Disclaimer: If they were mine, Gray and Ultear would be wholly, explicitly, and heartrendingly canon, popularity be damned.
What hurts the most is how close they are and how the feelings between them are so damn easy and special and mutual and natural. The romantic progression and yearning to be closer is such a natural progression for them and a tangible expression of their mutually cherished relationship, and progressive feelings for one another, that it is such a shame it wasn't explicitly explored by Mashima in canon.
#2 Okay to be happy
She was there, standing a ways,
Stealing his breath away,
Charmingly unawares,
A million times a day, in mundane ways,
Bright daisies and summer sunshine,
In rare mischievous smiles,
Sweet, sad sorrow in pretty, dark ashen lights
Bathing in the light of tomorrow,
And sober from the pain of yesterday,
Gazing back at him in indecipherable, equivalent delight
Sweet sad joy, reflecting back at him,
Bathing him in the scent of today.
And for a brief, fleeting moment,
Anchoring back the guilt of yesterday,
And he was happy, and unhappy, and his heart felt strangely heavy,
He wondered why?
Was it because he refused to dwell on things he was afraid to know?
If she didn't hate him now, did she like him a little?
Was it Okay? Could he befriend? Could he be more?
Did she feel closer to him? Or further away?
These unworthy thoughts, he squashed, and pushed farther away,
Lest she got wind of it,
And he felt the wide gulf separating them, grow wider still,
He still remembered her though,
The broken girl with a broken smile and hapless tears,
The memory clear as yesterday,
Sublime and alive,
In the secret, dark spaces of his guilty heart,
And the woman now before him, born anew,
Alert, alluring, wide-eyed and fresh;
He would remember her too, and wistfully believe,
In the promise of infinite futures,
And a life full of hope and fun and laughter for her,
With a place in it for him,
And everything good Ul dreamed of someday,
For her precious little baby girl,
He understood and he wished the same and more,
To break open her locks and her shuttered doors, and let Ultear see,
Dreams that could begin afresh,
And be all that it was afraid to be
And be silent about dreams that couldn't,
Lest it turn again on them, into a reality ugly and sad,
Crumbling to ash, in their resolute, trembling grips.
He could only assure her to his awkward best,
Not speaking of doubts, and yearnings and things never to be,
And tell her it was Okay,
Okay to be happy,
And let her go, and let her be,
A piece of him,
And let her slip away beyond his reach,
Dancing to unknowns further from him,
For there was too much hurt between them
To encroach and mend and revisit,
A place she wouldn't want to go,
Drag her down,
To the depths of her hurt and solitude again,
When all she wanted was to change her fate,
And all he wanted was to help her get there,
And raise her up,
And say it was Okay,
Okay for her to be happy again.
He whistled as he headed home to his guild pleased with his winnings.
He lazily tossed his pouch full of payment into the air, prepared to grab it again when he let it fall instead, his breath hitching unexpectedly in his throat.
Plonk.
Of course she was the cause.
He swallowed nervously, moving slowly to pick up his fallen pouch as leisurely as he could. He allowed his gaze to travel back to her, and settle on the vision that froze him in his tracks, causing him to breathe funny.
Ultear.
In a dress.
Happily twirling around, in a flimsy, cotton light, bright white, very enticing, very short summer dress; a pastel splash of merry mauve, and apricot flora sprinkled tastefully on it. The hem reached 5 distracting inches above the slender curve of her shapely knees.
Damn, she was beautiful.
But he already knew that.
She was situated 7 oblivious paces from him, in front of a cheery, colorful dress stall, the cobbled sidewalk and the busy street her bulwark from him. The dress she had on was the sole object of her preoccupation for the moment.
He lingered uncomfortably where he stood, wondering if he should just walk by her quietly, or say something. He wasn't sure where exactly they stood with each other. And she hadn't noticed him yet. So he hesitated, compelled to stare shamelessly at her unawares while he made up his mind….
…
She didn't look a day older than seventeen, though seven years had passed.
There were changes though…
She looked good… She always looked good, but what he meant was…she looked…Oh, he didn't know, prettier than before maybe? If that was possible…
Or maybe it was just that she looked happier. Yes. That was it.
He absorbed the easy, lithe grace of her movements with a guilty pleasure.
The excited spread of her slim fingers as she exclaimed excitedly over her dress, smoothing over the material. The sway of her hips moving in tandem with her excitement.
The simple bare glimpse of her neck and shoulders as she spun her circle.
The wind whipping through her long lilac hair that spun with her.
The sweet delight curving her merry, rouge-less lips upwards.
Even the rare, mellow twinkle lighting up her dark, sober orbs, as she gleefully surveyed the full, alluring effect of her pretty dress in motion.
He contemplated her in a trance, his dark, brooding eyes missing nothing.
She had the timeless, arresting face of an angel. And an ethereal quality about her; as hauntingly beautiful as ever. But it was put together in a different way this time.
