Author's Note: It's Gintoki's birthday! Yay! Happy birthday Gin!

Sorry it's been a while since I posted this! When I realized it was Gin's birthday today, I kicked myself in the butt until I finished this chapter. I hope you guys like it, and I'll try to update more often.

Thanks so much for the follows, faves, and reviews! I wish I could respond to the guests, but since I can't, I'll thank you here: it means so much to me that you took the time to write your thoughts! Thanks bunches. 3

Warnings: I changed the rating of this story to M now because at the end of this chapter is the first rated M section for sexual content. If you want to skip it, it's clearly labeled. Just stop reading when you see the mature content warning. Otherwise, rated T for some foul language and bad attempts at humor.

A Little More on This AU: I'll be honest. I'm going to be a little lazy here. I want the background assumption to be that the characters are actually speaking Japanese (with this narration providing English so that readers can understand it) and to mostly be set in Japanese culture, but I know very little about the Japanese school system. Maybe later down the line I'll do some research, as a good writer should (sorry for slacking!), but for now I have an absurd little temporary fix.

Go with me on this! In this AU, WWII turned out differently. Hitler was still stopped and everything, because that stuff was seriously sad, but let's say after that Japan took over the U.S. and Japanese and American culture got all mix-and-matched. Thus, here we have an AU where the characters are speaking Japanese, and there are some elements of Japanese culture and some elements of American culture.

Maybe I'll have a goofy scene where they learn about this in history class and poke fun at my own absurdity. What do you think?

Words and Phrases in This Chapter (Excluding those defined in the last chapter)

Rippana district: a fictional location I've created where the high school is located. 'Rippana' means respectable. It neighbors the Kabuki district, showing just how fine a line there sometimes is between the respectable and the shady. (Okay… maybe it's kind of over the top… meh!)

Jya: An informal goodbye, like 'later'

Fujyoushi: A term for women who enjoy yaoi

Chibi: Little or cute

Are?: Huh?

Chapter 2: Plot Devices May be Bad Writing, but They're Fun so We Use Them Anyway

Day Three

Yamazaki poked his head around the corner of a building with a piece of anpan dangling from his lips. He was starting his mission by following the new kid home to scope out his house. The boy seemed pretty ordinary to Yamazaki so far, even harmless. He looked like just another lazy kid trying to skate his way through high school under the radar.

Yamazaki studied Gintoki's walk. It, too, was lazy. He didn't really walk so much as amble, his feet falling lightly on the pavement. Yamazaki did notice, however, that the boy kept his back straight. Perhaps the apathetic attitude was just an act, and behind that less than perfectly hygienic teen lurked a force to be reckoned with. Yamazaki snickered. Nah. He probably just knows how to push Vice Commander's buttons.

Yamazaki ducked behind an old sofa that had been abandoned on the curb. Gintoki had looked over his shoulder. Was he following too closely? Better keep his distance a bit more. Couldn't disappoint the boss.

Gintoki faced forward again and continued ambling down the street. Yamazaki waited about 20 paces and then started following again. The two of them traveled through the Rippana district and on into the Kabuki district. It was quite a walk. Was he actually going somewhere else before going home? And wasn't this a really poor area? And wait… wasn't this the direction of the Vice Commander's house?

Yamazaki jumped out of his thoughts when his target suddenly rounded a corner. He scurried forward to avoid losing him.

"Eep!" He let out a decidedly unmanly shriek when he turned the corner and ran straight into Gintoki, falling right on his ass. The other boy had his arms crossed over his chest and looked down at him with one eyebrow raised.

"Do you have a crush on me, too? I've never had so many stalkers before."

"W-what? No, I wasn't stalking you! I wasn't following you at all!" He stammered.

"Huh. Alright then. Jya," he said with a wave over his shoulder.

Yamazaki started to panic. He'd been spotted, so now even if he did manage to tail him properly he was likely to try to give him the slip. He had to salvage the mission fast. "Uh, wait! Wait, wait!" He scrambled to his feet and chased after Gintoki. "I, um. Uh, sorry to bother you, just, uh…" Yamazaki spit out the first thing that came to mind. "I thought you looked cool! And I don't have many friends!"

