"Mom," the seven year old declared in disgust. "You ruined Christmas!"
"Now wait a minute," Vala began to protest. She paused, looking hopefully toward Daniel, and then to each of the other members of SG-1, all seated around the Jacksons' kitchen table. One by one, they shrugged or glanced away, and finally she let out a sigh. It had been her idea to suspend a net from the ceiling and tell the children she intended to catch Santa Claus. At the time, she'd had no idea that there even was a Santa, but she couldn't very well say that to the three glowering elementary school kids who now regarded her as something akin to the Grinch.
In the end, it was Daniel's grandfather, Nick, who came to Vala's defense. He folded his arms on the table and pursed his lips, fixing an unusually stern expression first on Manda and then on Carter O'Neill, who was sitting between her and her brother. Then he plucked the Fruit Loops box away from Nicky, silently letting him know that he was being included in the censure.
The boy opened his mouth, but quickly snapped it shut again at the sight of his great-grandfather's disapproving frown. Nick Ballard had been a constant presence in the children's lives--perhaps in an effort to make up for his pointed lack of one in Daniel's. He rarely got upset with them, but somehow Nick's disappointment in them always carried more weight than anyone else's.
"Now, it seems to me that all of you thought the Santa trap was a good idea until this morning," Nick said.
The kids exchanged uneasy glances, both Nicky and Carter both capitulated. Carter gave a reluctant sigh, realizing that he had no argument. Nicky's face, more than anything, became relieved. At five years old, he didn't like having to be mad at Vala for any longer than necessary.
"Sorry, Mom," he offered.
"Sorry, Auntie Vala," muttered Carter with a nod of agreement.
Manda, the oldest, managed to hold out a little longer. She gave the boys a look that clearly called them traitors and glared at Vala again. Nick's eyebrows rose, though, and she finally caved. "Sorry, Mommy," she sighed.
"It's all right, children," Santa spoke up, "because your parents and the rest of SG-1 are going to deliver the presents tonight."
"They are?" the kids' eyes collectively widened.
"We are?" the team jerked forward in their chairs to stare at Santa.
"Of course," Santa nodded. "You wouldn't want to let down countless children all over the world, now would you?"
"Can't have that…" Jack chimed in with a smirk.
"Oh, now when I said SG-1, Jack, I did mean to include you," Santa smiled.
"What?" Jack's mouth popped open. "Hey, I'm retired!"
"C'mon, Dad!" Carter protested. "If everyone else is going, you have to go!"
"Who said anyone else was going?" Jack replied.
"I think Santa just did," Daniel said, clearing his throat slightly.
"Well, I can't. I gotta go--" Jack broke off, eyes widening as Sam gave his shin a hard kick under the table. Realizing he couldn't say that he was supposed to spend the night searching for Carter's coveted video game, he quickly ad libbed, "To bed early."
The kids all looked askance at him, and Sam covered her face with her hand, giving her head a shake in disbelief. Santa hid a smile behind his hand and stroked his beard. The famous merry twinkle in his eye became decidedly mischievous, and he sat back in his chair with a knowing smile in Jack's direction.
"You know," he remarked, "Since it is Christmas Eve, I don't see any reason why these three shouldn't have at least one present from me early."
The casual statement was met with cheers and hopping from the younger members of the O'Neill and Jackson families and an excited squeal from Vala, to which Santa replied with a happy ho-ho-ho. Breakfast was entirely forgotten, and the kids rushed into the living room where Santa had left his sack of goodies.
Vala found it slightly disturbing that her children were as excited over a collection of fantasy novels as Carter was about the video games that Santa brought for him. Nicky's gift included both a boxed set of the Narnia novels and movie The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Manda got the entire Harry Potter series and movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Both kids' eyes widened as they held the shiny DVDs, but the movies were quickly disregarded in favor of the books, leaving Vala mystified and Daniel with a quietly satisfied smirk on his face.
That smirk faded a moment later, though, when Carter, happily clutching the sold out game that the entire team had scoured the city for, looked up at Jack and said, "See, Dad? I told you Santa could find it! Santa can do anything he wants!"
