More time passed. Don't know how long. Didn't keep track. Another gash, another nonexistent wound that hurts me. I was with another pokemon, one belonging to karlah. An older Raichu. She's nice enough, I guess..
"Hey Luke. How ya feelin?"
"Fine I guess."
"You sure? You don't look fine. Your all..thin. And you look like you haven't slept in weeks. You been sleepin okay?"
"Yeah."
"...okay...you know, you should really try to move on from that unfortunate incident, it was just a freak accident. I know it was hard for you, but-"
"Would you People STOP trying to tell me to move on?! IT WASNT JUST A 'INCIDENT'! It was a crash! It was a horrible, horrible crash! And someone died! James, DIED! And you all expect me to just move on like its fine and dandy?! Well it's NOT! IM not! And I don't think I ever will be! So just leave it!"
With that, I just stormed away. I regretted yelling at her later. She was really just trying to help.
It's hard to deal with things alone when you really need someone, but there just ain't no one. I mentioned before I think bout not likin being alone. Well...nobody was home. Cherry wasn't home, jack n Riley weren't home, but I was. And the house was silent. As if mocking me, sayin it shouldn't be that quiet, and I know it's true. With James around nothin was ever quiet, someone was always laughin, always tryin not to be too loud or too rough. But it would happen anyways and we would laugh about it. James was cool like that. James... He didint deserve to die, not like that. He was sposed to grow up, go to collage, get a scholarship for basketball 'n then get a house an have a family. But none of that will ever, ever never happen now cause of me. My eyes stray to the old huntin rifle hanging on the wall. The loaded barrel... No. No, I won't let myself go that far. I yank my eyes away, and just leave the house, before I do something stupid. No...I hurt someone bad, killed him. It would be a shame to end my own suffering, when he died in such a horrible way.
Another visit to the shrink. Another dose of annoyance.
"Hello Luke! How are you?"
"-as good as I can be I spose."
"Good, good.. What's wrong, you seem upset."
"- I don't know, doc. Things. Life,I guess. It hurts still, but it guess it always will. People keep sayin to get over it but I can't. I have these dreams, nightmares, about the crash. What happened, what shoulda happened..."
"What do you think should have happened, Luke?..."
"-I shoulda died in that fire, not James."
"Why do you think that?"
"-I dunno. Just do. It feels wrong that I get to live and he don't."
"Alright...well, how about you and that girl you mentioned the last time you where here? How are you both getting along?"
I felt another deep pounding in the wound.
"-we're gettin long fine, doc. Me 'n cherry are real tight, can't be separated if ya tried."
"That's good! And, how are people treating you at the school?"
"-pretty good. I'm pulling myself together, feeling better than ever."
The next Day I went back to the school again. During a gym class, the coaches all brought everyone outside to the football field, had the girls run track and the guys play football. They gave me the choice but I sat out. Eventually I went to the water fountain just behind the bleachers, and heard footsteps on both sides, closing in...
"Well well well ain't it the killer lucario?"
I felt a shiver run down my spine as I turned to face the huge, muscular jocks. I reconized some of them as basketball players for the school team.
"We all know what you did, everyone knows. You purposely left James in that car didint ya?"
He shoved me against the wall and I felt my head snap back against the cold concrete.
"Well? Say sumthin!"
I wanted to, so badly. I wanted to punch these guys right in their stupid mouthes. But I didint. I didn't wanna hurt anyone else.
"Well guys, lets beat some noise outta this idiot eh?!"
I felt fear shoot through me as I realized my position. I was backed against a wall, no way to escape. I heard the punch first, but then felt it. Right in the ribs. Breath knocked out of me, I dropped to my knees only to receive a searing, almost agonizing kick to the crotch from one of the shorter guys. I fell onto my side, only able to weakly protect my head as the onslaught continued. But still I refused to use any of my moves. In a way, it was my own sick punishment for what I did to James. What I caused. They all ran off laughing when the whistle blew, and i forced myself to a stand. Checked my body. A a lot of bruises, but my fur hid them well enough. Surprisingly, no cuts. But the spike on my chest was cracked, and that worried me. Not sure how to fix that. I'd figure it out eventually.
