A/N: Well, this chapter takes a bit of a darker turn. Not *that* dark, though! Just Jellal being Jellal...
The following morning, Jellal woke up on a disarray of a bed.
It appeared both he and Erza had fallen asleep fully dressed and on top of the covers surrounded by half a dozen books. It took him picking up one of said books and reading the title for everything to come back to him: he and Erza were having a baby.
Oh, god. For a moment, he couldn't breathe. It felt like the ceiling had come crashing down on him.
It was all hitting him at once. The price for having pushed all the negative feelings creeping in the shadows the previous night even though he'd known there was no escaping them in the long-term. All he'd wanted was to be happy for the baby on that one night. And so, he'd been happy. Scared too, yes, but happy regardless.
He and Erza had talked, then they had gone to Porlyusica's for a check-up. After a series of teary apologies and subsequent reassurances, Wendy, who had been there picking up something she'd left behind, had kept him company while he waited for Porlyusica to examine his girlfriend, given that the older woman had made a point of locking him out. He'd taken up the young Dragon Slayer's offer to let him borrow the books on pregnancy that she'd taken from the library, in preparation for Mirajane's care for the following months, and spent the majority of the night going over them with Erza and severely expanding their to-do list.
All had been well up until that morning. Now all he could think of was the fact that he, Jellal Fernandes, was getting everything he wanted – a life with Erza, a family with her – after everything wrong that he had done. How Simon, whose life he had taken, likely had wanted the very same things but he would never get a chance to have them with Erza or anybody else for that matter. And how he, oh-so-selfishly had completely put aside the mere possibility of walking away from all that happiness for the sake of punishment because, by the gods, he wanted it. This happiness. So, so badly.
He took a deep breath and glanced at Erza, sleeping by his side blissfully unaware of his turmoil. His eyes drifted down to her midriff, still completely flat, and thinking of the baby sent another pang through his heart.
His worries didn't end with his guilt. He was going to love his child with every fiber of his being. He would do whatever it took to be a good father to it even if it involved sacrificing his life for it. But he knew that one day, sooner or later, he was going to have to explain to it all the horrible things he had done in the past. And he knew that meant that he was going to spend the next few years loving that baby while hoping beyond reason that it wouldn't grow to hate him when that time came because if it did, it would kill him.
With that thought in his mind, he rubbed his face with his hands and shook his head. Truth as it may be, he needed to stop thinking of that. If Erza had even an inkling of what was going through his mind, she'd be upset and upsetting her was the last thing he wanted right now.
Unable to lay down any longer, he got off the bed, careful not to wake her up, and made his way to the bathroom, hoping a shower would clear his mind.
It didn't – not really. The idea that his child could grow to hate him wasn't something one just shook off at will.
Upon returning to the room, he found that Erza had already greedily expanded her domain onto his side of the bed and was curled into a ball while clutching onto his pillow possessively. On approach, he concluded that the position might give away the fact that she was feeling a bit cold, given the goosebumps on her arm, which prompted him to go fetch a spare blanket from the closet and tuck it around her since there was no hope of getting her under the bedcovers without waking her up.
She didn't stir, so out she was, even though the clock indicated it was past ten in the morning and she tended to wake up much earlier than that with an almost militaristic precision. For a moment, he sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, watching her sleep (creepily, Meredy would have said). He had to wonder if it was the pregnancy already messing with her body – he hadn't been around for the past few days, so he couldn't tell if it had been a recurring thing or simply a result of their nightly studies on parenthood. According to Porlyusica, Erza was around five weeks along, which meant the baby had already been there the previous week when he'd left on his job and the one before, when she and her team had flattened yet another town. It was strange to know that – it caused both joy and apprehension to spread through his veins.
"You always make me want to be so selfish…" he whispered to her, brushing a loose strand of hair away from his girlfriend's face.
She sighed in her sleep and cuddled further into his pillow. It looked like she was going to be out for a while. While he wanted her to get her rest, that wasn't good for him. He felt as if he was swimming in a sea of guilt and terror – dangerous thoughts to have when there wasn't anyone around to keep him from drowning in them. As such, he got up, deciding to go out into town for a while where he would, hopefully, find something to distract him while Erza rested.
