Chapter Sixteen - Some Remedies Are Worse Than the Disease

As soon as we close the door behind us, Cook engulfs me into a fierce hug, one that removes me from my feet and entails my form to be swirled around in the middle of the air like a bloody ragdoll.

"Naomikins! You 'ave no idea how much I've missed you! Thought it was over, should 'ave known you were out there, you're a tough one. Clever like." He continues to ramble with me in his embrace, and although I hold onto him, I do not embrace him back. After a while I think he can sense my discomfort and decides to put me down, his eyes a darker shade than they were before.

"Guess Eff was right, eh. You're mad at us. We should be celebrating, babe. You're ere', we're ere': rest is history."

"History? I woke up in a hospital bed, alone. I left, alone. I trekked on foot, alone. Hell, I was cooped up in that house, alone. You left me, Cook, you all left me." He squirms on the spot, not knowing how to respond.

"James, go see how Frederick junior is doing. We'll all talk later once everyone has settled in." I know that voice; it's one I didn't know I missed so terribly until right now, as I long to listen to it more. I shake my head and refrain from looking at her, feeling stupid for how hormonal I am right now. I never liked her voice, always too chipper for my liking, and yet here I stand, aching to hear her speak again. I watch as Cook nods his head, his eyes firmly on me.

"Love you, babe. 'Member that, yeah?" He then slowly backs away, his front to me still, unable to tear away from this scene until he's climbing the stairs. I can sense mum lingering near the doorway, just waiting to act out. I feel Emily move beside me, alerting me of her presence of which I momentarily forgot. She motions to leave but I reach out, gripping her hand in mine, desperate to keep her with me. She looks to me pensively, and grasps my hand in support.

"You have to, Naoms." She leans forward and pulls me into a gentle hug.

"Stop being so stubborn, Nai." She whispers into my ear and then pulls back, making sure to leave a delicate kiss on my cheek as she goes. She's gone before I can even say goodbye. I hesitantly look up to my left to where mum was in the doorway, but she is no longer there. I look into the living room and see that she is standing with her back to me, her shoulders quavering slightly. I gradually move into the room, my eyes on her, not knowing how to go about this. But as I grow closer, I can hear muffled sounds which instantly concern me, and force me on over to her.

"Are you okay?" She coughs, this time in the air, and stands up straight. She breathes and then turns to face me, a smile fixed to her mouth, but she definitely lacks the intrinsic zest I know so well.

"Yes dear, just a bit of a cough is all. Oh, what am I doing?" Before I can even think about it, she moves to me and pulls me into a crushing hug. I immediately inhale and grow accustom once again to her scent; that ridiculously earthy aura of which she cultivates so effortlessly. God, I've missed her.

"Oh love.. I really have not been the same without you. As a mother, you don't expect to have your child leave before you. This has been the worst experience of my life, Naomi. Dear, you have to know-"

"Yeah, Effy filled me in." I say, forcing myself to dissemble from my mother's embrace, and I feel deserving of the melancholy that appears on her face. Her expression is so torn, I can sense she wants to say something, but she refrains. She raises her hand to my cheek and strokes it once.

"My beautiful daughter, I love you. I missed you every day. And had I believed for one moment that you were alive and out there, I would have come for you. Yet you're stubborn, Naomi. You won't see our side yet.. But you will. And you will soon see that you are not the only one who has been hurting." She retracts her hand and looks at me, her determined eyes full of emotion. She leans forward and kisses my forehead gently, and then begins to leave the room. She halts momentarily and speaks.

"You know love, life matters more than ever now. You have to appreciate it, Naomi; otherwise if you're not careful, it may be taken from you."

Don't I know it.

I roam the cabin, trying to familiarise myself with it. It's so spacious, that I don't hear anything for a while, until I venture into what seems to be a dining room of sorts.

"Ah, it's Naomi in the flesh! What magnificent balls you must have to survive this atrocity of a shit hole we call Earth." Kieran stands up from his seat where he's surrounded by the group and approaches me. He hesitates slightly, looking to hug me, but eventually settles for a pat on the shoulder.

