chapter three - pieces of you
Iza-nii!
Exactly three in the morning, and Mairu had already bolted upright, clutching her chest in shock, her breathing raspy as her gaze remained frozen on the nothingness in front of her. These past few days she had desperately tried to convince herself that she would stay strong, though now the grief was sinking in, and there was nothing she could do about it. Blinded by her sudden tears, she feebly attempted to shake herself out of her shock, feeling the tremors run through her body but was rendered useless.
Why...? Why am I letting this happen? I'm supposed to be strong. Mairu took in a deep breath, staring down at her shaking hands and pressing them against her, lifting one to dab at her tears. When she could finally see better, considering she didn't have her glasses, she leaned over the side of the bunk bed she shared with Kururi, clearing her throat to speak, though it barely came out in a whisper. "Kuru-nee..."
Her sister didn't stir, leaving her to sit back up before she fell over, sliding down the ladder and grabbing her glasses, straightening them and quietly turning the door knob, peering out into the hallway, though she knew no one would be there. Right. You can't rely on him anymore.
Inhaling once more, she stepped into the bathroom and turned the light on, narrowing her eyes at the sight of herself. Terrible bedhead, circles under her eyes, her obvious weak expression from crying. Turning the sink on, Mairu splashed water in her face, blinking in hopes that it would help wake her up a bit, maybe calm her down. That plan failed, however, resulting in her slumping against the bathroom wall, burying her face in her hands. Come on, Mairu. You've lived with just Kuru-nee for a year now. Iza-nii hasn't always been around. Why are you still living on that false hope?
She wanted that false hope. It was all she could really think about in that moment, and in the days prior. Knowing Izaya, he probably had some plan. He might come crawling out of that coffin in a few days and surprise everyone, shouting to the world, "Hey, I'm not dead!"
Mairu knew it was foolish to think like that, however.
She also knew she was foolish for not living the full life she could've had with her brother. In one way, she could even sympathize with him.
She refused to be weak.
September 2002
Mairu never had nightmares. She tried to be the optimist, always looking on the bright side with her bubbly, light-hearted nature.
There were, of course, the rare occasions where she did have nightmares, but Kururi was almost always there to comfort her twin at the sound of her shrieks.
After seeing her sister hurt, however, bad dreams slowly began to dominate Mairu's mind. She was now constantly seeing bad things happen to Kururi, her thoughts always rendering her useless, unable to help, just like at the beach where she froze in fear.
During this streak of nightmares, Kururi did not stir, leaving Mairu to keep her paranoia to herself. Why did she have to suffer like this? Her sister was fine now, almost! It made no sense to her. What made this worse, however, was how she felt all alone. Her parents were still off on their business trip, and Izaya still barely gave her a second look.
One night, however, Mairu found herself surprised when her door creaked open, her vision blurred, though she knew the figure standing in her doorway.
"Mairu?"
"Iza-nii," Mairu whispered, sliding out of bed and making her way over to her brother, clinging to him desperately. She noticed Izaya tense up at the contact, but he sunk down to her height, hugging her in return.
"Bad dream?"
Mairu nodded, and Izaya held her tightly, ruffling her hair slightly. "Everything's fine now."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
A bit reassured now, Mairu pulled away, staring at him with wide eyes though gave him a small smile. As usual, he didn't return the gesture.
"What did you dream about?"
Mairu blinked, gaze drifting back towards her sleeping twin. "Kuru-nee...she died, Iza-nii. And I couldn't help her."
Izaya merely nodded, taking her hand and leading her over to Kururi, placing their hands over her beating heart. Mairu, startled by the gesture, continued giving a confused glance up at her brother, and he just shrugged it off. "See? She's fine."
"Kuru-nee..." Mairu whispered, not pulling her hand away, though Izaya released his grip and turned away.
"Come on, Mai-chan," he said softly. "You have school in the morning."
"So do you," Mairu replied with a smug look, Izaya rounding to face her with an amused smirk.
"Smart-alec," Izaya murmured, taking his place in the doorway again as Mairu crawled back into bed, though she wasn't done with him yet.
"Why are you up anyway?"
Izaya shrugged. "Just wanted a little midnight snack."
Mairu snorted n slight disbelief. "Did you have a bad dream, Iza-nii?"
Izaya avoided her question, gazing out into the hallway and waving her off. "I'll see you in the morning, Mairu."
The following morning, Mairu awoke after sleeping soundly, somehow, both relieved and flustered when she saw Izaya and Kururi waiting on her. Realizing that she had overslept, she began rushing around, noticing Kururi's eyes on her every once in a while, worried that Izaya might have told her. The last thing she wanted was her sister having to worry about her. She could watch after herself, after all!
But so couldn't Kururi.
Mairu tried desperately to drill that into her brain throughout the day, but she found herself attached at the hip to Kururi all day long. It wasn't as if that was abnormal, as they were barely ever separated, but Mairu certainly wasn't blind to her newfound overprotective attitude. Kururi wasn't either, bringing it up about halfway through the day.
"What's wrong?" The elder twin whispered as the two made their way out onto the playground, Mairu freezing and turning away.
"Nothing."
"Mairu."
Mairu paused, facing Kururi once more and tensing at her following question. "You had a nightmare again."
She gulped, reluctantly nodding.
Kururi gave her a teasing smile. "I'll protect you."
Mairu frowned. "That's not...ugh, Kuru-nee!"
Her sister simply giggled, Mairu letting out a sigh. "That's not funny."
"I'm sorry."
Mairu tightened her grip on her sister's hand, Kururi turning towards her in alarm. "Don't ever apologize to me. You don't have to be sorry."
