chapter two - absence

Shizuo didn't sleep that night. He found it impossible, and a part of him didn't want to rest knowing that he had gone a step further. Every time he went a rampage, the most he did was give them supposedly life-threatening injuries, but no one ever died.

Now he had someone's blood on his hands, and it just had to be Izaya's.

Everyone probably thinks I'm laughing my ass off. Tch. Shizuo let out a sigh, gazing up at his ceiling the following morning. He attempted to close his eyes, but every time he tried, he was plagued by Izaya's gaze, right before he killed him. The informant hadn't even been scared - in fact, he smiled.

And that made it all the more worse.

The blonde was snapped out of his thoughts, however, when there was a knock at his door. Sitting up and rubbing his eyes, he made his way towards the door and opened it, shocked to see the twins on his doorstep.

"What are you two doing here? Don't you have school?" he asked, though neither replied, Mairu squeezing past him to get inside, dragging her sister behind her.

"We do, but we thought we'd see you before we go."

Shizuo blinked. "You couldn't wait until after?"

Kururi shook her head. "We were worried about you."

"That's sweet, but-"

"No buts, Shizuo-san," Mairu narrowed her eyes, pointing her finger at him. "We know you're blaming yourself for all of this, and we don't want you to, alright? And we know you didn't get any sleep last night." The younger twin frowned, pointing out the bags forming under Shizuo's eyes.

Shizuo let out another sigh, sitting down on the couch, the twins following him and sitting opposite him. "I can't help it. Every time I close my eyes, I see him, and it hurts. I'm sick of seeing people get hurt because I can't control my damn temper," he replied, clenching his fists.

"You're trying, and that's what counts," Kururi said softly, Mairu nodding in agreement.

"Now, we expect you to go to work, alright? We know it's not ideal for you right now, but you can't just stay home and sulk," The younger twin added, earning a reluctant nod from Shizuo.

"Fine. As for you two, stay out of trouble."

Mairu grinned. "We can't help it; trouble comes to us."

Shizuo rolled his eyes in amusement, gesturing for the two to leave. The twins obeyed, though Mairu turned back towards him one more time before disappearing. "We'll be back after school!"

After school, huh...

August 2002

The last week of summer vacation was dreaded by anyone and everyone, but for Shizuo, it was that much more worse.

During the summer, Shinra often came to visit the blonde, though rarely would Shizuo step into his friend's apartment. Shinra always protested that he wouldn't perform experiments without Shizuo's consent, but he didn't buy it. So, Shinra went to Shizuo's "unarmed", and life was simple, mundane. Shizuo didn't leave his apartment all that much, so his notorious rank in the city tended to drift away, forgotten for the summer months.

With this, Shizuo fooled himself into thinking that maybe he wouldn't turn back into a raging monster - that maybe one day he'd lose sight of his strength and go back to how things were before. Being able to live as a normal kid in a normal family.

Sadly, this was never - and would never - be the case.

"Can't believe we're already almost back in school," Shinra mused, swinging his legs off the edge of Shizuo's fire escape, the blonde sitting beside him and gazing out over the city.

"It's a little too soon, if you ask me."

"Hey, maybe this year will be better," Shinra attempted to reassure him, giving him a small smile, though Shizuo was still unfazed. "If you'd like, I could-"

"No!" Shizuo exclaimed, covering his mouth in slight embarrassment.

Shinra managed a small chuckle. "Don't worry, not that. I was trying to say I could tutor you."

"Tutor me?"

"Yeah. After we get our first grades back and we see which subjects you need improvement in, I'll gladly help."

"Thanks," Shizuo murmured in an almost-whisper, a bit flustered at the idea of being tutored.

Shinra beamed at him. "No problem," he stopped himself mid-thought, expression slightly faltering. "Hey, if you don't mind, there's someone I'd like to introduce you to."

"Another experiment of yours?" Shizuo smirked, Shinra flailing in response.

"Not funny, Shizuo!"

"Huh. I thought it was very funny."

