Author's Note:

I had thought this story was done, but Uhura and Chapel showed up and insisted that there was more to say. I don't even know if they're done YET. We'll hope so, but Spock IS so very wonderful and so very compelling... :-)

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Once they'd beamed back to the ship, Christine Chapel walked Nyota Uhura to her cabin and followed her in when Nyota opened the door. Uhura gestured to the room's only other chair as she sank into her own, then looked questioningly at Chapel.

Christine smiled at Nyota, then sat back and crossed her long legs. "Now that the captain and Dr. McCoy are out of the way, we can have the rest of the conversation."

Nyota smiled back. "No matter how close Spock and the captain are, I didn't think the rest of the story was really for Jim Kirk's ears ... and I KNOW it's not for Leonard McCoy's ears!"

Christine laughed. "Yeah, McCoy would either tease us unmercifully or expire of apoplexy; I'm not sure which."

Nyota bit her lip and looked at the nurse. "We haven't talked before about anything beyond what I told the captain and Leonard. How did you know there were things I wasn't mentioning?"

Chapel snorted. "We both have the same disease, so I figured we'd have similar symptoms. Heaven knows that 'sterling character, magnificent mind, endearing personality, and beautiful face and figure' would be more than enough to make us love him, think about him, maybe even obsess about him, all by themselves, but I know there's more."

Uhura sighed. "I wanted to keep this lighthearted in front of the captain, but a lot of this actually makes me sad, and I know it makes you sad, too. Do we really want to talk about the rest of it?"

Chapel smiled sadly. "We're both gonna think about it, after that conversation with Kirk and McCoy. I figure we'll feel better if we share it than if we each ruminate about it privately."

Uhura got up and went to her dresser, then came back with a bowl of tiny chocolate candies, which she placed on the table between them. "This kind of girl talk needs chocolate!" She sat back down and picked up a few candies.

"Absolutely!" Chapel took a handful of candies and popped a couple in her mouth. After she'd swallowed them, she said, "Okay, so let me know I'm not the only one who thinks some of the things that go through my mind."

Uhura smiled. "Okay." She took a deep breath, blew it out, then said, "I know that Kirk and Spock are close. They're closer than most brothers, and either of them would die for the other and think his life not squandered. And in spite of that, Spock still seems like the alonest man I've ever met. Kirk loves him like a brother, and Spock loves him back as much as a Vulcan can and yet ... I can't shake the sense that Spock is essentially solitary. He's the only Vulcan-human hybrid I've ever heard of, maybe the only one there is, and I guess that's part of it. But I look at that man, and my heart just aches, and I want to rush in and relieve the aloneness that I know is there."

Christine nodded. "Bingo. Yep, I've felt exactly the same thing. I know that McCoy is way fonder of Spock than he'll ever admit. And no one can work in Sickbay for very long without learning that while Kirk hates it when any of the crew is injured, he's positively frantic when Spock is. And for all that Spock claims to feel nothing for anyone, he's as frantic as a Vulcan can be when Kirk's the one who's hurt. So I know those three guys are close; I've seen it myself. And yet, like you, I keep getting the sense that Spock is separate, isolated, totally alone. I know damned well that he has friends, yet there's this deep sense of isolation I get from Spock. I was afraid I was making it up, which is why I pushed so hard for us to talk about this, but..." She looked searchingly at Uhura's face. "You feel it, too."

Uhura nodded. "Oh, yeah. I feel drawn to Spock for a lot of reasons, but his aloneness is probably the thing that keeps pulling me in against my better judgment. It's like I see his aloneness, and that somehow makes ME feel lonely, and I want to relieve his loneliness in order to get rid of my own. But I'm not normally lonely, myself; it's only looking at him that makes me feel lonely." She shook her head and looked at Chapel. "If that makes any sense at all. I feel unusually inarticulate here."

"No, it makes perfect sense," Chapel said. "I understand what you mean, because I feel the same way. I feel this sense of isolation when I look at him, and I want to make him less isolated so that I'll feel better." She frowned. "I guess I want to take care of him, which would be funny if it weren't so sad. I mean, who can take care of himself better than Spock?"

"He can take care of himself physically, but he pretends that he doesn't need any taking care of emotionally." Uhura said. "And I think that's part of what gets to me about him. I'm not the caretaker type; I don't date the kind of man who's looking for a mommy to take care of him. And yet, I do want to take care of Spock."

Christine laughed ruefully. "I AM the caretaker type — I'm a nurse, after all — and I want to take care of him, too." She looked at Uhura. "If he can make people as different as you and me want to take care of him, then there's something going on. It's not just us."

Uhura frowned. "Could it be something to do with his telepathy? I know he has to rein it in when he's around humans, which is almost all the time. Could it be that it's his telepathic sense that's lonely? Maybe it needs another Vulcan to connect with?"

Christine popped some more candies in her mouth and chewed them while she thought. "Maybe it's not so much that his telepathic centers are lonely as that they're just more restrained than is usual for a Vulcan, since Vulcans don't usually live completely surrounded by humans. Neither of us is a telepath, but maybe we're picking up on the telepathic wall or shield or whatever it is Spock has to surround himself with, and that's what reads as loneliness or isolation to us?"

