Chapter Fourteen - Dark Beyond The Blue

"She's.."

"Alive and well, yes." Effy finishes with a smirk as Freddie steps back subconsciously, his form loose as he slumps back onto Panda's bed.

"Congratulations Freddie, you're an uncle."

"The baby.."

"A young, Sir. Freddie McClair."

"She.. A boy… She named him-"

"-after the one and only, yes. Though now you've alive, she'll probably reconsider her decision." Effy quickly loses interest in Freddie, finding his silence to be less than endearing. She turns to me and smiles.

"He definitely keeps Gina on her toes. She adores that little one, but.. It could never really compensate for the loss of you."

"Karen's alive.. My nephew's alive. But how- how did this happen?" He looks to Effy, waiting for an answer, desperate to know. His eagerness does not earn Effy's attention though, as she looks down at her nail varnish; black did always suit her. I hear him sigh heavily, repeating his question to Effy, who looks to him at the corner of her eyes. Now that I think of it, she seems to be stalling – she's definitely hiding something once again. I sit down on the bed, which attracts her attention, her eyes looking to me. I can tell she's trying to blank out the truth from her eyes, not wanting to expose the information, but it's too late. I can see it, and she knows I will pry it from her. She turns her head away from me and exhales softly.

"He won't like it, Naoms. He doesn't know."

"Whatever it is, he has a right to know. It's his sister." After a long pause, she finally looks towards me again, her eyes alive with feeling.

"Cook called Karen before we left."

"Why? How does he have her number? Why would he call her?"

"Oh shit.." I look down, instantly connecting the dots. I can tell Freddie is looking between us, trying to understand what's going on.

"She's the sister of a friend he slept with, isn't she..?"

"Yep."

"Did he know she was-"

"Yep."

"But why didn't he tell us?"

"Always one to run when it gets hard, our Cookie. Though it's clear that when shit gets real, so does he."

"What are you two talking about?" I look to Freddie before looking back to Effy, who seems rather amused by Freddie's display of confusion.

"How dense is this boy, Nai?"

"Eff."

"Does he need it spelled out to him?"

"Stop." My eyes look back to him, feeling considerably empathetic toward him now, though I'm not entirely sure as to why.

"Seems like you've forgiven him over shooting me, didn't take you long now, did it?" I shoot a glare to Effy, trying to silence her verbal onslaught, before focusing on Freddie once again. He gradually stands up, his eyes firmly on Effy.

"You're saying… Cook… Cook's the father to my nephew?"

"He was listening, even figured it out, too. Maybe he's not quite the simpleton I supposed him to be."

"Fuck sake, would you quit being abstruse already, clearly this is a lot for him to handle." She looks to me and scoffs.

"You're ignorant too."

"Ignorant? Really Eff? All these mind games; don't you think you've said enough?"

"I've said too little, you're the one who spoke too much."

"I can't handle cryptic Elizabeth right now." I shake my head and get up, ready to leave the room.

"Stop being so dramatic and sit back down; we have to talk about leaving."

"I'll get everyone to pack up and ready, we'll head out in an hour."

"Freddie, don't you think you're being a bit rash." I take a step toward him and watch as he turns his gaze to me, his face full of conflict.

"We'll stay together. And like Effy said, it's a big cabin, enough for all of us."

"Freddie, you just found out Karen's alive and that you're an uncle and Cook… You need to digest this before you do something you can't take back." His eyes soften, contemplating my point.

"And Effy needs rest too."

"I was shot in the arm, I'm not paralysed. I can move, and as you can tell, I can speak."

"We just have to be sure, is all."

"You're just scared."

"You're damn right I am! I'm only just getting used to being here and feeling safe, and now you want to uproot - not only me, but everyone else? They're my family, Effy."

"And we're not?" I frown at her inquiry, not understanding how she could even ask such question.

"Admit it, Naoms, you don't want us anymore. We left you, and you can't get past that. You won't forgive us." I feel short of breath all of a sudden, it's hard to remain still when my whole body is buzzing, shaking with nerves. We stare at each other for a moment, her eyes a dark shade of blue that I'm sure I reflect. I hate that she can read me so well. I sigh and look to Freddie, who stands next to me. He looks back with unease.

"We leave in an hour." With this, I turn on my heels and leave the room. Not quite ready to admit that she is right, but not wanting to give her the satisfaction of knowing that just yet.

So here we are sometime later packing up our stuff, much to the dismay of some people, though deep down I think we're all slightly relieved to be getting out of this hell hole – no offense to Freddie, but it is a shed after all. I don't particularly have that much stuff to pack, and as a result, am just lingering around the lounge listening to everyone talk.

