As Lovers Go
Chapter 8 – A Peculiar Indulgence
Morning could not have arrived sooner to Iliana, who despite last night's rather enthralling occurrence, suffered from intense nightmares. She could remember it vividly. She dreamt she was running, frightened along a path, trying to escape a monstrous being intent on ripping her to shreds. What a strange thing to dream about, she thought to herself, as she woke for the fifth time. Of course, it was more than strange; it was downright frightening. Dreams such as these were not to be taken lightly in the wizarding world. Although she hadn't any idea what could've possibly invoked such a terrible and random dream, she was sure that whatever it was – it was meant to get her attention and potentially deliver a message. Such a vague message, indeed, however. Iliana shook her head of these thoughts as the rumbling of girls scrambling into their school shoes brought her back to reality – she had classes to attend.
Finally dressing, grooming herself, and thrice checking that everything necessary had been packed for the day ahead of her, Iliana made herself down to the Great Hall for a rather small breakfast. An apple and a spot of coffee should help her survive the day. After the recent nightmare she'd had, she'd not wanted to eat anything too heavy for fear of seeing it once more on one of her professor's classroom floors. Seating herself down in her usual corner of the table, Iliana engrossed herself in a bit of her reading before class as the shushing and murmuring of the Great Hall took its place in the early morning. This murmuring, however, was soon drowned out by loud, excited gasps and very familiar hoots. Iliana looked up at the numerous barn and snow owls descending down into the Great Hall to drop off packages to their respective owners.
A small smile twitched itself upon Iliana's face; regardless of not getting so much as a single letter from her sister all these years at Hogwarts, this had always been the joy of the mornings for her – seeing students' faces light up as they received packages from their loved ones back home, and seeing the owls receive a bit of praise and food for successfully delivering their message. Her mind then wandered to her own owl; how she was doing, and what exactly she was up to. She hadn't been down to the Owlery, since she'd arrived at Hogwarts, and besides, a fresh air between her classes would be greatly welcomed. As the bell chimed in time for classes, the students in the Great Hall rose from their seats and bustled toward their classrooms in different parts of the castle. Iliana followed the majority of the sixth-year Hufflepuffs to the Dungeon where Professor Snape's Potions class was just about to go underway.
The class ended with the same enthusiasm – or lack thereof – as it had started with; however, there were a bit more burn marks, tears and singed eyebrows than the class had started with. These highly comical accidents made up for the dullness, Iliana concluded as she too struggled to suppress a laugh as Jenifer Higgleton's recently-done eyebrows managed to vanish in an unthinkable suddenness right after the loud 'boom' emitted from within her cauldron. Students couldn't rush fast enough toward the door of the Potions room in a sort of escape from this prison-like class and its warden-like Professor Snape. Iliana always thought it a bit humorous how this prison-like class was located in the Dungeon section of the castle. Proceeding toward her next class, Arithmancy, Iliana's mind continued to flash back to the nightmare she'd had. A chill shivered through her; she could vividly feel the pursuit, the hatred of this vile creature. She hadn't seen much of it, but from the several glances she stole in her dream, she was able to figure that it was some sort of dog … or perhaps a werewolf.
Iliana took a deep breath and sighed, pushing these thoughts into a small mental drawer once more. Her stomach had begun to twist and turn just by the mere reflection of events, and she'd really prefer not to see her breakfast again. Seating herself in her usual seat at the back of her Arithmancy class, Iliana watched the remainder of the class pile in and listened as the class began, hoping that the numerous numbers scribbled on the chalkboard behind the teacher would serve as a healthy distraction for the pressing issues in her mind …
His hands glided over the leather covered book for what felt like the seventh time since he'd originally picked it up that one day. He'd still not opened it and now curiosity was taking the better of him. A bit of guilt crossed his mind every time he got his dirt-ridden finger nails under the seam about to turn it. He had figured that this book must have meant something to this girl, whether or not it was 'special' was another thing; however, there was no disputing that somehow in some way there was a value assigned to this leather-bound notebook.
Although he was no expert on this subject, the book seemed as if it could very well be her journal. A look into her soul, and mind and possibly … heart. The curiosity was back. Filling his mind like a poison, taking over all functionality and inducing him to turn the cover of the book. The guilt in his mind was officially muted; the simple wondering of what exactly ran through this rather peculiar creature's head had now been his primary thought. His eyes glimpsed at page after page as he turned through the rather tattered book. He saw poems, stories, pictures, art work. Amazing, he thought to himself as more and more of this creature's soul managed to open itself up to him. He recognized the similar stress that she experienced and scribbled about more than once. The tiredness of being all on her own. His lips twitched into a slight smile after that … similar, please, he told himself as he closed the book once more.
