I am so sorry for this chapter. It just went places that were...just wrong, but before I could do anything it was written and I was laughing my ass off.
Working blue. Yup, that's a good name for it.
Urahara finished sweeping the floor of the shop. He knew that today was supposed to be the day that the Women's Shinigami Association was coming to Karakura town for a shopping spree; Yoruichi had called him to let him know since she couldn't be there in person to handle it. Truthfully, he liked having visitors. More people around meant that there were more people to fawn over him, after all.
He looked at the clock. It was 10 AM, so they should be coming soon. Granted, he rarely found anything dealing with the 10th squad vice captain to be on time, but shopping was one of those things that Matsumoto Rangiku made an exception for in his experience. Finally, the doors to a senkaimon appeared in his yard and several women stepped out of it, each one dressed to the nines.
He sauntered outside. "Hello ladies, why don't you come in for some tea?" He tugged his hat further over his eyes.
"Urahara-san!" Rangiku waved at him.
The vice-president, Ise Nanao, then stood between them. "I'm sorry Urahara-san, but we've got a lot to do in a short amount of time. We'll stop off when we're done for a bit of a rest."
He saw Nemu depart from the gate and he walked towards the morose looking woman. He thought he had seen somebody walking with her, someone he didn't recognize, but she was alone now. Huh. That was odd.
"Nemu-chan! So good to see you! When are you going to bring Mayuri-san to see me?"
Nemu blushed. "Ummm...well. He's very busy these days."
"Do you think he'd mind if I came to pay him a visit? I've got a couple of project ideas that neither Tessai-san or Yoruichi-san will give me the time of day about. It'd be right up his alley..."
Nemu cast her eyes down. "I'm afraid I can't speak for him."
"Yes, I know. I don't mean to hound you about it, love. Just know I'll be in touch."
Nemu bowed lightly and caught up to the rest of the group.
Urahara watched as the gaggle of women walked away. It looked like every single member had come today, from the boisterous Yachiru to the demure Unohana. He looked forward to seeing them when they came back. But wait...
He saw it again.
A woman he didn't recognize was clinging to Nemu's arm. He couldn't see her face, only her long jewel-toned hair. Where had she been? Who was she? Urahara was intensely curious. He'd have to check up on her later in the day.
xXx
"Wow, Nemu! It's great to meet a new friend!" Rukia said to Nemu as they walked down the street of shops.
Mayuri looked around at the estrogen fest that surrounded him now. He had needed an easy cover to get into the real world, and this one was as good as any. He pulled a compact out of his purse that was actually a tracker. If he put in that phone number, he'd be able to track the location of the owner and follow it until his curiosity was sated.
"So you said that she's your cousin?" Hinamori continued.
"Yes. She won't be staying here long," said Nemu.
"Oh, that's okay. I just didn't realize that Kurotsuchi-taichou had any siblings."
"He doesn't." Nemu said flatly.
"Wait, then now does that work..." Hinamori wrinkled her forehead as she thought. Mayuri gripped Nemu's arm tighter as a warning.
"Shh! It's not nice to pry." Nanao smiled. "Sorry about that. We don't know too much about Kurotsuchi-taichou, let alone his family, so it only figures that we would be ignorant."
Mayuri shook his head. "Don't worry about it." The less he engaged these people in conversation the less he'd have to make up and remember. It was easier on Nemu, too. Though it would be entertaining to fill their heads with blatant lies about the Kurotsuchi family.
"I can see the family resemblance. The two of you have the same eyes," Rangiku said. She was a bit too close to his face for comfort, but Mayuri held still. "And can I ask a personal question?"
"Sure."
"Is that your real hair color?" Rangiku got excited.
Mayuri ran his fingers through the long strands. "This? Yes, of course! Why wouldn't it be?"
Rangiku's eyes went wide and she blushed. "So that means that you're blue...down there, too?"
Mayuri was a bit shell-shocked by the question. "Umm...yes, why?'
All of the girls started shrieking. "Oh my goodness, I can't believe she asked you that!"
"I can't believe she answered!"
"Mayuri-sama has blue hair, too," said Nemu proudly.
Mayuri's stomach felt as if it had dropped to his toes. Nemu, that is not the proper way to continue a conversation!
"So you mean that blue is his actual hair? Not something else that he...invented?" Rukia looked thoughtful as she asked.
"Of course," stated Nemu.
"Huh. I didn't think there was much natural about him left." Mayuri cringed as Rangiku threw an arm around him, pulling him into her bust. "So it looks like the family resemblance is strong with Sayuri-chan, isn't it?"
"Ugh, Matsumoto! Now I just have a factoid that I did not want to have about Kurotsuchi-taichou in my brain! Why did you have to ask that question?" Nanao whined and pushed her glasses further up her nose. "Now I feel all pervy!"
"What? I thought it was only a natural thing that someone would want to know!" Rangiku intoned. "I mean, I match. Well, I guess it's actually a little bit darker...but still, it's shades of blonde."
"Both of you, hush," said Soifon harshly. "You're not the one who has to see him tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn. If I start thinking about this in the middle of the meeting...that's just so wrong! And think of poor Nemu and Sayuri, how awkward that this is even a topic of conversation!"
