by the softness of his tone that the man was close. Not wanting to listen to the man belittle his lover, Harry pushed himself to his feet and scrambled after Severus, seeing that his lover had reached the castle quite a ways ahead of him.
"I'm fine," he answered and hurried after Severus as fast as he could, not waiting for the man behind him, and hoping that he would just leave him alone.
As he entered the castle and quickly descended to the rooms Minerva had given them while at Hogwarts, Severus' thoughts were swirling in a maelstrom. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it heavily as he tried to collect himself, breathing deeply.
He moved away from the door sluggishly after casting a complex locking charm on it, and made his way slowly to the desk in the corner. He plopped down in the chair, never taking his eyes from the center drawer. He reached out almost tentatively, and pulled it open, revealing a small, dark blue velvet box.
Picking it up, he opened it. Inside, placed side-by-side were two plain, platinum silver bands. The only distinguishing marks on either was a large, Old English style 'S' etched into the metal – the symbol of the Snape family crest. These wedding bands had belonged to his father's family; passed down from mother to daughter, and father to son from his great-great grandparents. He now held both, for he was an only child – the last of the Snape line.
Although his father had been a Muggle, he was from an old family that still used the house crests. He'd left the rings behind when he'd left his mother after discovering that she was a witch; something that she'd managed to keep hidden until after Severus had been Abbey's age. She could no longer deny it when she was unable to explain away the oddities when his magic began to manifest.
They had been living in her house, and she'd hidden anything having to do with the Wizarding world. Severus had found later that she had inherited the house on a mere technicality – her parents had forgotten to change their will. The Prince family had shunned them when they found out that Eileen had married a Muggle. The house had later been renamed Snape Manor, and finding that Eileen had cast spells upon the rings; his father had left them behind. While it was true that they did not bare good memories with them, they were all that Severus had. The Prince family rings having gone to one of his relatives after the fallout.
He removed one from the box and held it gently between his thumb and forefinger. He stared at it for a moment before sighing heavily and running his fingers through his hair and slouching over the desk with his chin in one hand, the ring in the other. He exhaled deeply and closed his eyes, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to form.
"I'm sorry, Harry," he whispered as he opened his eyes to stare at the ring once more. "But I can't marry you." He took a deep breath and was about to place the ring back in the box when there was a pounding on the door. Hastily, he stuck it in his pocket instead, and tucked the box back in the drawer of the desk. He rose then, and moved to the couch, looking morose, and stared at the door.
Harry had reached the door of their chambers and found it locked when he tried to enter. He was breathing hard from what little exertion he had endured, and hated the fact that he'd been in the infirmary for five days.
"Severus," he yelled and pounded his fist on the door. "Open the door. I know you're in there! Come on, please!" Harry sighed and leaned against the door when there was no answer, resting his head against the cool, hard wood as he continued knocking, doing it open handed now because his knuckles hurt. He stopped after a few minutes, breathing heavily as he choked back a sob and moving out of the doorway, settled himself on the cold stone floor, feeling miserable.
Severus exhaled heavily when Harry stopped banging on the door and shouting. He wanted to be with Harry more than anything else he had before, but he knew that there couldn't be more between them than there already was. The bloody werewolf would never allow them to be together. He'd already made that perfectly clear, and Severus did not want to come between Harry and a link to his parents – the parents Harry would have still had if it hadn't been for his own foolish mistake.
Harry could say what he liked, forgive him his faults and mistakes, but no matter what he said or how he excused or reasoned Severus' actions away, Severus knew he had been a fool. Harry would still hurt because of it, whether or not he believed the war would have been lost if they had lived. Severus had been the one who had taken away his chance at knowing them. Severus sighed heavily, and buried his head in his hands. Yes, he was insecure about his relationship with Harry and he knew it.
Poppy sighed and shook her head, wondering just how Harry had managed to cast so many curses on Zabini. Obviously, they were done in quick succession because the man now not only took on the form of a man-sized, bloated canary, his ranting now emitting in angry chirps, but he had sprouted antlers, boils were appearing where his feathers were moulting, and he was randomly changing colour.
