I glanced at Daryl and Rick as they spoke, though my mind reeled of the events of last night. It felt like it had been building up for a while and perhaps we had just been trying to release some frustration, either way I thoroughly enjoyed it and I hoped he had too. I knew he was obviously conflicted with what had happened, but I was old enough to make my own decisions, I was an adult now. I felt stupid for thinking about it so much, but then I knew Daryl must have been thinking about it a lot too because he couldn't even look at me now.
Something about their closed postures told me that they were talking about something far too sensitive for the likes of me to listen to, so I excused myself and sat outside to play with Judith.
"Hey Bethy ..." I looked up as daddy awkwardly tried to sit next to me and I quickly stood to guide him.
"What's up, daddy?" I smiled as I tucked my hair behind my ear. Dad was the only one I felt like I could be me around, mainly because he'd be able to see through me if I tried anything strange, but it felt nice.
"Maggie's worried about you, sweetheart." I sighed slightly as he spoke, he knew exactly how to guilt trip me.
"I know ... I'm sorry, daddy." He looked at me and he smiled, it was the kind of smile that reached his eyes and it was the one made me remember all the good times, before the turn.
Reaching forward, he planted a soft kiss on the top of my head before asking for my assistance to help him stand. With Judith on my hip I carefully pulled my father up and escorted him inside. Judith was getting restless from the heat, anyway. As I walked past the cell block I saw Daryl and Rick still in deep conversation, so I left them to it and went to find somewhere else to go.
I decided to take Judith to the library, Daryl had been bringing back toys he found when out on runs and Judith adored them. With Judith sitting comfortably on the worn out rug, I searched through the shelves until I found the book I had been reading but had hidden so no one else could find. I read my book silently whilst keeping an eye on the baby who sat opposite me playing with various toys, I couldn't help smiling at her. Judith was without a doubt the cutest baby I had ever laid eyes upon, her hair was a soft brown and her eyes lit up with excitement at the smallest event, it was nice to see that such wonder and happiness could exist in a place like this.
"'Sup," Daryl came in and sat down, picking Judith up and placing her gently on his lap. "We need t'talk." He looked uncomfortably at me as my eyes stared intently at him and I could tell he felt uneasy about the conversation.
"Shoot." I sighed, placing my book face down to keep the page.
"Rick wants me t'train more people other than you," Daryl nodded at me and I frowned, that wasn't such a big deal. "The Governor's been sighted." Daryl's voice dropped to a whisper as he spoke to me, obviously I wasn't meant to know.
"Why are you tellin' me?" I leaned closer so that he could speak quieter. "I haven't got anythin' to do with him." Though my stomach bubbled with anger at the thought of him. He hadn't personally done anything to me, but he'd hurt my sister. I didn't know the details of it, she refused to speak about it but I could gather a good guess at what had happened.
"Because Rick's sendin' me out t'find him." My head snapped up at that and he set Judith down beside him so he could close the space between us.
"Why? That's not fair! Why does he get to choose? I thought he didn't wanna be-"
I was cut off by Daryl's rough hands holding the side of my neck as he kissed me, his fingers stroked the sides of my neck as we kissed and I raised my hand gently to stroke his cheek as I returned his kiss. This kiss was similar to our first, rough and desperate, but this time I felt a passion so deep it felt like every nerve was on fire. I moved forward and straddled his lap, my own confidence surprised me, but that didn't mean I was going to stop. His hands settled on my waist as he ran his tongue under the top row of my teeth to get me to open my mouth slightly more. As I did so he teased my tongue with his and suddenly I was laying beneath him, hands running up his back and head tilted to the side to allow him to kiss my neck.
In the end I pulled away from him, panting. He tilted his head to look at me, confusion etched upon his face as he asked me what was wrong.
"Nothin', I just don't wanna…" My face flushed a bright red as I put my hair back up into a ponytail. "Here, with Judith … No protection."
"Yeah, yeah. Right." Daryl nodded and I realised he hadn't even though about having sex with me just now, I felt my face flush in embarrassment, but he didn't call me out on it.
"Daryl?" I called out slightly, scared he was going to leave.
"Mmm?" He turned to me and as he wiped his mouth and I swallowed hard as I tried not to let the hurt I felt show.
"Are you only doin' this because I'm young?" I swallowed hard and watched him shift in obvious discomfort as he processed an answer.
"Yes." And with that, he left.
I sat, numb with disbelief. How could he do that? The great and mighty hero of the prison Daryl Dixon was interested in a girl because of her age. I sat in devastation for a few minutes before I remembered the reasons I had hated him in the first place.