"She's nothing like you, and you're nothing like her," his mind kept at it. "You'll never be like her, Sirius. You're a marked man," he kept on reminding himself as he slid down the bark of a nearby tree, sitting with his legs parted a bit and his hands resting on either of his thighs. He looked at the little tattered book once more, "but it would be nice to feel something … to feel as if someone understood, even if perhaps they don't," his mind corrected itself. He sighed. It was hardly ever useful to sit around and ponder upon these things, figuring that they would never come into light. She couldn't find out whom he was or that he had her book. That was just simply not an option, at all. He had to find some way to quietly and quickly slip the book to her inconspicuously. He had to leave it somewhere only she would be able to see. He couldn't step out onto the castle grounds like that – not again, not after that night he'd looked in at her at the Hufflepuff's common room.
What if that boy had seen him? There is something ominous about black dogs, and he seemed like quite the superstitious type. No, he had to make sure the book was delivered to her and only her. Yes, then he'd have to be done with her. He couldn't keep seeing her – this entire scheme of one day meeting her was just too dangerous. He would never be able to tell her how unique he thought she was or to indulge in all the neat things her mind often thought about or to discuss all the complexities she often processed when she was by herself. It just wouldn't happen, and there was no reason to prolong the evident. He would have to cut ties with her. Who knows what the media might have uncovered? For all he knew, people had already found out about his animagous self and what exactly his animagous was. This would be it. He would see her once to deliver her book and then cut all ties with her.
What was he thinking? He didn't need this girl. He's done fine on his own, and he'll continue to do quite fine without this certain Iliana. Just then, however, a nearby bush had rustled. Sirius looked up immediately, unsure whether or not to draw his wand or turn into his animagous self. Instinctively, he rose quietly and de-robed himself, transforming into his shaggy black dog-self. His heightened sense of smell always seemed to come in handy. This time, however, as he sniffed around – he smelt the same scent he pleaded with himself to forget. The scent of peaches and coffee beans intensified more and more as he neared the bush. He knew this scent, and although he'd only ever encountered it – truly – once, he'd become fond of it almost immediately. Concealed slightly by the bushes, he managed to gaze out at the grounds. The sky was greying slightly, and a slight drizzle had managed to dampen the Hogwarts grounds. It wasn't the sky and the damp grounds, however, that drew him. It was the sole student walking along the dampened grounds, unfazed by the drizzle, and headed directly for the Owlery.
It was her – coffee beans – the unique girl – the girl he'd sworn he'd cut ties with … Iliana. The more he watched her, the more he became drawn to her. There was just something about this girl, something so unique about her, something so … intriguing. He'd become intrigued all over again; and being Sirius Black, who was he not to indulge in the intriguing? After all, what was pleasure without a little risk?
Iliana, although rather excited to see what had become of her owl, immediately had second thoughts as the rush of the ice cold air whisked past her face at the doors leading out of Hogwarts and into the Grand Courtyard. Still, she pressed on. Cold wouldn't keep her away from her owl; besides, she owed it to Jasper to play with him – it was after all, the only exercise he ever got. Iliana was amazed sometimes at the fact that regardless of having not received any mail nor delivered any, Jasper was still very faithful to her. She'd imagined owls get bored rather quickly, and if masters were unable to utilize their services then they might as well not be around. She'd heard a story about that, actually. The moral of the story being that owls disappeared in the muggle world due to the development of something called the internet. Nonetheless, she carried on her way, crossing the wooden bridge-like structure connecting the courtyard to the grounds, Iliana was finally out onto her good, green, and now slightly-damp (as there was a slight drizzle) grass. Yes, her grass. As far as she was concerned, no one loved these grounds more than her – perhaps Hagrid, might have – but in terms of students, she had a profound love for every blade of grass that shot up out of the ground.
Her thin, twig-like arms brought little to no help against the harsh wind that now lashed at her rather violently. Still it was the best she could do against this bitter wind. Making her way down the rock filled pathway toward the Owlery, Iliana couldn't help but feel as if someone or something was watching her. Curious, she stopped and glanced around at the bushes. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, as far as she could see. Her eyes wandered along the shrubbery looking for eyes of a sort, fur, ears – anything that might give her mind some ease. Leaf, leaf, bush, tree, man, tree, stone, bush, her mind went along listing the sights her eyes fell upon. Then suddenly, a surge of realization and curiosity had struck all at the same time, "Wait, man," her mind asked once more. Sure enough, by the time her eyes had flocked back to where exactly they had first spotted this 'man' (if there was any man there at all), there was nothing but a tree with great branches performing a little dance in the wind. Shaking her head, she concluded that her mind and eyes were simply playing tricks on her. "It's been too long of a day," she whispered to herself. Who would be out in the forest in such grim weather? With another shake of her head, she mustered up enough strength to trudge to the Owlery on top of the hill.