Shizuo, unbeknownst then, didn't understand why Shinra gave him an odd look at that statement.

"Celty is not an experiment, and neither is he," Shinra pouted, though he knew Shizuo didn't mean anything by it. "I feel like you need more friends than just me. Celty, too, but it's not like you see her everyday. I think it might help you."

"I can understand why you'd be stupid enough to become friends with me, but anyone else?" Shizuo raised an eyebrow.

"Other than Celty..."

"Other than Celty," Shizuo managed a small smile, leaving it to instantly fade. "I can't see it."

Shinra chuckled. "I wouldn't call him stupid - maybe just a little insane."

"And what is 'his' name?"

"Izaya Orihara."

Shizuo simply nodded, the name not ringing any bells for him.

Izaya Orihara...

two weeks later

The walk back to Shizuo's apartment was silent, Shinra not giving a single glance towards his friend for the majority of the walk. Shizuo hung his head as if he were a little kid just scolded by his parents, eyes on the fresh cut across his chest.

You piss me off.

"I'm sorry, Shinra..."

"What are you apologizing for?" Shinra questioned, stopping the blonde and adjusting his glasses before gazing up at him. "I picked a bad time, that's all."

Not to mention a bad friend. Shizuo sighed, continuing to walk ahead in silence for a while. If you're saying these things, then why do you seem so mad at me?

"Maybe we can try again when you're in a better mood. I'll make sure he doesn't bring any knives."

"That's reassuring," Shizuo muttered, realizing that they had reached his apartment, turning back towards his friend as he made his way up the steps. "I'll see you later, I guess. And sorry about your door."

"Don't worry about it."

The following day, Shizuo found Shinra and Izaya sitting in the school courtyard, reluctantly approaching them without a word.

Izaya was the first to notice him, smirking upon his arrival. "Hello, Shizu-chan."

Shizu-chan? Shizuo blinked at the name, attempting to keep himself calm, though couldn't help but clench his teeth slightly. "Hey, Shinra, Izaya."

This only amused Izaya further, the raven-haired student reaching into his pockets, though was abruptly stopped as Shinra firmly grabbed his wrist.

Shizuo managed a small smirk, Izaya narrowing his eyes in return. "Fine, I'll play nice today," he said calmly, turning towards Shinra. "Shinra, please let go of my wrist."

Shizuo knew that Shinra was a bit reluctant, though did as Izaya asked, sneaking the knife out of his friend's pocket and into his bag.

"So, are we going to go?" Shizuo asked, earning a light chuckle from Izaya.

"Someone's in a hurry."

"Well, you do have to pick up your sisters," Shinra finally spoke, Izaya nodding his head solemnly and standing up.

"I suppose," he said with a yawn, stretching and rounding to face Shinra and Shizuo. "Let's go, then."

And so the three walked - if not a bit awkwardly - towards the elementary school, two almost identical figures springing up as they approached the front of the school. At first sight, Shizuo thought that the twins were simply two innocent little girls, possibly opposites based on their appearances, and were normal, nothing else. Little did he know then how wrong he was.

The blonde turned towards Shinra then, opening his mouth to speak but stopped when the girls began to circle at his feet.

"Who are you?"

"Mairu, Kururi, this is Shizu-chan," Izaya stated, gesturing towards the blonde and back at his sisters. "Shizu-chan, Mairu and Kururi."

Kururi simply nodded her head in greeting, though Mairu wasn't finished yet. "Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo sighed. "It's just what your brother decides to call me. I'm Shizuo."

"Shizuo," Kururi echoed, eyes widening in awe as she blinked up at him, cocking her head in question. "Hei...hei..."

Mairu cut her off, instantly recognizing the name. "Hei..wajima?"

Shizuo, flustered by this, gave a reluctant nod. It seemed as if there wasn't a single soul in Ikebukuro who didn't know his name at this rate. Then again, he figured that maybe Shinra had been telling Izaya about him for a while, and maybe his sisters overheard. There really wasn't a way to tell, considering he was quite the topic of the town.

