t to my elfling to go to extremes of epic proportion. To hear him talk a person would think that he had caused the demise of Gondor and brought shame upon his ancestors and that his descendents would not be able to lift their heads for a thousand generations to come. He seems to think he has committed an offense deserving of total ostracism by all good and decent folks, when in reality he is only guilty of what amounts to a bit of childish foolishness and some misplaced pride. What I would consider to be little more than naughtiness carried too far, he clearly feels is a heinous and unforgivable crime. While I don't believe such arrogance and blatant disobedience are acceptable, it is hardly worthy of the turmoil he is going through, and he has already paid for it a thousand fold with the terrible effects of the poison.
My heart aches to see him there with his eyes clamped shut, one hand squeezing my hand and the other gripping the blanket so tightly that his knuckles have become white. He is awaiting my judgment, no doubt expecting a scorching scolding at best and at worst, evidence of my disgust or even my complete abandonment. When I do not speak right away, he opens his eyes slowly and looks me straight in the eye as if preparing to face whatever verdict I will decide upon. It is clear he fears he may have lost my good favor for keeps and is girding up to deal with that fact.
Does he truly think a couple of incidents of questionable behavior would make me forget everything we have been through and all he has done for me and for so many others? Why I have ever admired him for both for his unique abilities and skills, and for his undying loyalty and eagerness to please. I have come to rely on him in many ways. For a certainty there are many folks, including myself, who would not be here today were it not for his bravery and steadfast determination. Does he really believe a few bad decisions would make me turn away from him? As I gaze into the fearful blue eyes, I can see that that is exactly what he does think. It hurts to realize the mental anguish he has been suffering on top of all the physical pain and just as I am keen to help alleviate the latter, so do I also wish to ease the former for both are detrimental and can be dangerous if left to fester. I use the hand I am holding to pull him into my arms for a proper embrace, where I hold him for a long moment.
"Ye foolish, foolish child. Do ye not yet know that there is nothing you can tell me that will cause me to wish to desert you? Ye should never again hesitate to tell me your fears, for I cannot help ye if I do not know what is wrong can I?" I rebuke gently. "Here ye have been suffering and for no good reason, and me blind as to why that is. That must never happen again."
I release him from my grip and help him settle back on the pillows and take both of his hands in mine before I continue.
"Listen to me carefully, Lad. It is true you have made mistakes and gotten up to tremendous amounts of mischief, but that is hardly anything that is unforgivable or even very uncommon. You are missing the mark big if you think any of your friends will turn their backs on you for some childish errors in judgment. We are only sorry that 've had to suffer so and just want to see you recovered."
"It is no more than I deserve for what I have done. I am sorry you have been afflicted with such an obstinate, dim-witted creature as myself."
Now that is uncalled for! I poke a finger in his chest and growl, "I will not tolerate such talk from you! You are not an affliction nor are you dim-witted and in no way did you deserve to have such a terrible thing happen to you.
"But…but you warned me, Gimli! Aragorn warned me. Even the Queen told me to be cautious, yet I thought I knew more than all of you. I even went against your direct orders and did as I pleased even after vowing to heed you. I deserve all that has happened and more for what I have done!" He pleads with me to understand, "And now I have ruined treasured friendships and made a terrible situation for the King and Queen. You may forgive me, but others will not and I do not blame them in the least. And worst of all, I have shamed my father and my people."
He covers his face with both hands again and is trembling in his distress, but I have heard enough of this foolishness and tell him so.
"Are you quite finished Elfling?" I demand in my sternest voice.
He nods from behind his hands.
"I am glad for I have something to say and you are not to interrupt until I have finished saying it. Do you understand?"
Again the nod.
"I will agree that your behavior has been unbecoming and less than I would have expected of you, especially after you promised your father you would listen to me and do as I ask. You have been willful and disobedient and altogether difficult since you have arrived in the city. I will not pretend otherwise, for it is true and I am happy to see that you now admit to that fact. And you certainly deserved a thorough tongue lashing and a good hiding for that and believe me you were moments away from it before your collapse."
I lean forward and down to look up into his downcast eyes.
"Look at me, Lad, for I am not finished."
He hesitantly lifts his eyes to mine and I can see the fear there and also the hope that I will be able to prove that he is wrong.
"You deserved to be called to account for your actions, Child, but in no way did you deserve what those terrible men did to you. You did not deserve to suffer so, nor did you ask for it by being in the wrong place. No matter what you had done, you did not deserve to be poisoned. They were trying to kill you. It is a horrendous crime to put lethal toxins in someone's drink, no better than if they had shot you full of arrows. It was a crime against you. You must believe me Lamb. This was not your fault and you did not by any means deserve it."