"How do we know we can trust this 'Effy'?" I look up to see Katie standing before Freddie, wringing her hands out in exasperation. Can't say I blame her for not trusting Effy, after all she is the outside force that seems to be uprooting us from the only foundation we know. Freddie sighs softly, casting his eyes to me before simply embracing her.

"We have to." I watch on awkwardly for a moment before I get up and walk past them and into the girl's room. I see Effy with her eyes closed on the bed as Panda packs up her stuff, talking her usual gibberish as Emily does the same. She halts for a moment, her hand holding something I can't quite decipher from this angle, until she begins to stroke it with the pad of her thumb and I get a glimpse of its cover. She remains immobile, committing to the action before she places it into the bag.

"You like it then?" She turns to look at me, her face deep in thought before her eyes register my presence. Her face then softens as she smiles at me and nods.

"It's nice to get a different perspective on the situation, to read how it all came to be: it's really tragic." I regard Panda for a moment, whose back is now to us before I move close to Emily and smile in return.

"Yeah, there's always a different way to seeing things. And then there's the isolation she feels of being different, being forgotten and replaced. That sense of being a ghost." I breathe in deeply and then exhale sharply. I force the smile back to my lips and see Emily, rather than look through her as I just did. She has her head tilting to the side, her eyes softly on me, watching closely. She reaches out instinctively and grabs my hand.

"You're Naomi, you're not forgotten. You'll never be forgotten or replaced to me. I will never force you to be someone you're not, or in a place you don't belong." It floors me for a moment how passionate her words are; how entirely eloquent and beautiful she can be, but what really enamours me is the way she expresses them with so much clarity and truth, like her very being depends on it. I truly believe there exists an initial moment in time where someone can alter your reality almost instantaneously. It's a mere breath where life is suspended, and you hang between this reality and another, before it simply propels you forward; it's where feeling can triumph language – and she, this wonderful woman, has just unveiled that moment to me.

We just shared a real and very palpable connection. And I really can't just stand here holding her hand, it's not nearly enough to convey the significance of what she has just begun. I feel my body gravitate towards her, my head immediately dipping to acknowledge her height and I feel my lips burn against hers, drawing her into a searing kiss. It takes us both by surprise just how powerful it can feel with the other so close, I know this because she heaves as I heave; she deepens the kiss as I deepen the kiss, I cling as she clings. It's vigorous and heavy, to the point I have to pull myself away so I can breathe. I immediately seek out her eyes, in which she stares back just the same, full of wonder and desire - so much desire. I think about how we got here, and I remember the book. Before I can even contemplate what I'm saying, or what the words may even mean, I'm already quoting them:

"'This is my place and this is where I belong and this is where I wish to stay.'" I'm not quite sure what motivated me to say them, or what they can really denote, but I sense that it's important. I know the choice of words will have an impact of some sort, and as I stare into her eyes, I know that Emily receives them: she receives them all with feeling. Her bottom lip drops open slightly, her eyes not daring to blink as she looks directly at me. I wish I knew what she's thinking, what she's feeling right now, it seems to be everything. I watch as she raises her hand to my cheek and caress it, it's an act she has done many a time, but this, this feels poignant. This is so charged; spiritually, emotionally, physically – in so many ways, really. She stares at me like she's just realised that actually, she isn't on her way home, but is rather already home, and for this, I can only hope to reflect the same sentiment through my eyes.

She opens her mouth, trying to articulate something, but falls short. Instead she moves her face to mine, an action that proves to be so agonisingly slow, that I feel my eyes close on their own accord, waiting for the moment that her lips decide to move against my very own. And she does, she kisses me, and with it sets my insides ablaze, the butterflies multiplying the longer her lips stay with mine. She then begins to kiss me with intent, her hands sliding down to my body and pulling me into her form rather heatedly. It all happens so fast, and it's all so tantalisingly sensual and intense that it takes me a solid moment to comprehend the sound being emitted from across the room. We draw back from each other fairly stunned, our eyes darting to Panda.

And just like that, the moment is over and I'm shipped back helplessly into this reality. Great. Fantastic.

"Oh uhh, I'm just gonna see how JJ is doing!" Panda then leaves the room quickly as I hear Effy snort in response. I turn to look at Effy who is now awake; I can't help but shoot her a glare.

"You really know how to clear a room, Naoms." Though unimpressed with her words, I play it down and shrug.

"Charming." I lean forward to quickly peck Emily's lips and then move on over to Effy, who is now sitting up and looking a lot better, well, considering. I allow my eyes to roam over Emily who returns to filling her bags with her possessions.

"So who's living in this cabin exactly, because when I think I know the figure it seems to magically increase?" I return my eyes to Effy, scowling for effect, but she merely rolls her eyes at me.

"It went up once."

