Chapter Ten: Easy to See

Carlisle's POV

"Excuse me?" Lizzie sputtered after I did the one thing you should never do while saying 'I love you' I said Bella's name instead of Lizzie's and I was so going to hell for that.

"Lizzie." I quickly said. "I love you too, Lizzie."

"You said...you said Bella." She cried, pushing me away. "You still love her?"

"Lizzie,"

"Answer the question, Carlisle!" She yelled through the tears.

"Yes," I answered honestly. "I'm sorry but...I do."

"So...what was I to you, Carlisle?" She cried. "A rebound you were going to dump once this precious Bella came back?"

"I was your rebound!" I argued. She hadn't been divorced for very long before I came along and jumped right into something with me. "You told me you weren't looking for something serious."

"At the time!" She shouted. "I wasn't ready when we first met, but it's been five and a half months, Carlisle. I'm ready and...I'm still your rebound."

"You knew about Bella!" I told her. "You knew what happened to us!"

"Yeah and after you kept things going between us I thought it'd be over for the two of you." She cried as she turned away so I couldn't see her tears streaming down her cheeks. "You know, I've been in a lot of shitty relationships."

"Lizzie,"

"But...even the biggest ass holes were honest with me." She cried. "None of them said the wrong name when they told me they loved me."

"Don't campare me to Aaron!" I shouted about her filthy ex husband. "You know I've treated you better in five months than he did in five years!"

"Yeah, but he never told me he loved Bella."

"People make mistakes, Lizzie!"

"Yeah," She agreed. "But this was the first time I ever told you...you said Bella when I was feeling most vulnerable."

"Lizzie,"

"If we'd been saying it to each other for two months, maybe I'd understand the little slip of the tongue." She cried. "But you saying her name told me everything I need to know." She told me as she began walking away.

"Lizzie! Where are you going!"

"Far away from you."

"Lizzie, please!" I begged. I did love Bella and was going to get her back, but I didn't want things to end like this for Lizzie and I. "Let's talk about this."

"There isn't anything you can say, Carlisle!" She yelled. "You said another woman's name. You aren't over her and if I stay with you...I'm just going to end up with a broken heart another time instead of now."

"I..."

"It's over, Carlisle." She told me. "It has to be."

"At least let me give you a ride home." I offered and she stopped walking and turned to me, giving me a small nod as I walked over to the car. It was the least I could do.

I'd never had such a tense car ride before. She was silently sobbing as she looked out the window as I held back tears. I never wanted to hurt her. She was my best friend at work and I really care about her. It was wrong from the beginning to start something with her, knowing all along come May we'd be over no matter how well things were going. I shouldn't have started it, but I couldn't help myself. She was so beautiful, funny, and smart. She was just like Bella except she was my age.

I pulled up to her place and she got out without saying a word, slammed the door and stormed off inside. I took some time to cool off before starting the car again and heading back home. Edward was passed out on the couch and I gently covered him with a blanket. I gave him a soft kiss on his forehead, and smiled with the knowlege no matter how many woman come and go, Edward would always be there.

I went upstairs to my bedroom and cringed at the picture of Lizzie and I on my dresser. But, I left it where it was as I went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. But, after an hour of tossing and turning, I sat up and grabbed my phone, dialing a number I hadn't in so long.

"Hello?" He asked, his voice sounding raspy from sleep.

"Hi, Emmett." I smiled. It had been way too long since we talked. It felt good. "Can we talk?"

"Carlisle, it's midnight." He sighed, but I knew he'd listen.

"I know, but it's important."

"Okay, hold on." He sighed and I could hear him rustling around and then a door opening and closing. "What's up?"

"I said I love you Bella." I told him. "To Lizzie."

"You said...Bella's name?" He asked, sounding surprised. "How'd that happen?"

"I don't know." I cried. "I mean, things have been going great with Lizzie. She's smart, funny, beautiful. Everything I like in a girl."

"You mean, she's an older version of Bella?" He asked, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. But, he wasn't wrong.

"I guess." I shrugged. "That's not the point."

"Yes it is, Carlisle." He laughed. "What color hair does she have?"

"Brown."

"And her eyes."

"Brown."

"And she's smart, funny and pretty?" He asked. "Carlisle, you chose to be with Lizzie cause she reminded you of Bella."

"I mean, a little but..."

"There isn't an arguement you can make, Carlisle." He laughed. "She's Bella and she reminds you of Bella and that's why you said Bella's name."

"No, I just haven't said I love you to anyone since I left Bella."

