'Why do these thoughts always have to stay with me? Why do they always stick in my mind? They're like cobwebs, they stay there even when you think you have gotten rid of the last of it and wait until you notice it again. Then more stuff gets tangled up in it and trapped. Little thoughts are like butterflies, they get caught easily and die as the web makes it that much easier for the spider to kill them. Like really, I fell asleep last night thinking about these thoughts and now that I'm awake, I'm thinking about it again. My thoughts have barely changed too. They're stuck on a loop. A never ending loop, a circle that will never break because it has no ends. The same thoughts repeating in my mind endlessly, over and over again, every day, all of the time. The thoughts never really changing except for the way that they are said. I thought that thinking about things was supposed to let you come to a different conclusion or a new way of thinking. But, my thoughts haven't changed at all it seems. Is this yet another thing that I can't seem to do? And there the rest of the world is, able to do everything I can only try to think of. Why did I have to be the different one? I'm pretty unlucky then. Some people probably ask some of the same questions that I do, but not all of them. I get to be that one person that has to be alone. I'm the one person that is asking all of the questions everyone else seems to instinctively know the answer to. I'm unlucky.' Mathew thought to himself as he slowly plodded down the stairs to the dining room table to have his breakfast.
'What will it be for today's breakfast then? My first meal of the day, the way by which I will start it off and get ready for the rest of my day. How about some pancakes? Those are always good. Or maybe something else warm like pancakes? That's what I feel in the mood for.' Mathew checked the time on his watch, 7:46 am. 'Nope, it's too late to do that; there definitely will not be enough time for pancakes or anything else that needs to be cooked. School starts at 8:30, I only have a half hour to finish my morning routine. I'm moving much too slowly today for this to turn out to be a good day for me, I'm already really behind schedule, for crying out loud-why do I feel so tired? I slept more than five hours. I should feel rejuvenated. But, no, I sleep more than I usually do and I end up more tired than I usually am. Isn't that weird? My thoughts are jumping around again. Well, enough with that, I guess I'm stuck with plain old cereal today. I hate cereal. I used to like it, why don't I like it anymore? I don't know. I just dread eating it, it just doesn't seem like I'll enjoy its taste at all. I don't think I'd enjoy anything's taste right now. I'll need to wake up earlier tomorrow. Then I can have what I want to eat. Perhaps.'
Mathew resolved to himself as he grabbed a box of random cereal from the cupboard.
His parents were kind of weird in some things. Like with how they had this rule where they only ever bought cereal packages with movie or yogurt tickets/coupons on them. Which made the choice of cereals to choose from either not very enjoyable or not very varied. It all quite depended on how many cereals had the deals on them when their family had their bi-weekly grocery run. It changed constantly. Sometimes there would be a lot and sometimes there would be none. The times where there were none they went without cereal. Such was life. There are always specific things you want and if you can't get them then you'll just have to go without. This was the way everyone lived. With needs and wants and neither being fully filled.
The only cereals his parents wouldn't get for them, refused to get for them even, was the kind that they had deemed "unhealthy". As far as Mathew could tell, he was the only person in his high school that had never had "Froot Loops". It was too unhealthy for his parents, too sugary to be eaten in their minds. Which was why of course that they had "Honey Nut Cheerios" in their cupboard. Like that wasn't sugary.
But, whatever. If it made his parents happy, fine, let them be helicopter parents. It didn't matter. They controlled everything else, let them have their cereal as well. They would be allowed to control everything. They care, and I don't. That's the honest truth of it.
'That's what parents are for anyways, right? They're the ones that have the responsibility to control everything you do. I'm just making their job easier by not resisting their command. Yes, that's it. I'm being good, I'm making their life so much easier. Are they happy with that? There are times when I wish that I could know what other people thought of me, right now the people I want to know the opinion of the most is definitely them, my parents. I want their opinion. I want to be told how good and bad I am, and what I still need to know about life. I want to be told it just like how I'm told what I am supposed to do, and what they need me to do. That's the way I want it spelled out for me. Nice and simple, straight to the point, so that I can understand it clearly. Simple minded people need things said simply. It's why they are called simple minded. It's a clue to others about how to say and explain things. Otherwise they end up like me, confused beyond even the understanding they can sometimes reach. I need to get smarter. That must be it. The reason why I don't already know all of these things must be because I'm not smart enough. I just need to become smarter. How will I do that though? And yet another thing I don't know.'