Author's Note: Helloooo! Just want to thank those that have taken the time to review, follow, etc. It means a lot. To Tiffythetitan: I totally agree, Freddie seems to be portrayed as the bad guy in quite a few stories, so I suppose this makes a change. Though, having said that, Freddie does reveal a secret in this chapter! Doomdoomdoom.
Anyway, enjoy!
Chapter Five – Oh, How The Cookie Crumbles
It's been a few days, and I have yet to state my side of the story. I'm still trying to adjust to what's going on, and familiarise myself with this place, gang and their way of existing, but it's not easy. I mean, it's not like I don't trust them per se; I just don't particularly want to tell them. Because of this it's causing a lot of unspoken tension throughout the shed, which stems, most significantly, from Katie.
"She still not talking then?" I hear her moan, her eyes piercing my form as I sit on the sofa, trying to listen to what Panda is talking about, but it's kind of hard to when Katie goes on and on in the background. Emily and Katie stand in the kitchen, making some breakfast for us lot. My eyes drift to Freddie and JJ on the other side of the corner sofa, who seem to be getting on better since I've been here. JJ apologised to me, and we've since reached an agreement that I will pull my weight and help out around the place. In all honesty though, it's driving me insane being locked up in here 24/7.
"Katie, why haven't you used the hair dye? Worked my butt off to get that shit." I see Freddie stand up and move away from JJ, and into the direction of Katie.
"Yeah well, I didn't want blue, babe - I want fucking purple! You know, the colour I used to have before this shit of a world fell apart. And anyway, I'm not accepting any bribes, like. I still don't want that lanky bitch around here. For all we know, she could be one of them." A chorus of calls ring out through the room, with Freddie and Emily quick to verbally attack her. They continue to talk over one another, trying to gain dominance over the conversation, which just frankly gets on my nerves and forces me to blurt out simply:
"I want to help today." They stop when I say that, thank fuck.
"Oh whizzer! We can maintain the garden at the back of the shed, grow some food and tend-"
"No Panda, I mean I want to head out with Freddie and JJ." Once again silence fills the room, coupled with blank expressions. I feel like I'm trying to communicate with imbeciles.
"Naomi, it's okay, really. JJ and I-"
"Don't be sexist, Freddie. I can hold my own."
"With that shoulder?"
"It's better now."
"But-"
"For fuck sake, Freds, why won't you let her go with you? You said it yourself that we need more stuff; the more people who go out, the more stuff we get. It's simple, yeah. So what is it? Do you fancy her or something?"
"What, babe-"
"You do, don't you? What does that skank have that I don't?!"
"Katie-"
"That's it." Before I can even move, Katie is charging on over, ignoring the pleas from everyone. I feel her forcibly pull me to my feet, yanking me to and fro on the spot like a rag doll – how lovely. I push her hands off of me and take a step aside, trying to create some distance, but damn she's furious. She's always so angry, so much so that I swear she's one-dimensional.
"Ever since she's arrived you've been acting well fucking weird! Don't pretend like you haven't because I see it. You fancy her, don't you? You fucking boyfriend stealing whore!" She goes to hit me but Freddie intervenes, pulling Katie away. How I haven't slapped this wench yet is beyond me.
"Just stop, Katie."
"You're just a slut!" I hear Freddie growl, which forces me to look away from Katie and to him. He then pulls Katie away once more and sighs, clearly frustrated. With his eyes on Katie, he exclaims quickly.
"She knows Cook, alright?!" She visibly deflates as she stares at him in confusion.
"Cook, who the fuck is Cook?"
"How do you know Cook?" I step forward, sizing him up. He moves back from us, raising his hands to defend himself. He's so calm and strong when it comes to the dead that sometimes I forget that he can be such a wimp when it comes to the living. He turns to look at JJ with anxious eyes.
"JJ, mate?"