Maybe he could go to the bakery. He imagined Erza would like to wake up to a breakfast featuring all her favorite strawberry-favored treats, even if he was aware of how much of a blatant overcompensation that just happened to be. He left a note on his pillow letting her know he'd be back with breakfast soon in case she woke up and then, placing a kiss on her cheek, left the room.
It was a five-minute walk to reach the edge of town, since he and Erza lived just outside of it in a cottage not far from Porlyusica's home (tree?) or even Natsu's shack. It was quiet, yet not too far from their friends and they had found shortly after having moved in that it suited them perfectly. It occurred to him that, given that aside from the room they shared there were still two spare ones, their living conditions wouldn't have to be one of the things they needed to change, what with the baby's upcoming arrival.
Such a thought made him sigh. Excitement and fear, guilt and pride… Why did they always have to walk in pairs? Why couldn't it just be easy? Erza deserved easy. She deserved everything but he was yet unable to give it to her, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how happy the life he had with her made him. He was always hesitating, always putting the brakes on.
God knew he'd been attempting to ask her to marry him for months and never succeeding because there was always something… always a thought that she deserved better, always the feeling that his happiness was an affront to Simon. He'd wanted proposing to her to be his step – the one he took by beating his own hesitation and did without having to be pushed into it –, which meant that now that there was a baby involved, he'd have to put the proposal plans off a little longer, or else he'd risk turning it into something with less meaning. Just another 'we're having a baby, so I guess we should get married proposal'. No. Not a chance.
As he remained lost in thought, his feet guided him to the bakery on instinct, given how often he went there on Erza's behalf. He didn't even have to order for them to get the cake in the oven and ask him if he was there to get Erza's 'breakfast special' – code for a series of large servings of strawberry waffles, strawberry muffins, strawberry milkshake, strawberry syrup and whatever else strawberry-flavored they had lying around except for pie, which she hated with a fervor, for whatever reason. (Later, it would occur to him that the baby could only either be born loving strawberries or absolutely detesting them due to the overexposure).
He was told that everything would be ready in twenty minutes, cake included (however they planned to achieve that, he had no idea – they likely always had everything half-ready for Erza, given her status as the main patron of their establishment) and that he could wait at a table in a mean time.
Only five of those minutes were spent on his own.
"Someone looks thoughtful," a familiar, mischievous voice stated.
He blinked, only to find Meredy suddenly sitting opposite him at the table. "Where did you come from?" he asked, surprised.
"The door, like everyone else," she said. "I saw you sitting here through the window and thought you looked lonely. I wondered if you had something you wanted to share with a loyal companion who, by all means, is practically family."
He raised an eyebrow. "Are you fishing for something?"
"I don' know. Is there something I should be fishing for?" she questioned.
He just looked at her blankly.
"Maybe a tiny little fish in the pond? Just a tadpole, really…" the pink-haired girl prompted.
He stared for another ten seconds. And then, his eyes widened as the truth hit him. "Oh my god, you know." She knew about the baby. But how? Why? When?
She furrowed her brows. "Know? Know what exactly?" she asked, feigning ignorance.
"You know what," he said. It was clear to him she was playing coy.
"Do I? You see, smart girl that I am, I know many, many things, so I couldn't possibly guess which one you are referring to," she stated. "It wouldn't be right for me to directly speak of some of the things I know unless you confirm that you already know about them. I wouldn't want to ruin one of the most defining moments in your relationship with Erza."
He gaped. She knew. She most definitely knew. And now she was just baiting him. "You just want me to say it."
"Say what?" Meredy asked innocently.
He glared. They were wasting time – that left him little choice. He lowered his tone, eyes open to check if anyone's attention was on them. "Erza is pregnant. Happy?"
"Yes!" the pink-haired girl shouted, all but throwing herself at him over the table and enveloping him in a bone-crushing hug that warranted them a few stares by the shop personnel and the clients. Thankfully, Meredy (with her weakness for all things chocolate) was nearly as much of a regular as Erza was and the familial relationship between them was widely known in the bakery, which served to avoid unfortunate misunderstandings. When she pulled back, she pinched his cheeks in a patronizing way. "Oh, you fertile little devil, you!" she teased. "Congratulations!"
"Meredy! Get off!" he groaned, pushing her off, back to her seat.