He wants desperately to believe me. That I can see, yet he is still not completely convinced that life as he knew it has not ended forever. I pause for a moment to let that sink in and then carry on.
"As far as your friends go, of course they will not abandon you. Get that notion out of your flighty head immediately. Do you think none of them have ever behaved poorly or gotten involved in mischief before?"
He answers by way of a half-hearted shrug.
"Come now Lad, think about it. You have long known Gondor's king, haven't you? You must remember him getting into some sort of trouble in his youth."
He smiles a little at some memory or other and concedes, "Yes he has been in mischief on more than one occasion."
I smile as well and wink, "I suspected as much and I for one sometimes think he hasn't changed all that much."
He looks thoughtful for a moment as if contemplating this idea.
"The same is true for the Elrondion twins and Lady Arwen and I am sure there is someone somewhere who could tell you stories of even your own father. They will not judge ye for being an elf does not mean being perfect, as they all can attest to."
"That I certainly know." He says ruefully.
I chuckle and pat his hand and lean forward as if sharing confidential information.
"I know it may be difficult to believe, but even yours truly has not always been the flawless specimen of dwarfhood you now see before you."
His eyes light up with interest at that statement.
"You cannot mean that Elvellon," he teases, "Surely you have never been involved in any sort of waywardness."
"I could tell you tales that would curl your hair, Laddie"
"Now that sounds like something I would like to hear. You must tell me."
"Why would I do such a thing to myself? You will not hear such stories from my lips!"
He laughs at that. What a lovely sound that is!
"It matters not," he declares, "I shall just ask Lady Vonild the next time I see her."
"You do that. I am certain she will be happy to entertain you at my expense," I say leaning forward to kiss the top of his golden head. I arrange the covers more closely around him and stroke the smooth skin of his cheek with my thumb.
"Do you feel better now, Lamb?"
"I think so."
"Thinking so is not enough. You must do so! And when next you have a visitor, just behave as you normally would and you will see that all is well. Trust me, child. I would never lie to you."
"I know you would not, Elvellon. Thank you."
"Then you will believe me when I say that there is not another being anywhere on middle earth who means more to me than you do. I know I do not say so often, but times like these make the words come easier. You have been a constant source of joy to this old dwarf, like the child I never expected to have, and I want the very best for you." I put my hands on both sides of his face, " As long as I have breath in my body you are I never again to suffer such anguish of mind on your own. If something is eating at you like this, you must promise to tell me from now on. Is that clear, Elfling?"
"It is clear, Gimli. I promise."
"Good Lad! Now you have enough time to get in good long rest before Aragorn comes with your next dose of medicine."
His expression become sour, but it is no longer anguished and I feel my face relax into a grin. He is likely still a long way from full recovery, but now that his conscience is eased things should begin to improve.
Legolas' pov:
I allow Gimli to tuck me back under the covers and fuss over me for awhile for I know he feels the need to offer me this extra care and frankly I am more than happy to receive it.
For the first time since I was poisoned, which seems as if it were a life time ago now I am free of anxiety, guilt and shame.
How could I not have had the sense to speak to my friend of my fears to tell him what was clouding my mind?
He may deny that I am stupid but I certainly feel it.
I have been taught a very good lesson in humility I think, and in placing too great reliance upon my so-called superior senses. They did not save me from a near death experience. My mortal friends did that, by their diligence, skill and love and undeserving though I still feel I am I can only be grateful for their efforts.
I make a promise to myself to use this experience as a learning tool, to be more open with my feelings and concerns, to see the strengths of others and acknowledge my own weaknesses, for I do not doubt I have many.
Yet I will not brood. I have been offered a second chance and I will not waste it in repining over what was.
Already as if because I have accepted what has happened and spoken of my fears and most importantly, been reassured I feel as if my healing has now truly begun.
Given the accelerated healing of the elves I may well be able to get up very soon. I hope so for my illness has meant Gimli has missed many of the events that have been taking place to celebrate the One-year anniversary of the defeat of the Dark Lord. He says he has no regrets in staying with me and that there will be many more celebrations to attend but I have been selfish long enough and I would have him go and enjoy himself a little rather than continue to dance attendance on me all of the time.
I can see him from under my lashes moving about the room, humming to himself and know he is feeling better as well for we have cleared the air between us. Well to be truthful he has done so, and thank The One he has.
How fortunate I am to have such a friend and all my other friends as well. Perhaps that is another lesson I have learnt, that I should treasure what time I have with my mortal companions. Their life span is short. I cannot afford to push them away anymore and do not intend to do so.
