I gave a letter to Riley and jake...trying to tell them how sorry I am.
_
"I know nothing I can say will ever make it better, and it won't change anything me writing this. But I feel like I have to. I know it may be painful to think about him. About James. It's still painful for me too. I just wish I could have done something to change it. So...I put this together. So you can remember him, the past too, and not hurt. These are a collection of good times so you don't only think of the bad.
-the time when James first got me, I was just a little riolu from the adoption house. He didn't stop smiling for an entire week and neither did I. We just sorta clicked.
-the time James made his very first basket on the team. He was so proud of himself. You where proud of him, too. So was I. Cause he was still kinda short, so everyone was surprised and happy he had made it. Even the other team.
-the time we all went to cut our first live tree for Christmas, it was a week or two after I evolved. James kept making these jokes about trees coming alive to scare me. I didint admit it, but I really got kinda freaked out. It had been my first time even seeing snow.
-when James got the flu and I stayed home with him, and he kept fake throwing up on me to scare me. Until he actually did, and you laughed.
-that day when we all went to the fair, and James got knocked upside the head by jack for breaking something, but we all laughed bout it anyway cause he kept saying it was the other guys fault. I think he got in a fight?
I hope this has helped you think more about the good times than the bad. Maybe then remembering him won't be so painful. I don't know what else I can say to try an make it better. 'Hey I'm sorry I killed your son'? It won't work like that. So...yeah. I'm sorry."
_
Riley read it, started cryin, hugged me. I cried to. Jack just went upstairs, and later on Riley told me he never blamed me, but it's takin him longer to deal with, so he's not ready. I wonder if that's his way of sayin that he won't ever get over what I did. What I caused. What I didn't stop...
Everyone believes I'm Okay now. Everyone around here knows I'm fine. Just the way I wanted.
"Well hello again Luke. How are you feeling?"
"-feelin fine doc. Never been better."
"That's great. How have you been dealing with everything? Any nightmares?"
"-nope. Not a single one. I've been feelin great, and gettin better every day."
"That's wonderful luke. And how are you and cherry doing?"
"-me and cherry are real close, lovin each other like always doc."
"Great. And how about those boys at school? They treating you good?"
"-yeah. Ain't found no more notes either.i still feel guilty, but I'm learnin to live."
"That's wonderful luke! You've progressed from wanting to die, to learning to live. I think we can move these meetings to as needed, hmm?"
"-don't think I needed them in the first place."
"Well I think we've come a long way."
"-whatever you say, doc.."
-
I haven't talked to cherry sense...that night.i don't need her. I don't need Riley or jack or that stupid shrink. I don't need nobody!
Went to the school. Roamed around a little. Took down today's accusing notes. Same old same old... But I can't help but feel horrid. so I went home, talked to riley. or...well...wrote.
"-you know a long time ago wen we all went on vacation to the beach? While I was a riolu?"
"yeah?"
"-well...in the middle of the night, me and James snuck out. Went to the beach to collect shells."
"So?...why are you telling me this now? thinkin about better times?"
"-no...I..uh...the tide came in. Real fast. I got pulled couldn't breathe, couldn't see which way was up. I kelt screamin but that just made it worse, water went into my my mouth. I was so scared. I thought I was gonna die."
"oh my god! how did you get out?!"
"-James pulled me out, hit me on the back till I stopped coughin and started breathin normal. Then he hugged me and held me for a long time sayin he was sorry. I'm tell ya this cause that's how I feel now. Like I can't breathe, like I'm gonna suffocate. my chest hurts and it's like I'm bleeding but I ain't cut."
"oh...well..thanks for telling me about all this luke. I'm sure you'll be okay."
but she dosnt understand. This time, there isint anyone to pull me out. And I feel like i just keep sinking deeper...
(1-week later)
"Haven't slept in a few days. haven't eaten either. I can't, it just don't feel right. I'm home alone, sittin with that old huntin rifle. What do I do now? Pray? Cry? I don't know anymore. Maybe I don't do nothin. Maybe it's just that. But I feel like I should say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused people, all the trouble I've put people through. I wish I could take it all back. I want to. But I can't, James is dead and it's my fault. I've tried to push through it I really have, but I just can't anymore. It hurts too badly. Too much pain, frustration, anger, confusion...and no one left to care.
I've been all alone through this. Cherry never really cared about me. No one did. Cept maybe James, but he's dead now. If he wasn't I wouldn't be feelin like now I'm sittin upstairs in James's and mines room with this old gun. It's shiny, still. Like new. Smooth, too. Not a fleck of rust on it. Fully loaded. I can't take it all anymore. I'm sorry. I'm sorry...I'm so-"
POLICE REPORT
subject: pokemon
Gender:male
Race: Lucario
Name: Luke
Status: deceased.
A fifteen year old lucario was found with a gunshot wound to the head by , the mother of the pokemons owner. Last year the pokemons trainer had been killed in a car accident, and the pokemon had been suffering depression and survivors guilt. Today, at 3:46 the lucario was found in the bedroom. He was pronounced dead at the scene.