I've been very uninspired due to the terrible spoilers for season 3, but somehow I came up with something I wanted to share. Based loosely on some spoilers, this starts a few episodes into the season after Rayna has already picked Luke (I'm crying just saying that). I was trying to write it as a one shot, but it got too long, so probably will only be a couple of chapters.
Rayna walked into the back room of the rehearsal space. She knew it's where most of the guys in Luke's band relaxed before a big show. They'd sit around and throw out ideas; it's where the creative juices really got flowing when they weren't performing for anyone but themselves. Luke was down in the bar with his manager. He'd mumbled something about some endorsement deal with one of the casinos before exiting their suite. The one thing Rayna was sure of these days was that she wanted to stay as far away from publicity as possible, so after giving Luke a wave she headed down to find the band.
She could hear the music from down the hall. It was a sound so sweet and melodic, it got every cell in her body to stand on end. Beautiful soft chords were mingling with a woman's voice she recognized, but couldn't quite place. A smile broke out from ear to ear as she stepped through the door and into the room, crowded with some of the best musicians out of Nashville. This is where she belonged, in the mix with the band, not up on some imaginary pedestal created by the paparazzi. The excitement took hold of her and held her in a state of euphoria, that is until she broke through the crowd and saw the duo who was creating that sweet sweet sound. It was Luke's backup singer Pam singing the song, and right next to her with her hand placed strategically on his leg was Deacon, strumming his guitar and chiming in for the chorus.
A lump caught in Rayna's throat. She knew they'd been hanging out together. She'd seen the show they put on yesterday when they'd rolled into Vegas on that ridiculous motorcycle that Deacon had bought. Rayna had just driven in from the airport and she was meeting up with Luke as his entourage pulled into the MGM. They were all parked in the back of the hotel. Roadies were carrying the gear off of the trucks, and musicians were filing off the busses, when she'd heard them before she'd even seen them. In fact everyone heard them, they'd made damn sure of that. The motorcycle revved and the engine made a loud boom sound as Deacon skidded into the parking lot with Pam in tow. Her arms were wrapped around his waist tightly and she let out a joyous yelp as the bike came to an abrupt stop. Everyone halted what they were doing to watch the spectacle. Deacon pulled off his helmet and let out a relaxed chuckle.
If she thought about it, she hadn't really seen him like that in ages, maybe since he was 20 or 21, before the drinking really set in. It was almost as if all the burdens of those years had been lifted from him, as if he'd finally let go of all the hurt and pain and darkness that he'd carried with him for the past 20 years.
As Deacon set the kickstand with his boot, Pam swung her body around so that she was straddling him. Rayna could tell he was a bit surprised with the move, but he didn't seem to protest when she planted one on him in front of the whole crew. A makeup woman standing next to Rayna laughed. "Good ole' Pam, not a shy bone in her body. Then again, if I had that body, I wouldn't be shy with it either." Rayna threw up a little in her mouth.
That was yesterday. Today was part two she guessed. Only she had never heard this song before and everyone was entranced. She leaned over and asked one of the roadies what was going on. "New song Deacon and Pam wrote together, those two are magic, don't you think?" Rayna gave him a weak smile. She tried to stay and listen, after all, he was right, they were melding together beautifully. There was definitely a spark there that Rayna couldn't deny. What she also couldn't deny was the sick feeling growing in her stomach and the fact that her temperature was rising well past it's normal Rayna Jaymes cool. She turned around and made a bee-line for the stairwell behind the stage. When she was sufficiently alone she sat down on one of the concrete steps and started to cry. She didn't want to cry, she didn't want to feel anything. She wanted to love Luke, and have amazing endorsement deals, and hit records, and not have to worry about how she was paying for her house, and most of all she wanted to put Deacon Claybourne behind her and not get upset at the thought of him singing and writing with someone else.