She pouted. "Aren't you a grumpy butt today… don't tell me you're not happy about it!"
He sighed. "I am happy. But…"
"But?! No buts, you big moron! This is the best thing that could have ever happened to you," Meredy told him firmly. "Be honest with yourself, Jellal. You've loved Erza since you were kids and you're so much of a family man it's not even funny."
"Meredy…"
"It's true! You're a total dad! Don't you hear yourself sometimes?" she cleared her throat, trying to make her voice lower. "'Meredy, don't abuse your sensory links to mess with people's heads/Mirajane is a bad influence on you', 'Cobra, label your poisons/don't curse so much/ stop threatening people', 'Erza, if you're going to get that much cake for dessert, then at least eat some vegetables with your main course/oh, never mind – I get off on you stuffing your face/you're so perfect I can't find anything else to scold you for/I'm so wrapped around your little finger that I might just wear a collar for you'."
"Hey, now! I never said that!"
She ignored him. "You even did it with Ultear and she was older than you, remember? 'Don't treat me like I'm a girl too/stop using your transformation magic to seduce random guys at every town we stop in/you're making a bad example for Meredy'."
"She was out of control! Remember how that lovesick guy followed her and found us out? The Rune Knights were a step behind us for nearly a month!"
"You are such a dad," Meredy repeated herself, ignoring his argument. "No, let me correct myself: you are such a mom."
He just groaned.
"It's true!" she insisted. "And I mean it in a good way: if you're half as good at parenting that kid as you are with us grownups, it will be a happy one for sure."
"Meredy…"
"So, why the hell are there 'buts' involved in this?!"
He sighed. "It's complicated."
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, god, this is your guilt complex acting up again, isn't it?" she said, sounding like she was tired of it. "You idiot! I am warning you now just so you know: if you use that as an excuse to make a run for it like some sleazy deadbeat dad, I am siding with Erza when she finds you and kills you. In fact, I may actually help her with that."
He frowned. "I am not running. I would never do that to Erza."
She actually looked relieved. "Good. You stick to that."
"I will," he promised, meaning every word. He sighed. "I am happy about this – starting a family with Erza is… beyond anything I would have hoped for. And as guilty as I may feel about this, I've never been more willing to be selfish about it than I am right now. But that doesn't mean things still aren't complicated."
"How?" she asked. He gave her a look and she continued. "Seriously. Explain it to me like I'm five, so I can go ahead and explain to you in return in how many different ways you're being ridiculous."
"I'm not," he assured her.
"Well, then indulge me, anyway!"
He sighed and, because he couldn't find an excuse to bolt and he knew Meredy wouldn't leave him alone until he'd done it, he told her: he told her of his fear that one day his child would hate him, one day his actions might somehow hurt it… he said it all.
And, so, by the end, Meredy didn't look impressed or even touched for that matter. She merely regarded him with narrowed eyes… and then, kicked him under the table so hard that he yelped loudly enough to have most heads in the bakery turning to them.
"Ouch! What are you doing?!"
"Trying to kick stupidity out of you!" the pink-haired girl remarked, trying to kick him again but this time failing.
"Well, stop!"
She glared. "You're a moron."
"I'm a moron because I have legitimate concerns of the future?" he countered. "About something that has a real possibility of happening?"
"So what? Loads of things have real possibilities of happening but you don't think of them every day. For instance, do you wake up every day and worry about the fact that you're dying?"
His eyes widened. "What on Earthland are you talking about?!"
"I'm talking about the fact that you're dying. You, me, Erza, everybody in Fairy Tail, everybody in this bakery… hell, everybody in this world," she said. "It's the surest thing you have when you're born – that one day you'll die. But you don't spend every day moping over it, do you? You live. So, if you don't spend every day moping over something that is pretty serious and one-hundred percent sure to happen, why the hell should you be ruining one of the happiest moments of your life by focusing on something that has maybe a ten percent chance of happening?"
He frowned. "Ten percent? Where did you get that number from?"
"I made it up."
"You can't do that!" he stated.
"You can't. I can," she replied stubbornly.