"Glad you're still with us, though I don't suppose this was the epitome of anarchy you once envisioned a long time ago in my classroom."

"No, Kieran, this wasn't."

"Ah, well, if anyone can revitalise this godforsaken shitstorm, it's you, lassie."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, but as of right now I'm going to extend my leave of absence and travel to Spain, Cyprus perhaps."

"Then I'd recommend Ireland whilst you're at it love, the land of great Irish stew and Guinness to satiate the best of us. What more could you ask for?"

"Better climate, maybe?"

"Ah yes, right you are. Might add company to the list too, don't imagine you'd get much stimulating conversation from a pack of dead lumps, would you now?"

"Are we talking dead walking or just the Irish in their lousy existence of life?" Kieran snorts at this and pats my shoulder once again.

"Missed you, little one."

"Nothing little about me, I'm taller than you."

"No you're not."

"Are they already going at it?" I stop straightening my body and comparing heights with Kieran when I hear mum's voice. I turn to see her leaning against the door frame, her arms crossed with a soft look on her face. I stiffen slightly and look away as she enters the room. My eyes then roam to the others in it, everyone bar a few. I quickly look back at mum and then away again, and then decide to leave.

"Gonna see where everyone else is." I exit the room as soon as the words leave my mouth, not desiring to stay a second longer. I almost make it completely without turning back but I hear a voice followed by a question, only it's the answer that makes me halt slightly.

"Ah, hello again dear, would you like to tag along and make some tea for everyone?"

"Sure, I'd like that Ms. Campbell."

"It's Gina, love. We go on first names around here, Emily. And anyway, we're practically family now living under one roof."

"Okay Gina."

"Fuck." I can't help but curse as I virtually run away and up the stairs, not wanting to get caught, and certainly not wanting to even think about what they will be talking about. It takes me a moment to actually slow down and to process that this cabin is actually rather huge, and just what we've all been looking for, no offense (but all offense) to Freddie's shed. It doesn't take me long to find them as I hear a baby whining, which causes my eyes to roll systematically, second guessing my reason for finding them in the first place. I stand outside of the room and watch as Freddie argues with Cook, be it in hushed tones as a woman, I suppose to be Karen, cradles the baby and walks back and forth, trying to soothe the little monster.

"You slept with my sister?!"

"Yeah, didn't exactly plan on it mate, ya know. Just sorta happened. Karen wanted it, Cookie wanted it - so we made each other feel alright."

"You son of a-"

"Fuck sake, can you two piss off. Not that I'm not happy you're here Freddie, but junior here needs to rest."

"Naomikins!"

"Fuck.."

"Come meet my little man."

"That better not been an innuendo, Cook." I say as I enter the room, which causes Cook to chuckle, rolling his head back.

"Oh babe, I've missed ya. But na yeah, this little boy 'ere is-"

"Your son, yes, been clued in. Congratulations." I say with a little smile, noting the brightness in his eyes as I speak and as he turns his attention to the drone that Karen continues to hold.

"Ehhh soldier, wanna meet your Auntie Naomikins? She's a right feisty one, would never let me bone her. Though you son, you might stand a chance."

"Cook!"

"Fuck sake mate. If anyone is gonna hold him first, it's gonna be his Uncle." Freddie says with a stern look and then reaches out to Karen, who then gives him over rather reluctantly.

"He really is restless; I have to put him down." I look around the room and note how this one has no window, though decorated like a little boys room, with soft blue designs, cot and toys about.

"Lucky ain't it."

"What?"

"This room." I frown at Cook.

"What are you banging on about?"

"This room. It's like, silent."

"What he means to say is that it's sound proof." Karen intervenes, folding her arms over her chest, her eyes watching Freddie as he interacts with the baby.

"Sound proof?"

"Yeah, Cook's mum was apparently into her instruments, decided to convert one of the rooms into a music room."

"Bitch never played in here though, just left it to waste." I turn to Cook, who now wears a scowl, before sighing and returning his attention back to the room.