I hated his voice, his clothes, his accent. I hated how he treated everyone, even though we were 'family'. I hated how everyone hailed him a hero when Michonne did the same things he did on a daily basis. I hated his brother and the way he would cast suggestive glances at me when no one was around and I definitely hated the way he kissed me. I hated how rough his hands felt when they moved across my skin, I hated the taste his lips had and I hated the way his tongue felt as it found mine. I hated the butterflies he gave me and the way my heart soared when he showed me any kind of affection and most of all I hated the way that I couldn't find any strength within me to want him to stay away from me.
I picked up Judith, placed her in Carol's care and picked up my bow before finding the small gap in the fence Daryl and I used. I was careful to make sure no one was watching as I quickly slipped through the gap and set off. I had to let off some steam.
I walked through the forest that was on the outskirts of the prison and though I knew that walkers were all but swarming the place, I felt no fear. I glanced down at my bow and at the top of the frame was a knife that had been haphazardly taped by Daryl incase I needed to swing the bow and hit someone in the face or something. The thought of Daryl just made me fill with anger so I forced his stupid face out of my mind and continued walking. I wasn't entirely sure of where I was going, but I found myself at the clearing of a forest and looking at the place Daryl had taken me only a few days before. I had been certain it was a few hours away, but I'd been so hazy with exhaustion I must have been wrong.
I trudged my way to the rock we had sat on and felt my blood boil as I saw him sat there. I hadn't been all that quiet as I walked, so he was either in deep thought or was just ignoring me. I picked out an arrow that had been poked through my waistband and strung it up in the bow before aiming it at the rock he was sitting on before letting it loose. It fell short of him and hit my target by clattering off the rock, it was one way to get his attention.
By the time he had turned around I was next to the rock shouting obscenities and hitting him as tears flowed down my cheeks and I vaguely heard him telling me to stop and calm down, but I refused to listen and continued pummeling into him and shouting about how much I hated him. The next thing I saw was the sky as Daryl kicked my legs out from under me and pinned my arms beside my head.
"Will'ya stop an' let me talk?!" He applied pressure as I struggled, keeping me against the ground. "Rick knows, Beth. Rick knows!" I continued to squirm beneath him.
"So, we kissed! It's not like we're in love! What are you so afraid of?" I panted, clearly trying to kill Daryl Dixon was more effort than it was worth.
"I 'aint afraid of nothin'! I 'aint afraid of you or walkers or anythin'! an' you know why? Because I 'aint got anythin' I care about!" He shouted back at me, but I didn't shy away.
"Will you stop?! I matter to you Daryl Dixon! And so does Carol and Rick and Carl! Our family matters to you!" My voice was verging on a scream and I was sure that every walker in the state must have heard us.
"Stop actin' like you know me!" His grip tightened around my wrists in his frustration and there was no way I was going to let him win this.
"Then stop pretendin' like you don't care about me!" I screeched and pushed against him, but he held me down still and I knew it was only to stop me hitting him, but it still riled me up. "Because I care about you more than anythin' in this world!"
Daryl faltered for only a second and I felt his hands loosen from my wrists slightly.
"Carin' gets you killed." He mumbled after a moment or so.
"Everythin' gets you killed nowadays." I retorted, expecting his answer.
I watched as Daryl clenched his teeth and got off of me before picking up his crossbow and moving to leave. His whole body was tensed up and I knew I'd struck a nerve.
"You're scared to get close because of Merle, aren't you?" My voice was light with caution, I could never know how he was going to take this topic of conversation.
"Don't talk abou' him." Daryl simply said.
"I'm tryin' to be here for you." I sighed, growing exasperated at him constantly avoiding my attempts to grow closer with him.
"I don't need it." He shrugged. "We gotta get back for trainin' an' I 'aint teachin' you no more. Glenn's got tha' job."
He had waited for me to catch up with him, but I still trudged behind him. I wasn't happy with the way he'd just left things. We were in the midst of an argument and he just walks away? I decided to talk to him when we got back and when he wasn't being so much of a nutcase. We got back into the fence and we couldn't have been gone long because practically no one had noticed we'd been missing. Daryl made himself scarce the moment we got through the fence and left me wondering what the hell had happened to him.
AN - Sorry for the short chapters on this story recently, I'm just finding it insanely difficult to write! I'm trying to make a point of Beth being a lot darker in this story than what she is in the show as I've always felt that since she distances herself from feelings she could easily slip into not having them at all and obviously being attracted to someone like Daryl who refuses to acknowledge emotions actually exist isn't very helpful. Anyway, thank you for the lovely reviews, follows and favourites!