"Shut up, Mister Zabini!" she snapped, the loud, angry chirping grating on her nerves. "I can't cure the boils until the other curses wear off. Nor will I be able to tell if anything else is affecting you. If you ask me, you deserved it. You are no longer students here, so yes, I can speak my mind. And, I am happy to say, there will be no detention earned for the curses he cast."
Madame Pomfrey didn't even bother to make him comfortable before leaving Alastor with him since Minerva had gone back out to the grounds to take care of the crowd and press. She wasn't quite sure what was going on between Harry and Severus, but she had a good idea, and made it a point of asking them once she found them. She wanted to know what other curses Harry had cast on Blaise Zabini anyway, so she headed off to try to find him.
Harry had been sitting in the hall on the cold, stone floor, crying for the past half hour when the sound of two pairs of footsteps reached him. Idly, he hoped they would turn down one of the other corridors, unfortunately, he wasn't so lucky.
"Harry?" Poppy asked, bustling over quickly when she saw him sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. Harry started, and looked up through red, puffy eyes and with a tear-streaked face to see her and Arthur Weasley hurrying toward him. "What on Earth are you doing sitting on the floor?"
"Harry?" Arthur asked before the man could answer as he and Poppy knelt down beside him. "Are you all right?"
"It's Severus," Harry cried, tears rolling down his cheeks. "He – he locked me out. I messed up… I – I should have known better."
"Messed up?" Arthur asked, snorting in disbelief. "What do you mean you messed up?"
"I – I should have known better than to ask him like that," Harry scolded himself. "He never did like to put his life on public display."
"Harry," Poppy asked, looking at him in concern. "How long have you been here?"
This question took Harry by surprise, and he stammered, trying to come up with an answer, only to mutter, "I don't know, a while I guess."
Poppy scowled and turned to the door in question. "Severus Snape," she shouted. "Get out here this instant!"
Severus opened the door angrily and was about to retort when he saw Harry sitting on the floor. "Oh, Merlin," he murmured as he knelt down beside him. "I thought you'd gone."
"Sev," Harry whimpered, tears rolling down his cheeks as he reached for the man, throwing himself at his lover. "I'm so sorry. I should never have asked you like that… please, forgive me."
"Shh," Severus murmured, wrapping his arms around him. "Come on," he said, lifting the younger man in his arms. "Let's get you off the floor." He rose to his feet, Harry's arms wrapped securely around his neck. "I don't want you to catch cold," he said as he carried Harry into their quarters, Arthur and Poppy following behind them.
"Sev?" Harry asked in a soft, curious voice when Severus continued to hold him after he sat down on the couch by the fire.
Severus was quiet a moment as he looked into his lover's emerald eyes. Reaching up, he gently combed the fringe from Harry's face before placing a tender kiss on his forehead. "Shh," he murmured, his lips brushing against the lightening bolt scar. "You did nothing wrong," he continued softly, but pulled back to look in his lover's face. "I was just… I was just surprised, and I needed some time to think. So much has happened Harry, and I am sorry, but I did not have an answer for you, nor do I have one now. Can we talk about it later? We have company."
Harry nodded, swallowing dryly, and shifted on Severus' lap, leaning against his chest before turning his gaze to Poppy and Arthur as he felt the man tighten his arms around him protectively.
"Are you all right Harry?" Arthur asked, Harry nodded once more and turned to look at Poppy expectantly.
"I'm all right, Poppy," Harry said. "Did you need something else?"
"Yes," Poppy answered and cleared her throat before continuing. "I didn't want to say anything earlier because of the guidelines you set for the conference, but now that you're both here, I wanted to let you know that there's no need for you to go back to St. Mungo's."
"W-what do you mean?" Harry asked in disbelief.
Poppy smiled, noticing Severus looked just as surprised though he remained silent. "You don't think I've been a school nurse forever, do you? I spent fifteen years as a healer at St. Mungo's before Albus offered me the job here. He knew I still wanted to help people, but that the hours at the hospital were wearing me thin. The point is, I know what you need to do, and I'm willing to help you."