"Now it ain't, is it? Now my boy can use it, scream all he like and be safe, safe from those fuckers outside." Cook moves to Freddie and him, which makes Freddie stop moving and look at Cook, before letting him place his hand over the boys head, stroking the tiny hairs there. It's rather tense for a while, until Cook drops his hand and looks to me.

"Anyway, I'm gonna check on Effy again. Stupid bint, leaving like that."

"Be easy on her, we all do crazy things when we're stuck in our heads all the time."

"I know, Blondie. I know. Suppose there's like a grey lining in all of this, got you back to us, didn't it."

"Silver lining, Cook, silver lining."

"Toosh." He smiles slightly, knowing perfectly well that he's mispronounced the word, before he's on his way.

"Oh, and I call dibs on the purple haired princess downstairs. Need me some action." I know Freddie's going to explode before he even opens his mouth.

"Fuck sake, Cook!" Yep.

"Jokes, Freds! I know she's your girl. I was messing about." Freddie then exhales profoundly and hands the baby back to Karen, engaging in a conversation as I look to Cook who is at the doorway, his brow raised and smirk in place. Such a cocky bastard - some things don't change.

I leave Karen and Freddie to it and join Cook, not really wanting to stick around anymore. We walk along the hallway in silence until we are out of earshot, and ask, chuckling.

"You didn't know, did you?"

"Had no idea babes. Don't reckon the redhead would wanna shag though, eh?" I tense slightly as we approach the stairs, coming to a stop. He continues to walk but then stops on the stairway, turning around to look at me.

"Well? She game or what?"

"Na, Cook. Just no."

"No?"

"No, okay? Now stop asking!" I storm by him down the staircase, my arms folding over my chest in the process, feeling the tension rise in me. I want to say two words. Two very important words which would end this right now: she's mine. I feel the words on the tip of my tongue. I want to desperately say them, but I can't. I have no grounds to, after all.

"No way." I stop at the bottom and slowly turn around to look at Cook, trying my best to look as stoic as possible. It only makes Cook burst out laughing; clutching his sides as he slowly takes step after step down the stairs, practically hysterical all the way. By the time he stands before me, I've rolled my eyes into oblivion, and my arms are clasped so tightly I don't believe I have function in them anymore.

"Blondie has it bad for Red, don't she?" He goes to poke my cheek but I move my head, exhaling profoundly through my nose.

"Fuck off, Cook."

"Afraid of a little competition, are we Naomikins?"

"Competition? For fuck sake, Cook, this isn't a bet. This isn't your Uncle's stupid fucking pub on a Sunday night, bored out of our skulls and trying to pass the time. Christ, you haven't changed at all. Still trying to shag your way through the population, and what's pathetic is that you could probably do that now seeing as everyone is dead!" Cook watches me closely, his face turning grave with each word.

"But I swear Cook, I fucking swear, you touch her.." I shake my head and try to calm myself before continuing with my threat.

"And we're done." I turn to leave but he reaches out and pulls me back.

"Hey hey, I'm playing about."

"Like fuck you are. You're so.. I just.. Who are you? If I've learned anything from my time with Freddie and the others is that I really don't know you."

"Stop trying to pick a fight with me, you're just like, deflecting and shit. You're running away from what's really happening."

"Oh, does that remind you of anyone? Sleeping with Karen wasn't enough that you had to knock her up too, and then what; leave and ignore her."

"I'm 'ere now! And I've been 'ere every day since. Princess, what the fuck is going on with you?"

"What's wrong with me is that this whole fucking situation is fucked. You all just pissed off without me and left me to die."

"Naomi, we didn't know-"

"I can't hear this again. I just.. I need to get some air."

"You can't go outside."

"Just leave me alone."

"Blondie."

"Cook, just leave me alone okay?" I pull away from him and storm into the living room, making sure to slam the door for great measure. It's only afterwards that I feel a fool and that I realise I'm actually just attracting attention from both the living and the walking dead.

"Fuck." I collapse more than sit onto the sofa, my hands to my face, just trying to cease this turmoil lingering around inside my head. A couple moments later I hear a knock, and without hesitation I tell them to fuck off, not wanting to be disturbed.

