The next morning was spent playing with Judith in the shade of the Prison courtyard with Carol, who was all smiles and laughter when we spoke but had a concerned look in her eye as she watched Judith, but I had a sensation in the pit of my stomach that it had something to do with me.
"What's wrong, Carol?" My eyebrows knitted together in concern as she inhaled, it seemed as though her ribs would give way due to the amount of air she sucked in. She looked frail and fragile, yet she was one of the strongest forces we had at this prison.
"Daryl spoke to me last night." She turned her head and gave me a sympathetic smile as she lifted Judith into her lap. What a surprise, it seems as though Daryl gossips more than the women here.
"He spoke to me too." I rolled my eyes at the the mere thought of him. It only really crossed my mind then that he was a bit of a bitch, really. He reminded me of a popular girl who used to go to my school. Her name was Jessica and she was consistently nice to your face, yet as soon as your back was turned her knife was plunged in deep. I actually laughed aloud at the thought of dark and brooding Daryl Dixon who could live in the wild for days on his own for days on end compared so similarly to a girl who was probably one of the first to die in from this infection.
I noticed Carol stare at me, eyes filled with worry.
"I was just thinking about someone I used to know who Daryl reminds me of." I chuckled, which seemed to reassure her, if only slightly which was a relief in any case.
"He said he told you about Zach." She slowly set Judith a pink blanket on the floor and quickly made a face at her to reassure the baby she still maintained her attention.
I stayed silent for a few seconds as the light summer breeze gently blew the loose strands of hair into my face, hand shaking I tucked the lock of greasy hair behind my ear and looked at Carol.
"He said I didn't care, didn't he?" I laughed humorlessly and shook my head slightly. "Well I do." I stared straight ahead at the walkers who surrounded the gates, threatening to overrun the only home we had. "I've learned that distancing myself from people is the only way to keep me safe." Her hand on my scarred wrist made me jump slightly, yet I looked at her despite the watery sensation in my eyes.
"Oh, honey …" She sighed and pulled me to her and for fifteen minutes I sobbed in her arms. Even Judith was distressed by my screams and sobs, though they were muffled by Carol. "You don't want to go back there, do you? Back to the way you were on the farm?" Her fingers stroked through my hair, a sensation I had ached for ever since Mom died.
When she was certain I had recovered she wiped the silver tear tracks from my face and kissed the tip of my nose gently.
"You're going to be fine, Beth. I'll talk to Daryl later on, okay?" She released me and then held Judith close to her, but I shook my head boldly.
"He doesn't like me, it's the way I like it." I stood up and left to go for my two hour training session after quickly visiting my cell to pick up my newly acquired weapon.
I could see why Daryl now kept his crossbow so close to him, without my bow I felt as though a limb had been removed despite only having it for less than a day. I'd been archery champion for three years running back at school, a collection of memories so distant the edges were beginning to fade like an old photograph. Daryl was stood at the edge of the chain linked fence, close to the walkers, yet not close enough to be grabbed and fed to their snarling jaws. He spotted me and nodded once, making sure I knew where he was. I trudged over to him and it was only then that I saw the cigarette in his mouth, I could see the tension in his muscled frame seep from his mouth in the form of a lethal haze as he exhaled the smoke.
"Smokin's bad for you." I bent down to examine the arrows that lay on the ground. The tips had different colours and it seemed as though he'd picked them up on a run for his crossbow, but they hadn't quite worked. Daryl knew his crossbow better than the people he lived with so he must have known that they'd never fit weapon he treated like a newborn baby.
"So's gettin' bit." He shrugged and crouched down, putting the arrows I'd moved to examine back in order. Who'd have thought the bold Daryl Dixon had a fetish for keeping things neat?
"When did you get these?" I frowned slightly, some of the feathered tips seemed as though they had never been fired.
"This mornin'." He was giving me the cold shoulder now? The memories of his warning blazed through my mind and I nodded once.
"You know how to use these?" I shook the metal bow that was held so tight in my hand my knuckles turned white gently and the sound of a harsh swish cut through the air.
"Nope. Why d'ya think I picked up all these goddamn arrows?" His upper lip twitched in annoyance as he spoke and ash fell from the cigarette that balanced between his lips. He used his forefinger and middle finger to pull the cigarette from his mouth and blew out a soft plume of smoke which he had the decency to puff in the opposite direction to my face, yet the smell still made my throat itch and my eyes water.
"You found all of these?" I blinked the stinging sensation from my eyes and inspected the arrows. There was over 30 and after close inspection I selected 20 that would fit the make of bow. I wasn't an expert on the bow I had, I just knew the tightness of the string was perfect. I didn't have everything I needed to make shooting comfortable, but in the conditions we lived in, I was happy for the bow in itself.