As the kids all scrambled to hug and thank Santa, Vala turned a questioning frown on her husband. Daniel gave his head a quick, dismissive shake, but it was obvious to her that the smile he forced back to his lips was feigned. She had no time to wonder about it, though, because Santa turned and asked, "Well, Jack? You still going to let a little lack of sleep hinder you from leading your team one last time? This could be the most important mission of SG-1's career."
"Well, I…" Jack started, then paused. "Lead?"
"That means he gets to wear the Santa suit, don't it?" Cam sighed ruefully.
Teal'c's eyes narrowed. "It is I who should be Santa," he rumbled.
"What?" cried Jack. "Why should you be Santa?"
"Uh oh…" Nicky whispered, glancing at Carter.
"This could be trouble," the older boy nodded.
"Teal'c, you'd have to drink milk!" Sam spoke up, hoping the Jaffa's distaste for "bovine lactose" would settle the argument.
"See, there's that. You hate milk, Teal'c. So I'm Santa," Jack insisted.
"Y'know, there's nothing to say it has to be milk with the cookies," Daniel piped up. "Teal'c could have juice."
"Juice on Christmas Eve!" Vala cried. "That would be just sacrilege!"
"Well, I have no objection to drinking milk, and I already am the leader of SG-1, so I should be Santa!" Cam pointed out.
"No," Santa shook his head. "Cam, now yes, you are the CO. And I know that Jack had no real issue with accepting retirement after he and Vala's little escapade to rescue the rest of you. But I also know that he has missed leading the team."
Jack frowned slightly, glancing at the floor as Santa's eyes turned back to him. He looked up again and shrugged. "Maybe a little."
"So consider this my Christmas present to you, General O'Neill," Santa nodded.
Teal'c inclined his head in silent agreement, and Cam gave a sigh.
"Okay," he nodded. "But I ain't bein' Rudolph!"
"Nah, we'll save that for Daniel," agreed Jack.
Daniel's eyes widened. He spluttered indignantly for a few moments and then declared, "There is no way that I am pulling your sleigh."
"Don't worry, darling," Vala grinned. "You can be an elf!
"What?" he gaped.
"You'd look adorable in the pointy shoes," she asserted. "And the tights. Mmm."
Daniel shook his head, giving her a hard glare before turning a smirk on Jack. "I know. Teal'c can be Rudolph. He can pull your bulk."
"Are you saying fat?" Jack demanded.
"Well, ever since you--retired--" Daniel coughed pointedly. "You have put on a few pounds. Must be all those sweets you keep sneaking behind Sam's back."
"What?" Sam turned, giving her husband a light smack in the arm. Then she paused. "Wait. Does this make me Mrs. Claus?"
The kids, watching the entire scene in disbelief, finally let out a collective sigh. Nicky and Carter turned toward Manda, who gave her head a slow shake. "These are the people who save the world for a living?" she asked.
"I was wondering about that myself," Santa said. The argument abruptly halted, and the team all turned to glare him and the kids. Santa responded with a ho-ho-ho and announced, "As a matter of fact, I do have costumes for the rest of you…."
-------
"C'mon, people!" called Jack, now attired in Santa's extra suit as he stood at the bottom of Daniel and Vala's staircase. "You can't stall any longer We've got presents to deliver!"
In response, a door slammed upstairs, and a few moments later, the rest of the team appeared on the landing. There was a moment of shocked silence, then all three kids burst into hysterics as first Daniel, then Sam and Vala, then Cameron, and lastly Teal'c, all trooped down the stairs dressed in the unmistakable pointy shoes, hats, and tights of Santa's elves.
The others all kept their eyes firmly glued to their shoes, but Vala skipped along happily after Daniel. "See, I told you that you'd make a cute elf!"
"I should not have so readily agreed to allow you to be Santa, O'Neill," Teal'c muttered as he walked past Jack into the living room.
Santa himself, who was sitting with his broken leg propped on the coffee table, picked up the remote control and snapped off the TV. "Perfect!" he declared. "Just perfect! Oh--but you do lack one thing."
"Which is?" Jack raised an eyebrow.