"Eh? And you hoped to improve your prospects by stalking me?"

"No, no, I wasn't stalking you!" He waved his hands rapidly. The more flustered he became, the more intense his gestures got.

Gintoki smirked. "So you typically walk by sneaking? You usually poke your head around corners and dodge roll behind couches? Are you playing ninja or something?"

"Oh. Uh. Yeah! Yeah, I do that sometimes. But hey, listen, can I just walk with you for a while?" This was humiliating, but Yamazaki was determined to make his mission a success.

Gintoki shrugged. "Sure. Just don't get any ideas, you creeper."

"Seriously, I'm not stalking you, I swear!"

"Yeah, yeah." Gintoki started walking again.

Yamazaki walked at his side wordlessly for a while. Okay, no harm done, he thought. If anything, now I'll learn more! This is my chance to impress Vice Commander!

"So. Uh… Do you uh, like it here so far?" he wanted to smack himself. Far from impressive.

"Eh? Oh, sure, I guess. Better than being on the streets." Gintoki's voice was flat, as usual.

Yamazaki gave a nervous laugh. "Yeah, definitely. So… have you lived on the streets before?" Oh shit, he thought, is that too personal to ask about?

"Yeah. 'Till the old lady put me up. I'd rather just be working, but Baba insisted I go to school. Waste of time if you ask me. Learning in life is all about practical application, I say!" he said with a wave of his hand.

"Haha, yeah, definitely. School is such a waste of time," Yamazaki echoed, hoping for some brownie points.

Gintoki turned to give him a stern look. "Oi, oi, that's delinquent talk there. You've got to go to school or you'll turn out to be a worthless degenerate, kid."

"Ehhh?" Yamazaki gawked at him. "You just said practical lessons are better! And why are you talking like you're an old man?"

"I can't believe the disrespect for elders these days. This is why society keeps declining, I tell you."

Yamazaki wanted to shout at him. He was spouting nonsense. But he forced himself to take a deep breath and regain his cool. He was on a mission! He must stay on the target's good side!

"Ah, you're right. Sorry, elder," he mumbled, swallowing his pride.

"Who are you calling elder? How old do you think I am?"

This was ridiculous. There was no winning with this guy. He was just about to give it up and walk in silence the rest of the way when Gintoki stopped. He hadn't even realized that they'd arrived at the doorstep of a rundown three story apartment building.

"Well, congratulations, stalker. Now you know where I live," Gin announced in a bored tone.

Yamazaki didn't even bother trying to argue over the title the boy had given him. "Oh! Is that so? Ah, this is a nice, um, house."

Gin looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "You think so? You should probably get your eyes checked." With that, he turned and walked up to the door of the building, fishing through his pockets for his keys.

"Uh… well, um… thanks for walking with me! See you tomorrow! Oh, my name's Yamazaki, by the way!" he called after him in a rush. Gin's only response was a small wave over his shoulder.

Yamazaki heaved a huge sigh and finally let himself relax. Well, the mission wasn't a total failure. He did find out where the target lived, and learned a little about his background. Surely Vice Commander would be happy with that. Yamazaki was excited at the thought of finally getting to return from a mission with nothing but good news. And then he noticed a certain detail about the house directly next door to Gintoki's apartment building.

So much for that good news.

Day Four

"Ah, Yamazaki," Hijikata called when he saw the boy across the hall. "Report."

"Bad news, Vice Commander." Hijikata glared at him. Yamazaki shivered, but tried to steel himself; he'd found that it was best to just deliver bad news to his boss fast. "The new kid is your neighbor."

"What?" Hijikata slammed his fist against a nearby locker. "That's ridiculous. You think I wouldn't have noticed that?"

"Well… you're always on time, and Sakata-san has been late every day so far, so maybe you just haven't crossed paths yet…" Yamazaki ventured cautiously.

Hijikata sighed. "Perfect. The bad penny's following me home." Then his expression changed to a devious smirk. "Although, this does make it easy for me to get back at him."

"Indeed. I also have good news."

"Eh? What's that?"

"I started befriending him," Yamazaki said proudly.