"Oh uh, yes, well: Cook, Freddie and I have been friends for years, have been since we were kids, really. But when he got into some trouble at school, of the illegal kind, he got locked up, and we slowly lost contact with him. But we've heard things through the grape vine and we've seen him every now and then since he's been released. That was over a year ago. He has a new life now, yes. He has new people to care about. He never really said who or what their names are though. Come to think of it, they were always nicknames like 'Eff', 'Ms G' and 'Blondie'. Oh, oh! This is- this is Blondie! Naomi is Blondie! Blondie is Naomi. Now it makes sense!"
"JJ, you better fucking get to the point around about now." I look to Katie and then back to JJ, who is now visibly trembling. He blinks several times, his mouth opening and closing a few times as he struggles to speak.
"Uhhh."
"It's okay, JJ.. Let's get you some mango juice." And just like that Panda escorts the shaking JJ out of the room, holding a glass and a carton of juice. For someone who drove a knife into the head of a dead man with precision and yet cannot seem to handle raised voices, he seriously has issues. I see Katie standing before a shrinking Freddie with her arms folded across her chest, waiting for answers. I turn my head to see Emily lean back against the counter, her face hiding any trace of emotion and thus remaining neutral. I sigh and focus back on Freddie.
"So you know me? You know who I was?" He looks to me with guilty eyes as I feel nothing but disbelief over this, how could I have not known he was lying to me this whole time? I'm so gullible. You know that saying, when it's too good to be true….
"The last couple of times I saw Cook, he was doing much better, you know. He was happy, saying about this set up he had with these 'three great women': Gina, Effy and-"
"Me.." He looks down for a moment, once again overcome with shame before he continues, his eyes darting between me and the floor uneasily.
"Yeah. He was fond of you lot, you know. Proud.. It actually seemed like he turned his life around with you guys. Somehow when we always spent time together, it was a riot, but explosive. Always ended up getting in the wrong side of the law, but with you guys, he found a home. He fit with you. Was always saying how happy he was." I feel a knot form in my stomach as I struggle to breathe, my breaths growing considerably shallow, finding it difficult to comprehend the new information all at once.
"He had these photos he'd carry around with him in his wallet. Saw you in one of them, connected the dots."
"I'm not really blonde anymore."
"I know, doesn't mean I don't recognise ya. You're still Naomi. You're still Cook's mate, family, sister… And I couldn't turn my back on you - I can't."
"He never spoke about you." He smiles sadly at this.
"Yeah, we're his past, you know? Kept in touch here and there, but he wanted to stay on the straight and narrow.. I mean, for once, he truly had a reason to…. You know it took us our entire childhood to get close to Cook, to understand him, to know him.. Yet it took you only a year or so…" He looks away, feeling rather sad by this fact. Though how can it be true when I now feel like I don't even know Cook at all. Sure, I get the impression that he's always been this larger than life person who got it on with girls, partied hard and got into trouble, but the Cook that I know is not the Cook Freddie knows. He didn't tell me about them, so he lied to me. Though when I think about it he never spoke about specific people before in his life, so I suppose he's not so much lying as withholding information. Either way, I should have seen it coming, because we all have a past whether we like it or not. I think what hurts is how he became such an integral part of our family in such a short length of time, that it's hard to imagine that he actually had a life outside of us, because it feels like we've known him an entire lifetime. Had he never tried hitting on me in that foul, dingy pub, I don't think we would even be here now.. Argh.
"He's out there, Naomi. He'll be with them, he'll keep them safe. If there's one thing I am sure of, it's that." He moves from Katie and engulfs me in a tender hug. It's only when my face is pressed against his chest that I feel the wetness of my cheeks. I don't reciprocate the hug, but I lean forwards into him, appreciating the action. After a beat, he pulls back and smiles unsurely at me. My eyes drift to Katie, who although is still seething, is looking considerably softer. I wipe the tears away in haste, feeling rather embarrassed by this display, before turning on my heels and walking down to the bathroom, making sure not to connect my gaze with anyone as I pass, especially with the soft brown eyes that I just know oozes concern.
I lock myself into the bathroom and take deep breathes. Suddenly I feel even more alone than I did before, somehow. I feel my form slide down against the door until I reach the bottom. I pull my legs to my chest and just sit there, staring at the tiles on the floor.