"You can tell yourself that, Carlisle." He sighed. "But, you and I know both know it isn't true."

"I never wanted to hurt her." I whispered. "That was never my intention."

"Then, what was your intention, Carlisle?" He asked.

"I don't know. I just wanted to forget about the pain for a while." I sighed. "I wanted to feel good again and Lizzie had been there since I got to Pittsburgh. It was easy to get involved with her because she didn't expect much."

"But, now she does."

"I dont think she expects much...except for me to not say another girls name."

"You were going to break up with her in May anyway, maybe this is for the best."

"Maybe, but...I don't want her to be hurt."

"She's going to be hurt either way, Carlisle." He kindly pointed out.

Emmett was right. She was going to get hurt whenever the time came to end things. Maybe it was best now, a few months before I met up with Bella again.

I finally fell asleep after two hours of tossing and turning, only to be woken up by Edward sooner than I thought he'd be up.

"What are you still doing in bed?" He asked. "And I thought Lizzie was gonna be here."

"We had a fight, Edward." I groaned. "And broke up."

"Really? I was just starting to like her." He sighed as he sat down on my bed. "What happened."

"Edward,"

"I'm not a little kid, dad." He huffed. "We can have guy talk...can't we?"

"Yes, I think we can." I smiled as he got under the covers and I sat up. I turned to him and told him exactly what happened. Even though he was thirteen, even he knew what I did was shitty and practically critisized me for what I did. But, I didn't miss the smile on his face when he realized Lizzie wouldn't be getting in the way of Bella and I getting back together.

Although there was no certain answer about Bella and I, I was confident we would end up together. We were too close and had too much together for this to end like it did. I told her I'd be back and I only prayed she believed me and was no longer involved with that Jake kid. If she wasn't, I'd beat the hell out of him.

"So, this means you and Bella are really getting back together?"

"If she wants to, yes."

"She wants to, Dad." He laughed. "She's Bella and you're you. You guys have get back together."

"I sure hope you're right, kid." I sighed. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to spend the rest of the day in bed and read a book and watch TV."

"Why?"

"Because, I did care about Lizzie and I am upset about breaking up."

"But, you love Bella."

"Yes, I do." I sighed. "But, that doesn't mean losing Lizzie was easy, Edward."

He left me alone for the rest of the day and gave me the space I needed. I wasn't a blubbering mess, but it did hurt to be broken up with. No matter how many times it happened, break ups were the absolute worse. And, it didn't help that I was going to have to see her and work next to her the next day. I guess thats what I got for dating a co-worker, but this were what they were. This couldn't be undone, unfortunately.

The next day however, Lizzie wasn't at work and she wasn't answering her phone when anyone called her. I figured she just needed space and if I were in her position, I would need space too. But, when she didn't come to work for the next two weeks, I grew worried. I knew she was upset, and hurt but I knew she loved her job more than anything. Even me.

"I'm worried, mom." I sighed as I put a cup of coffee down in front of her. Her and my dad were vistiting up for Edward's Easter break since it was easier for them to come down then for us to go up. "It's been two weeks and no one has heard from her."

"She needs time, Carlisle." She sighed. "What you did was completely out of line and she didn't deserve that."

"I know, mother." I spat. "I already feel bad enough. I don't need you to lecture me about it, I need you to be my mom and tell me she's okay."

"She's okay, Carlisle." She lied to me. Right now, even my own mother didn't have the answers. "If you believe she's okay, believe it. But, you aren't a little kid anymore."

"I know that."

"Do you?" She asked. "Because, I can't just say everything's okay and that be true. This is real life now and kiddo, you're right in the middle of reality."

"I feel terrible, but what I said was true." I sighed. "I love Bella."

"I know."

"And although I deeply cared about Lizzie, she wasn't my...she wasn't my love." I cried. "So why does that make me the enemy? The bad guy?"

"Because you said the wrong name." She smiled. "Just be glad it was now and not at your wedding like your father."

"Dad?"

"He was engaged to another girl when we met." She laughed, thinking about old times. "He said 'I take thee Helen."

"He did not!"

"I wouldn't lie, Carlisle." She smiled. "The point is, people make mistakes. It's okay to make a mistake."

"Is it?" I asked. "Because every mistake I've made in the last few years have done nothing but hurt the people I love most."

Lizzie's car was found the Monday after Easter at the bottom of the Allegheny River. Lizzie was not inside, however. Her mother filed a missing persons report and everywhere I looked, I saw her. I saw her on the news, on a flyer. I saw her in the picture I had of us on my desk at work. Lizzie was missing and it was my fault. It was all my fault.

