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Chapter Seven

The heels of his feet were throbbing from the cuts that have collected there from walking through the Seam bare footed. After the first laceration, he cursed the impulsive act that led to him treading through the neighborhood in his nightclothes and without shoes. Furthermore, his neck now had a permanent crick in it from leaning up against the side of Katniss' house. Peeta hadn't realized he had fallen asleep until he awoken- he presumed hours later- when the wind picked up, lowering the summer temperature exponentially. It had taken him a few seconds after opening his eyes to realize where he was and then the embarrassment had set in, along with the thick layer of coal dust that now covered most of his lower body. His only saving grace was the cover of night as he walked back to the Hawthornes utterly disheveled. Peeta took the stairs leading up to the porch two at a time as he rushed back inside, positive that the neighbors would soon be rising, most of their days beginning before sunrise, and he wanted to save himself further embarrassment by being seen by anyone. He was sure that he was the topic of many conversations in the district since the buzz of his arrival had even reached his ears and he didn't want to supply any more fodder for the town gossips to use on his behalf. Peeta pushed the wooden door open quickly, and it emitted a loud squeak, which caused him to shut his eyes tight, a grimace forming at his features. He opened the door open just enough for him to slip his broad shoulders through and then closed it behind him when he was safely inside. Peeta exhaled a long breath he had been holding, the tension in his back loosening. He felt relieved as he turned towards the staircase that led up to the loft. However, the calm he felt quickly dissipated as he jumped back in surprise, a yelp escaping his lips.

Hazelle sat in the threadbare chair that faced the door; she still wore her nightclothes and her hair was freed from the updo that he now associated her with. He darted his eyes to the side, his mind racing along with his pulse as he searched for an explanation that didn't make him sound completely pathetic.

Peeta ran his hand through his curls, his sweaty palms casing them to stick upright. "It's not what it looks like. I wasn't trying to run away."

She kept her arms crossed over her chest, her once solemn face now reflecting bemusement. "Clearly. At least I would hope not while you wore only your nightclothes."

He began to walk towards the small sofa beside the chair where she sat. "I just needed to get away and clear my head."

Hazelle nodded. "Did it work?"

Peeta sighed as he sat down onto the lumpy cushion. "Honestly?" He bit his lip as he pondered his own question. "I think my mind is more fuzzy than it was."

Hazelle leaned forward to slap his knee. "Well, welcome to life. I think if you're not at least a little confused you're doing something wrong."

He attempted to laugh, but it came out as more of a strangled sigh. "Yeah. I guess so."

She tipped her head to the side, watching him closely as he dropped his face towards his lap, his hands fiddling with the threads of his sleep shorts. "What has your mind so busy?"

Peeta turned to face her as he debated telling her about his dream, but decided against it. "What has you up so early?"

Hazelle narrowed her eyes, all too aware of his deflection, but she decided to play along for now. "I went up to check up on you boys, and imagine my surprise when I counted only three heads and a particular head of blond curls was missing. I, of course, began to panic when you weren't where I assumed you to be, but I decided to grant you the benefit of the doubt."

"You don't have to worry about me."

She waved him off before placing a hand at his face until she withdrew it to her lap. "It's what mothers do. I worry about all my children, even Gale who's nearly of age at eighteen. He thinks if he's old enough to be forced to work down below in the coal mines then he's too old for his mother to fret over him, but he's wrong."

They sat in uncomfortable silence, or at least it was on Peeta's part, for a few minutes until Hazelle leaned over, attempting to gain his attention. "Are you going to tell me what bothered you so much that you felt compelled to roam through an unfamiliar neighborhood in the middle of the night in nothing but nightclothes?"

Peeta looked up to find her warm gaze, and the nausea he felt in his gut increased. "I had a dream." He closed his eyes as he shook his head trying to clear his muddled mind. "Or maybe it was a memory."