He gaped. "What?! That doesn't…"
"I forgave Ultear," she said, interrupting him. That seemed to shut him up. "She destroyed my home town and killed everybody I knew. Sure, she'd been manipulated by Master Hades for years but it's not like she could argue that she'd been brainwashed like you were. And I still forgave her because she was the only family I knew and she showed me nothing but kindness in all the years we spent together."
"Most people wouldn't see it like that," he said.
"You did – you forgave Ul too even though she basically ruined your life. And Erza as well, since she never tried to kill her despite knowing all about it," Meredy argued. "I'd say that baby comes from a background of pretty forgiving hearts. Just be a good dad to it… you know, by not being the moron who lurks in the background counting the days his kid snaps. And don't let it hear what happened from someone other than yourself because, let me tell you from experience, that's the worst. And, for god's sake, make sure you have someone with you when you tell it the whole story because you have the worst case of reverse bias I have ever seen! All blame and no redeeming circumstances, as far as you're concerned."
He sighed. "You make it sound far too easy."
"Well, maybe I do because it is!" she stated. "It takes spending ten minutes with you to see you wouldn't hurt a fly unless you had to. You made mistakes and owned up to them! Even Kagura doesn't want to kill you anymore, not that she still doesn't hold some sort of an understandable grudge. You underestimate how forgivable you are. So, get over this senseless issue already because I want to change the subject. You're making me sound all wise and mature and I don't like it. I'd rather be cute." And, just to make her point, she made what was supposed to be an adorable pout.
Although part of him didn't want to accept the matter as 'solved' through such a simplistic logic, he couldn't help admitting that Meredy's hope had raised his hopes more than just a little bit.
"Now, where are the waitresses?" she asked, looking around. "I want to order a milkshake!"
"I don't know… maybe they were scared away by you physically assaulting me under the table," he reminded her with a glare.
She glared back. "Well, that's your own fault for getting me mad and making me ruin my cute reputation! In fact, I deserve to be compensated for that, so you're paying for my milkshake," she shamelessly declared.
"What?!"
"Stop complaining. You owe me. A real shrink would charge more than a milkshake. Way more. Actually, you know what? I think I'm taking one of those gigantic triple-chocolate muffins too."
"That's not a healthy breakfast," he pointed out, feeling stung but somewhat resigned to the fact that he did, indeed owe her.
She gaped. "I don't want to hear that from you!" Meredy declared. "I bet the only reason why you come to this place was to feed your pregnant girlfriend's strawberry addiction, you shameless enabler. At this rate, your kid will be born with green hair and bright red skin with little seeds attached to it, you know?"
He looked away, a bit ashamed because, yes, he might be a bit of an enabler to Erza's unhealthy eating habits, only commenting on the every once in a while. He honestly needed to do something about it for the sake of the baby.
A few seconds later, a waitress finally braved the way towards their table and Meredy put in her order, actually ordering two muffins rather than one, as if to just piss him off. It was while she did so that something occurred to him.
"You never did say how you knew about the baby," he remarked as the waitress walked away.
"Oh, that's an easy one. A little pink-haired, fire-breathing dragon heard Porlyusica breaking the news to Erza and then announced it to everyone in the guild hall," Meredy said, sounding extremely amused. "I wasn't actually there when it happened but the story seemed pretty funny when they told me second-hand."
Jellal stared, his mind blank for a moment. "Wait. You are telling me that everyone in Fairy Tail already knows about the… baby?!" he asked, his voice lowering at the last word so nobody else would hear.
"Of course not!" Meredy replied easily. "Gildarts Clive has been out on a job since forever – he couldn't possibly have heard of it yet."
Something clicked in his mind concerning his memories of the previous day. Everyone staring at him; Natsu's rambling about his hair and Erza's, followed by Gajeel's impromptu assault as if to quiet him down; Bickslow congratulating him… "Oh, god." It was so obvious. How hadn't he realized it before?!
"Yeah… Erza's probably not going to be happy about that, hmm?" Meredy said sympathetically. It only lasted a second. "Anyway, on to the most important matter here: where do I stand in regards to this child? Am I the cool big sister who leads it astray? Or am I the supportive aunt he or she goes to when it's time to complain about how lame Dad is?"
"Meredy…"
"I'm serious here!" she insisted, ignoring his exasperation. "It is very important that this is decided from early on so I can make my role clear. And we also have other things to discuss. What are my auntie/big sister privileges? Am I expected to provide babysitting services and, if so, am I allowed to share embarrassing stories about you? Because if not, then I'm charging by the hour. And my babysitting services don't come cheap."