Shinra recognized Shizuo's sudden distress, turning towards Izaya in question. "So, where should we stop today?"

"Hmm..." Izaya thought for a moment, looking up at Shizuo, smug as before. "How about Shizu-chan's place?"

Shizuo narrowed his eyes in response, fists clenching until he felt a weak grasp on his hand. "Please don't be mad, Shizuo-san."

Kururi still looked up at him with wide eyes, pulling her hand away when Shizuo stuttered, "S-sorry..."

"Shizuo, you don't mind, do you?" Shinra asked lightly, a flicker of hope in his eyes, though Shizuo didn't return the gesture.

"Nah, it's fine." Not.

"Yay! Now we get to know all about Shizuo-san!" Mairu exclaimed, the twins instantly claiming spots on either side of the blonde instead at Izaya's side, skipping after their brother and Shinra.

Shizuo held a growl down in his throat as Izaya let out a small chuckle - that same, annoying laugh that couldn't do anything, it seemed, but piss him off even further. "Careful, Shizu-chan. They might use your answers against you."

Listen, you little pest. I'm already letting you into my damn apartment. Don't make it any worse. He was tempted to say, but managed to hold it back, remembering how determined Shinra was. I can't disappoint him, though... hell, I already have.

Lost in thought, Shizuo had missed part of a conversation between Izaya and Shinra, watching the two carry on, a bit of envy jabbing at him. That should be him and Shinra, with Izaya being the third wheel. Considering Izaya and Shinra already had an established close friendship, Shizuo figured this would be his everyday now. And he certainly didn't want to be stuck like this.

With Mairu and Kururi there, however, he was much more calm, going through with answering their questions for a while, a better mood finally getting to him until he noticed Izaya eavesdropping, letting out a sigh, though didn't say anything.

By the time he wanted to really say something, the group had reached his apartment, Shizuo running up to unlock the door, hesitantly letting Izaya inside after the others, making sure he didn't have any knives hidden. There weren't any, and so, when Izaya wasn't looking, Shizuo went and hid all of the knives from the kitchen, making a mental note to put them back after he left.

"Pretty nice apartment," Izaya commented. "For a one-star one, that is."

"If you're trying to piss me off again, good luck," Shizuo snapped, a bit thankful that Kasuka wouldn't be at home today. Last thing he needed was another episode.

"Looks like I already have."

Shizuo attempted to think of a comeback for that, but fell silent when nothing came to him, sitting down beside Shinra as the Oriharas sat opposite them.

In order to break the silence, Shinra spoke up, turning towards Shizuo. "Mind if I see your grades?"

Shinra recognized afterwards that this was a mistake made, leaving Izaya to smirk at Shizuo as the blonde narrowed his eyes again, digging through his bag for his latest tests.

"Well," Shinra started, looking through them and handing them back to his friend. "I'll be able to help you out with everything - except history, that is."

"History, ne?" Izaya questioned, gaze drifting towards Shizuo again.

"Like hell I'd let you tutor me!" Shizuo spat, slamming his fists down on the coffee table in anger, leaving a small crack in the glass.

Izaya covered his mouth to keep him from laughing, though failed, angering Shizuo even more.

"Hey, Izaya, if you don't mind, I could take the twins home for you," Shinra called, the girls exchanging glances and sliding off the couch, following after him.

"Not at all," Izaya replied, turning back to Shizuo, waiting until Shinra had closed the door behind them, Shizuo watching as the twins gave him one last glance, not in fear, though still slight awe.

Time to settle this. Shizuo let out a small growl, standing up and approaching Izaya, who simply retained his smirk, unflinching as Shizuo grabbed him by the shirt collar. "Listen, you damn pest, I don't intend on getting along with you, and I'm sure you can agree on this."

"Who says I don't want to get along with the monster of Ikebukuro?" Izaya asked, reaching into his pocket without a glance to pull out another knife, pointing it to Shizuo's neck. "I think it would be quite interesting."

"Hah?" Shizuo blinked, not releasing him entirely, but loosening the grip. "You must have some sort of death wish."

