Angel found his way home all right. I was just falling asleep with Tonia lying half on top of me when I heard his bed start rocking, and a girl start shouting, seemingly at the top of her lungs.
I groaned, and Tonia snickered, turning her face further into my shoulder to smother her amusement.
"I'm getting way too old to live here," I said, my arm tightening briefly around her waist. "The beds are too small, and there's not nearly enough privacy."
She resettled herself, using my shoulder for a pillow, her arm resting across my chest. "At least he seems to be getting over Sofi," she replied.
I grunted an agreement before we settled back into silence, attempting to fall asleep in spite of the racket.
Tisha James. Skinny black girl. Short. Wheat-colored bleached hair. Big mouth. Way too much attitude. She was in Angel's class in high school. They'd gone together before he'd gotten old enough to catch Sofi's attention.
I loved La Vida Loca compared to Tish. If I'd known there was any chance Tisha would hook up with Angel, I would've driven to Mexico or wherever and smuggled Sofi back into the country myself.
No joke.
We were in the kitchen. Tonia had worked with Jackie on his knee and shoulder early that morning, and the three of us sat in the kitchen afterward, eating breakfast. I was still tired, so we ate in comfortable silence.
Teasing words and giggles alerted us to Angel and his 'guest' of the night coming down the stairs. They entered the kitchen a moment later, and I nearly groaned out loud when I saw he'd brought Tisha home.
"Fuck me," I bitched under my breath, leaning a little farther over my cereal, wishing I could drown myself in it.
Tonia reached over under the table, squeezing my knee in a comforting gesture. I knew for a fact she hated Tish just as much as I did, yet her first thought was to let me know she was there for me.
"Well, well, look who's back in town. The famous Bobby Mercer. What time did you and the old lady get to bed, Bobby? Nine?" Tisha taunted, giving me a pointed look while she hung off Angel's shoulder.
"Not unless they managed to sleep through you screaming," Jack muttered, still only half awake.
Tish walked over to where my little brother sat, smirking a bit. "If you had a man like mine, Jackie, you know you'd be screamin' too," she informed him, shooting Tonia a smug look while she ruffled up Jack's hair.
Little brother jerked his head out of her reach, shooting her a 'don't you fucking touch me' look.
"Jack's not gay," I stated matter-of-factly between bites of cereal, much to the surprise of everyone in the room, including Jack. "He's just too smart to mess around with a whore like you, Tish."
"Bobby," Angel said, the tone of his voice warning me to quit.
"Angel," I mimicked. "You've been off the Sofi train for all of what? Two days? You were going to marry La Vida Loca, now you're fucking around with this whore? Not even Ma liked her, and Ma liked everybody."
"Don't you fucking talk about me like that!" Tish shouted, strutting around the table to stand over me. She pointed accusingly at Tonia. "Just look at the tramp you're runnin' with, Bobby. You ever ask her why she never makes you wear a condom? You nothin' but the rebound, and she's hoping you'll knock her up, if you even can. You probably shooting blanks, old man."
I got to my feet, my head buzzing with rage. I couldn't tower over anyone, but Tish looked like a Smerf next to me. "This is the part where you realize you just might die if you say one more word," I threatened, my voice low and cold. "Like most of your former boyfriends, I have no problem whatsoever with hitting a woman if she's asking for it."
She sneered. "You don't scare me," she said, daring me to do it. "Besides, I'm doing you a favor. I'll bet you don't even know, do you? You don't know the real reason her husband left her. She can't have a baby. Every time she gets pregnant, she has a miscarriage. He got sick of it, and left, and she's fucked every man willing since then—until you came back to town. How do you like thinkin' about the fact that the girl you're with's been pregnant at least half a dozen times, and fucked every man in town? She old and used, and it's sad she's still suckering you into taking her back."
I think that might've been the first time in my life I was completely speechless. Tish's words hit me like a ton of bricks, and I couldn't help but turn to look at Tonia, to see if the expression on her face confirmed what I'd just been told.
I don't think I'd ever seen her pissed in all the years I'd known her. She always took everything in stride—but the look on her face when she got up was a rather unattractive picture of anger and shame.
Tish stepped into her path when Tonia tried to walk past me, to get away from the table and all of us staring at her.
"You mad now, Tonia? You mad because I outted you? Maybe you should get your boyfriend to smack me around—oh, wait. He ain't gonna want nothin' to do with you now, will he?"
Just to prove I really didn't know her half as well as I thought I did, Tonia hauled off and slugged Tish right there. One punch was all it took to put Tisha on her ass, and once she was down, she stayed there; holding the side of her face with one hand, too stunned to move.