She really did look happier now. And as fresh as a white daffodil. Like she had weathered the storms, and been born anew. Pretty as a picture; alluring in the earthy, approachable way of a warm present and alive future, rather than the detached, cold poisonous beauty of conniving yesterdays.
No trace of lingering bitterness, or resentment marred her soulful beauty anymore.
She was Light. Carefree. Vibrant. And Expressive. Even a bit unburdened.
Those were the words he could choose to describe her now…
And that was good. It filled him with an indescribable feeling. An indescribably good feeling.
She was a far cry away from the small, forlorn figure, leaning weakly against the slab of rock he remembered leaving behind, looking empty and listless, and unsure of her direction. She had changed.
She had changed for the better. She had found her direction.
Good. He was happy for her.
His feet unconsciously lead him toward her, before his brain caught up with the movement. A healthy curiosity took root in the jagged spaces of his frozen, reluctant heart that always felt molten in her presence. He wondered idly about all that had happened to her in the seven years he had been gone.
He was four paces closer, almost beside her, when she seemed to sense his approach and turned his way abruptly, feeling his steady gaze on her.
And locked gazes with him, a guilty, whispered start escaping her, as she drank him in with sober delight, crimson eyes dark, and wide, and fathomless; her slim, slender fingers clutching the material of her dress,
"Gray!"
"Ultear…"
He murmured her name in turn, with a quiet, serious nod, a small, awkward grin quirking his lips upward, and raised his hand in greeting at the same time. He was uncomfortable, and rather uncertain what sort of expression he was making, especially because he had just been ogling her without her knowledge a few seconds before. He attempted to shrug carelessly at her, and observed casually, "You, uh, look like you're enjoying yourself."
"Oh, um, Yeahh," she said sheepishly, almost like she was ashamed.
He frowned slightly at that, and narrowed his eyes intently at her. He noticed the twinkle in her eyes dimming to fill with guilty embarrassment instead, and he felt the guilty prick of his prickly conscience.
She had taken his statement as censure when he hadn't meant for it to be.
"I heard you were back-that Fairy Tail was back!" she added hastily, smiling widely at him, steering the conversation away, and feeling self-conscious under his scrutiny. "You haven't changed a bit!"
"Yeah." He responded cautiously, smiling back at her, softening his expression, and trying to look less intense and brooding to put her at ease, "I could say the same to you."
"Really? I've aged seven years though. Don't I look it?" she asked playfully.
He cleared his throat, a restless, nervous knot forming in his stomach, and raised a cool, eyebrow at her. "You know you don't."
"Oh?" she tilted her head sideways, to look up at him sweetly through lowered lashes.
"Fishing for compliments?" he kidded back, mouth involuntarily quirking upwards in a half-smile at her tease.
God. Was he actually flirting with her?
She dimpled back at him, relaxing.
She was damn cute though. He couldn't help it.
"Maybe. Meredy always tells me I haven't changed a bit. You should see her. She's grown so much. And real pretty too! Anyway, compliments are nice, especially when they come from a man. Even if he is seven years younger."
She winked at him, making the blocks of ice lodged in his heart melt nervously.
"Don't remind me." he groaned, glowering at her and feeling the brunt of everybody around them having grown older and powerful while he remained the same, "Technically, we are around the same age."
"True that. But alas, Literally, I have grown; in age and in power, while you, mister, have not." She rubbed it in dramatically, poking his chest, while adding, "Anddd, I still haven't got my compliment Gray?!"
She was flirting back,… maybe...
If she was, it was probably because she was bored and looking for some fun.
Grinning, he curled his fingers around her poking finger playfully, and tugged,"Whatever, Don't rub it in…" and then abruptly blurted out, "You look good-great, I mean, fine..." he cringed in embarrassment, and let her finger go, surprising himself, and her.
That compliment was not planned, and far from smooth.
God, he was a stupid, awkward dork. But she looked pleased. She didn't seem to notice his fumbling. And just like that, everything was fine.
She was looking up at him, in wide-eyed wonder, like a naughty child who just got handed her favorite cookie jar when she didn't deserve it. He reddened, and shifted his gaze away from the sweet, unsettling child in her, relief flooding him. A self-conscious tension, and unfailing warmth filled him, heating him all the way down to his tingling toes.
"….."
And he relapsed momentarily into an unusual, shy silence, his gawky compliment, and her endearing response hanging clumsily in the air between them.
"….."
"If I twirl for you, will you tell me that again?" she bubbled mischievously, and bit her lip with unexpected solemnity, breaking the awkward tension between them. He couldn't help a rough chuckle escaping his lips naturally, and his hand slipped under his bangs to cover half of his face.
He relented, uttering a soft "Okay" and his hand fell away as his iris darkened indiscernibly, grazing up her face tenderly to gaze into her effervescent crimson whorls. She held his gaze, seeming to hold it for an eternity, as a slow, sensual smile spread over her lips, quirking them serenely at the corners. It was charmingly adult, and endearingly at odds with the evident, childlike abandon with which she spun her circle for him; not knowing he had watched her twirl like that from afar, and waxed poetry and complimented her a dozen times in his head on first sight.