Oh I do not deny that seeing them again for the first time after my illness is likely to be embarrassing but that is something I brought upon myself and the fault is mine not theirs. I will have to make my peace with the Elrondionnath as well and I suspect I am in for a real roasting from Estel and Arwen.
I sigh, and immediately Gimli hurries to my side.
"Now what is amiss lad?"
I smile up at him, "I was just imagining the reactions of all my friends when next I see them. It is bound to be a little awkward at first trying to explain why I pushed them away."
"No it will not" He reassures me "For you won't tell them that. I will tell them all you will welcome seeing them now as you are feeling much better. They do not need to know anything else."
"But but should I not tell them the truth?" I ask
"What purpose will it serve, Lamb? All it will do is hurt their feelings thinking you thought so little of them that you believed they would take a disgust over your foolishness and ye wouldn't want to do that now would you?"
I had not thought of it in that way and it startles me to think now that my distancing myself from my friends may have hurt their feelings. I do not like to lie, mainly because I am not very good at it, but perhaps this time it would be as well to at least spare them further distress.
Almost as if he can read my thoughts Gimli adds "Ye won't need to lie, lad. You are feeling better and you are happy to see your friends again. Anything else can and will be put down to the effect of the poison and needs not be spoken of again. Now you are supposed to be resting are ye not?"
"I am and I will," I promise, "But before I do that I want- need- to say something to you my very good friend." I hold up a hand to stop him breaking in on me, "No, well do I know you will not want to listen to me apologizing or thanking you for your care of me, although you may be sure that I am sorry and I am very conscious of the debt I owe you. But what I wanted to say was that I wish you would now take some time for yourself. Go out and enjoy the celebrations, drink some of that beer the Hobbits have brought with them from the Shire. I promise on my oath I will do just as I am bid by the healers and will not make any attempt to escape their care until I am pronounced ready to do so, no matter how much I am tempted to try. Please Gimli Elvellon "I add a little shyly "it is the only way I have presently of showing you how much I know myself to be in debt to you."
I can see that he is tempted so I suggest that perhaps he can find someone else willing enough to keep me company if he does not like to leave me completely unsupervised.
"That'll be hard indeed." He chuckles and my face falls only to see the twinkle in his dark eyes, "Find someone! Why laddie, they are queuing up to spend time with ye. Ye are well liked ye know and all your friends are anxious to see you on the mend. I'll speak to Aragorn when he brings in your medicine and see what we can organize. Until then you are supposed to be resting."
"Yes Gimli" I agree meekly and obediently close my eyes and prepare myself for sleep with a smile on my lips for all will be well now. I know it for Gimli has said so!
Gimli's
For the first time since we have been reunited, I feel as if things are finally right Legolas and myself. The ordeal we have been through has been trying indeed, but while he is still weak and in need of care, I am confident now that it is only a matter of time before he makes a full recovery. Especially now that he will allow all those who care for him to do what they wished in the first place, which is to assist him any way they can. Now that he has finally shared his burden with me, it is clear that he is able to rest easier and that is the ticket to healing. I find myself humming as I go about my tasks, so relieved am I at the success of our conversation. Never again will I accept lame excuses when I suspect something is niggling at his over active conscience. He needs to learn that it is better to be open with such things even if it is uncomfortable to do so for such agony of mind can be quite damaging.
I look around this room that I have spent so much time in over the last few days and realize it would be very pleasant indeed to get out for a while, just as the Lad has suggested. I have made a promise to stay with him until he is well, and I still intend to fulfill that promise. I could tell it would please him more for me to leave long enough to enjoy some of the celebrations that have been taking place rather than continually sit here with him, though I suspect it will be better for both of us if I keep my time away short. I know it will relieve his conscience if he knows I have taken part in the festivities, yet I also know that he will not do well with anyone else helping with certain personal needs. Besides if I were to be gone too long I would only fret and worry, so the best thing is to go out but for only a short time. There are some musical programs taking place this evening, so perhaps I will go out for a time to enjoy them. I will wait until Legolas wakes and see how he is doing before I make a decision.
He sleeps quietly for the rest of the afternoon and is still at it when Aragorn comes in with a serious look on his face. I wonder what the problem is now?
"Gimli, I must talk to you." He says solemnly.
I am immediately alarmed, "What is it, Lad? Has something happened?"
"Not exactly," he begins to explain, "it is just that I have been talking to my brothers and they feel there is something wrong with Legolas other than the obvious. They are concerned that he may be pining over something and are afraid it will digress to dangerous levels. They do not suggest he is in danger of fading, but we must not take any chances. They are both experienced healers and I trust their judgment completely."