Harry beamed, and turned to look at Severus who still looked rather stunned. He knew Poppy had been a healer at the hospital, but it had never occurred to him to ask her.
Harry's smile faltered when he returned his gaze to the mediwitch, realization dawning on him. "But we have to go back," he murmured, and felt Severus tighten his hold. "They have the sample of my blood – unless you'd draw more."
"Here," Arthur said gently, and reached in his robes, withdrawing a vial from his pocket and handing it to the mediwitch. "You'll need this."
Harry gasped when he recognized it and felt Severus stiffen beneath him. "Where did you get that?" he asked in awe.
Arthur glanced to Severus before turning his gaze to Harry. "Severus asked me to keep it safe the night of his trial. He did not trust the healers at the hospital not to experiment with it, so he…"
"Stole it," Harry finished softly. He was quiet for a moment, and in that time, did not feel Severus relax. "I know I should be mad," he said quietly. "But I'm not." Slowly, he felt Severus' stiffness lessen, and he looked up at him, searching his eyes. Placing a hand gently on his cheek, he whispered, "Is that why you didn't tell me? You thought I'd be angry?" Severus lowered his head slightly, but Harry caught his chin gently and raised his head so that their eyes locked. "Is that why?" Harry asked once more.
Severus nodded, and swallowed dryly, once more lowering his gaze, shame filling him for betraying his lover, but he started when he felt the younger man's arms around his neck. "Harry?" he asked uncertainly, and the man pulled back with a smile.
"You're brilliant, Sev," he said, kissing him briefly. "Merlin, I was dreading going back there. It was bad enough the first time. Now, because of you, we don't have to," he said, and turned to Poppy with a smile before a yawn crept up on him.
Poppy and Arthur smiled, standing to their feet. "Yes, Mister Potter, it has been a long day," Poppy said gently. "We will leave you to rest."
Harry looked up slightly alarmed as they turned to go. "But when…" he began, trying to rise, only to feel Severus strong arms holding him securely.
Poppy stopped, and looked over her shoulder with a smile. "You and Severus can talk about it and let me know later." Harry swallowed over the lump in his throat, and nodded, leaning back against his lover. "Get some rest, Mister Potter, it is over now." She turned to go once more, but stopped as she reached the door and looked back. "Oh, out of curiosity, what curses did you use on Mister Zabini?"
Severus looked down at him in surprise. "You cursed Zabini?"
Harry chuckled softly and nodded as he looked over to Poppy and Arthur who was watching him with interest. "Nothing illegal," he said innocently. "Just something to teach him a lesson." Poppy arched a brow as Arthur chuckled. Harry sighed. "All right," he said. "I used the Antler Jinx, Canary Transfiguration Jinx, Colour Change Charm, Engorgement Charm and Furnunculus."
"Yes," Poppy said as Arthur chuckled. "Did you use anything else?"
Severus arched an ebony brow at this, doing his best not to laugh as well. Harry nodded. "Yes," he said quietly. "Quite a few actually. They probably won't all show up at once though." Poppy looked at him expectantly and he sighed before continuing, "The Bat Bogey Hex, Horn Tongue, the Knee Reversing Hex, Leg Locker Curse, the Stinging Hex, Pepper Breath, the Twitchy Ears and Toe Nail Growing Hex, and Muffliato."
When Harry finished listing all the curses that he had cast on the man, both Severus and Arthur were laughing aloud, and Poppy found it difficult to keep her own grin at bay. "Very well, Mister Potter," she said gently. "Get some rest." Harry nodded and watched as she and Arthur departed before sighing and letting his head lull against Severus' chest as his lover rose to his feet, holding him securely.
"You cursed Zabini?" he asked as he carried his exhausted lover to their bedroom. Harry nodded tiredly as Severus placed him on the bed almost reverently. "Whatever for?"
Harry smiled tiredly. "He opened his big mouth and said that you didn't love me," Harry whispered.