She wasn't sure how long she'd been there when the door to the stairwell opened and she heard someone heading towards her. She tried to hide her face so the person wouldn't recognize her, but she clearly heard the sound of boots stopping next to her and knew she wasn't so lucky.
"You okay Ray?"
"Oh god," she thought. "Could this be any worse?" She wiped her eyes and looked up at him standing above her. "I'm fine."
"I may not be able to read you as well as I used to, but it don't take a genius to see that you're not fine." Deacon sat down next to her and rested his elbows on his knees. "You gonna tell me, or am I going to have to bring in reinforcements?"
"What reinforcements?"
"I have Maddie on speed dial and I will not hesitate to call her if it looks like you need a certain amount of cheering up."
Rayna half-laughed before turning away and looking down. "I don't think she'd want to cheer me up. She's not too happy with me these days. Even Daphne's been throwing me some serious shade lately."
"Man, I don't even know what Daphne shade would look like. Every time that kid tries to scowl it's like hearts and rainbows come out of her."
The thought of hearts and rainbows coming out of her youngest's mouth brought a real smile to her face. "This is all just such a mess Deacon."
"What is Ray?"
"You know, this." She said motioning between the two of them.
"Actually Rayna, I think for the first time in years this," he made the same motion signaling he meant whatever was between the two of them. "This is all cleared up. There's no wondering, no what if's. You've made it clear you don't want me, and I've moved on."
She knew that him saying that should have made her feel relief, it's what she'd told herself she'd wanted, but listening to him say the words that he'd "moved on" just made the queasiness in her stomach intensify. "Just like that?"
"Well, maybe not just like that. But for the first time in maybe ever I'm seeing real clear. All those years that I was in love with you, I thought all it would take to make me happy was to have you back in my arms. Cole used to say that you were my addiction, that you were just messing with my head and I couldn't see it because unlike the booze or the pills I couldn't let you go."
She hadn't realized Cole had felt that way about her, and it shocked her. She'd never thought of herself like that. She'd never wanted anything but the best for Deacon.
"I always said he was crazy, that you were the love of my life, but I guess I could've said the same about the booze at my worst, but having you choose Luke, especially when I'm the strongest, the soberest, maybe the best I've ever been, it made me see that he was right. All those years I'd been sober, if you'd really loved me, wanted me, we would have been together. You would have left Teddy a hell of a lot earlier if that's what you'd really wanted, but I was so blind I couldn't see it, but I finally do, and now like the booze and the pills, I'm breaking my Rayna Jaymes addiction, putting it behind me, and moving on."
It felt like someone had stabbed her in the heart. Rayna wasn't sure what to say or do, but the moment she did it she knew it was probably the exact opposite of what she should have done. She reached up cupping Deacon's face in her hands and leaned over taking his mouth in hers. She felt him respond for a split second before he jerked away and stood up. "What are you doing Ray?"
Rayna was flustered and could barely speak. "I'm sorry, I just…"
"Jesus Christ Ray. You just can't stand the thought of me being happy can you? You can't stand the thought of me moving on. Every time I start to get on my feet, put you in the past you just have to pull me back in."
Rayna stood up to match Deacon, stepping up on the stair so she was at his height. "Me? You're the one who showed up at my front door an hour after Luke proposed to me with your own ring. How was that not trying to pull me back in?"
"That was different."
"Oh, that was different, how was it different Deacon? What? I was just supposed to throw away the relationship that I'd been in for the last six months and run off into the sunset with you? Is that what I was supposed to do?"
"If you'd loved me."
Rayna shook her head. "And if you loved me, you wouldn't have jumped up when I kissed you, or am I just another one of your dirty habits? Is that what you're reducing our 27 year relationship to these days?"
Deacon got a sad look on his face for a moment, but it was only fleeting, and Rayna could see him regain his composure. "We can't keep doing this Ray. I'm getting off this merry-go-round right now." Deacon turned around and ran back up the stairs slamming the hard metal emergency door as he left. Rayna slid back down to the step right before the tears started to come again.