AN: So you all convinced me to carry this on, and I must say I do enjoy it. To settle a few messages I've gotten, no homicide detectives do not do burglery stake outs, and yes this will be Rizzles. I'm trying to make it a bit of a slow one so it doesn't seem pushed, but we'll see how that pans out!
"Come on you, its time you got to bed." Maura offered a hand which was promptly taken, she squeezed it gently as Jane followed rubbing her face with the other hand. She didn't say a word as she let her friend lead her by the hand out of the building into the cool night air.
She followed wordlessly to the familiar car, and as the door was opened for her she obediently climbed in. Maura offered her a small smile as she shuffled to get comfy. She was used to a loud and petulant nature in the detective, but there were times, not often, but times when words just weren't necessary. When Jane actually took her offerings without remark, without defence, times when she would let her pass. These moments she had come to cherish in their fragility, it wouldn't take much for Jane to jump back to her passive defensiveness.
As the car came to a careful halt Jane stirred with lidded eyes trying to ascertain her location, it wasn't her apartment, she inwardly flinched at what may be inside the decadent home in front of them. Maura had left the car to open the passenger door, offering her hand once more; there was a hesitance this time before it was accepted. Jane had tried to hide any sign of hurt behind her fatigue, but even this began to ebb when Maura's hand left hers to wrap around her arm. She wondered if the doctor had been untruthful in her naïvety of subtle cues.
Auto pilot kicked in as she crossed into Maura's home, she removed her boots left tidily by the door. She hung her jacket on the empty peg just for her, then to the ornate wooden box on the side board to stow away her badge and weapon. Another deliberate purchase just for her, at the time it seemed ridiculous, but Maura's discomfort at the thought of a weapon left out in the open was obvious. So there it was a beautifully inlaid lock box, it fitted into the decor of the home seamlessly. But as a symbol stood out like a flare, even in her own home she was always making allowances for her. Jane wasn't always partial to wine, but there was always beer here for her, she even had a change of clothes. Hell there was even dog food for Jo, it was these little things that did nothing but encourage her sentiments for her friend.
But even now, they did not comfort her. She had begun to see the same gestures for 'him', she didn't feel welcome here anymore. Simply tolerated. She stood in the middle of the living room with her arms crossed as Maura returned with two steaming mugs.
"Here, I know you might not need too much help to sleep but at least it's warming," Jane smiled at the contents, milky hot chocolate with even the tiny marshmallows.
"Are my clothes still in the guest bedroom?"
Maura faltered a little before replying, "Yes, but the guest bedroom isn't ready for anyone at the moment," she dodged Jane's view, "Mark has moved some of his stuff in there,"
"Well you are engaged Maur, it makes sense. Don't worry I'll crash on the couch." She should have figured it out long before now but still allowed the pang in her chest. She flopped down onto the spacious furniture swinging her legs up with her.
"You never take the couch, and for that matter you don't sleep in the guest room." guilt crept up in Jane at her friends confusion,
"I, well, it just. Maura it hardly seems appropriate for me to sleep with you. I mean, shit, I mean sleep in the same bed."
"I don't understand," Maura's eyebrows knitted together as she surveyed her fidgeting friend. "I've shared your bed countless times, why is this time any different?"
"It just is, I can't do this right now Maur. Please, can I just get a blanket,"
"Have I done something wrong? Please tell me, talk to me Jane," there was a tinge of pleading in her voice that sent threatening tears to Jane's eyes.
Their gaze locked confusion saw pain. Before she could speak rough hands wiped away unshed tears, the mental barriers had returned even to her. There were just some things she wasn't privy to. After everything they had been through, everything they had shared, Jane held back. Maura had reasoned it away as just a necessary part of her character, accepted but not understood. She would never push, it made the times that Jane did let her in all the more special. She would understand in time.
Maura nodded wordlessly as she retreated from the room, Jane merely wrapped her arms around her own legs. She allowed herself to settle into the cushions as she wrenched her eyes shut to force the stinging back.
Maura couldn't see her cry, there would be no way to explain it away. She would ask questions that couldn't be avoided. No, she can't know. Breathing a ragged deep breath she attempted to steady and centre herself. Soft padded steps signalled Maura's return. With a flourish the blanket was unfurled and laid so gently over her curled body, glassy eyes looked up to meet a meek smile. Closing her eyes she felt warm fingers comb her hair away from her face, a warm breath waved over her ear,
"You know where I am if you want to talk about it."
Maura planted a soft kiss onto the bare temple in front of her. Even the tiniest of gesture was enough to cloud every thought with a warming fog. She replayed the sensation in her head over and over in the coming minutes until the fog cleared to play out her nocturnal fantasy. In her dreams she wasn't Jane Rizzoli, grizzled detective, no she was Jane Rizzoli, caring and attentive wife to one Maura Isles. It didn't matter how bad her days got, she knew it was only a matter of time before she could retreat into her mind and share everything she was desperate to say. Her Maura loved her there; in the darkest times she wished she could stay.
Days passed in relative normalcy; of course Jane and her team closed their case, the bad guy safely locked away. And with steady routine cases always came their way. They would talk, about the case, about the wedding, but never about that night. Out loud Maura knew it sounded preposterous to the uninitiated, but Jane had refused her. The detective had never refused her, she came to yoga with her, to spa days, yes she moaned throughout the whole experience, but she still went with her.
However neither party had brought the subject up since, perhaps she was over analysing, reading into nothing. That had to be it. She hoped deeply that Jane wouldn't refuse her this time. Walking into the cafe early in the morning she found Jane, she could have set her watch to the routine. Angela saw her first, wide smile and ecstatic wave.
"Angela, Jane, good morning!" Jane offered a weak smile and a small wave. "Jane, I'm glad you're here. Your Mother and I are getting fitted for our dresses tomorrow. Would you please come with us? I have something very important I need to discuss with you."
"There's no need to be all shy Maur, if you need something just ask."
Maura's eyes darted to the elder Rizzoli, "I think I need to go check on the eggs," Angela quickly made herself scarce, she had no idea what Maura wanted to discuss but the look told her more.
Maura reached forward taking the hand not cradling the life giving coffee. "I really want you to be a part of my wedding Jane, the only reason I didn't ask you to be my maid of honour was to spare you from shoes you'll hate and a dress you'll despise even more."
"Maura you know I would have done all that if you wanted,"
"Perhaps, but I know your mother will love them just as much as I do, I want you to look fantastic Jane. But I still want you to be you."
"So what are you asking Maur?"
The doctor took a deep breath in, she had been hoping to discuss it after a glass or two of the obligatory champagne at the fitting. Hoping it would loosen her tongue and make the proposal as natural as she had thought. She had never been one for putting stock in meaningless symbols, but this just seemed fitting. And she deeply hoped her closest if only friend would see it the way she did.
"Jane, I'm not sure how to ask this. If there is any proper protocol I am missing, but I would be honoured if you would consider, I mean if you would,"
Jane squeezed the hand in hers, moving her head to meet the flustered eyes of her friend,
"Deep breath then go,"
She visibly drew herself up with a filling breath, setting her determined eyes less she loose the nerve now.
"Jane, would you give me away?"