Hazelle reached out, giving his knee a reassuring squeeze. The act seemed to give him the courage to continue that he had been previously lacking. "It was like I was just a witness to it all, and I couldn't affect or change anything…just watch." He let out a heavy breath, decreasing some of the pressure he felt in his chest. "I saw myself as a child, Gale was there and even…even Katniss. It was all a bit hazy but oddly memorable." Peeta could hear the crack in his voice as the tears began to well up at the corner of his eyes. "I also saw him…my father." The tears started to stream down the expanse of his face to pool at the collar of his shirt. "I watched Kale talking to you about my mother, and how he wanted to file papers through the proper channels to establish paternity." By now the anxiety of the experience had completely taken over his body as the sobs wracked his frame. "He…he wanted me. And then…and then I…I saw him with me as a child." Peeta wrapped his arms around his middle, hoping that the pressure would give him the strength to calm himself down. He looked up when he felt Hazelle's hands at his wrists giving him the support he needed. "I was with my father and I didn't even remember."

She let out a long sigh before speaking. "Peeta, sometimes when we go through heartache, or minds forget, I think to protect us. And you've been through more pain than any young man should have to endure, but the fact that you're remembering has to mean that maybe you're finally ready to heal."

He gave her a small smile as he moved his arms from his chest to swipe at his damp cheeks. "I need to know everything or in the very least as much as you're willing to tell me at this time. I'm tired of feeling like everyone else knows more about who I am than I do."

Hazelle shook her head as she gently brushed the tears from his cheeks. "Sweet boy, it's all just a mess of mistakes that were made before you even came along. You don't need to know all of that."

Peeta squeezed his eyes shut to release the last of the tears that laid there. "Please, Hazelle. I need to know something, and I'm sorry that just by asking I'm causing you pain, but you have to understand that I need to know something. I think that it's owed to me to be told at least enough that can ease some of my own pain."

She watched him closely until she conceded, leaning back into the chair. "You have to understand that Kale was always meant to be something more than a coal miner. Even when we were kids growing up in the Seam, I could see it. He always had this quiet strength, unlike most of the boys that grow up around here. So when we began to get closer together in Upper school, I felt blessed. There was even talk that a few Merchant girls had been looking at him for a beau, which was almost unheard of." Her voice was hesitant but it soon leveled out. "But he chose me and for a long time it was just us and we were happy. However, it wasn't long until we aged out and Kale was made to start work in the mines. Not long after I had discovered I was pregnant, then soon it wasn't just us; it was as though our obligations and life itself had interfered with the reality we had created that only existed for us."

She paused to run her hands over her face as a flush began to form there. "The mines were back breaking; there were times he wouldn't say a word to me as we ate and then he would head straight to bed. It was like he was losing a part of himself- the kind sweet boy that I had fell in love with- and only a ghost of the man I knew was remaining. It wasn't until after Gale was born that I found the book he had bound together for sketching out in the trash bin, and then I knew he wasn't the same. And it wasn't like it was all at once but little by little I hardly recognized who he was or who we were together, until finally we were only strangers who inhabited the same home."

Peeta watched her closely; the pain of the past was clear on her sharp Seam features. He felt guilty for asking her to relive the anguish but he had to know more. "How did it start between them?"

"Delilah was beautiful; she was highly sought after by many Merchant sons, and with how well the bakery did it was a given that her dowry would be impressive. Even in a district as poor as Twelve it was evident that she didn't go without, so it wouldn't have been difficult for her to find a suitable suitor." Hazelle wringed her hands in the fabric of her night slip, the material wrinkling with her actions. "But even when we were girls she always wanted what she couldn't have. I suppose it made it more enticing. I don't know how it exactly started, but she had always favored your father. I suppose she made him feel things that I was no longer able to." She paused for a few seconds to gain her voice back. "It wasn't until she was expecting you that I found out about the affair; he never said how long it had been going on and I never asked. Soon after the rumor mill started, and the marriage deal that had been in the works for Delilah to wed the grocer's son was broken. Your grandparents were mortified that their precious daughter had been impregnated by a married coal miner. They had ties to a family in Eight who ran the bakery there, and it was soon worked out that she and the child would go there to live and the son, Luka Mellark, would raise the baby as his own."