"You look terrific, Ultear..," he confirmed softly in a low, husky octave, "..Damn terrific…" he added more quietly, a hoarse bite to it. There was an unconscious, sweet intensity in his gaze, clear to see if she was looking for it; but she wasn't.
Because Ultear just flushed prettily in response, angling her head sideways, visibly affected by his gaze, but missing the indecipherable emotion in them. And simply smiling gleefully up at him, she purred cheekily, "Hook, line, and sinker."
He broke into a grin, knowing she was being ridiculous on purpose.
"Alright Ultear, you win. You got the compliment you were fishing for-"
She stuck her tongue out at him,
"-Shut up- you didn't say it cause I was fishing for it! You did totally mean it too. You better hav-"
"I did… mean it… So..?" he shot back easily, interrupting her midway, not bothering to deny it. He shrugged his shoulders, and raised a challenging brow at her. He liked the spark in her eye just now. She grinned widely back at him, catching him off guard again. And he ran a nervous, casual hand through his hair.
He had meant it. No point pretending he hadn't.
He just hoped he wasn't being so obvious, she would be able to read more than the usual flirtation into it, and be grossed out by him.
"So nothing. I'm just glad," she chirped impishly at him. Her smile grew irresistibly broader as she held his stare, leaning forward a bit; smooth, slender arms reaching behind her back, and linking her fingers together.
"Okay. Good ...So…" he looked away from her unsettling regard, and ignored the reckless, butterflies in his stomach that made it hard to string sentences together, "Lyon mentioned something about you and Melody busting Gerard out of jail?" he finished lamely, inelegantly disconnecting from the playful mood between them.
Stupid. Stupid stupid. He really was no good at this flirty, banter thing with her.
He had no bloody experience. He had plenty of casual, somewhat flirty conversations with girls he was familiar with before, but nobody that made him feel like this.
He glanced back at her and he saw her eyebrows scrunch together in a painful smile.
And suddenly the mood took a melancholy turn because of what he said. He hadn't meant to flip the mood in a serious direction at all.
"We did. He was being punished for my sins in the first place, so…"
"..so you busted him out," he tried to interject lightly, "That's great isn't it?"
She smiled self-consciously, almost sad.
"Aa. It was the least I could do."
"It's the best damn thing you could've done for him anyway. And Erza too."
She flashed a real smile at him, and it lit up her face, shooting from the bottom of her aching heart, and settling soothingly in the depths of his.
"Where are they now?" he inquired as casually as he could, "Aren't you travelling with them?"
"Ah, yes, we split up and check things out separately sometimes. I have until evening before I meet up with them next. And you? What were you upto?"
"Oh, mission stuff." He threw his hefty pouch into the air, taking care to perfectly grab it this time.
"Ah I see." She grinned at him, "Looks like it was quite successful."
"Of course" he stated cockily, "Never had a mission that wasn't a success."
It was getting way harder, and a bit frustrating recently though, what with his powers so much weaker, and behind the current times. He didn't feel like sharing that particular detail though. He was sure she was already aware of that anyway.
Sure enough, as if she had read his mind, she chuckled softly, patting his arm comfortingly, "It'll get better Gray, I promise! I think I might know how to fix it…"
"Really?" he looked at her with interest, |"What do you mean?"
"Not telling."
"Great, you sure you're not kidding around with me again?"
"I'm not! You'll know soon, don't worry. Can't go spoiling it! Besides, I'm not so sure about it yet. And I want you to be surprised like the rest of Fairy Tail!"
"Fine," he groused, "but it better be good!"
"That will be up to you! There's really no gain without pain."
He raised his eyebrows at her cryptic statement, annoyed.
She just laughed at him and teased, "But seriously Gray, Good on you! You must be pretty good to complete your mission being so powered down."
"I can't tell if you're making fun of me or praising me."
"I am praising you! And ridiculously jealous of that pouch too! We're quite broke at the moment, you know..." she lamented, then tilted her head, staring thoughtfully at it, "hmm, maybe I could steal it from you without your knowledge?"
"Oh really? You could try," he allowed, grinning crookedly at her, "How do you get by, by the way? When you're not being badass, -Clobbering the bad guys out there- badass and stealing their spoils-Cool I mean?"
She smiled instantly at his phrasing, scrunching her nose thoughtfully, and responded easily. "Wellll, since we're not an officially recognized guild, we can't take official missions posted on the bulletin; not without causing suspicion, and we don't want to do that, since we're all cool now, you know," she winked coquettishly at him starting those damn butterflies again, "so yeah, mostly, we just look for odd jobs here and there to get through." She shrugged casually, "I even have to resort to selling my beauty sometimes."
The grin slipped off his face, a scowl replacing it. "The Hell?"
"Yup." She nodded her head earnestly at him, pressing her lips tightly together, almost fooling him.
