A/N: someone suggested it was time for Piper to make an appearance, so here she is.
When Nicky says Piper wants to take them out for lunch, she imagines someplace fancy with loads of courses and multiple sets of cutlery, and napkins folded into birds that Lorna's too afraid to even touch, let alone spill something on. Chapman has money. Nicky has money. Lorna comes from a family where, up until recently, the kids were all sharing a room with their mother, and the electricity gets cut off once every 6 months cos they can't afford to pay the bill. She was dreading it, trying to recall what knife and fork was for what, hoping she would be able to find something on the menu that was in English so she wouldn't have to embarrass herself too much.
So, when Nicky picks her up, and pulls into Olive Garden, she feels nothing but relief.
Cheap Italian food, she can handle. Now, the only thing causing her anxiety is the thought of seeing Chapman herself.
She's been okay lately. Better. They're on week three, and she's not had any more panic attacks, not found herself delving under her bed for the box that lies down there. She's had a couple of fights with Franny, but that's what sisters do, and it's nothing unusual, never over anything particularly important. When she can, Lorna spends her time with Nicky. Watching TV, eating takeout, playing cards, going grocery shopping... it's easy. They have fallen into a steady routine. But Nicky works four days a week, which means four days a week, Lorna has to occupy herself with something else. Which is surprisingly fine, surprisingly easy. She cleans the house. When she's done, she goes to Nicky's, and she cleans there too. It makes such a nice change to have cloths and sprays and sponges and vacuum cleaners, when she's so used to relying solely on a maxi pad and water. She's careful not to break anything at Nicky's, not to be too nosy. Nicky's a private person, and Lorna doesn't want to break her trust, so she doesn't look inside her journals, in the books that are on her night stand, in her drawers. She picks up one of her t-shirts from the floor, lifts it to her face, takes in the familiar scent, the comfort of the old grey material, and can't help but slip it into her bag, take it home so she has a part of Nicky with her always. But other than that, she respects her privacy.
When she's done cleaning, she watches movies. Mostly, she goes through classic musicals, starting with West Side Story (of course), and moving on to Annie (Franny's favourite as a kid), My Fair Lady, Carousel, Cabaret. She winds up watching obscure ones, finds herself smiling like a dork at the kid in a Woody Allen classic because she reminds her of Nicky (when she sends Nicky a picture, Nicky rolls her eyes, doesn't appreciate it at all). Eventually, she runs out of films. Fortunately, that's when she gets the message from Nicky that Chapman wants to take them out, and would that be okay? She sends a reply saying 'sure!' and immediately regrets doing so.
It's not that she doesn't like Piper. She does – she really does. She's grateful to Piper for looking after Nicky, keeping her out of trouble on the outside, setting her up with a job. And she and Piper have always got along just fine. It's easy to do that when you eat every meal with someone, share bathrooms with them, spend every living moment cooped up in the same place as them. But Piper's been out for over a year and in that time Lorna's not so much as spoken to her once. Sure, she's had all the updates through Nicky, knows all about Larry and Polly, and Alex, and all the other mundane elements of Piper Chapman's life, but she doesn't feel like she knows her, not anymore. And that's terrifying. That someone can be out of your life for a year, and suddenly feel like a stranger.
Then, there's the small fact that outside of family, and Nicky (who, at this point, pretty much is family), Lorna's not interacted socially with anyone. In Litchfield, she was always so well put together, always looked so neat and tidy. She's ashamed to admit it, but she knows she looks more of a mess on the outside than she did living somewhere where she could only wear whatever make up she could sneak in via Red, could only curl her hair with toilet tissue, relied on a mirror taped to a wall. She doesn't feel like the same person Litchfield spat out. She certainly isn't the same person Piper said goodbye to all those months ago.
But, she puts on a brave face. She knows it means a lot to Nicky, and that Piper is only trying to look out for her, so she does her best to enjoy herself. She puts on a pretty cream summer dress, a nice pair of shoes, fixes her hair up, and gets into the car with Nicky, pretending it didn't take her two hours to get out of bed, and that she isn't still shaking like a leaf. They make small talk, and it's easy because with Nicky it's always easy, but Lorna's heart is thumping in her chest, and she can feel her hands begin to sweat, and she's never felt like this about something so stupid before, but everything on the outside makes her panic these days.
"How do I look?" she asks as she steps out of Nicky's car, fidgeting with her dress.
Nicky smiles at her, tucks a strand of Lorna's hair behind her ear, lets her hand linger there too long, "you look hot."
Olive Garden is, as usual, packed full of students and old people and families with screaming children, and Lorna's not sure why but she feels a hue of embarrassment creep up her neck as they walk in. Piper's already seated, a menu open in front of her, and just the sight of her amongst the wailing babies, the scuffed mahogany tables and the mess of red and green napkins looks so foreign that Lorna almost does a double take. She sticks out like a sore thumb dressed in a smart navy dress and heels, her hair down with a slight curl. It's difficult to believe she's the same woman, but when she stands to greet Lorna, she has the same bright and breezy smile on her face, just accented by a little more make-up, and her eyes are just as warm as ever. She pulls Lorna into a tight hug, and for a moment, everything seems almost normal.
"Apparently the, uh, bread sticks here are... renown or something," she says, once they're seated, offering from a basket that has already been placed at their table. Lorna politely declines, shifting awkwardly in her seat, until she meets Nicky's eyes across the table. Nicky looks a different species from them, comfortably dressed in black jeans and a t-shirt for some band, and Lorna wonders if they should have discussed a dress-code before they arrived. She smiles at her, her eyes soft, and Lorna can't help but smile back.