Severus whimpered, a pained expression passing over his usually stoic features. Reaching down, he caressed Harry's face gently, and leaning closer, he whispered, "You know that's not true."
"I know," answered Harry. "That's why I shut him up."
Severus kissed him tenderly and pulled back with a smile. "Get some rest, love. I may have to pay a visit to the infirmary to see this for myself. The mental image you gave me was quite amusing."
Harry sighed softly, his eyes closed, and Severus knew that he was already asleep.
Severus stepped into the bedroom a few hours later and watched Harry sleep. He smiled as the younger man sighed contentedly, even after all the pain, suffering, and trials the young man had endured, he remained innocent. Oh, Severus knew that he would always bare the memories of those he had to kill, but unlike those in the service of Voldemort, he had not been tainted by what he knew needed to be done.
Severus sighed and moved into the room, silently shedding his clothes before climbing into bed behind his lover. Harry whimpered in his sleep and turned into Severus, who placed a gentle kiss upon his head as he wrapped his arms around the younger man's slight frame, before drifting off to sleep himself.
Harry awoke the next day to Severus carding his fingers soothingly through his hair. He whimpered and snuggled closer, wrapping himself around Severus. "Mmm," Severus murmured with a smile, and kissed Harry gently as he drew him closer and exhaled heavily. "Good morning."
Harry stretched languidly, arching against his lover and groaning. "Morning," he murmured as he relaxed into the man's arms once more while Severus continued running his fingers through his hair. Harry was quiet for a while, relishing in the feel of the man's touch. "You're thinking too much," Harry murmured, kissing Severus' chest after a few minutes.
Severus groaned as Harry trailed his tongue over one of his nipples. "Am I?" he returned once the younger man stopped teasing him.
"Mmmhmm," Harry murmured, snuggling closer. "What are you thinking about?"
Severus exhaled heavily. "I was thinking about what we were going to talk about." Harry lifted his head and looked at him curiously, wrinkling his brow. "Yesterday," Severus clarified. "I asked if we could talk about things later," he trailed off, waiting for Harry's answer.
"Oh," Harry said quietly, laying his head back down on his lover's chest. "Yes. So, you want to talk about it?"
Severus sighed again, it was a defeated, accepting sort, and Harry wasn't sure that he liked it. "Yes," he said finally. "I think that would be best."
"All right," Harry said quietly. "I'm listening."
Severus was quiet a moment before he drew Harry closer, and Harry met his gaze once more, his heart breaking to find sadness in the onyx depths of his lover's eyes. "I am such a fool, Harry," he whispered. "I should have known that I wouldn't be able to keep such a promise to you."
"W-what are you talking about, Sev?" Harry asked fearfully. He definitely did not like how this conversation was going. "You haven't broken any promises you made me. We're here now, and we're together."
Harry watched as Severus closed his eyes as though in pain, and shook his head. "No, Harry," he said. "The promise that I speak of is that I would never do anything to hurt you."
"Sev," Harry said tiredly. He understood the man's insecurities, and was willing to help him get over them, but dealing with them at every turn was getting old.
"No Harry," Severus said. "I know now that no matter what answer I give you, I'll only end up hurting you."
Harry sighed and sat up, running his fingers through his hair. "Explain it to me," he said, looking at the man with a peeved expression.
Severus was quiet a moment and exhaled heavily, feeling helpless. He didn't look at Harry as he spoke; it was too painful. It was hard enough getting the words passed the lump forming in his throat. "I – I've b-been thinking about this for a while," he admitted.
Harry inhaled sharply and closed his eyes a moment. He had to know what had brought on this conversation whether he liked it or not. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he didn't.
"How long?" he asked, opening his eyes and watching the man in front of him.
"Since the day you woke up and Lupin…" he trailed off. "I still don't understand it."
"Is that what this is about?" Harry asked loudly, annoyance lacing his voice. "What Lupin thinks?" Severus was quiet and Harry sighed in disgust.
"Harry, you can have any one you want," Severus tried but Harry cut him off, moving angrily from the bed and starting to dress, pulling his clothes on without care.