Nyota nodded. "That's a reasonable theory; it fits what we know about him. I'm gonna try to believe it, because I don't want to feel lonely every time I look at Spock."

Christine sighed. "Yeah. Me, too. I think it might make me feel a bit better about the whole Spock thing."

Nyota looked over at her friend. "And now you raise one of the other topics. Let ME know that I'm not the only one who thinks some of these things."

Christine smiled. "Okaaaay. Let's see what you make of this one. Another thing that attracts me to Spock is that he's a walking mystery. Well, all Vulcans seem mysterious to me, even though they've been Earth's big brothers for a couple of centuries now. But Spock seems even more so, somehow. He loves humanity enough that he serves on a ship with us, instead of on a Vulcan ship, yet he hates humanity enough that he pretends to be all Vulcan instead of half human. He's dutiful enough that he follows most rules to the letter, yet he follows his own path enough that he stole the entire goddamned ship to take Pike to Talos IV. He claims to have no feelings, but he plays his lyre with the passion and sensitivity of a Betazoid." She threw up her hands. "I could go on for hours; I can't decide if he's the deepest person I've ever known or just the most conflicted!"

Uhura nodded. "I agree that Spock's mystery is part of his appeal. It's less about his contradictions for me, though, and more about his reticence. He's so very private that we know almost none of the mundane details of his life, but watching him on the Bridge and on landing parties for more than a year now, I feel that I know who he IS, in the most essential sense. How can I know that he's the most ethical person I'll ever meet without knowing whether he has any brothers or sisters? How can I know that once he's decided something is his duty, he'll do it no matter what, even if it kills him, but not know anything about his childhood? I feel as if I know everything important about him while also feeling as if I know nothing about him."

Christine pointed at Nyota. "See! Contradictions!"

Uhura smiled. "All right, you win; he's mysterious partly because of contradictions." Her smile turned sultry. "And can we agree that his mystery is damned sexy?"

Christine picked up a nearby PADD and jokingly fanned herself with it. "Oh, yeah. I would really rather love Spock and have a relationship with him, but he's one man I could resign myself to have meaningless sex with, if that was all that was on offer!"

Nyota laughed in agreement. "But it's not only the mystery that's sexy, is it? He's the gentlest man I've ever met, and he's so polite that he's downright courtly, and yet I also have this bizarre feeling that he's dangerous." She shook her head. "I know that makes no sense."

Christine said, "Maybe not, but I have it, too. My head knows that he's the best man I'll ever meet, and yet you're right, he does feel dangerous." She cocked her head to one side and thought. "And yet it seems like a safe danger, if you know what I mean. Spock is so good that he would never hurt me, and yet he could hurt me more than any man on this ship, if he wanted to."

Nyota nodded. "He's a very powerful person, and I'm not talking about his position in Starfleet, though as second in command, he's powerful in that way, too. He's physically strong, he knows more than anyone, and he's an impressive telepath. If he wanted to use any one of those characteristics against us, much less all of them, he could flatten us in an instant. And yet he's such a fine person that he would never harm us."

Christine considered this. "It's that sense of great power just barely leashed that gets me going. I don't know why it's so sexy, but it is."

Nyota nodded. "Yep." She looked consideringly at Christine. "What else?"

Christine smiled. "Well, as long as we're talking about sex ... I love Spock exactly as he is; I don't need him to be emotional or demonstrative. But everyone loses control during sex; I know enough sex therapy to know that people who NEVER allow themselves to lose control can't have orgasms. So whoever gets to have sex with Spock — assuming that anyone ever does — would get to see him lose control, even if just for a moment. And what a privilege that would be! To witness that, even if just for an instant ... damn, I want that."

Nyota sighed. "You and me both, hon. It's funny, I'm attracted to him partly because of his great restraint and supreme control, and yet I'd love to see him lose it, just for a little while."

Christine yawned. "If we don't go to bed soon, we'll see him lose it when he chews us out for falling asleep on duty!"

Nyota laughed. "And THAT is one thing I never want to see." She yawned. "But our next mission is a visit to Altair Six that's purely ceremonial; I'm sure nothing important will happen during it. I can probably fall asleep at the communications console, and even Spock won't notice."

Christine said, "Nothing's going on in Sickbay at the moment; I'm gonna start throwing things out of sheer boredom if something doesn't happen soon." She paused and looked momentarily guilty. "Not that I want any of the crew to get sick or injured!"

Christine and Nyota both stood up and hugged each other, then Christine walked towards the door. "Thanks for talking with me about this; I do feel better after having discussed it with you."

Nyota nodded. "Me, too. I'm glad you insisted that we talk. Besides, it'll give me something to think about during that long, boring trip to Altair Six."

Christine left for her own quarters, and Nyota prepared for bed, wondering if anyone would ever be privileged to see Mr. Spock in less than full control...

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Author's End Notes:

1. I'm sure most of you remember that Altair Six is the planet that the Enterprise was supposed to go to at the beginning of "Amok Time." So Uhura and Chapel will get their wish to see a less controlled Spock real soon now...

2. This is obviously about TOS Spock, since reboot Spock is rather a different fellow.

3. Thanks for reading!

4. This is a fan-made work, not for profit, and no infringement is intended. Actually, I'm pretty sure that publicly mooning over Spock is good for the people who own him. :-)

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