"As you should, for they were right on the money," I say, "but we have already addressed it and all is well again, so you need not worry over it any longer."
A relieved smile lights his face.
"I should have known you would not let such a thing escape your notice. You know him better than I do it seems, though not nearly as long. What did you tell him?"
"Nothing much. Just that he hadn't ruined every friendship he had ever formed nor brought his family to disgrace for millennia to come."
"He always has managed to go to extremes of extremes. How did you convince him?"
"Oh I just reminded him that his friends are not infallible and that we have all made errors in judgment at times. He was very quick to agree with that, especially when talking about you. Said you were a hellion in your youth. Possibly the worst trouble maker he has ever met and quite frankly didn't think you have changed all that much over the years," I state this with a perfectly somber face.
"Did he really say that?" Aragorn raises one eyebrow skeptically.
"Not in so many words I suppose, but I am certain that is what he meant."
He laughs easily now that his worries have been put the rest, "In that case I shall not feel guilty making him drink this bitter tea. I only wish now I could remove the honey!"
He shakes Legolas gently awake. Legolas offers him a genuine smile that turns a bit sheepish when he looks my direction and sees me nod to indicate that we have already talked. Aragorn says nothing about that but just begins with an accusation.
"I hear you have been spreading vicious lies about me Thranduilion!" He frowns severely but his eyes are merry.
Legolas blinks in confusion. "What are you talking about, Estel?"
"Gimli says you told him I was a wayward youth when the fact is I was a model boy and well you know it. How could you tell such falsehoods?"
"I said no such thing. But now that you mention it, there was that time you made me smoke that strange weed with you and I ended up with a broken arm while you threw rocks at a hornet's nest. Remember how sick we were the next…"
Aragorn places a hand over the elfling's mouth, "We do not need to hear that story, Legolas. And besides it was an accident. Could have happened to anyone."
"What about the time those human traders came to Imladris and Lord Elrond found you in a closet with one of their daughters?" Legolas turns his eyes to me, "One human female visits in five years and he manages to get her to…"
"LEGOLAS!"
"What?
"Shut up and drink the brew! And I hope it is the most bitter concoction ever to pass your lips."
We are all laughing by now and Legolas is able to manage the tea without much help, though the taste has not improved much judging by the face he pulls as he swallows it
The three of us have formed a close bond over the last couple of years and it is nice to be able to laugh and jest together. It is the first time things have felt normal between us since we arrived. I only hope we can arrange for the rest of the remaining ones of the fellowship to be all together before some of them have to return home. If Legolas is unable to leave this room, then perhaps we can arrange to have them come here. I find myself looking forward to seeing the hobbits who I have been here for several days, though I have not seen them.
Before Aragorn leaves we discuss the possibility of arranging someone to come in to sit with Legolas while I go out for a short while. I am no longer certain this is a good idea, but the others both insist that everything will be fine, so I have no choice but to agree. Aragorn promises to arrange something and then he is gone, leaving me alone once again with my charge. I go to sit with him in the now customary place on the edge of his bed and look down into his now relaxed face.
"That was not so bad now was it Laddie? Even knowing the full truth the King did not change his attitude toward you. And I have it on good source that the sons of Elrond were never upset with you but were merely concerned over your behavior. They had advised their foster brother to find out what was amiss with you. So you see there is nothing more for you to be concerned over."
"I admit you were right all along, Gimli. I should never have doubted you or them," he says placing a hand on my arm.
I pat his hand. "Never mind that, Lad, it is all behind us now. Do not waste your energy apologizing again, for it is over and done with. Your only focus should be on getting well and you know what that means don't you?"
A slight pout appears on his face, "I cannot possibly sleep anymore, Elvellon. I have done nothing else all day and I am no longer tired."
"Then humor me and pretend," I insist.
He gives me a strange look, but gives in easily.
"If it will make you happy."
"It will."
He shrugs and closes his eyes feigning sleep. As I suspected it soon becomes real enough and the hours go by until it is nearly time for me to leave. I begin to wonder who Aragorn has found to fill in for me while I am gone.
The door opens and I find myself looking into the serious blue eyes of the Ring Bearer himself.
"Dear Gimli," he smiles serenely, "how wonderful to see you again. It has been too long."
"Aye, it has indeed Laddie," I agree, clapping him on the shoulder, "we must spend some time getting reacquainted."
"Yes we must, but now is not the time. The others are expecting you."
I glance once at Legolas who is still sleeping and then back at Frodo who laughs at my obvious hesitation.
"Just go, Gimli, we will be fine," he says opening the door for me.