"Oh my god, luke, what Happend to your spike?!"
Cherry was staring at me, wide eyed in horror.
"Nothin. Just got in a little fight, that's all. It was something stupid."
"Boys...you guys are always getting too rough!"
"Yeah, Heh, I know."
"Hey, Luke...about the...crash.."
I paled.
"What about it?"
"There's...people...saying you left James there on purpose. Is it true?"
"No! It's..it's not! I swear it!"
"Okay, okay, calm down..sorry."
"It's fine, just...I didn't. I didn't have enough time to get him out, I tried I swear I did, I... There was just so much fire...I could smell the gas.. But I guess I didn't try hard enough."
"Don't say that, I'm Sure you did your best."
"But if wasn't enough.."
I looked away as tears started to form in my eyes, and cherry sighed. It sounded morelike a sound of frustration.
Cherry's note to spark (Raichu)
-hey, girl. Five months have passed sense I got with Luke, but...It's getting pretty rough. I mean, James's death hit everyone hard but we all are learning to deal with it, but he just seems to refuse to get over it. It just feels like too much yanno? I mean...I think...I love him, but...I'm not sure anymore. He's just always depressed and it's dragging me down too. I feel like I'm responsible for pullin him outta whatever he's sinking into. I don't know what do to. I wanna ease up on our relationship but I don't know how to without hurtin him. It seems like he's just on the brink of insanity sometimes, like he's always sayin the strangest things like 'do ya think James is cold?' Or stuff like that. It gets creepy. I don't know what to do round him no more, and it's getting tough to put up with his crying and depression spells. Sometimes I just don't try. He seems like he's getting worse too. How am I supposed to help him if he don't wanna be helped? Maybe we should split up? I need your advice!
-cherry
It was the talent show at the school, and people where singing an dancin and being all funny. Usually I'd be crackin up. But...without James nothin seems funny no more. I mean, I still smile. Have to put up an show. But what happened after...it hurt bad. Real bad.
"Hey cherry!"
"Heey...Luke.."
"What's wrong C, perloin got your tongue?"
"Um...no...I...Luke I think...we should break off.."
I stepped back, feeling as if I had been hit. No, this feeling was worse. It was worse than getting beat up by those jocks. Worse than that times ten. I would take that again and be grateful.
"Wh-what?"
"I mean...I like...you,...but your just too much...you get all depressed and...I can't deal with that anymore."
"I-...I thought you cared!"
"I do care, Luke!"
"Obviously not!"
"I do, I just can't...I can't stand you always pulling me down..!"
I had nothing to say to that.
"I'm sorry luke, really I am. But I can't do this no more."
My eyes narrowed.
"Go to hell!"
Her eyes did too.
"Maybe that's what Im Gettin out of!"
My heart thumped painfully, and I ran out the back door.
I didn't stop runnin til I was home. I got in, slammed the door, went to my room, slammed that door too. Then picked up the phone, and called the shrink. I had to. I felt like I was gonna explode. I needed to vent, and ain't no one else willin to listen. I needed to call the other line, the one where they gotta pokemon answerin all I got was a machine.
"Hello! You've reached the offices of ! We're closed right now, but please leave a detailed message and we will get back to you as soon as possible! Thank you!"
I just hung up. The cheery voice just made my heart hurt worse. My head was pounding, felt like someone was knocking on it with a hammer. For all I cared, they where.
Didn't go to the school for..I dont know how long. But I didn't leave the bedroom, either. Cept maybe to go to the bathroom. Riley brought food up to me when she felt I would need it. But I didn't really eat much. Couldn't. Got sick later on, it would just come back up. The words just kept repeating in my mind, making it feel like someone was twisting a knife in my chest.
"But I can't do this no more."
"Don't let me die like this, please!"
"Move on from that unfortunate incident.."
"You left him there on purpose didn't ya?"
I didn't know anymore. Did I? It's all just a blur. My chest feels like someone is pushing on it, can't breathe, can't think... I felt something wet roll down my face, and realized I was crying again. Why did it all happen like this, why can't I just get a break?...