Author's Note: Hello earthlings! Hope everyone is doing just fine. Just want to thank those awesome peeps who read, review and follow, 'tis muchly appreciated!

To Tiffythetitan: Those bug-out-bags are quite something! Makes me want to invest in one, tbh, if only to showcase how prepared I am if something does happen ;D I do realise that Emily was not in the last chapter, but there will be plenty of Emily in this chapter!

To AmyBot3000: Many thanks! For me, I feel like those two things pretty much encapsulate the story in its entirety and should be in the summary along the lines of 'do you like lesbians, how about zombies? well look no further..' :D

Here we go again, enjoy!

Chapter Nine – I Know Who You Are But What Am I

We head home as soon as it's light out, taking care to watch over JJ as we do. Although he hadn't eaten, he did manage to get a decent amount of kip, which I suppose is something. All I know is that things have got to change once we get back – JJ needs us, every single one of us, and we need to look after him.

Fortunately we don't have to kill any walkers as we trek back, and as we approach our shed, I see that Katie is already standing outside at the door with the gate open, looking thoroughly pissed off. We ground to a natural halt at a safe distance, preparing ourselves.

"Where the fuck have you been?" I can't remember a time when Katie's presence has not been at the shed door upon our return. I bet she waits idly around while Emily and Panda watch vigilantly over the tiny camera LCD screen for any indication of us. And then, only when they inform her that we are back, does she decide to do something: gracing us with her temperamental, if not terrifying, company. Somehow it feels like we got the short-end of the stick.

"Babe, not outside, yeah?" Freddie utters in a stern whisper. Katie's body sags as she huffs, her eyes shooting us each individual daggers before she turns on her heels and storms into the shed.

"Don't mind her, JJ; women's problems and all that." I snicker as we walk, which inevitably turns into a full blown laugh when I hear Katie retort.

"I heard that, you twat." As we make our way into the lounge, Freddie and JJ dispose of their bags just in time for Panda to rush across from the kitchen and envelope JJ into a mighty hug. She pulls back to swat JJ on the arm.

"Oh JJ, you've got yourself stuck into some right toffee! I've made us breakfast, you have to eat! We were well worried about you." JJ can't quite manage to look at Panda, his form shaking slightly.

"I'm sorry Pandora; my thoughts got the best of me. I just needed to walk it off."

"It's okay, poo-bear! Everything is hunky-dorey. Now let's eat 'cause I'm starving like a hippopotamus!" I shake my head slightly at Panda's usual weirdness, and laugh. She then drags JJ into the kitchen and immediately produces a spoon with food on, forcing it into JJ's direction as she adopts the flying plane technique and everything. I manage to just catch sight of Katie as she drags Freddie into his bedroom, his face knotting with fear. I openly laugh at this as I drop my bug-out-bag to where the others are.

"So he was okay when you found him?" I turn on my heels to see Emily standing there, how did I miss her?

"Yeah, he went to some park he used to go to. He's not coping very well without his meds, though." Emily nods, looking to JJ as he resists the spoon of food being wielded by Panda.

"I made a suggestion to Freddie that we go look for them… Look for some medication." She returns her attention to me and frowns slightly at this admission.

"But we've already searched the local area, the places we've been to have all been looted."

"Then… We're just gonna have to widen our search, won't we." Emily shoots me a sceptical look, not quite registering the information, or rather, choosing not to.

"You can't… It's dangerous out there. You shouldn't go."

"It was my proposition, Emily. And who else is gonna go?" Emily continues to look at me with an array of emotion, too many for me to decipher, let alone question. Before we can even speak about this more, a shrill noise emits from Freddie's room, alerting everyone in the lounge. The door then proceeds to open to reveal a charging Katie.

"She came up with what?!" She goes to attack me but Freddie and Emily both shield me from her scraping nails and thrashing body. Why does Katie always want to hurt me, seriously?

"Babe, it's a good plan. And Naomi's right; we might end up getting sick, and then what? We need to be prepared and have everything covered. This is as much for JJ as it is for us. And the sooner we leave, the sooner we'll be back." Katie turns to Freddie, her anger vanishing almost instantly.