"You're NOT serious about that last bit, are you?!" he bit out a tad bit anxiously, quite bothered by that little detail she slipped him, and hoping she was just messing with him.
"I am serious," she insisted, unconsciously punching him in the gut, "though I do believe we are thinking of different things right now." She curled her lip inwards to keep her smile from escaping. "You know, I meant little things, like smiling while servicing at restaurants, or modelling for small, unpopular magazines, etc,etc,etc."
She shrugged, "What were you thinking Gray?" she cheerfully questioned him, raising her shapely brows at him, sparkling crimson eyes deceptively innocent, and wide with mirth.
He sighed, feeling discomfited, and glowered at her, even as he turned red again. "You know what I was thinking!"
She was laughing hard now, and holding her stomach as she said between gleeful giggles, " S-sorry, b-but you should have seen the look on your face."
"ha ha ha..very funny" he grumbled dryly, torn between dropping his glare, and tickling her mirth to death, "You're quite evil you know!"
She sobered instantly, smiling softly at him. "I know. I'm sorry."
"I didn't mean-"
"I know. Don't worry about it. It's good to know you care though." she said softly, smiling sincerely at him. She then switched topics, a tiny wistful note coloring her voice as she twisted this way and that, elbows up, looking down at herself, "I wish this place had a mirror or something. I want to see for myself what I look like before I leave this lovely thing behind."
"You're not getting it?" he asked, surprised.
"I can't. I'm broke, remember?"
He frowned,
"That'd be a crime. It looks too good on you."
She blushed,
"Thank you, but I just tried it on for fun. It's beyond my means anyway-If I could just see my- Ohhh, Gray!"
He just conjured an impressive, elaborate mirror of ice for her, feeling downright smug about the adorable look on her face right now.
"That good enough for you?
"An ice mirror! Why didn't I think of that?! It's Perfect, Gray! You're terrific!"
She curtsied playfully. "Thank You!"
He grinned and swept her a lazy bow, playing along with her.
"Don't mention it."
He felt on top of the world right then, content to watch Ultear goof around.
She was adorable, and amusing, and a goofy grin felt permanently glued to his face.
A regular girl reflected in his mirror; squealing in happiness, and looking delicious, and twirling around, and making ridiculous, endearing poses, quite unlike herself. But she sobered after a while, looking almost sad, and his heart constricted.
He braced himself. One minute they were on top of the world, thrilled beyond words, and the next, they were spiraling away, falling off their happy pedestal. She stared seriously at his reflection in the mirror behind her, and whispered in a soft, dark tenor.
"Mirror mirror on the wall. Who is the prettiest of them all?"
He stepped close behind her, staring into the haunted eyes reflected in the mirror, and brought his lips to her ear, never breaking eye contact with her icy reflection. He whispered back in a soft dark, rasp, "They are all pretty, but Ultear without a doubt. Ultear is the prettiest of them all."
She lowered her lashes, pleased he had played along with her, but then looked down miserably, smile curving inwards. "I'm the ugly evil witch who messed up Snow White's life aren't I? I messed up so many lives for my selfish reasons. Melody, Gerard, Erza, …and countless others…I wanted to destroy yours, I can't even.."
She bit her lip hard, the expression on her face making him bleed. And he felt a burning need to disillusion her, just a bit. She was unforgivingly hard on herself. And he couldn't stand it.
"I don't see the resemblance." He mock-grumbled, "Are you implying I am anything like Snow White?" he was desperate to get her to smile again, and half succeeded, because a half-sob, half-chuckle involuntarily escaped the sad press of her clamped lips.
"I'm being serious." she admonished.
"So am I." he retorted bluntly, "You're nothing like the old hag in Snow White. She was old, ugly and all dark. She never tried to redeem herself. You're the exact opposite of that."
"Young and beautiful, you mean?" she asked offhandedly.
"Yes. You were never all dark. And actively doing your best to redeem yourself, for god's sake! How is that anything like her? Hell, you're more like Snow White,if anything. The resemblance in either case, just superficial and a bit circumstantial anyway; not skin-deep."
"hmm, gorgeous raven hair, red, rosy lips, flawless complexion and all?" she asked dreamily, trying to be flippant and dismissive. He wouldn't let her until she understood though.
"Yes, also the parts where she was driven to wander into the dark forests, and later gave into temptation, unwittingly biting into a poisoned apple, falling into a deep, dark sleep, blind to the world around her."
"Hmm, I like that." Her lips quirked up impulsively, "Does that roughly make you my Prince charming?" she inquired softly, unconsciously, "hmm, you did bravely charge ahead with broken bones, and damaged ribs and a bleeding heart and all, and rudely woke me up.. .Was that your idea of an unconventional, 'true love's kiss'?
Their gazes fixed intensely on their picture perfect images, reflected tantalizingly together in his ice mirror, something whimsical and undefinable charging between them right then.
