You wake up sweaty, sticky, and covered in bodies. For a moment you panic, remembering blood and death and then you realize that both of them are warm, breathing, and immortal. Karkat and Dave have just both taken you as their mutual pillow. Your head is on Dave's shoulder, its shape and softness perfectly fit for your head. He smells good, like soap and sweat with a little sweet something underneath. His hair is long enough to tickle your cheek with consistency soft and smooth like a cat's.
On your other side Karkat mumbles and leans a little more heavily on you. You lift the hand that isn't pinned against the back of the couch and scratch his head right between the horns. Dave has told you a few times how much he likes it, but you've never had the opportunity. He purrs and chitters without stirring. Haha, trolls are so weird. But you can't bring yourself to think that in anything resembling a harsh way, not with the way those cute noises make the blood rise in your cheeks and your heart gain ambitions of conquering your entire chest cavity.
You turn your attention from Dave and nuzzle against Karkat. His skin has less give to it but is even smoother than Dave's. His hair is likewise stiffer, and the curls are even wilder than usual. He smells almost spicy, and it's honestly a little harsh on your nose but you like it. It kind of reminds you of when you were a kid and your dad would try to make Indian food. He did get better eventually, googling making up for forced assimilation, but for the first few years he always went way too heavy on the curry powder. Sometimes you do it too, just for nostalgia's sake.
Great, now you're hungry. You also have to pee. And you're hot. And that arm crushed between Karkat's bony back and the couch is starting to go a little numb.
But Dave and Karkat…
You at least grab the remote from the coffee table and use it to turn off the TV so you don't have to hear the Return of the Kings menu play again. Then it becomes a little easier to hear the soft snoring emanating from both your boys. The dark heightens your senses, making even those tiny noises fill the room. You snuggle back down into Dave (let's face it, he is so the best pillow out of the three of you) and let yourself drift back to sleep.
The next time you open your eyes there's light again, though now it's peeking through the curtains.
Come on, they were supposed to be blackout for movie viewing purposes! Damn alchemiter, malfunctioning like that. Maybe you should just let Roxy make you some after all. She might not let you live it down, but maybe she will. It's hard to tell.
"Oh hey, you're awake," Karkat says.
"No shit. He's been staring angrily at the curtains for like two minutes now," Dave replies.
"Shut the fuck up, okay? His head is turned away from me, you douche noggin."
They've both moved since the last time you were awake, which explains why you're as comfortable as you are. No longer do you have any body parts pinned against the sofa, although your head is still on Dave's shoulder. There's also a blanket over you to keep you warm, since Dave and Karkat have spread out just a little bit, enough to sit up straight and comfortably hold mugs of caffeinated sludge.
"Ugh," you say, straightening up. "How do you drink that?"
"Good morning to you too," Dave says.
"Seriously, though, it's so gross!"
"Well excuse me," Karkat says. "Not all of us got to spend three years on a gilded ship floating through a Technicolor dream world with all the grist we could handle and the ability to alchemize any fucking warm energy-giving beverages our greedy little blood-pushers desire." He ends his sentence with a determined swig of said caffeinated sludge.
"Hey! That's my Nic Cage mug! You'd better get all the sludge stains out of that."
"A shitty fate for a shitty mug of a shitty actor," Dave says with a smirk.
"Get the fuck out of my house, Strider."
"Huh, maybe we were wrong, Karkat. Looks like Egbert already has a boyfriend."
"So do you, but that's not really acting as much of an obstacle, is it?"
"Ugh, can you two chill out until I finish my fucking coffee?" Karkat asks.
"Sure thing, Sir Chills-A-Lot," you say with a laugh. "Anyway, I'm gonna go get something to eat. You two want anything?"
"Nah. We already raided your fridge. You don't have shit, man. Better get on that."
"Sure, sure." You wave him off and leave.
After a quick stop at the bathroom to finally pee, you find out that Dave's right. You really don't have anything. All you find that hasn't probably gone bad is bread, jerky, and a little bit of mustard. That'll do.
You return triumphant with your jerky and mustard sandwich. You are the culinary master. It is you.
However, Dave and Karkat are too busy folding up blankets to admire your masterpiece. When you flop back down on the couch to eat the two of them join you.
"So what now?" You ask.
Dave shrugs.
Karkat looks a little nervous, but he speaks anyway. "A-actually, we were thinking we're gonna go. We have to get back to work tomorrow and we need some real fucking food."