"But.. y-you just got back…." Emily drops her hands away from her sister and watches on with everyone else as Freddie embraces Katie, running his hands up Katie's back, trying to soothe her.

"I know, and it sucks, but it needs to be done, hun. We'll come back, we always do."

"Don't you dare make me any promises, Freddie. At least ones you can't actually make for sure, yeah? If you wanna go, you go. I don't care anymore. Fucking done playing muggins in this game of hide and seek!" Katie then rushes off again, but this time into her room. She slams the door behind her in a very Katiesque-fashion of which I have grown accustom to, yet this time, I do actually feel rather bad for her. Emily initially goes to follow but Freddie raises his hand, dismissing her.

"I'll go." He then turns to me, looking rather sullen.

"We'll rest today and head out tomorrow morning, just before sunrise." He then turns around and heads pitifully to the girls door, stalling for a moment before opening it. It doesn't cause a reaction, so he enters and closes the door behind him. I continue to watch for a moment before looking back to Emily who refuses to meet my gaze. Sighing somewhat, I look to JJ and Panda who watch us.

"Uhh, we'll just go to JJ's room, yeah. There's enough food for you guys if you want, just here, if you want.. Yeah." She then pulls on JJ's elbow and walks with him to JJ's room, entering and closing the door swiftly behind her. I stay looking down the hallway, if only just to prolong this stillness for a moment more. I don't think I have it in me to argue my judgement right now, especially to Emily who has always had my back. I eventually look to Emily, who walks to the couch and sits down. She looks up at me expectantly, placing her hands formally on her knees, her wide brown eyes observing every inch of me.

"What do you want me to say, Em?"

"Nothing you don't want to." I roll my eyes and exhale loudly.

"I don't have the strength for mind games."

"I'm not trying to play a game, Naomi. I just want to understand."

"Understand what exactly? The thought came to me, I asked Freddie, he accepted, and now we're going to search. What is there not to understand?"

"The reason why you're doing this." My brows knot, I am sure. I feel my body deflate noticeably.

"Oh, so you think I'm just some kind of wicked person that doesn't actually care about anyone?"

"No, I-"

"I'm just some random, heartless bitch that's ambushed the group and stayed against everyone wishes but Freddie's? If you want me gone so much all you have to do is say."

"Naomi, stop!"

"No, I'm tired! I'm so fucking tired of always having to fight my side. I'm tired of always having to be the one on the outside. I thought that maybe if I have to live in this nonsensical world that I could at least coexist with a group that seem to actually care about me: that even though it was hard at first, I came to be accepted as one of them; as one of the team. And that even though Katie wants to tear my goddamn head off every second and that I miss my family with every fucking fibre of my entire being, I will continue to be here because I'd manage to find another family worth living for. Jesus." I feel the stupid tears build up in my eyes to the point where I can't even suppress them, as they blur my sight and inevitably fall down to flood my cheeks. I feel my body shake, but only for a moment before I feel a strong body crash against me, embracing my form so tight I believe that I am no longer my own: I am claimed by another and exist no more as a solitary being.

"Naomi.." I pull back, unable to take the pressure. It's suffocating me, but I allow her to keep me close. I look down to her and my heart swells with emotion and feeling - so much feeling. She even has tears in her own beautiful eyes that bore into me, attentive and caring. She has so much feeling there too, always has when I think about it. My eyes begin to dart down, noting her button nose, her rosy cheeks, and god, her lips. They're so kissable and right here, within proximity. So close. I chance a look up and catch her gaze; her eyes a notably darker shade of hue, swirling with sensation. I gulp as I look down to her lips once again, and realise what I feel: the usual stirrings that bridle over inside of me when I'm attracted to someone. But I can't let it happen, I just can't. Emily is the closest person I've been to since Effy, and I don't think I could ruin our friendship with a fleeting moment like this, because it is fleeting… It has to be. So instead I lower my head until my chin meets my chest, bowing it as to disconnect this intense moment. I'm not sure why, but I suddenly feel like a coward - yet I know it's for the best.