"I'm not scared of you."

Shizuo was taken aback, both by the phrase itself and how Izaya had said it so meaningfully, losing his smirk as he spoke, even. The blonde decided to let go of him, Izaya almost falling back onto the couch, a bit surprised by Shizuo's sudden change in action.

"Really, if you can learn to stop being so difficult, I could tutor you, maybe become friends for Shinra's sake. Or, we could continue this way, maybe chase each other around Ikebukuro every single day...it's your choice," Izaya taunted, flicking the butt of his knife on Shizuo's nose before turning away, looking back for a brief moment to give him a meaningless wink. "Until tomorrow, protozoan."

He...he's not scared of me.

Present

Sure enough, the twins kept their promise and appeared on Shizuo's doorstep yet again.

"You went to work, right, Shizuo-san?" Mairu said without preamble, dragging Kururi inside after her, the two sitting down across from Shizuo.

And, for a brief moment, Shizuo swore he saw Izaya sitting between the two, blinking several times to remind himself it wasn't real.

Shizuo wanted to start a conversation with the two, though they were murmuring to each other, seemingly about homework. He about lost it when there was a mention of history.

To avoid having the twins see him being a nervous wreck, Shizuo instantly got up and made his way towards his room, Mairu calling after him, "What's wrong?"

"I just need some time alone."

"No you don't," Mairu insisted, leaving Kururi's side and taking hold of his arm, dragging him back towards the couch. "We're going to get through this together, alright? No more awkward moments."

Shizuo was hesitant at first, though seeing Mairu's determined gaze and Kururi's warm, reassuring smile caused him to crack a small smile himself, sitting down in between the two. "Fine. And, thanks."

"Don't thank us."

Yet, he couldn't help it.

Thanks to them, Shizuo slept that night, still dreaming of Izaya, though his words brought better meaning this time around.

I'm not scared of you...

author's note~

Yay, long chapter. xD I personally really like this - better than the last one, even though it doesn't have cute sibling moments, though I feel like it's bad that I adore how I wrote Shizuo and Shinra. ;3; /shot I really wish we got a better look into their friendship, and the whole of the Raijin Four, too.

Also, a review~! Since I can't reply directly to you, may as well do it here. I wanted to let you guys know, first off, that I do read your reviews. There are just sometimes I can't answer them other than a simple "Yeah, I agree. Thanks for reviewing c:" I don't want to give you guys that.

So, here we go~

Personally, I kind of laugh at the idea of Izaya being a good brother all the time - I can really only see him being good when someone brings that good out in him. In the last chapter, his brother-instincts just kind of kicked in and he went with the flow, and while he doesn't have any brother moments here, there is that small scene with Shizuo showing that he does have potential. Honestly, I feel like it would amaze me if Izaya had turned out to be good instead of, well, Izaya. xD His overall attitude makes him such a strong, complex character and I do like looking into that - I may not be pulling it off completely accurately, especially after I classified this as an AU, but as I said, I feel like there's still some potential in him. I personally love the idea of him being good, but I can't see it really in canon. xD"

I didn't answer any questions about Izaya's death so far because I want to give him something meaningful. I don't even know myself at the moment how he died, so I'm probably going to save it for the end and give some vague hints - maybe have Shizuo have recurring nightmares about it? I just can't see him handling his death that well.

So, yeah, stereotypical "thanks for the review", but really, I mean it. I feel like it's unnecessary for me to explain things like this, but I really do love your feedback. cx It might not seem like it, but I do take it into consideration. Changes probably won't be made right away (/cough/ see chapters 1+2 of my other fic) if you guys point something out or make suggestions, but I do keep them in mind. After all, I can't get better if you guys don't tell me what you don't like.

Anyway, sorry for the long AN. xD" This is a really bad habit of mine.

So, for now, the next update will probably be delayed because of the almost-major delay for T&E (I spent way too much time on this - ), but I will have it out soon, hopefully. Though I might spam T&E first.

Whatever happens, I hope I see you in chapter three~!