Hijikata narrowed his eyes. "You thinking of turning on me? How is that good news?"

"No, no," he said quickly, flailing his arms. "Under pretense! You know, to get close to the enemy and gather more intel."

"Hmph. Well, in that case, well done. Keep it up, soldier," he said.

"Hai!" Yamazaki gave him a salute. He knew this meant his briefing was over, so he turned and made his exit.

As soon as the bell rang for lunch, Hijikata grabbed his bentou and stomped into the cafeteria looking for Gintoki. He spotted the curly-haired bastard in what was becoming his usual spot next to Kagura, Katsura, Shinpachi, and Sougo. When he got to the table, he plopped into the seat across from Gin and jabbed a finger at his face.

"You," he shouted. "What the hell do you think you're doing trying to be my neighbor?"

Gintoki looked up from his parfait absent mindedly. "Hah? What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you living next door to me, asshole. What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Gin continued staring at him with his dead fish eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about. I live where I live. If you happen to live next door, that isn't my fault."

Hijikata clenched his jaw. "Just don't get any ideas, you asshole," he grumbled as he realized everyone around them was staring. When he moved to unwrapping his bentou, pointedly ignoring Gin, the rest of the students went back to their chatter. It seemed like the remainder of their lunch period would be peacefully boring until Sougo spoke up.

"Huh. Danna, don't you think that's a really convenient plot device?"

"Eh?" Gintoki mouthed around the spoon jutting from his lips. "What ish?"

"You and Hijikata-san being neighbors. Convenient, right?"

"Hm, yeah." Gin took the spoon out of his mouth and tapped it lightly against his lips. "It sounds like the kind of lazy thing an author who just wants to get smut into the story as fast as possible would do," Gin mused.

"Hey! You're breaking the fourth wall! You two are definitely breaking the fourth wall!" Shinpachi shouted.

"Yep, you'd better keep a close watch on your ass, boss." Sougo said, totally ignoring Shinpachi.

"Eh? My ass? You think I'd be the bottom? No way," Gintoki shivered. "No freakin' way! Oi!" he shouted, turning his gaze upward. "You up there! Author-san! Don't think that just because this is fiction you can do whatever you want! I'm not just some fujyoushi puppet!"

Shinpachi face palmed. "The wall is gone. You destroyed it."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Hijikata asked with annoyance. "What the hell's a fujyoushi?"

Sarutobi popped up from under the table. "Fujyoushi are the leaders of tomorrow. They're brilliant women who understand the depths of homoerotic sensuality!"

Gin pushed the girl away. "Oi! Stalker number three! Back off! This is sacred parfait time here."

"Three?" Sarutobi squealed. Tears started to well up in her eyes. "Am I really only third in your heart?"

"You're not in my heart! You're in my personal bubble! Get out of it!" Gintoki shouted, still struggling to create some distance between the two of them.

Kagura sniffed. "Are? Do you guys smell masochism and desperation?"

"All I smell is idiocy," Hijikata grumbled.

"I hear deodorant is good for that," Gin said as he pointed his spoon at him. "You should give it a try."

A vein popped out on Hijikata's forehead. "What was that, ass-wipe?!"

"I said you smell like—" Gintoki's words were drowned out by the blare of the fire alarm. All of the kids shrieked and covered their ears.

"No way," Hijikata wailed. He was grateful no one could hear the whiny tone his voice had slipped into. "No fuckin' way!"

Gin closed the door to his room, threw off his clothes until he was down to his strawberry patterned boxers, and plopped down on his futon. He was so glad the fourth day of chaos in a row was finally over. He could finally relax.

*Warning: Mature Content*

That was when his lower half decided it had other plans. What the hell? he thought. How could the little guy in his boxers be excited after such an exhausting day? He still had a bump on his head from where Otose had whacked him this morning for waking up late, got hit by the sprinklers on his way out of the building during the fire drill, and got detention for giving in and kicking Hijikata in the shin around 2 o'clock. What part of any of that was arousing?