Peeta choked back his tears. "It all sounds very proper." He kept his eyes on her as he asked her the one question that had been bothering him through most of her speech. "How could you still care for him after what he did to you?"

Hazelle gave him a soft smile. "Peeta, when we chose to love someone it isn't only for the times when we feel content and comfortable, it's also for the times when we question who we are and our place in others' lives. But those are the times when we truly find out who we love."

"So why do I not remember coming to see you or Kale when I was older?"

She reached out to take his hand. "After Luka died, there was no reaching your mother or finding where she had taken you. I really did like Luka, he was a good man." She let out a sigh. "And by then your grandfather had died and your grandmother had sold the bakery; they were still too ashamed from what had happened with Delilah."

Peeta nodded as he stood up. "I don't blame them. I don't blame my grandmother for wanting to get as far away from here as possible. "

Hazelle followed suit, standing beside him. "Well I do. They let their own feelings get in the way of seeing how blessed they were to have a grandson like you in their lives."

Peeta mused. "It's ironic isn't it?" She furrowed her brow. "Sending my mother away ruined her life, but she did the same to me. I'm the great mistake that everyone tries to brush away."

Hazelle pulled him into her, hugging him tightly. "You can't see yourself that way because eventually that's all you'll feel, and then you'll be so lost you won't recognize how precious you really are."

He nodded as he pulled away from her, his face downcast. "Thank you ,Hazelle, for telling me. I appreciate it." Peeta gave her a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes as he rounded the sofa walking towards the stairs.

"Peeta." He stopped turning toward her. "Why don't you go wash the coal dust off before you go back up to bed?"

He had forgotten about his appearance, his face mortified as he looked down his body. "I am so sorry."

She walked around the chair to stand beside him, her hand going to his cheek. "Don't worry about it. I'm from the Seam, I'm very familiar with coal dust." She gave him a soft smile before walking to the door opposite of the kitchen where she shared a room with her daughter. Hazelle stopped at the doorframe before walking through. "Get some sleep, sweet boy." He nodded as he watched her walk into the room and the close the door behind her, leaving him once again alone with his own thoughts.

The shift of the mattress is the first thing that his mind registers before he opens his eyes, the image of the ceiling becoming clear as the sleep leaves his vision completely. A soft giggle beside him causes him to turn his head to the side, his sight resting on rosy cheeks and dark, shiny curls. Posy kicks her legs out, another round of laughter emitting from her petite frame as she bounced on the bed. Her glee was infectious and Peeta couldn't help but smile at her as he reached out to poke at her side, tickling her. Posy rolled onto her side pulling her knees into her stomach as she shifted her body to each side, her laughter echoing off the walls. He withdrew his hand to give her a few seconds to recover as he sat up, drawing his own knees to his body.

Posy let out a long breath, her cheeks flushed. "That was funny."

Peeta genuinely chuckled at her remark, his own mouth forming a wide smile. "Yes it was, giggle box." She lightly snorted at his term of endearment as she bounced up in a sitting position."Did you need something?"

She nodded causing her dark curls to bounce around her slight shoulders. "Momma said you needed to get up, but Gale said you needed to get your lazy ass up." She leaned in close to him her usual full voice low and conspiratorial. "Don't tell momma I said that word…it's naughty."

Peeta moved his fingers over his lips, his face serious. "It's our secret, little one." She giggled, her face once again bright until something washed over her features and she was once again solemn. Peeta caught on to the shift in her mood. "What is it?"

Posy reached up to his face, placing her small hands at each side of his face. She moved his face slowly to the side until a smile graced her round cheeks and mouth. "You look like my daddy!" And before he could react or even respond she removed her hands, kissed him on the cheek and jumped from the bed. The shift of the mattress made him fall over to his side as he watches her scurry down the stairs, leaving him alone.