"Obviously, I can't because the one I want – for some reason – can't get it through his thick skull that he's the one I want! And as for Lupin, at this point in time, he can go to hell for all I care!"
"It isn't just that," Severus called, giving Harry pause at the door.
Harry sighed, his shoulders slumping. After a moment, he straightened, and keeping his back to the man, he asked quietly, "What else?"
Severus exhaled heavily and lowered his gaze. "I – I just don't understand…"
"Understand what?"
"W-why you even want to be with me when I… when I…"
"When you what, Severus?" Harry asked, finally turning to look at him, his emerald eyes glittering with pain, anger and sadness. "When you killed my parents? When you're a Squib?" Harry saw the man flinch but continued undaunted. "When I will have more power than you'll ever have? Yes," Harry said angrily when Severus remained quiet. "Did you think I wouldn't figure it out? You've been acting strange ever since I found you; ever since I said I loved you and you alone. Poppy told me that you'd stayed by my bedside since I fainted that night in the courtroom, but said you'd freaked when she told you I was pregnant, and that you were still acting oddly when she assured you that you were the father. In fact, that you behaved oddly whenever she used magic or even mentioned my power levels."
"Yes," Severus said quietly. "Merlin, Harry…" he whispered. "I'm such a bastard."
"What happened to not letting anything separate us, Sev?" Harry asked, his voice trembling. He walked over and knelt before the man. "Is it so hard to imagine that I love you? That I only want to be with you?" He sighed and shook his head, lowering his gaze a moment. "Sev, I'm not saying these things to make you feel bad," he said, returning his gaze to the man before him. "If my being the most powerful wizard in the world – the only one capable of defeating that monster – is such a big deal to you, then make the potion using my blood – or even Abbey's – you have my permission. Don't let what Lupin thinks play a part in this. If he can't understand that I love you, then that's his problem, not mine… not unless you let it be."
Severus sighed and met Harry's gaze. "But he's your family… he's the only link you have to them. They're gone because of me."
Harry exhaled heavily, willing himself not to lose his patience. Reaching up, he cupped the man's face gently in his hands. "No, Severus," he said quietly but firmly. "You know how I feel about this. If I thought that you had really been to blame for their death, or that their death was pointless, you would be in Azkaban right now." Harry ran his fingers through Severus' hair, combing it away from his face. "Let me know when you want to see Poppy, and I'll be there with you – I'll stay with you for as long as you want me to, but I think it would be better," Harry paused and lowered his head a moment, taking a deep breath before looking up again. "I think it would be better for both of us if Abbey and I had our own rooms… until you decide what it is that you want anyway. I still love you, Severus. I want you to know that." With that, Harry stood and quietly left the room, going to find his daughter, leaving Severus to his tormented thoughts.
"Daddy?" Abbey asked as they headed up to a suite near Gryffindor Tower.
"Yes sweetie?" Harry asked.
"Why are we moving?"
Harry sighed as he paused in his step and turned to the little girl. "Sweetie, your Papa isn't used to being around a lot of people. He has had only himself for longer than I care to think about. He needs some time alone for a while. He still loves us very much, and I know he needs some time to adjust to us… I want to give him that time without waiting until he asks. Do you understand?"
"I – I think so," Abbey said. "Can I still visit him?"
"Of course you can," Harry said with a smile. He was concerned about Severus, he knew the man was in the midst of an internal struggle and it had been hard for him to admit how he was feeling, but he was also concerned about his daughter. "Abbey," he said gently, kneeling down beside her to look her in the eye. "I want you to understand that your Papa loves you very much, and he always will. Nothing that happens between us will everaffect that. Things may work out between us, and they may not, but we will always love you."
Abbey nodded sadly and threw her arms around Harry's neck. "But I want things to work, Daddy," she whispered. "I want you and Papa to be together, I want you to be happy." Harry closed his eyes and hugged his daughter to him. He had wanted her to have a real childhood, and he now understood why Albus had kept certain things from him. His three-year-old daughter was comforting him and talking to him as any adult would. "You haven't been happy in a long time," she whispered.
