I lie in a place where I sleep. In my youth, I wished to go somewhere where no one knew my name. Since the day I woke up at my birth and had to try interacting with others, I found it very difficult. I had little in common with others, and though I should feel upset by this, I'm not. I just wanted to be myself and be in peace; where no one tries to change me and force things upon me. My parents had died and left me alone, and that, for a while, was fine. I loved them, but only at a superficial level. It's a terrible thing to say, but I don't feel like they ever truly loved me; and I suppose that is a guess that I can never confirm. When I first became the seal, I believed it to be another part of my destiny—that still holds true, but it is a sad one for me to have to play. It's all right, to me, to allow a little self-pity to run through now and then; but I try to keep on the up often. I remind myself why I did it: to help those I love. Though I could never say it, I can say it in the sounds of silence, where I can be myself—or something off the tip that I'm breaking up with. O, Mitsuru, how ever sweet she be, never could I say to her face the love I feel for her. It is not love that is in the way of lovers, but in the way of complete trust put in another person. Yukari is another girl I came to trust. Before meeting them, I tended to wear my headphones everywhere, constantly people-watching instead of being a person. People asked me why I have my hands in my pocket all the time, and I must say that it is an involuntary action; whether it's based on ego or insecurity, I don't know, but I feel most comfortable with my hands hidden and my headphones on. Some call me aloof, I call me quiet and benevolent.

I can't recall the last time I hated someone. Junpei asked me if I hated Aigis when I discovered the truth, to which I had to explain the feeling I had—and it was one that had me tongue-tied for a while. Soon, though, I discovered what I couldn't explain to him. The feeling I had was a mix of disappointment, closure and resentment. That resentment was not towards Aigis, but towards my parents. I am usually a very self-less person, so I allowed this act of selfishness.

I think about what I say before I say it, and sometimes, even I'm unfulfilled with the choices I give myself; and when I'd much rather say something else, I freeze and panic, thus being forced by politeness to give an answer. This oddity has made me only speak when spoken to. Here, though, I don't have to talk to anyone. I'm not sure I even remember how to talk. Another fear I having is dying. I never know if my consciousness in this area is just as fragile as my real life was. I've never believed in a god, and every religion I've read just makes me mad. I feel like we have taken the great ideas and beliefs of these religions and bastardized them into fitting our warped sensibilities. It is the will of the few that powers a generation; and the few that had influence wanted control. That's what it has become about: control.

I regret not saying what I wanted to say when I had the chance to say it, but that can't be helped now. Even for those in life right now, they can't go back and fix things in their life: I am just a more severe example of that. Sometimes I regret making the choice, but then I remind myself why I did it. I can see the lives of all of them; and all I do is watch like I did back then. No questions, no limits, I can see them and watch over them. It's nice. I, of course, had courtesy for privacy; but at times, I throw caution to the wind and listen to things I shouldn't. O, I feel most naughty to do such arid things—in reality, I don't carry a waft of guilt. I mean, no one saw, right? I didn't do it, then.

I can also see another me: a female version of me. Though she is me, she is absolutely divine, in both spirit and in looks. Compared to me, she is leagues above. Enthusiastic and warm: those are what she is. She is that and more. I should know. I've seen all her actions in my stead. I don't know where she came from, but I have no one to ask. Igor is not here. Speaking of Igor, I think about Elizabeth a lot. I know what she's trying to do. It upsets me that she's devoted her existence to freeing me. I feel responsible for it. If I hadn't of gotten so close to her, perhaps, I wouldn't have made her love me. She is the one I love in a passionate, romantic sense. It's hard to express the feelings I feel when I feel her hair touch my hair.

Mine is the loneliest of numbers, and this is the loneliest of times; but not many men who lose a woman can still see them. I feel justified in that sense. There's something off the tip about breaking up, as that is what dying essentially does. It takes the bond and halts its progress or regression. In a way, it does some good for those in a broken relationship; in a way, it does some bad for those in a happy presence.

The first thing I ever said to Elizabeth was something very simple.

––I think you a very fine lady.

––What do you mean? She asked.

––You just seem like a good person. I like good people.

––What does it mean to be a good person?

––If I answer, you'll try to be what you are not. You won't be you anymore.

––Very strange. Your world is still very strange for me.

––It's strange for me, too. In fact, you probably know more about it than I do.

––How's that?

––Let me put it this way: while others pet the seagulls, I've spent my entire life watching seagulls and thinking about petting them.

We had conversations like this often on our dates. She called them dates, so I am not assuming anything. She remarked on my quietness once and said it was an endearing quality. She said she thinks I'm quiet because I'm hesitant to get too close to something. I don't think that's true, but I agreed with her to be courteous. I think the real reason is just because it takes more effort to think and speak than it does to listen. I prefer listening. My own voice can't do what other voices can do, so I might as well let them do what I cannot. She confessed her love to me before I could confess my love for her; and for this, I always was grateful. It's hard to explain love to someone who doesn't know it. If I had to, I'd say that love is when you like being around someone so much you want to kiss them, hug them or have sex with them. Sex is something I'm not ready for, and I don't want to add necrophiliac to the list of things someone is. I was far too nervous in life for sex; I don't mind saying it. If there's one thing about me I really like, it's that I don't get embarrassed by petty things other people do. I haven't felt shame for a long time, and that's really nice. It's a burden I see a lot of people carry for, what I feel, no reason; but I'm not one to stick my opinion where it doesn't belong and where it isn't needed. Let them live as they let me live.

I think that is why I like Elizabeth so much. She is as naïve as me, so I could act like a blank slate with her and find all the things I didn't find.