"Like chocolate. Seriously, man. Why don't you have any fucking chocolate?" Dave adds.
"Oh, okay," you say, trying to keep your voice upbeat. "That's fair enough. I should work on that food situation. And I probably have to shower anyway."
"If it makes you feel better I honestly can't tell," Karkat says. "You humans all smell more or less the same before and after a good absolution."
"Be nice you racist douchelord," Dave says. "Anyway, see you round. It's been real."
"Yeah."
You hold your hand out for a fistbump, but he pulls you into a hug instead. Then he motions for you to come closer and he kisses you slowly, a bit more calmly than he did last night. Your face is almost unbearably hot when you pull away.
Karkat rolls his eyes and grabs your shirt. He's even more forceful than he was before, but it's the nervous sort of force that reeks of attempted machismo and exists to cover shaking hands. His teeth rasp your lips, but they're not sharp enough to draw blood with that amount of force. You laugh and squeeze his hand lightly, which makes his eyes go a bit softer.
"Come on, Juliet," Dave says.
Karkat sighs and rolls his eyes. "Don't worry. I'm not a human teenager about to off herself after dating someone for less than a week."
Still he follows Dave out the door, sparing you one last glance before closing it behind him.
The click seems to echo throughout your now empty room. You just stretch and head upstairs to go shower.
The hot water is a miracle on your back. It works out cricks you didn't even know you had. You're getting too old to sleep on couches like that, eternal youth be damned. You groan softly in pleasure and bask in the warmth as the streams of water caress your skin.
You start to sing to yourself, but you can't seem to think of anything but cheesy love songs. Not that it really matters, no one is going to hear you, and you are in love. You think. Maybe. You mean, the descriptions of the physical reactions don't all quite match, but you think…
Ugh, hashtag ace problems.
But still, you feel like it went well. Everyone was awake for most of the movie, after all. You think Karkat ended up falling asleep during the bit with the spider (if what Vriska said about her mom was true, giant spiders probably weren't unusual enough to be truly suspenseful or terrifying for a troll). The last thing you personally remember was the eagles, and Dave outlasted you. And you're reasonably certain he liked it because it was his idea in the first place. He talked through the whole thing and made a shitton of sarcastic comments, but you're pretty sure he does that whenever he likes something. Karkat was pretending to be unimpressed, and he kept complaining it had nothing on Alternian adventure cinema. Then he spent like half of Two Towers listing his top five movies. Guh, why are the titles all so long? Still, he sat with rapt attention for some of the more dramatic parts. You think that's a win?
But how do you feel? Something inside of you asks.
And honestly? Honestly you don't know.
The next day you're back to adventuring with Jake. You've missed it a lot, actually. You've missed flying, you've missed getting out and seeing stuff and doing things. Familiar hills roll out beneath you, the lush green of the forests, the more yellow hues of the planes, and the sudden sparkle of streams and rivers a sight you missed beyond belief when you sat behind a computer. Not a single cloud floats along with you, so when you roll on the back your sky is big and blue and endless.
"Go ahead."
You startle enough to drop a couple of inches before turning to Jake. "Huh?"
"Well, it seems to me you'd find a jolly good bit of fun in becoming the breeze right now."
"But you hate that."
"It does make you more difficult to find, true, but I do suppose that if you helped push me in the right direction it might not be too bad."
You grin. "Thanks, man."
All it takes is one breath. You inhale as deeply as you can, and then you let everything out. With a little extra push you feel your body begin to slide out of itself with the air, and then you feel nothing in the corporeal sense.
In the non-corporeal sense, however, you feel everything. Words are made for a singular existence, you suppose, so communal non-existence doesn't really translate well. You do not see or hear or smell, or even really think. You just kind of are.
But if you have to try to force a word onto it you'd probably pick peaceful maybe? You're not in your element you are your element. You might not think, but you know everything when you start diffusing through the atmosphere. You feel little pieces of the air, pieces of yourself, floating in and out of animals and plants, though the latter to a smaller extent because sometimes things stuck and then they're not a part of you anymore.
Scouting certainly becomes easier with your particles anywhere and everywhere. You learn the valleys as you move through, the rivers as you dissolve down, and the hills as you are suddenly stopped and forced to turn.
But Jake doesn't like it when you do this. He can't keep up and he can tell where you are because he doesn't understand that you're not. The vibrations pass through you in a familiar pattern of your name and you decide to be again. Maybe someday you won't. Maybe someday you'll just drift, existing and not existing at once until the end of time.