I shut my eyes and believe that I'm successful at avoiding something from happening until I feel Emily's arms encircle my neck. After a pause, I then feel lips press against my forehead, kissing softly, yet firmly. I feel myself shiver at the contact and exhale. How does she do this to me? How? She trails her hands to my shoulders and then to my cheeks, as I feel her rest her own forehead against mine.

"It's okay, Naoms. I'm here, I care. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

Somehow we end up in the girls' room, which is deserted now. Emily pats the spot beside her on the bed, which I take hesitantly. She senses and smiles gently at me, which instantly relaxes me – her smile always does. She then moves and rests her back against the wall, crossing her leg over the other. I slowly move backwards to rest my back against the wall, sitting side by side with her. My eyes don't dare look at her, but instead are fused on the bunk beds across from me.

"Panda decided to bunk with Katie, much to her annoyance. It's not like she had much of a choice, anyway. I think we're trying to create as much difference between us as possible, even though we will always be twins. It's nice not to have to share everything like we used to."

"Like hair colours..?"

"Yeah." She continues to watch me; I can feel her eyes on me, and it makes me feel completely undone.

"You remind me of Effy sometimes.." She doesn't respond, and I can tell that she's waiting for me to continue, to explain myself. She doesn't want to force these words from me, and I appreciate that. I exhale and place my head back against the wall, moving my head to look up at the ceiling.

"She would just stare at me like you do sometimes, but in a very calculated way, you know? Stoic, as if to say 'I know you inside out, but you will never know me', yet I did know her-I do… I've known her most of my life." We fall into a short silence, listening to the minimal sounds coming from the lounge.

"Then there's Cook, who is yes; a serial womanizer who happens to be a dick on occasion, but he's.. Cook. Underneath it all he's actually alright, and sure he's made a few mistakes, but he's more than paid for them. Nobody gets to see the real Cook but us, you know? He has a kind heart; a true heart. He's like my brother." I inhale and exhale slowly, trying to remain calm, but I feel the tension begin to build inside of me as I approach the one thing that really gets me. It's the one thing that keeps me silent most times.

"And Gina, my mum, she… Well, we may not always see eye to eye, you know? We're both stubborn, and I admit I inherited the Campbell eye roll from her, even though I have fiercely denied it for the longest time; it's perhaps one of our best traits. She… She wasn't always there for me. We used to have this weird set-up at home, a communal environment, if you will. And she would never see anything wrong with that, people coming and going, strangers taking things, and mum was just... Never there for me. It was only when Effy and Cook…. Well, basically shit went down and things started to change. She finally started acting like the mum I needed her to be. And we've been good ever since. I know it's only been a year or so, but it's been good. We've all been good." I allow my head to drop down as I look at my lap; I bite my lip before I continue, my hands clutching the duvet on the bed.

"I miss Effy. I miss Cook. I miss.. My mum. I just wish I knew what happened, why they never came to me. I mean, I know I was out of it, but I can't help wondering where they are now, and why they left me. It's all just so fucked up." I feel Emily place her hand over mine which causes my grip to slacken on the sheets. She lightly traces her thumb over my skin, which leaves the desired effect on me, if I'm being completely honest.

"The last thing I remember was being with Cook and Effy, just walking around like we do when we're bored… We went into a shop, and I don't know why, but I was shot. The next thing I know, I wake up in hospital, and then everything's just… some sort of fucking nightmare. I'm holding on to these fragments of my life, and the longer I live in this world, the more it feels like it was all a dream of some sort." I turn to look at Emily who is giving me the most compassionate smile I've ever seen, void of any pity that would taint it; it's purely empathetic and supportive. She gives my hand a gentle squeeze, which makes me smile, if only a little.

"I mean, I know it's not. I know that this is all happening and I'm not going crazy or something." I resume my gaze to my lap as I try to process what I'm feeling.

"I'm just trying to understand it all, really. Trying to piece together why they weren't there when I woke up, why I wasn't taken with them, why they left without me.. I want to believe that there's a reason that they never came for me. That.. I don't know. I don't know what to think. I've been so caught up in everything, and feeling thankful that they're together and alive somewhere, but now that I've given it time and thought, I feel…. Bitter. I feel sad. They're my family and I just don't understand why I've been left behind." She doesn't speak, she doesn't even have to. Her being here is enough for me; combine with the continuous motion of her thumb creating a lulling pattern on my hand, serves to inform me that I am not alone.