"You think I'm dangerous." I turned my head to look at him. He was sat next to me, leaning back on his elbows to keep him propped up, his legs were crossed as he squinted at the sunlight. He leant to the right elbow as he used his left hand to take another drag of his cigarette.
"I 'aint ever said that." He tipped his head back and savoured the nicotine that now flowed through his system.
"You told me as much last night." I frowned and sat up, my legs crossed as I tilted my head slightly in confusion.
He took a minute to think out his answer before smirking over at me. "You got cold, Greene." His eyes studied mine, as if waiting for a retort. When he was confident I had nothing to say, he continued. "You're convinced you're the only one who lost somethin'." He shook his head slightly and ran a hand over his mouth with the hand that held his cigarette. "I used to be like that too. When I found out Merle was up on that roof, I swore I coulda killed someone. Prolly woulda been Rick, too. Then when Carol's lil girl went missin' I went off like you did."
"I haven't 'gone off' anywhere." I frowned slightly, I didn't care to hear his life story but I was intrigued to find out more. Needless to say he had caught my attention.
"Shuddup up a minute, would'ya?" Daryl rolled his eyes and ground the stub of his cigarette into the grass and focussed his attention on me. "When Rick an' Glenn went lookin' for your Daddy Lori asked me to go out searchin' for them an' I refused. You know why? 'Coz I was tired of lookin' for people. Carin' about people only gets you hurt but that don't mean you gotta shut yourself off. Shuttin' yourself off makes you a coward"
The similarity of our situations hit me with a resounding force. Before, it seemed like Daryl was a figure in a thick shroud of fog, but hearing how someone like him had struggled like someone like me made the fog evaporate till only the sun remained. I looked down at the ground as I dug the heel of my boots into the mud, ashamed that I'd actually wanted to see harm come to him. I wasn't ready to share my deepest thoughts with him, but it had become clear to me that my opinion on him had been warped by the way people glorified him and acted as though we didn't need anyone else so long as he was around.
"I care that Zach died …" I made sure I didn't look directly at him as I spoke, yet the words tumbled out of my mouth completely scorning my previous thoughts regarding how I COMPLETELY DIDN'T WANT TO TELL HIM MY INNERMOST FEELINGS. "I just … Do you think there's gonna be a good outcome to this?" I let myself look at him as I confessed the one thing that had been on my mind since the dead started walking.
"Maybe. Maybe not." He gave me the smallest hint of a smile which only made me smile too. He chuckled and shook his head and I followed, our laughing growing in volume before we noticed the fence straining against the weight of the walkers. "Wanna show me how well you shoot, Greene?"
We made the same journey out of the fence, through the hole that had been loosely tied when we first made the prison our home.
"Ready?" He spared a glance at me, to which I nodded. He ran into the fray, whistling loudly, giving me the opportunity to shoot at them.
I took a deep breath and crouched to pick up an arrow I had brought out with me. Settling the arrow into place I pulled the string hard, feeling the skin of my delicate fingertip split under the strain. The pain was sharp and quick, yet it made my breathing ragged and my heart pound in my ears. I loosed the arrow and it drove itself straight into the side of the head of the closest walker. I took down three more before Daryl stepped in and took down the rest.
"Good, but you're slow." He nodded once at me and I knew that was the closest I was going to get to a compliment.
I watched Daryl pick up the arrows I hadn't used when I felt a bony hand grab my shoulder. At first I thought it was Carol or one of the elder residents, but then it occurred to me that they were safely inside the gates and they didn't smell of decay. I dropped to the floor and the walker landed on top of me, almost crushing me with its weight. I used my strongest hand to hold its neck, forcing its mouth away from any of my flesh and desperately reached for my bow. If I could grab it, there was a small chance I could drive the tip through the walker's head. In hindsight, I should have screamed as soon as I saw the walker but my mouth was so dry it felt as though I hadn't tasted the sweet luxury of water in 500 years. My arm shook under the tension of the walker currently snapping its teeth in my general direction and could feel it giving out, but just as my arm fell to my side and I shut my eyes waiting for the my throat to be ripped apart the weight was lifted from me and Daryl came into view, holding out his hand to help me up.
"Took your time …" I panted and accepted the outstretched hand as he pulled me to my feet.
"I thought you were a lil bit trained?" His eyes scanned my body as he checked for bites or scratches.
"I'm not bit. I said I was an archer, not a fighting champion." The hand I'd used to push the walker away from me hurt as I tentatively prodded it to make sure it wasn't too badly injured.
"You 'aint got no muscles, Greene!" He pinched the skin on my arm and I yelped in surprise.
"Hey!" I held my arm defensively and collected my bow as I stepped back through the fence. A surge of appreciation surged through my veins and the distant feeling of friendship warmed my stomach."And Daryl?" I glanced back at him as he finished retrieving my arrows.