"Now girls," said Unohana. "Settle down. We don't want to burn out of our energy too fast today. There's a lot of stores to hit!"
Mayuri had to laugh. This was actually quite fun so far. Maybe he would try to go to some meetings as 'Sayuri'. The people here were so free with their words. He wouldn't go so far as to say that he was any kind of a gossip, but this body certainly made the collection of certain kinds of information very easy. After all, these women gushed secrets about their captain and vice-captain companions and he could steer them from topic to topic offhandedly...it could be useful one day.
"Hey! Let's go in here!" Rangiku looked at a store that was bedecked in sale signs and grabbed Nanao by the arm.
"Yay! I want some candy!" Yachiru pointed at a convenience store on the corner. She grabbed Nemu's hand. "Come on, Temporary Vice President and Blue-pubes, I'm hungry!"
Before anybody could react to the hyperactive child's new nickname for 'Sayuri', the little girl had already pulled the both of them into the shop.
xXx
Mayuri stretched out his feet. They'd been out for six hours so far, including a long and luxurious lunch break, but he wasn't used to spending this much time on his feet. He certainly wasn't used to spending any time in high heeled shoes either. The balls of his feet were aching. He should have worn different shoes, something flat...
He looked outside of the dressing room. He didn't see anybody around, so it looked like his chance. He typed the number for his mystery caller into the fake mirror compact and waited for the signal to connect. The machine stalled for a bit, searching, then beeped. A red dot appeared on the little map of Karakura town. There, that must be the location of the caller.
Mayuri hid among the racks of clothes as he snuck towards the store entrance.
"Nemu! Have you seen Sayuri-chan?" Isane asked. The Amazonian woman tried to look dainty, but she had about the subtlety of a great dane.
Mayuri froze, flattening against the wall. He hadn't expected anybody to be coming through the side door.
"She's trying on clothes," said Nemu.
"Oh good, I found this dress and I thought it would look perfect on her...the gold threading would look stunning with her eyes! She's pretty petite, so I thought maybe this size would work..."
"Don't worry, I'll take it to her." Nemu took the dress and headed back over to the dressing rooms.
That was close. Mayuri slipped out the side door while everyone busied themselves at the store. He took a deep breath of the fresh air. This wouldn't take too long. It wasn't that far away. And he had briefed Nemu on what he was doing anyhow.
He opened the compact back up and followed the streets from one to the other. He turned the corner at an older building that needed a new paint job. The red dot was around here somewhere...
Suddenly the dot disappeared. Mayuri hit the side of the handheld device, but the dot didn't come back. Of all times for something to fail on him! Goddamn machine!
It was back...but it was now showing him that it was on a different side of town. Mayuri frowned and began to double back. He wandered through the alleys, past a few restaurants, and finally he had reached it again.
The dot disappeared as soon as he arrived.
"What on earth is wrong with this thing?" Mayuri shook it. He took off the back of the device and blew into it, but not a speck of dust was to be seen.
Then, a dot reappeared, this time in another place. Then a second dot appeared. A third. A fourth.
"For heaven's sake..." Mayuri grumbled at the malfunctioning device.
"Sayuri-chan?"
Mayuri jumped. He looked over his shoulder.
"I thought you were still in the store! What are you doing out here?" It was Rangiku. "I stepped out to call our friend Orihime-chan to see if she'd join us for dinner."
Mayuri paused. The woman grabbed the compact from out of his hand and stared at it.
"Whoa, sorry! I wanted to fix my hair, but that's not a mirror!" She looked at him slyly. "What exactly are you doing, sneaking off and not telling us where you were going?"
He was afraid this was going to happen. Nothing seemed to go well these days, after all. But, the best lies were those that still contained a kernel of truth.
"Actually, this is somewhat embarrassing," said Mayuri. "I didn't ask to come with Nemu because of the shopping trip."
"Go on." She looked at him curiously.
"Lately I've been getting calls from a strange person on my new cell phone, and they've come from the real world."
Mayuri held out his phone. Rangiku looked at it, eyes full of wonder.
"Wow, so that has a transdimensional communicator in it? It's so small. The one Hitsugaya-taichou usually uses is so big that he keeps it in his office. You're so lucky to have access to the newest bits of Kurotsuchi-taichou's inventions."
"Yes. I just wanted to track the person who's been calling me, so I looked for a reason to come to this world."
"Oh, that makes some sense." She paused. "You don't by any chance happen to like this person, do you?"
"Like them?" Asked Mayuri. What did this have to do with anything?
"Yeah, you know...like them, like them." She twirled a finger in her hair. "You're going through all this trouble to meet them after only talking to them on the phone."
"No, I just think he's interesting to talk to."
"So yeah, you're curious about him, aren't you. And it is a he." There was a twinkle in her eyes and a certain forcefulness behind her voice.
Mayuri had backed himself into a corner. He didn't know Rangiku all that well, but he should have foreseen this path of conversation. Fucking hell. "That's not what I..."
Her face lit up. "I'll go tell everyone. We'll all help you find him. This is so cute!"