"Oh please, I can tell there's more, you're not quite the impassive spectacle you believe yourself to be, Stonem: I know you." She turns her head, visibly reluctant to inform me of whatever information that lurks around inside her skull.

"She may have picked up Kieran." She tries to say it in a despondent manner, but I know her better than that.

"Kieran? Kieran, my politics teacher? I thought that was a one-time thing, Christ."

"Yes well, when it comes to dead people walking, its slim-pickings, you know." I shake my head and sigh, looking away from Effy. My eyes meet curious brown ones as she comes to a stop holding some clothes hovering over her bag. After a moment she resumes packing, looking down to her belongings quietly.

"How did she pick him up, anyway?"

"We nearly drove past him, he flagged us down. His car conked out."

"Naturally, it's a deathmobile."

"You should know." I dart my eyes up to her challenging ones.

"Don't even go there."

"Go where?" I look to Emily who is now standing at the end of the bed, her arms casually crossed over her chest as she look between us, trying to understand our discussion. I look to her bags and see that she's finished already.

"Nothing important, Red." Bloody hell, she sounds like Cook. I turn to Effy rolling my eyes and slowly enunciate.

"Emily. Her name is Emily."

"Emilie?"

"Jesus Christ, Eff."

"Emilee?"

"Now you're just taking the piss."

"Emmalee?" It's so lame that I don't warrant her with a response, and instead stand up. I go to leave but she sighs heavily and calls my name.

"Are you ever going to forgive me?" We fall into silence as I think about what she is asking me. It's only when Emily shuffles that I remember she's in the room, she looks rather awkward now.

"Uh, I will leave you two to it."

"No no, it's okay, I'm gonna go."

"You should really speak to each other though." She encourages softly, and I know it comes from a good place, but I really don't think I have the capacity to forgive her when I don't even know how. We had spoken a few times, and I had said that I had forgiven her for what happened, but clearly this hurt runs a lot deeper than either of us could have expected. Effy knows me inside out, and in turn, I know her. So as much as she wants to be forgiven, and wants to talk, I know that as I look at her she understands that now is not the time. She just maintains eye contact with me until I am unable to continue, and turn on my heels and leave the room.

No words are needed.

As I turn to walk into the lounge, I find Emily stop me, grabbing my wrist to slow me to a halt. She closes the door softly and looks at me.

"You should really speak to her, Naomi. It's clear that you're both hurting, and you both want to put this behind you." I allow her to comfort me as her hands smooth over my sides, but it does nothing to ease the turmoil inside of me.

"Look, I know I can't possibly understand what you've been through, and how you're feeling about all of this, but life is short, Naoms. It's too short now, you have to forgive while you still can, because you're not guaranteed another moment. This world won't let you live freely."

"Trust me, Em, I'm trying." She looks like she's going to speak again but I stop her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and pulling her close.

"I said I forgive her, and even though I thought I did, I clearly on some level, haven't. They're just words, and I can try and mean it, and I can even believe them – but it doesn't make it true, at least not yet. We'll get there, just not right now." I barely get to kiss her before Freddie is summoning us to the lounge. I reach for her hand and entwine it with mine as we go, making sure to remain connected to Emily in any way that I can. I see Katie roll her eyes at me and then give her sister a 'really' look before leaning against Freddie. It only lasts a moment before he decides to move away from her, forcing her to stand on her own, and looking incensed about it. I can't help but smirk at this as Freddie begins to talk, addressing us all. I see Panda sitting next to JJ on the sofa watching Freddie like their lives depend on it, I suppose it does. I shake my head and force myself to listen to what he is saying.

"I know this is happening fast, and this is our home, but this is for the best. We all know this shed is shit, and to be honest, it'll be nice to see other people and live in a bigger place, in an open space."

"And you get to see Karen and your nephew, can't forget that now, can we?" I turn to see Effy standing at a distance behind us; her hand gently resting across her stomach as her injured arm remains straight at her side. I look back to Freddie who stares straight at Effy, their eyes on each other in such a way that everyone can sense something is going on. It's not long before I hear the click of heels and Katie swat the side of Freddie's head.

"Fuck sake, babe, would you give it a rest. You'd fucking ogle my sister if she weren't gay."

"Probably does anyway." I hear Effy mumble behind me, which causes me to snicker lightly. Emily chooses to swipe me softly with her free hand, even though it's true.

"It's not funny."

"It kind of is." She pretends to be offended as she crosses the one arm against her chest, directing her eyes back to the group.

"You two are so sarcastic." I smile knowingly at Emily, watching as she works to keep the smile at bay, her eyes staring ahead in an effort to hide how bright they are with mirth.