Even though the cake and accompanying breakfast foods packed to go were delivered to the table not two minutes later, he endured another quarter of hour of Meredy prattling about her role on the baby's life and giving suggestions about names (especially girls' ones, all not-so-coincidently similar to her own – Melody, Meldy, Melodia, etc – because they had 'such a classy ring to them) mostly because he was not looking forward to informing Erza of the fact the whole Guild was aware of her… condition.
He had a distinct feeling that she wouldn't be happy to wake up to that. They hadn't quite discussed when the reveal would occur but it had been quite clear on the previous day that there were still several boxes to tick on their list before they got to that.
As he walked home, he considered simply running away with Erza for a while. Get her out of town under the guise of going on an extended vacation and bring her back in a few months when it would be inevitable for people to know she was pregnant just by looking at her. Even if she found out they'd already known about the pregnancy for months then, she would probably be too relaxed to be angry… or maybe not, given that it was Erza Scarlet he was talking about and anger was something that came very easily to her.
He sighed – there was just no hope for a good outcome of that. He might as well say it and just let her run with it, he concluded as he opened the front door of his and Erza's cottage and walked in.
Erza was nowhere in sight downstairs, not even in the kitchen when he dropped the shameful amount of strawberry treats he'd gotten her on the table. As such, he made his way upstairs where he found her, as expected, in the bedroom.
She seemed to have been up for a while, though, seeing as her hair was wet, probably from a shower, and she was wearing a bathrobe rather than the day clothes she'd accidentally slept in. Her eyes were on the discarded pages of their list, which he'd placed on the dresser, and she read them while at the same time toweling her hair off. She didn't even notice him walking in until he wrapped his arms around her from behind, something unusual given that she was almost always alert to her surroundings.
"Morning," he said against her ear, reaching around it to place a kiss on her cheek.
"Good morning," she replied. "You took your time."
"Sorry," he apologized. His arms, which had been wrapped around her rib area, moved further down to where he imagined the baby would be. For one, thinking of it didn't throw it into a river of despair and fear about what the future might hold. There was, of course, some of the usual guilt and more than a little of the particular brand of fear impending parenthood brought to most future parents. It seemed that the hope Meredy's words had given him wasn't as fickle as he'd thought… "I ran into Meredy in the bakery."
The word 'bakery' had her turning around to face him at once, little stars burning in her eyes. "Did you bring my usual?"
He nodded. And then, because Meredy's accusation of him being a shameless enabler was still burning in his mind, he really couldn't help wanting to wash his hands of the matter by addressing it. "You know, with the baby and everything, we should probably rethink your daily consumption of…" he trailed off, watching it as the little stars in her eyes suddenly started to fade as her lids lowered, making her eyes narrow into slits. That wasn't a good sign.
"Yes?" she prompted, her tone sounding remarkably… venomous. It should be noted that at no moment did she utter a threat. And, really, anybody else would have already been on the floor, squealing in pain just from saying the words 'rethink your daily consumption' as if she even consumed anything on a daily basis that needed to be rethought. Jellal, however… one could say he benefitted from a tremendous amount of bias from her.
He gulped. "I forgot what I was going to say," he lied.
Good boy, she thought.
Clearing his throat, he rushed to changing the subject. "So, what was it that had so much of your attention in the list?"
"Nothing in particular," she said, waking over to the bathroom door and hanging the towel on. "I was just thinking we have a lot to do. And it will be close to impossible for the guild not to notice something is odd…"
Jellal felt his heart skipping a beat as she said that. Mavis… he'd been hoping to at least make it past breakfast without having to tell her…
"Do you think we should tell them?" she asked. "Some of those books we looked into did say that it's better to wait for the fourth month… Maybe we could just let them wonder for a while. Yes, that's probably for the best, really."
Jellal cleared his throat. "Yeah… about that…"
To be continued on the epilogue…
Next up: Natsu digs his grave even further and Erza decides to give him a lesson on Marine Biology…
A/N2: The proposal is a refference to my fic 'Under the Starry Sky'. Check it out if you want to see the actual proposal :D