Once we were finally home, Aleks went straight to his room. He practically ran. He must have been really nervous. Maybe I should give him some space. If I don't bother him, he might calm down. Aleks is usually never like this, though. He never just goes silent for hours on end. Though, it has only been about one hour, I feel that this will last a little longer. It's like he is letting his emotions shut down his entire body or something. I just wish I knew what I could do to help him out a little bit.
I made my way to my room significantly slower than Aleks. The door shut behind me. My bed was a mess, but I got in anyway. Maybe some sleep would help. I shut my eyes and tried to sleep. It wasn't very effective. All I could think about was Aleks. How nervous he was. I couldn't even fathom what it could be about. Aleks never left my mind. Memories of him just kept popping up. Was there even anything I could do to help. I didn't know, and it was killing me.
"Fuck this," I mumbled as I got out of bed, and went to Aleks' room. I wasn't going let any more time pass. As I came to his room I stopped a few feet away. There was something unusual about it. The door was open. Not wide open, but cracked open about four inches. He never left it like that. His door was always either completely open, or completely shut. I leaned closer to peek in. Although the light was of, the computer screen gave the room some illumination. I could barely make out Aleks' figure. He was sitting with his back to the door, huddled in a corner, staring at the wall. Now I feel more confused than him. I couldn't handle this; I pushed the door open.
"Aleks?" I said softly. I didn't want to startle him. He turned his head to look at me.
"What?" He asked. A little fear was in his eyes.
"Is everything alright?" I asked, turning on the light.
"Yeah everything is fine," He said, then realized his positioning to the wall, "Shouldn't you be getting some rest?"
"Well, I think I've had enough sleep at the office. Plus I was worried about you." I tried to give a reasuring smile, but I'm sure it just looked fake.
"Well I'm fine, so you can go back to your room," He gave a little nod for me to leave. His voice was tembling.
"Are you sure? 'Cause been acting really weird all night, and even just now...you were staring at the wall when I came in..." I didn't want to upset him. He finally turned his body around to face me, and he stood up.
"I said I was fine, didn't I?" His whole body was starting to shake a little.
"If this is about me yelling at you earlier, I said I was sorry and I ment it," I tried. He shook his head.
"Look James, it's not that," he said looking at the floor.
"Then what is it?" I snapped. He glanced up at me, and took a step back.
"Look man, I just...I don't know what to say," He said putting his hands up. Aleks was so nervous that he backed into the wall and slid down to the floor. I walked over to him, and knelt down to his side. He looked up at me.
"Aleks, talk to me," I said softly, putting my hand on his shoulder, "What's going on?"
"I don't know what to say," he managed, "I'm not good with words."
"God dammit, Aleks! That's a bunch of horse shit, and you know it. Now this all started when you woke me up, so let's start there. What the fuck happened?" I yelled. This guy just wants to push my buttons.
"Damn dude, give me a break. I thought you were hurt, and it scared me a little." He said. A tear went down his cheek.
"Aleks, why would that scare you this bad?" I asked, while wiping his tear with my sleeve.
"Because," he closed his eyes, "I like you."
"Well I like you to Aleks, we're great friends. But I'm fine. You don't have to be freaked out anymore." I said happily, but he shook his head and opened his eyes.
"No!" He shouted. "I don't mean 'like' as in 'friend' I mean like as in like."
"Oh," I mumbled. My eyes widened. I wasn't sure how to respond. He noticed my suprise and hesitation.
"I wasn't going to say anything because I didn't want to fuck up our friendship. You're a pretty cool guy, and... I didn't want to freak you out, or anything." He said quickly, trying to calm my nerves.
"It doesn't really bother me, I just didn't know that you were gay," I reasured him. It was a shock to me no doubt, but then I started to remember all the times I'd catch him looking at me, or eyeing my crotch. At the time, I'd just rub it off like it was nothing and forget about, but now I'm starting to realize it happened more often than not. Poor Aleks. I had ignored all of the signs, and now I feel like an idiot for not realizing sooner.
"So now what?" He asked, avoiding eye contact by staring at the floor.
"Umm..." I didn't want to hurt his feelings, "I'm not sure... I want to think about things a little bit before I make any decisions on anything."
"Just don't worry about, dude. Just forget I said anything," He said quickly, trying to change the subject.
"Now hold up a second," I put my hand up, "this is not the kind of thing that I want to forget about, Aleks. Just because I've never thought about us like that before, doesn't mean you have to suffer."
"I'm not suffering, it's just a stupid crush." He snapped.
"Oh really? So all of those skanky bitches and fangirls I bring home don't bother you?" He looked at the ground not wanting to answer. "Maybe if you had told me sooner, I could have been a little more considerate. And, I'm curious now, how long have you been gay?"
"I'm not really gay...I just... when we met a spark went off, but I've never really liked guys, only you." He said in a very low tone. I guess my question caught him off guard, but his answer caught me off guard as well.
I stood up and turned around, putting a hand over my mouth. No words could come out of it anyway. Aleks stood up too, in concern. I could feel him staring at me. For whatever reason, I couldn't bring myself to turn around and face him. I had turned him gay? He put a hand on my shoulder. I still couldn't look at him, because I was upset with myself. Aleks liked me, and I never even noticed. He likes me, and only me, and I brought home so many loud girls. It must have killed him to listen to all of the shit. Poor Aleks, he's such a trooper.
He delt with all my bullshit. All the girls, and late night drunken phone calls asking him to pick me up. The pie I threw in his face, the stupid ass poster of him, and the piñata filled with buttons and googly eyeballs. I'm an asshole. Aleks doesn't deserve that. Even after all the shit I put him through, he still likes me. Then I smiled, but frowned again when I heard Aleks sniff. I turned to see him crying.
Not knowing what else do, I hugged. The hug was tight and close. I put my fingers in his hair, as he laid his head on my shoulder and cried to his heart's content. It felt a little out of place for me, but I didn't know what else to do. He kept saying things like "just forget I said anything" and "please don't hate me now." I would never hate him. Gay people don't bother me, and I'm not going to hold Aleks' attraction to me against him. It took balls for him to tell me this.
When he stopped crying after twenty minutes or so, he looked up at me. His eyes were still red and puffy. I gave him a smile. He put his head back down on my shoulder. I wouldn't mind standing hear this long if it wasn't for my back. I've standing too long. Aleks probably didn't realize how much it was aching, because he was too emotional right now. I couldn't take the pain anymore, so I scooped Aleks into my arms, turned off the light, and walked to the bed. It could have been much simpler if Aleks didn't start freaking out and squirming around, but I made it to the bed and laid him down on it. I laid down next to him.
"What are you doing?" He asked, scared.
"Chill out, Aleks. My back is hurting, and I'm tired, so go to bed." I said to calm him down. He still looked a little hesitant.
" You're going to sleep in my bed with me?" He asked.
"Yep, I figured you could use the company," I said softly.
"James, you don't have to do that just because-"
"Shut the fuck up, and go to sleep Aleks," I said, hoping he would just go with it. Thankfully, he listened, and he roled over away from me. I still felt the need to comfort him, so I grabbed him around the waist and torso and hugged him close. We fell asleep with me spooning him.