He looked over at me in answer as he pulled a splintered arrow from the eye socket of a walker.
"Thank you, I'm sorry I judged you so quick." I offered an apologetic look and retreated to my cell.
Later on that evening, when I was looking after Judith he came to see me. He didn't even tap the wall to alert me of his presence, he just invited himself inside which would have irked me, but since he saved my life I decided to drop it.
"Today weren't too heavy, were it?" His eyes were drawn to the thin bandage I had wrapped around my injured hand. "You're just a kid, I keep treatin' you like an adu-"
"I'm eighteen."
"You're still a kid to me." He raised an eyebrow and held out his arms for Judith.
I complied and watched the way he gracefully took care of the baby. I knew that wasn't the only reason he wanted to talk to me, he liked to think he was a man of mystery, but I could read him like an open book.
"I know you 'aint all that trustin' of me an' I spoke to Carol an' she decided that we should go on a run together." He glanced at me quickly, the words were carefully chosen as though he didn't want to anger me.
The concept of going on a run was something I had played about with recently, maybe then people would start seeing me as adult. One could only hope.
"What for?" I watched a captivated Judith stare intently up at Daryl.
"Well seein' as our only common interest is Lil Ass Kicker I was thinkin' some toys?" He'd probably been through this conversation with Carol, planned out each word efficiently and precisely with her to make sure he didn't offend me, but the way he forestalled looking into my eyes suggested that he'd completely forgotten what he'd meant to say and was just making it up as he went along; he was nervous.
"Tomorrow?" I nodded, the air around us was permeated with an awkward tension, as though neither of us wanted to be in this conversation but wanted to communicate.
"Glad t'see you're so enthusiastic, but hell no." His response was quicker than I would have liked and he seemed to notice that he'd insulted me. "A few more weeks trainin' ... An' you'd have to ask your Daddy." He finally met my eyes, but the look his possessed made my stomach crawl with the familiar sense of guilt.
"Why can't you ask him, he isn't ever gonna let me go." I frowned slightly and turned to face him, before remembering how little my Father trusted Daryl because of Merle.
"I think you know the answer t'that." He responded and just murmured a few words to Judith to fill the silence.
"I'll go now, you mind lookin' after Judith?" I stood up and swallowed, this was going to be a fun talk.
"Nothin' I 'aint done before."
I found my Dad sitting in the library in deep discussion with Rick and Tyreese, their voices were no more than hushed whispers but I could just make out what they were saying:
"We don't know that it's them."
"It doesn't matter if it's them, we know that the threat is there. A threat that needs to be eliminated."
A pause.
"Who do we send?"
"Daryl, Michonne, Maggie, Glenn-"
"We're not sending Maggie or Glenn. Their frustration overrides their good judgement."
Not wanting to hear anymore, I gently knocked on the door, flashing them my sweetest smile.
"Hey Daddy." I waved slightly. "Am I interruptin' somethin'?" My eyes widened slightly as I looked at the three faces that stared intently back at me.
"Of course not, Beth. Come on in." Rick motioned me forward. I like Rick, his judgements could be questioned sometimes, but he was kind and sweet and always looked out for the group's best interest. I stepped forward and wrung my hands as a nervous habit.
"Um, well Daryl's been trainin' me and um he'd like me to get permission to go out on a run with him …" I watched my Dad as the colour slowly drained from his face. The thought of his youngest child growing up must have made him feel sick. "In a few weeks or so, mind. He says I'm not ready yet."
The eyes that were directed at me fell upon my Dad and he looked down at the table. "It has to be Daryl?" He looked up at me and I noticed the lines that covered his face; he was a much different man to the one he'd been a year ago.
"Like Maggie said, he's the best we've got." Why I was defending Daryl came as a shock to everyone in the room, including myself. We were more alike than we had previously thought and that was a comfort to me. My family felt like strangers regarding the situations I had been in, whereas a simple conversation with Daryl had forced me to notice a bond between us. A bond I would prefer to be nonexistent but it was the only thing I had that made me remember what it was like to feel as though I was living and not simply surviving.
"Who knew you two were best buds?" Rick smirked and looked at Tyreese who nodded, but I noticed the way he avoided looking at my Father. "She has a point, Herschel. Daryl would keep her safe, you know that."
The room fell silent for a second or so, the weight of the request hung dangerously in the air as he considered the options. I could see that he put in deep amounts of thought into the pros and cons of every option open to him, before he finally settled on an answer.
"If you get hurt, may heaven have mercy upon him."
AN - This was such a fun chapter to write! As always, reviews are appreciated! Do you prefer seeing things from Beth or Daryl's perspective? I feel like I slip into writing in Beth's perspective whereas Daryl is much more of a challenge. Let me know some of the things you'd like to see and if I can, I'll add them in!