Draco went back to his seat, his face a brilliant red. To think that a foreigner, and probably a Mudblood foreigner at that, would humiliate him in front of Potter of all people. It was disgusting.

Elric continued the lesson like nothing had happened, but Draco refused to pay attention. It looked like some kind of Muggle science, anyway. Not something that should be taught to a Malfoy. If Elric noted Draco's inattention, he didn't mention it.

When the class ended, everyone packed up and left for dinner, casting curious looks back inside the classroom.

Draco walked up to Elric's desk, a sneer plastered firmly on his face. "What can I do for you, sir?" he asked, lacing the question with as much venom as he dared.

Elric looked up from his papers and folded them away, stacking them neatly to the side. He interlocked his fingers and settled his chin on top of them.

"What happened in Care of Magical Creatures?" he asked, fixing Draco with an eerie stare. Draco had never seen gold eyes before. It was probably a sign that Elric was some unnatural creature.

Draco shrugged. "That beast of Hagrid's attacked me." he said. "Can I go now?"

"Why did you lie about your injury?" Elric asked.

"The headmaster always takes Hagrid's side with everything," Draco explained. "He could kill people and the headmaster wouldn't care. I had to exaggerate my injury so Hagrid would actually be punished."

"I see," Elric said. "How many other students has Hagrid injured?"

"Well, it was just me, but I won't be the last," Draco insisted. "He's not fit to be teaching children."

"Why not?" Elric asked. "I talked to him at breakfast. He seems to know the subject, and since you were the only student injured, I doubt the fault is entirely his."

Draco scoffed. "He's the gamekeeper. He's not even a proper wizard."

"So you think his profession indicates that he's incompetent."

"Well, yes," Draco said. "If he was a competent wizard, he would have a better job."

Elric smiled to himself. "Maybe he just likes being a gamekeeper and he doesn't want a different job. One of the greatest alchemists I've ever met is a housewife. But we're not talking about Hagrid right now. How were you injured? Tell me the truth."

Draco considered telling a half-truth, but with Elric practically staring into his soul, he couldn't remember what he had meant to say. "I insulted the hippogriff and it attacked me," he mumbled.

Elric nodded. "And now for the million cenz question: what did you get out of it?"

"What?"

Elric grinned. "What do you gain from getting attacked by a hippogriff?"

"I'd get Hagrid sacked," Draco offered.

"So you lose a Care of Magical Creatures teacher. What else?"

Draco stammered. Elric gave him a concerned look.

"Yeah, I can see why it's a hard question," he said gently. "It's not every day you're expected to have a reason for doing things. I mean it's not like your house prides itself on cunning or anything. I'll give you some time to figure it out." His eyes hardened and his voice became severe. "I want at least five hundred words on why you disrupted Hagrid's class and mine on my desk by the end of classes tomorrow. Find time to bring it up here."

"But-but that's just unfair!" Draco protested.

"Five hundred words exactly," Elric corrected. "So much as one word less or more and you get detention for a week."

Draco growled, but held his tongue. "Will that be all, sir?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"Yes, I think so," Elric said, blithely ignoring Draco's seething rage. "Remember to get the notes you missed from a friend. Everything we covered today is essential to learn alchemy."

Just as Malfoy was leaving, Remus walked into the room. "Care to walk down to dinner with me?" he asked, offering his arm.

Ed waved the arm off, but fell into step beside him. "How's teaching treating you?" he asked.

"Not bad so far, but then again, I haven't had any of the troublemakers yet," Remus replied casually.

"You do realize teachers are pretty much above suspicion, right?" Ed asked.

Remus sighed. "Sadly, most of the teachers here knew me when I was a student. I'd be the first one they suspect. I suppose I could always ask Peeves." He cheered a bit at the thought. "Unless you want to hire him?"

Ed shrugged. "Nah. I already got the Weasley twins."

Remus nodded. "They seem to be suitable successors. I'd rather go with the known quantity, though. They're all yours."

Ed laughed. "I don't have any known quantities here, but you'd be amazed at how little people suspect of Lt. Havoc, even given the name."

"I'll take your word for it," Remus said with a small smile, falling silent as they reached the Great Hall and the watchful eyes of McGonagall.

Ed took his usual seat, noting that Hagrid was missing. He sighed. He should have just given Malfoy a detention from the start, but he didn't particularly want to deal with him.

The food appeared out of nowhere. Ed only jumped a little and clamped down the urge to look for the source. Amue had told him that magic did things that most people considered impossible, but nothing she could have said would have prepared him for the wonders of Hogwarts. Wonders that most people didn't even bat an eyelash at.

Either way, the food was delicious and not poisoned (he had checked) so he dug in.

"How long have you been studying alchemy?" Remus asked a few minutes into dinner.

"I got my first teacher when I was eight, but I started teaching myself when I was five," Ed replied, ignoring the shocked looks with the ease of long practice. "Dad had a few alchemy he left lying around. So, what about you? Why Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

"They say the job is jinxed," Remus explained. "There hasn't been a teacher that lasted more than a year since before I started school here. There's always an opening. I've always wanted to be a teacher of some sort, so I figured I'd give it a shot. It's a decent living. Have you had time to look into biological alchemy yet?" He sounded casual, but Ed had been in the military too long not to recognize the subtle lines of tension in his shoulders.

Besides, it wasn't like Ed was any calmer. "Not yet, but the problem is, based on your description of your condition, I can only think of one man who would have done any research that might help, and I'd rather stay away from it if I can."

"Would have done?" Remus asked. "What happened?"

Ed smiled grimly. "He was murdered. And if he hadn't been, he would have faced a firing squad." He sighed. "I'll ask my brother. He's looking into something similar right now. Either way, getting ahold of Tucker's research isn't gonna be easy and there's no way in hell I'm gonna repeat his experiments."