After I'd paced a hole in the floor, I jumped in my car and headed into the city where they pulled her car out of the river. I didn't expect to find anything there, but I just needed some peace or closure or anything to get this off of my mind. I parked my car and walked through the jagged bushes to where the yellow tape was still hanging. Some of it had fell down and life was going on just like it would if she were here.

I did see a person standing there, looking down at the water. She was wearing all black and I had a feeling at the pit of my stomach of who it was. I walked up and stood next to them and waited for her to turn to me.

"This isn't your fault." She cried as she continued to look down.

"Really?" I asked. "Because last time I saw her, she was in tears because of me."

"Yes, you broke my daughters heart." She agreed. "But you didn't drive this car into the river."

"Might have well has."

"My daughter has a bad habit of dating people who aren't suitable for her. The biggest mistake she made was eloping with that ass, Arron Bailey." She said. "You were the only good person who ever came into her life."

"Oh,"

"And when things ended between you two, she went to a sleezey bar and hooked up with some big, black guy." She cried.

"How...how do you know this?"

"She called me the Monday after you two broke up." She said, pulling out her phone. "Listen."

'Hey mom!' She slurred. 'I'm over Carlisle and I found a new guy! Someone who's gonna treat me right. His name is Tyrone and he's going to treat me right! Not like that fucking Carlisle dick!'

"I get it," I sighed, pulling the phone away from my ear.

"Keep listening."

'Hey, bitch!' A deep voice called as I heard her scream. 'Get the fuck back in bed, fucking fucker!'

'Ow! My hair!'

"Get back on your knees though!' he yelled before the phone clicked and the message ended.

"You think he killed her?" I asked.

"If she didn't drive herself into the river, yes."

"But, there isn't a body?" I asked.

"The police said she might be down there." She cried. "Please don't go blaming yourself."

"But,"

"My daughter has never made good choices." She cried. "Between her drug use in high school to her abusive boyfriends. This is in no way your fault." Mrs. Masen walked away through the bushes and my legs felt shaky as I heard an engine start up. I fell to the floor and took out one of the 'Missing Persons' poster I took from the police department when it first came out.

"Lizzie, where are you." I cried as I ran my fingers over her sketched face. I stayed there until I was able to stop crying and stand up. I swung by a pizza place for Edward and he ate by himself while I cried myself to sleep in my room.

Lizzie was gone and I didn't care what Mrs. Masen said. It was my fault.

Sooner than expected, it was May. I closed my last suitcase and made sure Edward was all packed. He was sitting on his bed, his suitcase completely packed while he sat, shaking his leg like a rabbit, eager to go.

"You excited?" I asked sarcastically as we lugged the bags down to the car. He only punched me in the arm and went back inside to grab the snack bag. It was going to be a long ride and we were going to make it exciting. As exciting as it could be. We were both antsy with anticipation and Lizzie still hadn't been found. Even her family was giving up hope and had held a small memorial service the week before.

If she was dead, they needed to grieve so they could try to get on.

But, Edward was doing a good job at keeping me distraced and talked the entire six hours about soccer, baseball and his potential 'girlfriend' Rachel. I could only laugh at him when he talked about having a girlfriend. He wasn't even fourteen yet. But, if he liked her, I wasn't going to hold him back.

We arrived at my mothers and crashed right away. We had to wake up early to get ready and I knew getting him ready was going to be a chore. He hated dressing nicely these days and I had to fight with him every time he couldn't wear basketball shorts and a t-shirt. Boys were just as difficult as girls, I didn't care what anyone said.

"You need help?" My mother asked as I tried tying my tie. She laughed as I shrugged and came over and began tying it like an old pro. She should be, she tied my father's every single day. "Are you ready?"

"I've been ready."

"I'm not talking about seeing her, Carlisle."

"Yes, mom." I sighed. "I am ready for the possible rejection."

"I just don't want you getting hurt again."

"Mom, I'm already hurt when it comes to hurt." I sighed. "If she has a boyfriend, I can't lose anything else."

"I have a feeling she's going to take you back." She smiled. "Boyfriend or not."

"How can you be so...okay with this?" I asked. I didn't think my mother could really like Bella again after I lost my job because I chose t be with her.

"Weather she's a student or not, she makes you happy." She shrugged. "She makes my grandson happy."

"Dad, let's go!" Edward yelled as he came into my room. "We gotta go get Bella back!"

"Yes we do, Edward." I sighed in nervousness as I grabbed my keys.