The breath caught in his throat at the infinite, delicious possibilities whirling in a sweet hurricane in that loaded question. He hadn't seen it like that before, but it strangely fit them.
They were strangers before that monumental interaction. Now, he didn't know what they were. He wasn't Prince Charming in the least, and an extremely unconventional one at that, but if she could stand him..? If she could stand to see what he did for her as an 'un-conventional, true love's kiss', then...then-
He opened his mouth, to say whathe didn't know exactly, but before he could get to it he was struck dumb. Suddenly, she was tearing up, and her gorgeous, dark eyes were filling with white, gut-wrenching tears, flashing him her sweet broken smile, and sweet, tearful gaze; her beautiful reflection, poignant and larger than life, and he physically, reflexively, recoils behind her, terrified; his breath catching and knocking the gut out of him, and choking him. And he is clutching his heart, and feeling a million different things at the same time and,- He knew this feeling.
He felt something familiar before once- when he gazed into another pair of brandy-red eyes filling with sad tears. The feeling now was seven times as intense, but he recognized what it meant. It brought back memories of his embarrassing, unrequited kid crush on Erza he had long since outgrown now; but those horrible pangs were back now, and with an overwhelming vengeance, much stronger than before. Only, instead of Erza, Ultear was the recipient of his feelings, and the cause of his weird behavior.
He had to resist. He couldn't be the only fool in like or love again. And he couldn't feel this way about Ultear. He had killed her mother. He had no right.
Thinking about Ul brought him back to reality with a forceful punch in the gut. Somehow, indulging in Ultear's bittersweet presence and company, he had allowed himself to forget that painful detail. But what exactly had passed between them just now? What did she want from him?
He didn't know.
He felt his heart beating painfully fast, louder and more erratic than that punk Gajeel channeling Metallica, and strumming crazily on his stupid guitar to woo little Levy.
An incredible, burning ache spread through his belly.
And he reached slowly for her despite all his misgivings. He turned her around slowly, and he was facing the tearful face that turned him weak in the knees. He was wanting, and aching to brush away her tears, but she abruptly pulled away from him, rushing into the dressing stall, a thin curtain of cloth separating them. His feet followed her in without thinking, and suddenly, they were standing way too close to each other in the cramped stall.
He could see the enthralling pearl of her tears, tangling and clinging to her long, velvet lashes. Her dark soulful eyes, a beautiful rich crimson, moist and smoking up at him with the ashes and tides of so many repressed feelings, he felt like he was burning, and drowning in them.
He itched to decipher and dive into them, but she closed her lashes to his intrusive gaze, and the tears untangled from her lashes and fell. They rolled down her flushed cheeks against her will, flooding him inside out, and filling him with a kind of restless urgency that wouldn't let him be still.
He moved his thumb gently to caress her lips and wet cheeks, brushing away her falling tears, her glassy burgundy globes glittered wide, open and vulnerable in response, colliding with his fierce, dark craters, gazing at her with a strange, gruff tenderness.
"It's Okay" he breathed, somehow knowing what to say to her, "It's Okay to be Happy."
She bit her trembling lip, sucking in her breath at his simple, breath-taking statement.
He had seen right through her. And he thought it was okay.
He thought it was okay for somebody like her to be happy.
She felt a stirring in her soul, a jumble of emotions rising up to her throat, choking her in a pain so wonderful, she welcomed it because it was so different from all the other kinds of pain she had known.
How could he be so wonderful? How could he be so wonderful to somebody like her?
He was simple, and yet, too complex for her to comprehend. Too good for her.
She released the breath she had sucked in, and lowered her head in defeat, lips parting to say something, but trembling instead. She gathered her courage, and tried again, succeeding this time, under the sweet alertness of his gaze that said he cared for her.
"Gray,"
She whispered softly,
"Thank you!"
He stilled, as she smiled brilliantly up at him, through her sweet, salty tears, stealing his breath away again. She was doing a lot of that lately. And in a single day. He lost count of the innumerable times his breath caught; or throat felt unbearably tight; or stomach knotted in nervous anxiety in her vicinity today.
"I'm fine now." she said softly, wiping at her tears with the back of her knuckles.
He unconsciously backed away from her, averting his eyes to mask the intensity of his reaction to her, and bumped his elbow against a metal rod holding the stall together, rattling it. He was reminded he was inside the dressing stall with Ultear, pressed up against her in the cramped space, less than 3 inches of space between them.
"S-Sorry. I'll uh, wait outside for you."
He bungled, perpetually awkward, and slipped outside as silently as he could, not another syllable escaping him. He was confused, and beginning to forget the boundaries he had set for himself where she was concerned.
What was this 'thing' between them?
He had never felt this strongly about anybody else before. He had never felt like he had found somebody who could understand him so completely until her. And he had never felt like he could understand somebody so well until her. And it was terrifying and exhilarating and painful all at the same time…
To have found somebody like her, and yet, know that he must keep his distance. To feel like they were meant to be, and weren't meant to be, all at the same time. He felt at a complete loss. He didn't know what it meant.