Peeta laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling attempting to calm his breathing, the impending situation of having to deal with the rest of the district-especially the adolescent variety which he knew could be specifically cruel- was something he was dreading. He breathed in slowly as he pushes off of the bed, wincing as his bare feet hit the floor. The cuts he had procured earlier that morning were still sore as he padded across the floor to the aged dresser. Peeta pulled off the nightshirt he had changed into after returning; he was thankful for Hazelle's suggestion to bathe, especially now that he wouldn't have time to wash. The top pooled at his feet and his shorts soon followed.

He can hear the commotion from downstairs as he pulled a clean shirt and slacks from his designated drawer. He can't help but lightly chuckle at Hazelle's need to mother, even him -when in reality she should not want him present at all, just another reason why she confused him so.

After he dressed and ran a hand through his ash blond curls, Peeta makes his way over to the staircase; he felt his pulse race, and every instinct he had in his being told him to run the other way, that the window was only a few feet away and he could easily scale the outside of the house and make his escape. He gripped the handrail as he forced his breathing to steady, and when he felt composed enough, Peeta descended down the stairs.

The rest of the house was running around the first floor as Hazelle struggled to wrangle both Vick and Posy. Rory was packing a canvas bag with a stack of books and a metal tin that Peeta assumed held his lunch. He didn't spot Gale until he made it to the last step; the older boy raised his face from where he looked over a book that Posy had handed him to narrow his eyes at Peeta.

"So you finally decided to get up? I mean why would you wake up with the rest of us?" Gale snapped. Peeta began to open his mouth to respond but Hazelle beat him to it as she crossed the room to gently slap Gale over the back of the head. He looked over to his mother, grimacing as he pats Posy on the top of the head and orders the two other boys to follow him, specifically excluding Peeta.

Hazelle walked up to him, a metal tin in her hand. "Here's your lunch." Peeta took it from her as she sat her free hand at his shoulder. "You'll be fine. I'll see you when you get back." He nodded as she winked at him, watching as he made his way outside.

Peeta closed the door behind him; he could hear voices rise as a variety of conversations began beyond the porch. He didn't need to turn around to recognize her voice, and the race of pulse he suffered from earlier was back, but for an entirely different reason than dread. When he turns, her eyes are the first thing he sees and for a split second, his body forgot any involuntary movement all together. However he soon recovered and walked down from the porch to join the others. He watched as she nervously shifted her eyes from his while Gale kept close by, alternating his narrowed glare between the two. The younger kids are blissfully ignorant of the tension as they make their way out of the Seam and towards the Merchant quarters that lead to the schoolhouses. Peeta kept his place as his eyes landed on her lips and flashes of her mouth and body pressed up against his run through his mind. When the dizzy spell passed he shifted his eyes up towards hers. Peeta is pleasantly surprised when her eyes are already looking into his and by the flush that was now at her cheeks he has to assume that she too was thinking of their kiss.

Her hold on him is momentarily halted by Gale mumbling an insult his way, causing Katniss to nod Gale's way and trail behind Prim and Rory who shamefully flirt while Vick darts between them. Peeta stole a glance her way, as she fiddled with her traditional braid and he couldn't help the urges that rose up through him to reach out and run his fingers through the strands. His eyes ran down her body, the hem of her light cotton button up flap in the warm wind; the color of the fabric is a rich brown that blended into the tan slacks she now wore. Her outfit is a stark contrast to the dress that Prim wore, even with how modest it was it was still incredibly more feminine than what Katniss dones. Peeta couldn't help the sense of admiration that welled up inside of him that she could still take his breath away in clothing that is traditionally male. A smirk graced his lips as they made their way to the school; Katniss seemed oblivious to his glances but Peeta's eyes are met with Gale's narrowed glare.