"I have a brother too." I lift my gaze upwards as my head turns slightly to face the door. I hear as Emily moves around outside, and then feel as she gradually reaches the bottom and leans against the door too. I remain silent, not entirely trusting my voice or the words that may follow.
"He's a little brat, always perving on Katie and me, even though we're his sisters. He's so gross. And then there's my parents, they're.." Her voice dies out, unable to find the appropriate words, I guess.
"Do you ever stop.. Missing them?" I know the answer, because I feel it too. And even though it's aimless and took a lot of courage for me to ask, I feel like I had to ask. Maybe I just want to keep speaking to her, somehow it makes things seem okay.
"No.." It's soft and compassionate and enough for me to feel the stab in my heart like so many times before when I stop to think about them. I lean my head back against the door and sigh, unable to do anything other than feel this.
"So no, you don't stop missing them, but you learn to accept that by missing those you love most, it means that they may still be out there somewhere, and there's still hope that one day you may find them." I exhale gently and dip my head.
"I don't believe in God, Emily."
"Neither do I, but there is hope yet, Naomi. Unless you see otherwise, you can still hope that one day they will return to you, alive." The thought is nice; it's one that allows, if only for a moment, to soothe me. I close my eyes and imagine seeing Cook with his typical boyish persona and Effy with her usual stoic countenance and then mum… She'd just hug me and smile. And it would be perfect. It would be all that I need to exist in this life, if I had to, because they'd be here experiencing it with me. It would be enough.
"Thank you."
"Hey Naomi.. We're gonna be heading out…. If you wanna come, be ready in five, yeah?" I immediately climb to my feet and open the door, my eyes on Freddie. I look around to see if Emily is anywhere but I don't see her.
"Oh. Yeah, sure." He nods his head and walks away from the bathroom to get ready. I stand there, not entirely sure what I can do exactly to prepare. I walk into the empty lounge and see that some food has been left for me to eat. I take my time finishing the bowl and then decide to sit down, and wait for the guys to get ready. JJ is the first to emerge from the room and walks on over.
"I'm sorry about earlier, Naomi. I can get quite locked on at times."
"That's okay." I say with a shrug, not particularly caring if I am completely honest. He pulls something from behind him and offers it to me.
"It's my spare knife and holster, you can have it. It's never good to leave without some sort of weapon, never know when we may need to protect ourselves." I accept the weapon and pull it out of the holster a little. It's a medium length knife, enough to cause damage if it came down to it. It slide it back in and place the holster around my trousers.
"Thank you, JJ." I say, feeling a little more for him than I did a few moments ago. He just nods once and turns away, walking over to some equipment. Freddie comes out of the room with his choice of weapon, which is by no surprise a gun.
"Ah, I see you have JJ's finest."
"We should have actually discussed this more with her, Freddie. We don't even know if she's killed anything before."
"It doesn't matter. Like I said, she'll just be accompanying us to get some stuff. Get in, get out. That's all." Freddie turns to me, putting on his bug-out-bag.
"No killing business unless it's forced upon us, yeah, and even then me and Jay will do it." It makes me wonder how many people they have killed, or rather, the dead - or alive- who knows anymore? I stand up and walk to them as they have everything ready. They hand me an empty bug-out-bag, which is of considerable size and I slowly put it on my back.
"JJ, got the map?"
"Yep."
"Got your weapons?"
"Yep."
"Got our defenses up?"
"Yes, as soon as we leave Panda will turn them back on. Emily will be keeping a look out on the wireless CCTV scanner."
"Has the LCD screen been fixed?"
"Yes, it's running fine now. She'll be able to see clearly."
"Right, Naomi. This should take a couple hours, three at tops. We've got some places marked off to raid. We're looking for anything that will last, but most importantly water and canned foods. Other essentials and such will be an add-on. Ready?" I merely nod and follow as they begin to leave the shed, Freddie first and then JJ. I move to leave too but stop, turning my head to look back. I catch sight of Emily standing in her doorway, her eyes firmly on me. I don't have time for words, nor do I have time for feeling, but I nod my head in acknowledgment and then follow the guys out.
And that's it for now, folks. Be sure to let me know what you think, and as always, thank you for reading :)