Were they a lost cause? Or weren't they?
Maybe just hugging these feelings to himself in secret was enough.
He would have to make it enough.
There were circumstances and boundaries between them he shouldn't cross.
And pain. Too much pain between them to make it okay for him and her to just be. No matter how he felt. How could he bridge through the pain without her consent? How could he hope that she would want it of him? It didn't help that he wasn't clear on what she wanted from him. And he probably never would.
The connection between them was too agonizing, and tenuous, and built on pain as it was, that he was afraid; He was afraid that if he made the slightest wrong move, it would break, and they would break, and there wouldn't be anything between them to salvage anymore.
He didn't want that. He wanted to remain connected to her.
She was his last living connection to Ul and he didn't want to sever that.
And he wanted to respect her.
He wanted to respect her boundaries, even though he wasn't sure what they were.
"umm, Gray?" She slid the curtain open suddenly, and poked her head out. She turned her back to him slowly, awkwardly, looking over her shoulders evasively at him, "Could you unzip my dress for me? It's um, giving me a lot of trouble... "
The universe was cruel to him though. It kept innocently provoking him, and testing his will. She turned forward again, exposing the back of her lovely neck and shoulders to him. He stepped closer to her without a word, and gently swept the hair she hadn't managed to pull out of the way, touching the bare skin of her back as he did so, grazing against Crime Sorcierre's insignia etched on her back.
He took his time.
This was probably the only time he would get to be this close, and intimate with her, so he lingered, and worked slowly, trying not to look like he was. He fiddled with the zipper, and found that it was stuck on the dress, the edges of its material wedged between it. He used both his fingers to pull it free, aware of her close proximity, and his slow, steady breathing on her neck, lightly blowing the few dark strands of her vibrant, lilac hair that escaped her hold.
And then he was done; too soon, he thought ruefully. But if he lingered any longer, she would find it strange.
He stepped back reluctantly, moving stiffly, and she turned around, and stood on her tip-toes… intending to kiss his cheek, but missing the angle, and brushing the corner of his lips instead, stunning him speechless.
She didn't wait to assimilate his reaction, and quickly slipped back inside, closing the curtain on his dumbfounded expression. He raised his hand to touch the corner of his lips in a besotted daze, his eyes softening incredibly in awe, and despite his earlier resolve to not yearn for things he couldn't have.
He reached for the dress she had just taken off, half- hanging over the metal rod and tugged it down. He threw it casually at the gold-toothed, grinning, street-peddler, and ended up spending the entirety of his pouch full of coins on it. The pretty provocative little dress turned out to be pretty, darned expensive, but he didn't have the heart to bargain. He somehow felt like it was worth it today.
When she came out, he simply handed it to her casually without ceremony, "Here,.."
She looked up at him with those paralyzing, wide, bittersweet dark lights again,
"what..-"
"its-
"Ulllllllllllll" Meredy unexpectedly glomped her, interrupting their exchange out of nowhere,. "Yay, Am I glad we found you so quickly! Our detours turned out to be pretty boring, and we were missing you, so we decided to come find you here! Are you happy to see us?!"
"Melody! Gerard! –"
They had been too focused on each other, and hadn't noticed them approaching.
"Whoa, Gray! Fancy seeing you here!" a busty, pretty, and long haired Melody chirped cheerfully at him when she finally noticed him beside Ultear, completely at odds with the subdued, boyish, child-like image of the past he was familiar with.
Caught off guard by her appearance, he responded as casually as he could, "Yo, you look…uh, happy." She giggled, "I am)."
"That's good" he said, smiling down at her contagious cheer, then shifted his gaze warily toward Gerard, who nodded at him quietly. "Gray."
'Gerard." He nodded back coolly.
He didn't like Gerard much. With good reason.
He was aware Ultear had manipulated the guy. He understood that. He even sympathized with him. But he still couldn't bring himself to completely like the guy. It wasn't like he had a personal connection with him like he had with Ultear, Or Erza had with him anyway.
So it wasn't just a meaningless irrational dislike, though it was a bit of that too. He supposed the fact that he had brought Erza so much pain factored into it a bit. A lot actually. But that wasn't all though. He was irrationally jealous of the easy camaraderie, and understanding he had with Ultear too. Just a little bit. He understood it. He even knew Gerard was in love with Erza, but it still irked him that he could spend time with Ultear when Gray just didn't have that luxury.
But then again, it was the same for Gerard too, wasn't it? Gray got to spend a lot of time with Erza, while Gerard simply didn't, no matter how he felt about it. Damn, he pitied the guy after all- He paused suddenly before he could fully form his thought. What was he saying? How did this matter? Or factor into anything at all?
It's not like he was in love with Ultear the way Gerard was in love with Erza; right?
It couldn't be.
He just had randomly complicated feelings for Gerard. And Ultear. And that was it.