"I know, baby," Harry murmured, fighting back his tears, not only from the possibility of losing Severus, but of his little girl growing up too fast – just as he had done. Unfortunately, now, he could do nothing about either.
Severus was miserable and moody after Harry and Abbey left their chambers. He knew Harry was right and that the young man had taken their daughter and moved to different rooms to give him time to think, but that didn't make him feel better, or make it any easier to get to sleep that night.
The next morning found Severus exhausted from lack of sleep, and doing something that he never thought he would do – approaching Remus Lupin at breakfast to ask to speak to him privately after the meal. Remus eyed him warily, but nodded his ascent. "You can meet me in the classroom before my first class, I don't have one immediately." Severus nodded, and was saddened when he looked around and didn't find Harry or Abbey present. He sat and finished his breakfast in silence.
"Are you still awake, dear boy?" Albus asked softly from his portrait making Harry start.
"Yes," Harry admitted quietly, turning back to stare at the gold and ruby ring he held in his hand. "I couldn't sleep."
Albus made a non-committal sound. "My, that is a lovely ring," he observed, watching Harry as the young man watched the firelight play on the gold and jewels.
"Yes," he murmured sadly. "I was going to give it to Severus, but now…" Harry broke off as a lump formed in his throat. "I know he isn't one who does or likes things big, but I had it made for him."
"Whydon't you give it to him?" Albus asked gently.
Harry chuckled in spite of himself. "And go through the same reception I got from the necklace I gave him?" he asked and shook his head. He sighed after a moment and put the ring back in its box.
"Harry," Albus said gently, and Harry looked to his portrait on the wall adjacent to the fireplace. "You and Severus have so much in common it often frightens me. Severus is a half-blood, as you are."
"I know, Albus," Harry said, running his fingers through his hair. "He told me when I asked him about it after he showed me the Pensieve."
Albus nodded. "But did you know that his father wanted nothing to do with him?" Harry looked up in surprise. "And he was an outcast in his mother's family as well? He had no one to turn to after she died."
Harry exhaled a slow, heavy breath, his heart wrenching in his chest. "I had no idea," he whispered, a look of shock on his face.
Albus nodded. "She had already passed when he started school. He and Riddle shared in the fact that they were orphans as well as in their family backgrounds, just as you share in that aspect of their lives. You may not know it Harry, but there is a fund set up by the Ministry for those who don't have the money, so that they can attend Hogwarts."
"I – I didn't know that."
Albus nodded. "Yes, you would have been able to come here to learn even if you had not had the advantage of your inheritance. Unfortunately, Severus and Riddle did not. Severus grew up alone in that house, with only house-elves for company, where as Riddle grew up in an orphanage. Riddle was before Severus' time here, but given their similar backgrounds, and knowing, as you do, how Severus was treated by his classmates, it is easy to see why he turned to Riddle."
Harry nodded slowly. "Yes," he said softly then looked up. "But that doesn't explain the Malfoys."
"No, Harry," Albus agreed. "It doesn't. Severus, you see followed Riddle not for power as the Malfoys as well as other families did. Nor was it out of fear as it was for other, more unwilling members of the Death Eaters. No, he followed Riddle seeking something else. He followed looking for a place to belong, someone who accepted him. If given the chance, and not harassed by his classmates, I do not believe that he would have taken the road he chose to follow."
Harry was quiet a moment, then murmured, "No, I suppose not. Merlin, they were such idiots!" he said angrily, silently cursing his father and godfather.
"Yes," Albus said as though reading his mind. "That they were, but that is the price of youth, wisdom is not gained until closer to the end of one's journey, sometimes, not at all. Give him the ring, Harry," Albus urged gently. "He has not had many gifts that were freely given, or that were not given out of pity."
Harry looked at Albus in surprise. "You, sir?"
Albus nodded sadly. "I could not bear to see the boy go with nothing on Christmas." A yawn crept up on him as Harry thought on this for a moment, and Albus smiled. "Get some sleep, Harry," he said. "Give him time, I'm sure he'll come around."