"Excuse me? Are you daft?"
"Don't be shy! What if we can get you a date or something? Wouldn't that be nice? Oh, and then we can buy you an outfit for that, too, and..."
Mayuri's head was spinning. This wasn't what he had in mind, but it couldn't be that bad, could it? He was in a gigai and nobody except for Nemu knew who he really was. He could go along with this charade, at least until the end of the night.
No, he couldn't.
Mayuri turned around and ran the other direction, dodging into a crowd.
"Sayuri-chan?"
He kept running, ducking into an alley. He kept going and going until he couldn't hear the busy street anymore. Panting, he stood next to an old, worn out fence. He opened the compact once more to see what the machine was doing. It still had multiple dots, but there was one close by. He stood up straight and began to walk towards it.
The alley he now walked through backed up to an izakaya of sorts. He could see the smoke from all of the patrons' cigarettes coming out of an open door. People lounged about inside, drinking and smoking and eating. He walked past the dumpster for its kitchen.
"Hey, nee-chan," a smarmy voice said.
Mayuri looked around. A small group of men appeared, punks, all of them.
"Where you goin' nee-chan?" One of them stepped in front of him. He was big and brutish looking. "We're just looking for a good time with a lovely lady."
He could smell the bottles of sake on the man's breath. Ugh.
One of them reached out and touched his back. Mayuri stepped away as quickly as possible.
"Yeah, look at her dressed like that. She wants it too, otherwise she'd have stayed home."
Mayuri stared down at his chest. He could see his limiter tattoo clearly, the black thistle of the 12th division, but this gigai was different. It didn't just mask his reiatsu, it changed the frequencies of it so that his reiatsu looked like it belonged to another completely different person. But still, the combination of phase shift and limitation put a great strain on his power. Anyhow, he'd have to get out of the gigai to use any of it, and he didn't want his reiatsu to become unmasked accidentally...
Damn, he'd have to do this the hard way. He faced the men, closing his hands into fists. Mayuri was trained in hand-to-hand combat, hell anyone who went through the academy was, but he hated to use any of those skills. Kidou had always been his ace in the hole, providing excellent support to his zanpakuto and any inventions he had. But still, right now he had a much tinier, much more fragile body than he was used to commanding in a fight of any kind.
The men circled him like vultures and he braced himself for his next movement.
"Ah...didn't your mothers teach you how to treat a lady?" A soothing voice came from behind Mayuri. "You're not being very nice."
Mayuri looked over his shoulder and saw a tall silhouette. There was a man who tapped a cane to his shoulder, wearing a green and white striped hat. He gulped. He knew exactly who this person was, and he had already successfully avoided him once today. That was the one thing that generally kept Mayuri away from the human world in the first place...the fact that Urahara Kisuke lived in it.
"I can take care of them myself," said Mayuri through clenched teeth.
"Of course you can. You look like one dangerous lady." Urahara tipped his hat. "But if I can solve this with diplomacy rather than with your fists, it'd be better for everyone, don't you think?"
"Hey, who do you think you are?" Said one of the punks.
The other ones stood back. "No, I know that guy," said another. "I watched him take on six people and win once. Remember when Hiroshi was put in the hospital a couple months ago? That's him."
Mayuri watched as the recognition spread from one person to the next. He still kept his fighting stance up.
"Yeah, the chick's not that hot anyway. We can do better than that whore. C'mon. Let's go."
The men slunk back into the shadows and disappeared as quickly as they appeared.
Mayuri took a deep breath. He could hear the signature geta clacking behind him against the concrete. He sighed. Urahara probably didn't know who he was. For all he knew, Mayuri was simply a damsel in distress, and given Urahara's penchant for showy entrances, this was a typical introduction.
"Are you all right?"
Mayuri turned around. He looked at Urahara's concerned face, and he felt like he was staring directly into the sun. Rarely had he found himself so uncomfortable, but the world had slowed down to a crawl and he was moving through molasses.
"Yes, I'm fine. I appreciate the fact that I didn't have to fight, but I certainly don't owe you anything," he snapped.
"Goodness, you are hard to please, but don't worry, I take nothing personally. I merely saw you here as I was coming in to get a drink."
"I see."
Urahara squinted at him, walking around behind him. "Do I know you from somewhere?"
Mayuri crossed his hands across his chest, obscuring his limiter tattoo. It was obvious that Urahara didn't recognize him by reiatsu or looks, but he still didn't feel comfortable with the other scientist sniffing so closely around him, searching for yarns to pull at and something to unravel.
"I've never seen you before in my life," Mayuri huffed, lying through his teeth.
"You're quite the rare person," said Urahara. "Would you mind stepping inside with me for a drink? Just as a friend, nothing more."
"Why would I do that?" Mayuri was tense
"Because I can tell that you're hiding the limiter tattoo on your chest, and there's something clearly very weird about your gigai."
Mayuri's eyes twitched and Urahara grinned.
"That, and you just look like you've got some stories to tell. Come, I'm paying and it's only a few minutes of your time."
That was how Mayuri found himself being swept away into the izakaya, Urahara grasping his shoulder as he pulled him inside.