At the end of the day, they were all just victims of ugly circumstances.
His ribs felt a little sore again. What kind of a horribly twisted world did they live in?
Everything was just so painfully messed up.
They were all so painfully messed up.
Even so, like Erza,he had determined they must live. He had determined they must move forward anyway, no matter what.
It wouldn't do to dwell on painful impossibilities.
"Guess it's time to be leaving then," He said softly, locking gazes with Ultear, then added lightly, feeling that they had graduated to a unique, tentative sort of friendship atleast, "See you around."
"Of course!" she retorted, smiling brightly at him, hugging her small package close. "You'll definitely see us again. Thanks for the dress!"
"Aa. Make sure you wear it sometime!"
"Ehh?" Melody blinked, surprised, and burst out in a rambling rush, "You're leaving already? Wait, make sure you say Hi to Juvia for me!"
"Will do." he responded absently, his eyes still on Ultear, and he turned slowly. He raised a hand at them in a casual wave, as he walked away from her, feeling light on his feet.
"Gray!" she called out suddenly, and he paused. He caught a strange note of painful urgency in her voice and he turned around apprehensively, his feet feeling large and heavy and contrary to seven seconds ago. She threw something at him, and confused, he reflexively grabbed - the dress-. "What are you!-"
She smiled brightly at him. Too painfully bright. And his heart constricted..
"I'm not going to be needing it on my path. You should give it to someone who can use it!"
..and unexpectedly hurt.
He wondered if that was her way of subtly rejecting him.
Had she caught on to the fact that his feelings for her were bordering on ..he didn't knowwhat.?
"Oooh what is that Ul?" Melody pitched in, oblivious to the underlying tension between them.
"Oh, its nothing, just a dress I was trying on for fun, and Gray was kind enough to buy it for me!"
"Oohh I see," she said excitedly, not seeing at all… "A dress! That's what you were talking about earlier! Why don't you just keep it Ul?"
…But she had a point.
"She's right. Why won't you just keep it?" Gray asked her pointedly in deceptive calmness, extending the package toward her with one hand.
She gently pushed it back at him, insisting, "I told you, I wouldn't ever be wearing it and that would be a shame. Besides, I look plenty sexy in what I'm wearing right now, right Melody?"
Melody chuckled, "That you do! Our new looks are pretty fantastic, aren't they?! What do you think, Gray?"
"They look good," he said awkwardly, "but well, .-" he trailed off, not quite sure how to argue his point.
"I know!" Melody exclaimed suddenly, "Why don't you just give it to Juvia Gray?! I'm sure she'd be over the moon about it, unlike our self-depreciating Ul here."
Gray blushed uncomfortably at that, "Why bring Juvia into it? And how the hell do you know how she feels about me anyway? Then again," he brushed his other hand threw his hair uneasily, "I suppose she's too obvious about it."
"Bingo. I also linked us together when I fought her. And you too for that matter! Have you two made any progress yet?" Melody asked him interestedly.
"None. Whatsoever. And we're not like that."
"Not yet." She said in an annoying, sing-song voice.
"Look," he said bluntly, "She's great alright, but I don't feel the way she does." he stopped there, not wanting to elaborate or be disrespectful, but still wanting to make it absolutely clear to them he wasn't invested romantically in their relationship. "What do you mean you linked us together?"
"Okay, Okay, sheesh, I was just teasing. Yup, with my magic. If you happened to cry suddenly at Tenrou Island, without knowing why, that was us. She sure loves you to an abnormal extent, I almost couldn't bear it."
"Sigh, I know. So that weird episode was you guys, huh? It still doesn't really change anything though. I care about her, but I don't feel the same."
Melody winked at him, "Ah, well, it's painful for her if it's unrequited, no? You never know though, there could be progress by the time I see you next!"
"Not likely."
"If you say so, but I can only tell when I see you two again for myself!"
It was hopeless to argue against that.
He looked self-consciously at Ultear. She was simply smiling casually through Melody's teasing, an unsettling, blank ambiguity coloring her expressive eyes.
He felt a bit bitter. He had avoided looking at her through the pointless exchange, but it didn't matter. She didn't care anyway.
"Whatever. I'm not about to give her the dress, and encourage her with mixed signals. Here, why don't you take it? I don't really have a use for it."
"Me?! Oh no, I'm just like Ultear, I really won't have any need for it. Jeez, how about Lucy then, Or Erza?! Your good friends, right? Just give it to her. Giving it to Erza should be fine, right? She won't misunderstand. Besides, It'll make all of us really happy, Ul too, especially Gerard! Right Ul?"
"Right!" Ultear smiled mischievously at him for real, the blank ambiguity lifting, a sweet teasing glint entering her eyes, and that was all he cared about, "it'll give Gerard something to stare at the next time he sees her!"
"Right," he retorted dryly, relieved she was her again, but still a little irked, "to burn it into his memory for when he's miserable and alone! A torture device in the making,"
She winced, "Well, we were once good at being evil. It seems we can't entirely leave our regrettable pasts behind."