"Do I want to ask what he did?" Remus asked softly.

"You really don't."

"Hey, Williamson," Kingsley called across the Wizengamot Administration Services offices. "Did you find the file on Black?"

"Sorry, boss," Williamson said. "I think you got it all last time."

Kingsley looked back at the file in his hand. It had arrest records, conviction papers, family background, everything you could possibly want to know about Sirius Black. Except for one thing.

"Are there any trial records?"

Williamson shrugged, brushing his long black ponytail over his shoulder. "Not that I can find. They got him right after the War, didn't they? He probably didn't even have a trial. Body count like that, you don't even really need one, do you?"

Kingsley swore under his breath. Of course Black never got a trial. That would have made Kingsley's life too easy. He'd lost track of the number of escaped criminals he'd caught by examining the trial records to get an insight into their minds, but that had been when he'd briefly worked for the Muggle government and none of those prisoners had escaped from Azkaban.

"Auror Shacklebolt!" Tonks skidded into the room. "Black's been spotted."

The room erupted into a flurry of activity, much to the chagrin of the wizards who were actually supposed to be there, and Black's lack of trial was pushed to the back of Kingsley's mind.

By the team he mobilized a team and apparated to the scene, Black was long gone, vanished into thin air. Which meant either Black had somehow gotten ahold of a wand or Kingsley's team was just that incompetent. He wasn't sure which was worse. Either way, they were uncomfortably close to Hogwarts.

"Hey, maybe we should visit the alchemy kid, see what he thinks," Tonks said brightly.

"Probably not the best idea," Kingsley said. "This was his first day teaching. Besides, he's here as an advisor, not to do any actual legwork."

Tonks pouted.

"You can meet him on Saturday," Kingsley said.

"Oh, fine," Tonks sighed. "He'd better be cute."

"He has a fiancee," Kingsley noted dryly.

Tonks shrugged. "So? I can still look."

Apollo was waiting for Ed when he returned to his room, perched on his headboard. The Armstrong gyrfalcon had two letters clutched in his beak. Ed took them both and tried to shoo Apollo away, but he just flapped his wings in irritation.

"Go away, you idiot pigeon," Ed said absently.

Apollo pecked at his right arm.

"I don't have any food," Ed said. "Go mooch something off the kitchens."

Apparently, birds could look affronted. Who knew? At least Apollo was affronted enough that he flew off.

Ed opened the letter from Amue first.

My Dear Major Edward Elric, it read.

When I received your letter, I could hardly believe what I had read! To think, dementors at such a noble and esteemed school as Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! I agree that it is most unjust and cruel a fate to visit upon the students and even Sirius Black himself. I, myself, visited Hogwarts to take my Wizarding tests, the Ordinary Wizarding Levels and Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests. I recall most of all the feeling of joy and security that permeates every level of Hogwarts. If this is compromised, rest assured that the Armstrong family will not stand for such a travesty. You have the full support of the Armstrong family name should you need it to persuade Cornelius Fudge to change his mind by any means. (Olivier would like you to know that 'any means' does include her private tank squadron.)

Cordially yours,

Amue Charisma Armstrong.

Ed smiled to himself. Of course General Armstrong had a private tank squadron. He should have known. He added talking to Fudge onto his mental list of Things to Do. It was already a worryingly long list and it was only the first day of classes.

Then he opened the letter from Al.

The Xingese take the whole emperor thing really seriously here. I'm staying in a guest suite that's better than Granny's whole house and I made sure to ask for one of the smaller ones. Jerso and Zampano practically have mansions to themselves! Also, silk is really awesome and soft and all the clothes and sheets are made of silk and it's amazing. I'll send you something as soon as I can so you can feel it for yourself.

The food is all really amazing too. You should come visit so you can taste everything. Speaking of food, Ling's telling everyone I'm the brother of the man who fed a boot to the emperor. What's that all about? I know he gets weird about food, but really? Brother, what did you do? Actually, I'm not sure I want to know.

Mei's mother, Heng Chun, has been teaching me alkahestry. Don't tell Mei, but she's a lot better at explaining things so I can understand them. I'm starting to be able to feel the Dragon's Pulse, but it's a lot to take in at once, so I'm probably not trying as hard as I could.

I'm not even gonna pretend I'm surprised you proposed to Winry like that. It's been pretty inevitable. But, I gotta say, if you can't talk about your feelings when there aren't trains about to leave, it's gonna be a really weird marriage. It's gonna be a really weird marriage anyway, but I mean even weirder. Let me know when you've got a date. I'm your best man, by the way. That's not negotiable. Also, your taste is terrible. If you want me to pick an engagement ring for you, just let me know. Ling has an entire clan of jewel smiths so I'm sure I can find something decent. I miss you. It's weird not having you around. I'll come up to visit you during the holidays. Keep in touch, okay, Brother?

~Al

P. S. Have you contacted Winry since you proposed to her? You should probably do that.

Oh, right. That. He knew he'd forgotten something. Ed pulled out a piece of parchment and started writing a letter to Winry.

Author's Note: This is officially the most popular fic I've ever written, including one that's four times as long and has been published for over a year. So, thank you all for your support. Y'all are awesome. Hugs and cake for everyone.

But, if not for the landmark, you would be getting this a week late. Ninety-nine percent of my reviewers are really awesome and I love you, but if you tell me to "update or die", I will do the opposite just on principle.

I am writing this because I enjoy writing and I appreciate the support, but I am not obligated to write this fic how or when you want it to be written. If you make suggestions, I'll consider them. If you ask me politely to update, I will. If you tell me to update or die, I will seriously consider killing the fic.

I've only had one review that's actually a problem, but I thought I should just make this clear for everybody.

Thanks again for the support.