But for now you still enjoy being human. Besides, you've got another date at the end of the week.
"Find anything interesting?" Jake asks as you pull yourself away from the ether.
You shake your head. "Same old same old. The forest ends not much further than we went last time. There are some cliffs and rock formations that might be fun.
"I thought you said there was nothing cool!"
"Sorry! When you're the breeze everything seems normal."
He facepalms.
"A-anyway, let's get going."
You make a little extra wind to help you along faster and it is actually quite the sight. You're pretty sure the rock is supposed to be sandstone, but instead of the tannish brown of Earth's it's various shades of bluish green with the occasional stripe of purple.
"Well lick my licorice," Jake says.
"Same."
Between the pillars of rock runs a river affectionately named Jasper's Creek (it was named before you realized how fucking massive it grew to be not too far from your base.)
"How in goodness' name did all this have time to form?" Jake asks.
"Sssh. Don't question it. Just enjoy."
He rolls his eyes, but who cares what he thinks? You fly down to the bank of Jasper's Creek. Little fish near the shore dash away too quickly for you to tell if they're a new species. Oh well. That's more Roxy's field than yours anyway. You reach down to inspect the riverbed, running your fingers through the cool water. The bottom is more sandy than mucky, and you lift up a handful of shimmering multi-colored sand.
"Fancy a swim, John?" Jake asks, landing beside you.
"You really should keep going," you say, offering him a hand.
He sighs and accepts it. "I suppose you're- WAAAAH!"
Hah hah, man his voice got so high pitched when he hit the water.
"Dammit, John! These are real pants!"
"You've got other clothes."
"They're not pants!"
"Pssh, we've all seen plenty of your legs at this point."
You banish your godtier clothes down to your underwear and hop in with him,
The water is even more refreshing now that you're submerged. It washes off sweat and dust you hadn't noticed you'd collected. The river is wide and slow here, so you barely move as you relax on your back. Jake is back at the shore now and grumbling as he pulls off his sodden jeans and flopping them on the rock. Ker-flap! It would take a lot of effort not laugh at him, so you don't bother.
"Dammit, John, I'm going to kill you, and it will be completely just so no one will ever have to deal with your ridiculous pranks ever again!"
"Suuuure you will."
He growls, tears off his shirt, and jumps on top of you, dragging you under. You wiggle your way out of his grip and pop back up to breathe. He resurfaces just a moment later and you splash him in the face. He splashes you back and laughs triumphantly.
Too bad he missed because he left his glasses on the shore! Wait. Dammit, you probably missed him for the same reason!
He seems to realize this about the same time you do, because he makes a face and then dives down. You're confused until long fingers wrap around your ankle. You bend down and throw him upwards before paddling over into shallow water. He follows and the two of you have the longest splash fight of your life, possibly in all of Paradox Space. Eh, but probably not.
By the time you give up because you're tired the sun is setting. It shimmers off the rocks, the river. The red, orange, and pinks of the sky contrasting and blending with the blue-greens of the rocks.
"So how are things with Dirk?" You dare to ask.
"Pretty good at the moment, actually," he says. "We're on the 'on' segment of the old 'on again off again'."
"That's… good?"
"Eh, it's more interesting than the alternative. Perhaps one day we'll settle one way or the other, but until then I suppose I'll take what I can get. There are worse companions and I've grown to enjoy the company."
"So you still think it'll turn out?"
"Well, it never hurts to hope. He is quite the sporting fellow."
"I guess."
"Speaking of that sort of thing, how are your boys?"
"Pretty good I think? It's hard to tell. I don't really have much to go off of at this point and I don't really get it yet."
"Oh, I know that feeling. I just hope one day you understand normal people better than me. Or maybe broken people better than Dirk."
"Thanks. But…"
"But what?"
"Do you really think we're broken?"
"Probably. I mean, to be fair we all are at this point. But we're broken a little different from everyone else."
"Or maybe we were just born this way. Just a little different."
"Maybe. I suppose it's all semantics, trying to sort out shades of gray."
"Maybe."
"But you know, John? If anyone could manage having that much love in your life it's probably you."
You smile. "Thanks."
A moment passes. Cicadas buzz nearby and a few of the new birds fly overhead.
"I want to show them this."
"What?" Jake asks.
"Dave and Karkat. I think maybe they'll like it?"
"Possibly. It is quite beautiful. Good luck, my brother."
You grin at him and burst into the air. He's a big boy, he can find his way home. You're excited.