Harry nodded and headed off only to find troubled sleep.
Early the next morning, he and Abbey had breakfast in their rooms before heading out to the lake, the ring box in his pocket. He looked on while his daughter played with the giant squid, tickling its tentacles with bits of grass as it bathed in the sun. Sighing softly, he leaned back against the trunk of a willow tree, the box in his hand; he had a lot to think over.
"Come in," Remus called when Severus knocked on the Defence classroom door shortly after breakfast. Severus walked in and closed the door behind him before turning to stand quietly, watching as Remus went over the papers on his desk. "You wanted to see me?" he asked after a moment of silence, but didn't look up.
"Yes," Severus said quietly.
Remus waited, but Severus did not continue. "Well," he said coldly. "Get on with it, I don't have all day."
Severus nodded and with a quiet sigh, stepped further into the room. "I'm here to talk about Harry." Remus said nothing, and continued to go over the papers before him. "He wasn't at breakfast earlier, I was wondering if you've seen him."
"No," Remus said, marking the incorrect answers on the parchment before him with red ink. "Last I checked; he wanted nothing to do with me, why would I know where he is? I thought he was with you."
"Until yesterday… he was."
Remus looked up at this, putting down his quill and crossing his hands, watching Severus intently. "I'm listening."
Severus sighed. "I don't know where he went, but he took Abbey with him. He said that he still loved me and was only going to give me time to decide what I wanted."
Remus nodded slightly. "What brought this on?"
"I – I told him that no matter what answer I gave him, I would only end up hurting him… one way or another."
"I see, and how did you come to this conclusion?" Remus asked.
Severus sighed heavily and lowered his head. "It was what you said actually. It's true that given our past, James and Black probably wouldn't be happy with Harry and I being together. While I wish to be part of his and my children's lives, I do not want to come between the two of you. You are his family – the only link to them that he has left. I do not wish him to lose that either."
"Ah, well," said Remus. "That is quite noble of you, Severus."
Severus rolled his eyes. "This isn't about nobility, Remus, and you know it. This is about right and wrong, this is about what is in the best interest of Harry and my children. You may not like it, but I am a part of their lives. Whether I marry him or not, I will be around for him when he needs me – I did not leave him to raise Abbey alone by choice. If you want to blame someone for that, blame Albus!"
"And you know the difference between right and wrong?" Remus asked, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair.
Severus hesitated, a slight smile on his face.
"You find something amusing, Severus?" Remus asked, arching a brow.
"I suppose in his own way, Albus kept us safe… He sent me on 'a mission' when he already had all the answers. He knew what Draco was up to that year, but he kept me alive by sending me away, and kept Harry focused on what he had to do. Yes, Remus, I know the difference between right and wrong. For example," Severus said as he combed his hair out of his face. "It was wrong of me to have personal relations with Harry when he was legally still a child."
Remus nodded. "Yes, it was."
"However," Severus continued as though the man hadn't interrupted him. "If I had not, it is likely that we would still be at war, if not already dead. The more I think about it, the more I see that Harry is right about that. I am not sure that it would not have been possible to defeat Voldemort if Harry had chosen to be with someone else, but thank God, Merlin or whatever other deities you pray to, we will never have to find out."
"And what is it exactly that you want, Severus?"
"I want Harry, Abbey and my unborn child in my life. Fame and money mean nothing to me – if I want fame, I can gain it on my own through Potions Research. I want to see Harry and my children happy, and if today is any indication, they are not."
Remus was quiet a moment before he rose and came around his desk, leaning comfortably on the edge. "So," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. "What do you want from me?"
Severus sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, giving the man a pleading look. "What is right, Remus is that you are concerned for Harry and Abbey's well-being, what is wrong, is that you are attempting to control the life of a grown man, capable of making his own decisions. I am asking you to do what is right; bury the hatchet to a petty rivalry that you were never really part of… yes, I admit, it was petty; allow Harry to live his own life. He has the right to happiness wherever he finds it more than anyone else I know. I do not want to come between the two of you as I have said, you are his family."