Tonia stepped over her, walking out of the room without a glance back.
When Tonia was gone, Angel walked over to where Tisha lay, crouching down next to her. She'd started crying—something I'd never thought I'd see in my lifetime.
"Wow," Jack finally said, subconsciously doing his best 'awed stoner' impression. "That was amazing. Tonia seriously just decked her with one punch. I totally wish we'd gotten that on tape."
I nodded rather stupidly, my brain not quite up to processing everything I'd just taken in. Suddenly I felt compelled to go after my girlfriend, and without much thought, my feet carried me out to the living room, up the stairs, and to my bedroom door.
I didn't hear her crying from outside, but when I opened the door, I found her sitting on my bed, silently sobbing into her hands. It was only the third time in my life I'd seen her cry. The significance might not have been lost on me if I'd been able to actually form coherent thoughts at that moment in time.
The second I opened the door she started drying her eyes on her sleeves. She got up, picking up the few pieces of her clothing littering the floor.
The realization that she meant to leave me felt like punch to the gut.
"I thought you were on the pill," I said, my brain still not quite up to speed with my mouth.
"I haven't used the pill since we were eighteen," she said, wiping at her eyes with one hand, streaking mascara across her face. "I got a blood clot once in my arm, while you were away at a road game. Since then I've used a thermometer to take my temperature, so I know when it's okay. I don't always get off when I want to, but it works."
I remembered the time she'd been in the hospital. Mom had called to tell me about it. I'd been a sports junkie, so I'd figured Tonia had just taken a bad hit in gym and gotten a clot. I hadn't known it'd been because of the birth control she used. I hadn't known she'd almost died because we were sleeping together.
"You tell me this now?" I asked, still not sure if I was pissed or not.
Tonia shrugged, shaking her head. "I'm sorry," she said, picking up the last of her things and turning to walk past me.
I grabbed her arm, pulling her back. Some of the clothes she'd been carrying dropped to the floor.
"How many?" I asked.
She shook her head, looking away from me. "You, and the guy I married. That's it. I've never been with anyone else. I would've told you if I had. You know I would've," she said, looking me straight in the eye.
My grip on her arm slackened, but I didn't let go. I believed her about that much. Tonia took a lot of things lightly, but sleeping around wasn't one of them. Between Angel and Ma, nothing slipped past our family on the neighborhood rumor mill—so even if she had started getting busy, there was little chance I wouldn't have heard about it.
"Not how many guys you've been with. I want to know how many kids you lost," I said, keeping my voice down, for the moment.
She half shrugged, looking away in shame. "I don't know," she said, sounding utterly defeated. "Most didn't last more than a few weeks. I'd lose the pregnancy, and it was like I got a really heavy period. I didn't mean to keep it from you. I never talk about it. Not even with my mother. I just wanted to forget it. I almost had a little boy. He made it to four months. I had the whole hormone thing going on, so I can't really describe what it did to me when I lost him," she whispered.
I couldn't really explain why, but hearing those words from her stabbed at me in all kinds of strange ways. Maybe it was the thought that she could've been happy giving birth to some other guy's kid. Maybe it was because I was still mentally stuck as a seventeen-year-old, and she'd actually grown up and tried to become an adult without me. I guess I always figured nothing major would ever happen in her life that I wouldn't be a part of. Everyone else might move on with their lives, but I never thought she'd leave me behind, like everyone else had.
I could almost consciously feel my walls starting to go up. One wrong turn in the conversation and I'd probably start yelling at her, accusing her of things just to push her away.
"So what about me? You looking to keep trying with me, or what?" I asked, sounding flippant, like the idea disgusted me.
She shook her head, lowering her eyes. "No. I know you're not ready for kids, and maybe I'm not either. Besides, the doctor said my body needs a break. I didn't mean for anything to happen, Bobby. I didn't even mean to start sleeping with you again. This is why I didn't want to move in. I was afraid you'd find out, and you'd look at me the way you're looking at me right now. Like I disgust you, and you hate me for not telling you."
"I don't hate you," I said. "Why the fuck would you say that, Tonia? We're just talking here."
"You would hate me," Tonia whispered. "If you knew..." she choked. She squeezed her eyes shut, and bit her lip, fighting for control of her voice. "God, Bobby. If you only knew yourself half as well as I do," she said, letting her clothes drop and jerking her arm from my grasp.
She threw open my door, and walked out, taking the stairs two at a time on the way down. I heard the front door slam, and I just stood there trying to convince myself I didn't give a shit if she left. I didn't care if I never saw her again in my life.
You know you're a spectacular liar if you can talk yourself into believing something that stupid.