"Don't expect us to wait on you every time." Peeta gave him a tight- lipped smile, resolved to not respond, but Katniss seemed to not be under the same opinion.

"Lay off, Gale. How many times have I had to wake your ass up?" Katniss glanced over to Peeta before turning back to Gale, whose face was already flushed. "Maybe it just runs in the family?"

Gale shakes his head. "Thanks, Catnip."

Katniss waves at him as he stomps forward putting space between them. "You're welcome, Gale."

Peeta tried to keep the wide smile from forming at his lips but failed. She looked over at him rolling her eyes. "Oh, don't look so happy, he was being an ass, he deserved it. And don't think I wouldn't call you on your crap if you did the same."

"I wouldn't assume anything less from you, Katniss."

She ducked her head, a deep blush at her olive skin as they walked in relative silence. Peeta kept his hands fisted at his side to stop his urge to reach out and take hers in his. Having her so close was more difficult than he would have assumed or liked. She had a way of calming him, and in the same heartbeat, causing his entire body to shake in nervous excitement. The memory of her hips underneath his hands and the quiet moans that escaped her lips when he administered the littlest bit of pressure ran through his mind. He wanted to bring up their kiss but every time he mustered up the courage, she would glance over at him and suddenly every ounce of self doubt he had came crashing around him and he was once again stressing over what to do in her presence. He debated whether to bring up witnessing her nightmare earlier in the morning but then he would be inadvertently confessing that he had been outside her home, and he didn't want to be seen by her strange boy who waited underneath her window. His predicament would have been almost humorous if it had been happening to someone else, but alas Peeta had to come to terms that he was falling for the one girl he could never have.

Peeta looked around him as the schoolhouses came into view; he had been so lost in his own issues that he hadn't realized that they had already arrived. He didn't, however , miss the fact that most of the eyes of those who stood in the courtyard were now on him. The way they snickered and cupped their hands to their neighbors' ears only solidified his assumptions that he was the topic of their conversations. Peeta stopped midway as Katniss walked ahead to bid her sister a good day as Prim tagged along with the younger kids to the First school building. Peeta attempted to ignore the blatant stares in his direction as he picked at his clothes, trying to seem indifferent and collected. But all he felt was the blush that threatened to engulf his body in embarrassment. He nearly jumped when he looked up to see her watching him closely.

Her eyes were oddly soft and he hoped it was not from pity. "You shouldn't let them bother you or shame you into wearing the fabric of your clothing thin."

Peeta dropped his hands laughing nervously. "Yeah, I guess so." He looked around, positive to find the same irritated gaze he now associated with Gale but was pleasantly surprised to find him nowhere. "Where did Gale go?"

Katniss tilted her head, a bemused smile at her lips. "Do you really care?"

Peeta returned her smile as he scrunched his nose feigning deep thought. "Well?"

Katniss shook her head as she pointed behind her. "You should probably go to the front office for everything. I can show you where to go if you want."

Peeta debated taking her up on her offer, but instead he shook his head. "No, it's fine." They stood there in silence, their eyes looking everywhere but at each other. Peeta watched as the crowds of students began to thin as it neared closer to the morning bell. He looked over to Katniss who was now fiddling with the end of her braid, and the urge from earlier was threatening to become a reality. He instead decided to do something as equally irrational. "Should we talk about what happened?" Katniss' fingers stilled as she looked up at him, her brow furrowed. "We kissed."

Katniss sighed. "Peeta, I thought we already talked about it."

"Actually I tried to talk about it and you deflected it."

Katniss shifted her weight, her body moving with nervous energy as she glanced behind her to the entrance. "I really should go." She gave him one more glance before leaving him standing alone in the courtyard.

Peeta watched her go; it wasn't an unfamiliar situation he reasoned with himself, to watch those he knew leave him behind. But for some reason the pain he felt when she turned from him was more than rejection or the abandonment he felt towards his mother. It was something he could only compare to heart break.

A/N:Thank you as always for taking the time out to read. Please Review!