"It's me." A part of me aches hearing her voice, desiring to have her close and yet far away, knowing that she will only cause me more pain, and yet prove to be the antidote at the same time. It's weird. I hear the door softly click open and footsteps shortly follow.

"I made some tea with your mum… Here, drink this." I finally lift my head from my palms, and look to Emily who is standing before me, offering the beverage. After a long pause of just staring, I finally accept the drink and take a sip. It's actually quite nice, but I don't have it in me to drink it right now and so place it on the table in front of me. Emily then takes a seat beside me on the sofa, sitting close and yet so far. I need her closer. I want her closer. I just can't seem to verbalise these thoughts though, let alone make sense of them.

"You should really drink that up, you haven't had much to eat or drink today.. Or lately, when I think about it."

"I'm fine."

"Don't lie to me, Naomi." We fall into silence, it's comfortable and yet not. It's hard to define. Any moment with Emily feels right, content, but right now I know that there exist some dark undertones that make it feel heavy – charged – and not in a good way. I turn my attention to Emily once again when I feel her hand slip into my own, playing with the fingers gingerly. Her eyes watch our hands as they dance together.

"Could be dead in a second: everything's so fragile, didn't you realise that?" It's so quiet and yet firm, that it makes me catch my breath sharply and then exhale softly. She continues to look down at our extremities, her face so.. so very..

"Emily.." It's when she lifts her brown beautiful eyes to look at me that I feel the weight directly crush me in my chest, cementing the enormity of my stupidity and exposing the grief that it has caused. And I should know - I feel it swelling up inside of me right now.

"I'm sorry for what happened.. I just. I wasn't thinking- I never think, you should never have had to do what you did. I never meant to hurt you, quite the opposite in fact. You should have chosen better than me- you obviously deserve better than me."

"Naomi, this wasn't a choice. Even if the world was like before, I doubt I'd even have one then. I... Feel connected to you. I believe we would have met somehow, I believe that. The thinking part however, or lack thereof, well, that needs to be worked on." Her eyes are on our hands again, lacing them together, entwining them and just connecting them in different ways, many times: over and over again. It's a feeling I could never grow to get used to, for it sears my skin each and every time in the best possible way.

"What I did.. I would do a thousand times more, if it means keeping you safe, here with me."

The sentiment both delights and frightens me, for I don't believe I can go through this one more time, let alone forgive myself for putting her in danger once again. I grip my hold on her hand and go to speak, but I find no words. I'm terrible at this sort of thing, so I do what I can. I raise my other hand to rest under her chin and lift it up and away from the distraction of our hands. She finally looks at me again; her eyes darkening with her brows low, and lip twitching. It's all I need to see, it's all I need to know.

I lean forward and press my lips gently against hers, lowering my hand to place over our fused ones. I feel our connection mirrored with every breath she takes, with the words she speaks, and in the way she kisses me back; pressing, responding, and just yearning to be a part of it like I do. I want this, so very much. And as we take this moment to just be here now, I feel the stresses of the hour; day and months just drain from me. I don't know how she does this, for I'm not one for forgetting, but she takes me to places I could never have expected without even going anywhere. God, I'm drowning in her, and really if I'm truthful, I don't care. I really don't.

"Emily love, did you find Nao- ah." We draw apart quickly to find Gina standing in the doorway with a smile on her face.

"Oh, don't let me stop you now. Go on. I'll just leave the same way I came. You two enjoy yourselves now, I'll make sure to leave you two some food."

"Oh Christ." I mumble, dropping my head into my hands once again as Emily giggles next to me.

"Well, your mum is nice."

"She's a cliché."

"She's a nice cliché." I scoff and look up at Emily through the gaps in my fingers, feeling beyond embarrassed.

"Come on, drink up. This tea was made with love." She announces, bringing my hand down to her lap with one hand and then giving me the cup of the tea with the other. I concentrate on breathing for a moment as I hold the tea, looking at Emily who seems to be a lot more chipper now. I don't doubt that this tea was made with anything less than that four letter word, and it has me gulping it down rather quickly, if only to try and quench this mounting emotion inside of me.

What have I got myself into?