"Geez, Chapman, two minutes into the joint and you're already discussin' the damn breadsticks. Losing your touch?" Nicky sends a cheeky grin Piper's way, and in all honesty, Lorna's feeling somewhat better that she's not the only person acting awkwardly, "so, what's good here, kid?"
It suddenly dawns on Lorna that they chose this place around her. It makes sense, when she thinks about it. When would Piper Chapman have ever ventured to an Olive Garden?! She can't decide how she feels about this realisation. I don't need to be treated with kiddy gloves. I'm not going to self destruct from being forced to eat at a nice restaurant. But given how much of a panic this trip has got her into, maybe Piper had the right idea. Ease her in gently. Still, she feels oddly sick. Betrayed, even, and she knows it's stupid but she'd have rather felt awkward working out which cutlery was which, than have the fact she's bellow them acknowledged.
"Lorna? You okay?"
"Yeah," she gulps, feels heat spreading across her cheeks, and suddenly the room's too small and Piper's sitting too close, and she has to get out.
"Want me to get you a glass of water?" Chapman, helpful as ever, automatically tries to help, and it's just making the situation worse, and Lorna almost knocks the breadsticks on the floor in her hurry to get up.
"I... just need to use the bathroom."
She hurries off, almost tripping over her own feet, and pushes the bathroom door into someone, apologising profusely before proceeding to empty the contents of her stomach into the nearest cubicle. She curls up in a ball, her chin resting on her knees, and there's tears in her eyes, and she knows the floor of a public restroom is not the best place for a cream dress, but she can't move. She hates this. She really does hate being this person, this liability. She's an embarrassment to be with. She can't even go for a nice meal with friends without acting crazy, causing a scene. She squeezes her eyes closed, leans on the cubicle wall.
"Lorna? You in here?"
Nicky's voice pulls her out of her own thoughts, and she starts to panic, wiping frantically at her face, smoothing back her hair. Her make-ups a mess. Shit.
"Hey, it's just me," Nicky says, her voice softer. She knocks on the cubicle door, "Lorna? You okay?"
She waits a moment before scrambling to her feet and opening the door a little. Peeking out through the small crack, she is relieved to see that the ladies room is otherwise empty, Nicky standing right by her cubicle, looking deeply concerned. She opens the door the rest of the way, and crumbles against her, Nicky's arms immediately wrapping around her.
"Hey, hey, it's okay, kid, it's okay."
She has this awful sense of deja vu. Like, maybe she hasn't come such a long way after all. She's still crying in rest rooms, still clinging to Nicky like she's the only thing keeping her adrift. It's such an awful conclusion to come to that she feels the tears sting at her eyes again and she's sobbing, clutching to Nicky's t-shirt, and Nicky's rubbing her back, kissing her hair.
"I'm so sorry," she whispers between sobs, and she really means it. She's sorry for everything she's put Nicky through every single day she's been out of Litchfield, and before then. She's sorry that she's such a terrible person to be around a lot of the time.
"You don't need to be," Nicky moves to hold her at arm's length, tilting Lorna's face to look at her, "you have nothing to be sorry for, y'hear me? We rushed into this, I get that, okay? We should have waited. God, Lorna, if anyone should be apologising it's me."
Lorna shakes her head, murmurs an "I love you" before she can stop herself. Nicky pulls her to her again, holds her close, smooths her hair.
"I know, I know," she whispers, pressing a kiss to her temple, and they stay there for a while, until the door opens and a flurry of teenage girls walk in, talking at full volume, and Lorna pulls away from her.
"I need'a fix my face," Lorna mumbles, gesturing to her mascara-stained cheeks, "you go keep Chapman entertained. I'll be right out."
"Sure?"
Lorna nods, "yeah, of course."
Nicky smiles at her, squeezes her hand tight, "you look beautiful when you cry, y'know that?" she dips to kiss Lorna's lips, and then leaves her to sort herself out.
When Lorna comes back out of the bathroom and sits down at the table, Nicky and Piper are deep in conversation, Nicky obviously telling one of her many extremely racey, inappropriate stories. Fortunately, it's one Lorna's heard before, so she can laugh along with the ending, pretending she's fine and the bathroom incident didn't happen. If Nicky said anything to Piper, they don't show it. Piper doesn't immediately ask her if she's okay, just turns back to her menu, and small talk moves to the subject of Nicky's job. They order food and, okay, it might not be ideal, but it's not awful. Piper fusses over everything, wiping her cutlery when it arrives, asking for a new glass because the one they give her is slightly dirty ('You spent a year in prison, got served a bloody tampon sandwich, and you're fussing over the fucking cutlery. Chapman, you gotta get your priorities sorted out.' 'Hey, at least it's not plastic.') but conversation becomes easier, and by the time they finally move to go, Lorna's smiling. When Piper says they should meet up next week, too, she even finds herself agreeing, and it's almost completely genuine.
Nicky starts to drive her home, and Lorna stops her, touching her knee and saying softly, "take me to yours."
Lorna falls asleep in the car.
It's hardly surprising because she doesn't really sleep well without Nicky by her side, but when she wakes up she feels guilty for having left Nicky alone for the ride home. She blinks, not quite sure where she is for a moment.
"I hope you don't think I'm gonna carry you up," Nicky smirks as she opens the passenger side's door, "I know I've been getting extra exercise lately, but I have to draw the line, y'know?"
Lorna laughs at her, follows her up to the apartment.
She hasn't been by in a few days, and it's a bit of a mess already, laundry spread all over the lounge, empty glasses and plates. Nicky walks in ahead of her and starts to clear up, muttering apologies.
That's when she spots it. It's not like it's particularly well hidden, peeking out from between two magazines on the coffee table, and Lorna freezes, staring at it. She reaches with shaky fingers, picks it up, feels that it's real. Her throat's dry as she grabs Nicky's arm.
"What the fuck is this?"