"Good times, eh Campbell." I turn my head to see Effy now standing right behind us, her eyes firmly on me. I exhale softly and turn my attention back to Freddie who is speaking once again. I feel Emily squeeze my hand, which provides me with a sense of contentment. It makes a change to the daily disorder I am met with. I see Panda raise her hand, to which Freddie eventually acknowledges when Katie prods him.

"Yeah Panda?"

"How will we get stuff like food if we're no longer living in Bristol and living with Little Red Riding Hoods grandma in the woods?" For a moment I thought maybe Pandora was backing out with how anxious she seemed, but as she came to the end of that question, I soon realised that Panda is here indefinitely – and that's how I like her to be. Good ol' Panda-pops.

"She does make a good point, Freddie." I look to JJ who seems a lot calmer, and mellow. It's a nice thing to see, especially as Panda reaches out and holds his hand, which causes him to blush and dip his head. How bloody sweet.

"Well, it looks like we're gonna be using transport from now on, so maybe we can do trips into Bristol and elsewhere, that way we can get more things and not have to go out as often." I really can't help myself as I ask.

"Uhh, why exactly haven't we done that before now?" Freddie looks to me as he answers.

"It's been too dangerous before, it causes a lot of unwanted attention from both the living and dead. It's always been easier to go on foot."

"Easier?" I feel myself tense up with disbelief before I stop myself turning into a ball of rage, thanks to Emily who once again tightens her grip around my hand, letting me know that she is here, and that everything will be okay. I sigh and lower my head.

"I know it didn't seem that way, but we're here, aren't we? We've done something right by what we've done. Anyway, we've got everything we're gonna need; all the necessities, foods, equipment, technology, belongings, etcetera. Now all we need is a car." He looks at the group and then frowns.

"Or maybe a van?" I look around and quickly tally up how many of us there are: 7, that is quite a lot of people, damn.

"I believe there's a minivan around the corner?" We all look to JJ, who squirms under our gaze. Panda continues to hold his hand and support him as he looks back up, visibly taking a breath.

"I'm quite sure it's still there, or at least it has been there ever since this happened all those months ago. It would be able to accommodate all of us and our stuff, though I predict it will get cramped, especially with-"

"Alright, Jay. Thanks. Naomi and I will go check if it's still there and then come back."

"Why do you need two of you to go?"

"Safer in numbers, babe, you know that." Freddie tentatively kisses Katie's forehead, his eyes wandering over to Effy who I just know will be looking back. I sigh and decide to mind my own business for once and instead focus on what is mine. I turn to Emily and send her a small smile.

"I'll be right back."

"How Terminator of you, Naoms." I roll my eyes at Effy, who just loves to ruin a moment.

"Do you mind?" I have a lot of attitude, of which I am aware. I can feel Emily tense slightly, but Effy just seems to repel my behaviour – it doesn't even touch her. If anything she enjoys it. She just looks at me quietly, before retorting confidently, yet despondently.

"No." I huff and drag Emily a couple feet away, determined to not let Effy get to me.

"Clearly I was wrong for thinking that there was something between you two; you act just like Katie and me."

"Yeah, I could throttle her."

"Tends to be that way when it comes to sisters."

"So bloody annoying, does my head in."

"Naomi, come on." I look to Freddie and then back to Emily. I'm not sure when I became this arrested, but suddenly I can't seem to let Emily go; or rather, I can't seem to go. I just want to protect her, to be near her, to be safe with her. It's so weird and concentrated so quickly, that I don't recall a moment without being near Emily.

"I'll see you soon." She's the one to tell me, and I believe her. I nod my head and reach for her hand once again to squeeze it quickly. I then lean forward and leave a chase kiss her forehead, letting go of her hand and turning away to pick up my holster containing the knife and follow Freddie out of the shed.

"So you've got the whole quick-start-a-car thing down, right? Because I don't." He looks to me with a certain amount of mischief until he chuckles under his breath.

"Cook really has changed, ain't he?" I look to him curiously as we make our way down the road, our eyes scanning the environment which seems to be clear.

"What do you mean?"

"He never taught you how to, did he?" I shake my head and he inhales softly and then sighs.

"Just another difference in our dynamic, Naomi. Just another difference that shows he's changed. And he better bloody have, because if he did sleep with my sister, and he's the father of my nephew, I'm gonna hold him to it."

"So you didn't know Cook and Karen..?"

"No. She said it was a one night thing. Should of known, Cook was always trying to sleep with her. Some habits die hard with him, eh." I snicker softly as we turn the corner.

"Yeah, it's actually how we met."

"You slept with Cook?" He asks, evidently shocked.

"Oh God, no. No. He tried hitting on me; I threw my drink at him." He laughs at this, we both do until we see the minivan in the middle of road down the street – the same road which occupies a shitload of roaming dead.

And here was me thinking it would be easy.