I open my eyes and immediately feel something behind me that cannot be described as the usual texture of the couch. That and the calculated breaths that I feel against my neck is a good indicator that I am not in my typical place of rest, and that I am indeed wrapped up in an embrace of some sort. I look straight ahead of me with my head resting on a pillow. I see Panda across from me, snoring lightly with her mouth open. I look up to see that Katie's bunk is empty, so I can only assume that Katie is with Freddie, which means that behind me is.. Shit. I look down to see Emily's arms around me, holding me in place. Yet again I feel a breath exhaled on my neck, and it makes me shiver. I bite my lip and try to refrain from moaning as I feel my body temperature increase significantly.

"Christ."

"Nope, just Emily.." I tense slightly as I hear her response, knowing on some subconscious level I was actually hoping above all else she was asleep so that I could make it out of here without waking her. I feel her relax her hands, but they still grip me, as if never wanting to let me go – I've never been held like this. She draws back slightly to create some space, and I swear she is as flushed as me, but I guess I'll never know for sure now.

"S-sorry." I don't understand why she's apologising, and I don't respond to it. We just continue to lie here, which has me struggling, trying to figure out what I should do or how I should act. In all honesty, this feels quite nice. Before I can even try to register what this may mean, or what it may mean for us, Katie is marching through the door.

"Oi bitch, get off my sister and get your arse up, it's time to go."

And just like that, it ends whatever was happening between us. I find myself operating on autopilot as I detach myself from Emily and enter the lounge; I look to Freddie and barely listen to what he has to say as we get ready for our departure. Change of clothes, bug-out-bags already filled and ready to go, words being spoken, people skulking around the lounge - all I can think of and feel is Emily. I can sense her eyes on me, trained so passionately, that I just can't allow myself to look back. I know that if I do, I won't be accountable for my actions. One night of being with Emily, just speaking and holding, has disarmed me so unequivocally. Whatever it is, I feel it and I'm certain she does too. What I'm not sure about is whether I can trust it. I look to Freddie who gives me the signal, I merely nod back. He gives Katie a quick hug and kiss, which she doesn't seem pleased with. He acknowledges everyone else and then turns for the door. I'm unable to meet Emily's eye, even though I long to, even though I crave like nothing else to just lift my gaze and stare into her wonderful warm brown eyes. I'm not strong enough. I'm not brave enough.

I pick up my bug-out-bag and put it on slowly, making sure to gently strap on my knife holster and place the gun safely in the back of my trousers, taking the time to digest what I'm about to do. I go to turn away and join Freddie but she doesn't allow me. She moves forward from everyone else, singling herself out, and grabs my wrist. Her other hand lifts my chin so that our eyes meet, and I feel my whole body come alive. I'm no longer in a haze, I see clearly and I am awake to her.

"Come back, Naoms. We'll be waiting here for you… We're your family, okay? We care about you deeply. So be safe." She moves forward and embraces me, lifting up onto her tip toes in such an adorable way that I find myself leaning down and enclosing my arms around her, desiring to hold her in place. I feel her mouth move to my ear and her quiet words flow like a lullaby.

"I know you, Naomi. I know you're lonely. I think you need someone to want you. Well, I do want you. So be brave and want me back." She then pulls back and kisses my cheek, slipping back down onto the soles of her feet, and watches me closely. I feel my breathing grow shallow as I try to form words, but none come. Nothing does. My brain is on overdrive. Systems are fried. My senses overloaded. All I can do is look into her rich brown irises and watch how her pupils dilate with hope. I feel my skin begin to itch with want, but my head once again begins to feel fuzzy, but this time with absolute panic.

"Naomi?" I hear Freddie call me, and without dithering, I turn on my heels and walk straight out of the shed. I don't turn around as I hear Emily call me; her voice a particular rasp that happens to stab me this time. And as I close the shed door and walk off with Freddie, who is looking at me strangely, I'm not entirely sure what truly happened, or what my actions may have just done.