Things got rough. I've continued going to James's school, more so out of habit than anything. All the teachers are used to having me around as a sort of helper so they don't object. I guess that's a good thing, I don't have to be alone. I think about the crash when I'm alone, and that just gets me deeper into depression, and sometimes I'll cry for hours.

I don't know what it was that set me off today. I was in a history class, and they where talking about some guy who killed a king, and a lot of women and children, but his wife had told him to do it or something. But in the end, someone commits suicide. But they did it because they felt they where guilty, because they had killed someone. I feel like that a lot. All the time now. But I don't talk to anyone about it. Cherry knows. I know. I think Riley does too, but I'm not sure. Anyway, when they started talking about the suicide I just lost it. I had to leave the room, because i almost started to cry. I felt everyone staring at me, because I never just up and leave, even when James did.

Riley and jack noticed how down I've been. They took me to a freaking psychologist. Can you believe that? A human one too. Good thing I went to school with James for so long, cause it was able to answer the guy on paper. I can't say it didint help though..

"Oh, I'll assume your Luke?"

I nod.

"Great. Have a seat, and well get started hmm?"

I sighed and sat down on a large red chair, and he looked at me intently, as if looking into my Mind.

"Why don't you tell me what happened?"

He passed me a notebook, and I wrote everything. I told him about basketball, about the call from karlah, about the beer, about the car, about the crash. When I was done and he had read it, he nods and asked a question that I could answer without thinking.

"Do you blame yourself for what happened to James?"

Here is what I wrote, word for word.

"-Of corse I blame myself. It's my fault, ain't it? He was drinkin, I was drinkin. But he was drivin. I knew he had been drinkin cause he had gotten me to start drinkin. But I let him drive anyway. I didn't stop him, I didn't even try. Then when it happened, I didint try hard nough to save him. I just listened to him die."

The guy looked the note over, and then into my eyes.

"Do you think James blames you?"

"-I don't know. Maybe. Not really, I guess. He wasn't one to blame anyone for anything. He would just say 'stuff happens' and move on."

"Then why do you blame yourself?"

"-because I know I could have prevented it."

"Do you feel you should have been punished?"

"-yes."

"How?"

"-...I don't know. Kicked out of the house, maybe. Put away for a few years."

"And how do you feel?"

"-alone. Guilty. Depressed, I guess. How am I supposed to feel? I practically killed my best friend."

"And have you expressed this to Mrs. And Mr. Washington?"

"-no. I haven't had the guts to. How would I even start? 'Hey I'm sorry I killed your son'? It don't work like that."

"No, I suppose it doesn't. I hear you go to James's school still. How has that been?"

"-good,i guess."

"Do you feel it has helped?"

"-...yeah. People understand. But there are some people who don't, I guess. Who feel the same way I do, that I'm to blame. I use James's old locker, yanno? But I found the word 'killer' written on it the other day."

"And how did that note make you feel?"

"-sad, I guess. Angry. Upset some don't really get it."

He nods one final time, before looking up at me from the pad he had been scribbling on.

"Well like, how about you come back here next week and we can keep talking alright?"

I just shrugged, leaving when Riley and jack came to get me.

Another hard day at the school. Found another note in the locker. Said 'we wish you had been the one to burn', found another on the desk I sit at, said 'we're gonna burn you like you burned James'. I don't really pay attention to them anymore. Or anything else for that matter. I'm just numb.

"How you feelin Luke?"

I was sitting outside with cherry, and she was telling me about this and that, just things that didn't really matter.

"I dunno, better I guess."

She nods.

"It's hard to get past. But people die all the time."

"It's scary, cherry. James was only what, seventeen? Sixteen? He was at that age where your not supposed to die. Where your supposed to make plans for life, families and jobs and all that. But now he's six feet under with a stone over his head. Ain't right."

"Nothing's right, Luke. But James wouldn't want you to grieve like this."

"Maybe not. That don't mean I won't."

"You always where stubborn."

"So are you."

"Whatever...I know you mean well, cherry, really, but something's I just needa deal with alone."

"I , Luke? Where do you see yourself in ten years?"

"I don't."

"What?"

"I don't see myself that far."

"What do you mean, Luke?"

"I mean...I don't see anything in my future. It's all just bleak. I don't think I even have a future anymore, cherry. Life ain't got no meaning."

"That's real dark.."

"I'm real dark."

"Well, I see myself with a family and cubs!"

"Nah cherry your gonna be the first pokemon somethin or other. If there ain't one yet, you gonna be it."

"Oh really now? And you don't see your self with me?"

"Naaah. Like I said, I don't see myself anywhere."

"Well, what about this Friday?"

"That far I can see."

"And? Where are we?"

"Hmmm...I see us at the forest edge, gettin pizza from that women in the cottage and makin passionate love!"

She laughs.

"I think your crystal balls cracked, but two outta three ain't bad."

"What two did I get right?"

"Shut up, silly boy."

I Started Goin with cherry, she's been a big help. An she loves me, too. Just like I do her. Maybe things are startin to look better...