Gray felt contrite at the jibe, and said softly, "Well, it was clever. And you're pretty great at being good despite that." then muttered awkwardly, "Gerard probably prefers a glimpse to nothing anyway."
Melody piped in, "That's right, Ul! Your fantastic at being good! Good going Gray! Gerard, you better say something to cheer Ul up too! Or she will beat herself up to a cheerful gloom."
Gerard blushed uncomfortably, but added for Ultear's sake, "uh, Right. My memories of Erza are what keep me going. So, uh, more of her can never be a bad thing." He closed his eyes, embarrassed but added contemplatively, "Some kinds of pain are always worth the effort. So Yes. Something of her is better than nothing."
When he opened them, he looked directly at Gray, and inquired shrewdly, a vague suspicion forming in his head, "I assume you agree Gray?
Gray stared directly at Ultear instead, not caring he might confirm Gerard's suspicions, and answered gruffly, and honestly, "Yeah, I'd rather I had something than nothing too. If a memory is all I can have, then a memory is all I will live on."
"Hear, Hear." Melody cheered, as Ultear turned red, and coughed, "Gray is quite the romantic, isn't he, Ul? No wonder Juvia is head over heels for him, though the poor kid's probably never seen this side of him. Or has she?"
"She hasn't."
"Okay then, it's a shame! Don't you think so, Ul?"
"Hmmm. A girl would be ridiculously lucky and happy to have him be head over heels and share those sides of him with her."
The tip of his ears turned red, a painful warmth curling inside him like a cuddly, furry companion, because he could see in her serious, laughing eyes, whether she knew it or not that there were overwhelming grains of truth in the fun.
"You said it, not me." He managed quietly in a low pitch, his eyes smiling achingly into hers.
"Hmm," she warned teasingly "you really should go before I fall head over heels for you Gray!"
He wanted to tell her that that didn't sound so bad-
"Or Melody!" Ultear added, cutting down his thoughts.
"That's Right!" Melody echoed exaggeratedly, "You don't want either of us falling for you, Gray! It'd be Erza and Gerard level torture! Uh huh. We have strict rules. We, who live in the shadows, can't ever be with those who walk in the light."
He raised his eyebrows, a little stunned "What?"
"I'm a hopeless cause, Gray." Ultear said softly. "Melody too."
"I see." He said quietly, a weird hurt making its way back inside, as he read between the lines, half-serious, "then it's time for me go, I guess. Before I do something crazy, like fight you and make you change your rules."
She smiled piercingly at him, while Melody chuckled.
"Byeeee Gray! Say Hi to Erza for Gerard! Maybe even tell her all the mushy stuff he said!" "Melody", Gerard coughed out, looking embarrassed, and raised an awkward hand at him in parting. Gray responded in kind, feeling sorry for the guy.
"What! It'll make Erza happy" Melody sang out.
"If I remember it," Gray relented dryly, and Ultear chuckled, the soft sound staying with him.
Melody stuck her tongue out at him like a little kid, and he rolled his eyes, grinning complacently at her, "Real mature, kid." "ha ha, very funny, dad," she said sarcastically, and narrowed her eyes at him, "I'll sick mom and uncle Gerard on you if you make fun of me!"
"Oh, really?" He teased, raising an amused brow at her still childish response.
"Just stop Gray, Melody adores teasing aplenty, but simply cannot tolerate being teased…which is why it is so much fun teasing her, but-!"
"Ul! Whose side are you on anyway?!"
"Oops, Sorry. Don't bully Melody, Gray!"
"Right. Sorry." Gray murmured, raising his hands up defensively.
Gerard sighed, and Melody raised a haughty brow at him. Ultear raised both her brows, and cleared her throat and then it clicked,
"Right. Sorry Melody!"
"You're forgiven!" she beamed at him.
"Thanks!" he said dryly, sharing an amused glance with Ultear.
"I guess you gotta get going now Gray! But we'll see you soon! Ul has a fabulous idea regarding your sad power-levels!"
"So she said!" he retorted curiously.
"I'm not telling either. You'll find out soon enough,"
"Okay, Fine. Whatever."
He turned to look at Ultear, his gaze lingering, "I'll look forward to it."
"Please do. Goodbye Gray." Ultear murmured softly, a wealth of bittersweet meaning in her eyes.
He supposed it was a goodbye of sorts for them.
"Goodbye." he responded in kind, a gruff softness in his dark, brooding eyes.
He would have to make sure to never dwell on their brief, bittersweet exchanges. Or the strange, indefinable, emotional pull between them.
She didn't want him to. She as good as told him that.
So he walked resolutely away from her, painfully clutching the dress she didn't want, that he still pathetically felt was worth buying for her.
Something of Ultear was better than nothing of her.
He fought the temptation to turn around, and look back at her one more time.
At least this time, he thought wistfully, he knew he would see her again.
And maybe with time, things could change between them.