Ah, well, Gintoki thought. The body of a teenage boy is a mysterious thing. Just ignore it Gin-san. He squeezed his eyes shut. Sleep already! Ah, but he had left the lights on. Fuck it. I'm not getting up. If I get up, I admit defeat. I'm going to sleep. I'm seriously going to sleep now!

But it was fruitless. Chibi Gin was still standing at attention in his boxers, begging for attention. Gintoki groaned. "Goddamn it," he mumbled, finally giving in and slipping his hand under the waistband.

Hijikata couldn't help himself. He had to know. After spending several minutes fighting it, he finally went over to his bedroom window to find out if he could see into Gintoki's apartment from here.

"No fuckin' way," he muttered. He could see his apartment, alright. His window was directly across from the window to Gintoki's bedroom. "Tch!" he scoffed. Those two really were onto something when they talked about a convenient plot device.

Hijikata gasped. The other boy's light was still on, so he could see very clearly as Gin stripped down to his boxers. Hijikata blushed bright red. He should look away. This was disgusting. Who would want to watch that guy undress? But he kept watching, breathless, as Gin unzipped his hoodie, letting the one sleeve fall free of his arm so that the garment dropped to the floor. His black shirt came next, and Hijikata felt his breath hitch when he saw the boy's muscular chest and stomach. He noticed that he had quite a few scars snaking across his skin. Before he had time to wonder where they came from, Gin unzipped his jeans and stepped out of them nearly completely naked.

Hijikata couldn't believe he was still watching. It was sick. Perverted. And he was watching a guy at that. He should stop. He should really stop. But he couldn't.

He kept watching as Gintoki flopped onto his futon. It was laid out on top of a raised level in the floor just high enough so that he could still see most of his body. Several minutes passed, and Hijikata began to regain his composure enough to think about closing his blinds when the sight before him made him freeze. Gintoki was reaching into his boxers.

"Fuck," he whispered. He was about to jack off. Gintoki was about to jack off, and Hijikata was about to watch him do it.

"No, no, no, no way," he whispered to himself. "That's fuckin' gross. I'm going to sleep. I'm seriously going to sleep now!" But his feet wouldn't move. He was frozen in place, and he couldn't tear his eyes away from what he saw.

Gintoki's hand was moving inside his boxers now. His hand moved up and down slowly, making the fabric clench and unclench around his wrist. Hijikata couldn't make out his expression at this distance, but his body was tense, and soon he yanked his boxers down in frustration, probably not able to get enough friction. Hijikata stared in shock at the now completely naked Gintoki. He stared at the smooth curve of his erect penis, and vaguely noted that it pointed slightly to the left. He shuddered as he watched Gin wrap his hand around himself again, moving it in long, slow strokes.

"Christ, what the fuck am I doing?" Hijikata whispered. He realized in horror that he'd gotten hard himself. He was disgusted with himself. But he couldn't stop watching.

Gin's hand picked up its pace, slipping eagerly up and down his cock. He varied the speed of his strokes and paused occasionally to rub the head with his thumb or palm. Then he did something that made Hijikata lose it. He reached up with his free hand and started playing with his nipples.

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck," he whispered. He wasn't thinking anymore. He was transfixed by the show playing out before him. He wasn't even fully aware of what he was doing as he slipped his hand into his pajama pants. He certainly wasn't aware that he was trying to stroke himself in time with Gintoki.

Gin's pace was getting more urgent now. His hips started to rise off the futon to meet his hand, thrusting upward. The fingers of his other hand made their way into his mouth, and he sucked on them, sliding them in and out a few times, before he trailed his way back to one of his nipples. He rubbed, swirled, rolled, and pinched it between his wet fingers.

"Hah… ah…" Hijikata was ashamed to hear himself gasping. He was pumping himself almost desperately now, eyes fixed on the other boy's writhing body. He was losing control. He could feel the pool of heat building in his groin, threatening to boil over. "Ah!" he cried out when he saw Gintoki arch his back as he came, jets of white shooting up and onto his bare chest.

Hijikata leaned against the window for support. The wave of pleasure coursing through him made him feel that he could pass out at any second. When his breathing finally calmed down, he looked down at his come-slathered hand. What… what the fuck was that?

Thanks for reading!