Remus was quiet for a long while, walked back to his chair, and sat down with a heavy sigh. "I cannot allow you to marry him, Severus," he said, and Severus' heart plummeted. "However, there might be another way."
Twenty minutes later, Severus sighed and strode to the owlery. He hadn't found Harry or Abbey in the castle, but did not have time to extend his search. Poppy was busy making the necessary preparations for the procedure to restore his magic. She had told him that everything would be ready in an hour when he had stopped by the infirmary while he looked for his lover.
He had scrawled a quick letter there, wishing he had that blasted magical map Harry had spoken of; it sure would have saved him some time. Poppy had informed him that she would perform the necessary tasks to filter out his magical signature, but he would have to create the potion because the new Potions teacher didn't have the time to make it. After the initial step of filtering out his magical signature, the potion would take two days to make, and when it was ready, he was to have a ten-day supply and return to the infirmary so that she could monitor him. She had told him that should be sufficient, but she would not argue if he created a longer supply in case they needed it.
Reaching the owlery, he called down one of the school owls and sent it off with his letter to find Harry. One more stop to make, and he would head back to the infirmary. Walking down the hall, he headed to the Potions class to speak with the new teacher. Reaching the room, he knocked and waited semi-patiently for an answer. Then, as politely and quickly as he could, he explained who he was, and what he needed. After another five minutes, he was off to meet Harry.
Harry was startled from his thoughts when a tawny owl landed on his shoulder at nearly noon. Looking at it curiously a moment, he removed the note it bore and watched as it flew off.
Opening the note, he read:
My dearest Harry,
Please forgive me my latest stupidity. I am but a bumbling old fool. I know merely a day is not enough to truly come to a conclusion on such things when one has the dilemmas that I bear, but I believe that it is possible when one does not sleep. That is for a later time however, for it is too personal to put down on parchment.
I have spoken with Poppy, and if you are still willing to endure this with me, meet me in the entrance hall at lunchtime, Poppy has assured me that we can take our meals in the infirmary. I am not sure how long her initial role will take, but after completed, it will require two days for me to brew the potion. Poppy has requested that I then return to the infirmary for an extended stay so that she may monitor my progress. It is my hope that this attempt at restoring my magic will remove one of my dilemmas.
Severus
"Come on, Abbey," Harry called, a smile gracing his features as he scrambled to his feet. "It's time to go."
Abbey, seeing her daddy smiling once more, hurried over and they headed back to the castle.
Harry schooled his features before opening the door, and his heart wrenched when he saw his lover. It was plain that he had indeed not slept the night before – Harry was lucky that he had at least gotten some.
"Papa!" Abbey called, and scampered over to him. Harry let her go, and Severus scooped her up into his arms. "I missed you, Papa," Harry heard her murmur as she hugged him.
"I missed you, too, little one," Severus admitted, kissing her on the cheek. "Harry," he continued, turning to the younger man who had stopped just inside the entrance hall. "Thank you for coming."
"I told you I would," Harry replied coolly. Severus nodded, feeling the tension, and wanting to relieve it. "What is she going to do?" Harry asked, and Severus understood the reason for his aloofness.
"Daddy?" Abbey asked, not sure what was happening but feeling that something was not quite right.
"It's all right, baby," Harry said, looking at his daughter, turning to Severus, he arched a brow. "Well?"
Severus gave him a sad smile. "She's going to use your blood as a filter against Abbey's to isolate mine, which will be used to make the potion. She said I'll have to do it my–" but he was cut off when he received an arm full of Harry, who captured his mouth in a hungry kiss.
"Thank you," he whispered as he pulled back and smiled up at his lover. Severus returned his smile, relief washing over him.
"Come on," he said gently, and steered Harry toward the stairs leading to the infirmary. "Poppy's waiting on us."
A/N: Okay, before anyone here asks, yes, I know Sev used magic to seal the door and lock Harry out, and yes, I know that I have said he is a squib and squibs can't use magic... just keep reading, it will all be explained.