Kururi simply nodded, making out a small, "Thank you," though Mairu was already skipping away, ready to continue their day as usual.
Which, it did, for the most part. Their walk home was the same as usual, now regularly joined by Shizuo, and now Shinra everyday with Shizuo's addition, no longer having to choose between the two. Mairu was fine for the majority of the time, however, it was especially clear today that Kururi's leg was still healing from the beach incident, with there also being the possibility of Shizuo going on a rampage. He hadn't done it yet in the presence of the twins, but Mairu knew better than to underestimate him - though he was very kind towards the two. Today, like everyone else, it seemed, the blonde was quiet, and it took Shinra to spark conversation in the group.
"You're pretty quiet today, Mairu. Everything okay?"
Mairu nodded, exchanging a quick glance her sister before they continued on. However, Izaya stopped her once more, pulling her away from Kururi, the older twin occupied in conversation with Shinra.
"I know you were worried today."
Mairu turned away in embarrassment, though Izaya took her hand and gently turned her back so she was facing him. "You don't have to be embarrassed, Mairu. You're only trying to protect her, and it's a good thing you actually care."
"You care about her, too, right Iza-nii?" Mairu asked, catching her brother off guard, though he replied almost instantly.
"I do."
Mairu managed a small smile. "Good."
The group continued on towards Shinra's, Celty greeting them at the door and letting them inside to continue their usual rituals. Mairu, however, attempted to distance herself away from her sister yet again. While Izaya was somewhat helping her, Kururi made it seem like it was a bad thing that she was concerned, though she took it the wrong way anyway. Deep down she knew that Kururi was just teasing and looking out for her, but Mairu was stubborn.
Her plan to sit on the sidelines went awry after a while, with Izaya taunting Shizuo as usual, though once he brought up "tutoring", Shizuo went over the edge. The blonde went as far as to reach for Shinra's coffee table, sending Celty and Kururi into a panic, the two rushing towards him.
"Please don't, Shizuo-san!" Kururi begged, though Shizuo simply turned towards her, nudging her aside. He had planned for it to be a gentle nudge, though the force was strong enough to knock the wind out of Kururi, sending her tumbling to the ground, Celty helping her up and frantically typing away on her PDA, though Mairu beat her to anything.
"Shizuo-san!" The younger twin exclaimed, rising from her spot beside Shinra and folding her arms in disappointment. "Iza-nii and Kuru-nee were only trying to help you, and what do you do? Instead of helping us all, you end up hurting her!" That said, Mairu gazed between her sister and Izaya, the latter losing the fiendish glint in his eyes, instead giving her a small nod of approval. There was clear disappointment written on his face, however, leaving Mairu a bit stumped.
Shizuo awkwardly ran his fingers through his hair, eyes diverting from the twins. "Sorry. I've been a lot more tense today, that's all..."
"We've noticed," Izaya murmured dryly, tossing his folded switchblade between his hands.
"And your brother's not helping."
Izaya grinned. "You're welcome."
Mairu managed a small smile as well, retaking her place beside Kururi, watching as things calmed down in the group and impatiently waiting for time to pass. Before she knew it, however, it was time to head on home, and Izaya had pulled her aside for a moment.
"And you say you're not strong."
Mairu cocked her head in question. "What do you mean?"
"I can't think of any other six year old that would stand up to Shizuo, of all people. A bully, maybe, but certainly not him."
Mairu beamed at his praise, starting to say her thanks but was cut off as Izaya called for Kururi to meet up with them, and saying goodbye to the others.
I'm strong. Mairu grinned, content for the rest of the night, and going the first night in a while without a nightmare.
Present
"Who was I kidding," Mairu spat underneath her breath, crawling back under the covers and burying her face in her pillow. "Look at me; I'm a mess."
Much as Shizuo had prior, Mairu did not sleep after that. All night she listened to the seldom passing of cars until the morning traffic began, aided by the air conditioning shutting on and off as she gazed off into nothingness. By the time sunlight peeked through her window, she was so tired she couldn't even feel it. She knew she'd feel it during the school day, however.
Letting out an exasperated sigh, Mairu slid down the ladder, about to begin her trudge towards the bathroom when she heard Kururi stir behind her.
"You know, Mai-chan, we don't cry because we're weak."
Mairu's eyes widened as she turned around to face her sister, letting her continue.
"We cry because we've been strong for too long. Think of how strong you've tried to be. You only cry when no one's around to hear you because you're scared. You shouldn't be."
"Were you up all night too, Kuru-nee?"
The elder twin sighed at the fact that Mairu brushed aside what she said, but crawled out of bed and instead of walking past her sister, she pulled her into a hug, holding her close. Mairu flinched in surprise, though didn't back away. "It's okay. We'll get through this together."
"Promise?" Mairu asked, closing her eyes and resting her head on her twin's shoulder.
"I promise."
author's note~
Two weeks, guys. ;3; I'm so sorry about making you all wait this long. I haven't been able to think straight for the past week and I'm heading back into migraine territory from stress, but I can't really excuse the fact that this is way, way overdue. I couldn't think of anything for this chapter for the longest time, and I really wanted to focus on Mairu this time around, so we finally have this. I know it's short and doesn't really do much, but hopefully it gets the point across. I really want to go more in-depth with the hurt/comfort part of this pic, so hopefully the next chapter will focus more on the present than the past. I can't make any guarantees, but I will say I will try my best to not make you wait two weeks again. I want to get at least one chapter out every week, or maybe bi-weekly if it comes to that.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you in the next chapter~