"Christmas magic!" Santa replied, untying the red velvet pouch from his own belt and tossing it to Jack. "Just a pinch, now. Too much and you'll shrinking off and on for a week."
"Cam we come with you guys?" Manda asked hopefully.
"No," Daniel shook his head. "You guys stay here and watch Frosty the Snowman with Santa. We'll be back before you wake up tomorrow."
"Awwwww…" all three protested loudly.
"Ah!" Jack held up a finger for silence, ending their protests. Then he nodded. "Much better. And don't forget, Carter, I want you in bed by nine."
"Okay," the boy sighed, rolling his eyes.
"Manda, Nicky, that goes for you too," Daniel added.
"Can I stay up and read in my room? Manda asked.
"On Christmas?" Daniel's eyebrows arched.
"No, Manda, you need to go to sleep or Uncle Jack can't come and leave you any presents," Vala grinned.
Manda started to snicker, then looked at Jack again and thought better of it. "Okay, Mom," she agreed as Vala and Sam moved to kiss each of the kids on the cheek before leaving.
Once goodbyes were said, Jack sprinkled a bit of Santa's magic dust on his palm and blew, creating a swirling silver and gold cloud around SG-1. When it cleared, he led the way to the fireplace and then glanced nervously back toward Santa. "Uh…?"
"Think small," Sam advised with an impish look toward Vala.
"Huh?" Jack frowned.
"Just concentrate, Jack," explained Santa with a grin. "Imagine yourself small enough to fit up the chimney. The Christmas magic does the rest."
"It's easy!" Vala nodded.
The male members of SG-1 eyed one another uncomfortably, but one by one they closed their eyes. As each one was whisked up the chimney to the roof, the kids let out a successively louder cry of amazement. Finally, Teal'c was the only one left. He paused briefly, turning back to offer Santa a bow, and then closed his eyes.
A moment later, he found himself on the roof, and dutifully followed Jack to the sleigh. After several long minutes of pushing and shoving, everyone had climbed aboard. Jack stood staring down at the computer control panel and scratched his head.
"Okay, Carter--Sam--you drive," he said finally.
She smirked at his habitual use of her maiden name, which he fell back into as easily as he reassumed command of SG-1, and edged her way past Vala to stand beside him. "Santa said that the sleigh itself is fully automated now. His list is pre-programmed into the guidance system's computer, and the sleigh will automatically stop at each house, giving us a read-out on this screen so we know which sack to take down with us."
"I still don't get how this is supposed to work," Cam spoke up. " I mean, even if the bags are magic so they hold way more stuff than it looks or feels like, how's one old guy and a bunch of reindeer supposed to cover the whole world in one night?"
"Initiating launch sequence," Sam said, her hands moving quickly over the controls. Then she explained, "Not every child in the world celebrates Christmas. Even among those that do, not all of them have Christmas traditions that include Santa Claus. There's also the shift in time zones to consider. Theoretically, it's possible--as long as we stick to Santa's timetable and don't get sidetracked."
"If you say so," Cam replied skeptically.
The sleigh's engines fired and it rose a few inches off the ground, but the deer didn't move. Sam frowned. "Maybe we have to…" she gestured toward the reigns.
Jack sighed knowingly and picked them up, giving them a light slap. Still the deer didn't budge. "Heigh-ho Silver?" Jack attempted.
"No," Daniel spoke up. "It's…on Dasher, on Dancer…"
Two of the deer perked up at the sound of their names, and the rest seemed to tense in expectation, but Daniel paused, pulling thoughtfully on his lower lip. "Um…"
Teal'c silently sidled past Cam and took the reigns, then said, "It is, on Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen. On Comet, on Cupid, on Donder and Blitzen…"
As he spoke, each of the deer raised it's head and shook itself, then pawed the roof in excitement. The rest of SG-1 all stared in amazement at the Jaffa.
"Hey, you know how it goes?" Jack exclaimed.
Teal'c made no response, blithely continuing, "To the top of the roof, to the top of the wall…"
"WHOA!" cried Cam and Jack in stunned unison.
"…now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"
"Whoa, deer! Whoa!"