Went to the mall with karlah. Guess she misses James more than I do. That's what she said, anyway. It's round christmas now. It's been rough, too. A lot of fingers been pointed, a lotta people been cryin. But today I think hit me hardest so far. I saw some people from James's school. His old buddies. They reconized me, and what they said chilled me to the bone.
"Hey, ain't that the lucario James called Luke?"
"Yeah! Yeah man it is!"
"It STILL looks upset. Hah."
"Over what? JAMES? Really?"
"Yeah man, look at it! It's frikkin near tears now, how Pathetic. James been dead what, four months? No one be carin anymore."
"Sides, didn't the news say the lucario was the whole reason James died?"
That was all I could take. I turned and ran out of the mall, leaving karlah who was completely oblivious. Angry, frustrated tears ran down my smoothed fur. That stupid news report. Said I was responsible for the whole thing. But it's true, isint it? I could have prevented it. Why couldn't it have been me?...
As i sit staring at the ceiling, my thoughts run wild. Memories, past regrets, recent guilt, depression. It all swirls inside of me like a never ending hurricane. Why did it have to happen like this? It's just all so messed up.
Christmas Day came and went. There was this whole tradition where James's mom and dad would laugh and tell me to come get my rock, cause 'bad boys' only get rocks for Christmas. Then I'd come into the living room and see what they really had in the small stocking for me. But this year, no one asked me to go anywhere. I just sat on the couch, watched Riley and her husband jack exchange gifts. They didn't even look at me until late into the night.
"Luke?..."
My head slowly looked up, and I met the steady gaze of Riley. She came and sat by me, then pulled me into a hug. I ain't one who likes the whole mushy thing. But...it felt good. Knowin someone was there for me. After a moment she let go, and handed me a small red and green box.
"Merry christmas.."
I looked up at her, then down at the gift. I opened it...and found a picture. Of me and James out on the basketball court, happy as ever. It was framed in white and gold, and at the bottom the words 'friendship never dies' where etched into the woodwork. I felt tears come to my eyes. How could he be gone? ... I let out a shaky breath, but it was useless. Tears fell on to the glass, and I sobbed. I'm bleeding, even though I ain't cut. The wound James's death left is still fresh, and now it's pounding. Pointing at me and yelling 'killer!'
Later the next day, I was sitting outside with cherry, Jame's charmeleon. We'd always been close.
"Do you think he's cold?"
I asked suddenly. Cherry turned and looked at me funny.
"Who?"
"James. Do you think he's cold?"
She looked at me as if I was insane. Maybe I am.
"With all this snow...I know I'm always cold. Do you think he is?"
Cherry got up, and lead me inside. The wound was bleeding again.
I slept fitfully that night. And I think the dream was part of what lead me to where I am now. I was in some kinda room. But James was there.
"I'm cold, luke. Real cold. When are you gonna come see me? It's been real lonely here. Didja know there ain't no other black people in this necka heaven? Just me!"
I blinked, utterly confused.
"Come see you? What do you mean?...no black people?"
"It was a mixup bro, cause of mah last name. Washington. They got me up here with Martha and gorge! And they don't know nothin, not even what basketball is! And Martha keep askin what mah shirt says, you know that one with skrillex? And yeah, You know man, come up here n keep me company!"
I jerked back.
"Y-you mean you want me to die?!"
"Yeah man. With you dead it would be livin up here! Does that make sense?.. "
"J-James I'm sorry, I know it's my fault your gone and-"
"Yeah it's your fault. It's all your fault. You didint stop me drinkin or tell me to slow down. It's all your fault, lucario."
The world swirled around me, and i woke up, the wound in my heart was pounding again. Did James really blame me after all?