Chapter Five
Gibbs walked through the hospital grounds, unsure of what he could do that was productive while a Doctor drilled holes into Abby's skull. He felt flat, depressed and helpless.
He hated these feelings, he hated that there was nothing he could do but wait.
He stopped by a dense garden and leaned one handed on the tree, lowering his head.
"Kate." he whispered, rubbing his eyes.
"Abby." he said, louder, looking up across the lawns in the darkness towards the hospital.
Who would be next, Dinozzo? Jenny? Ducky? Rage filled his chest, this was all his doing. If he'd gotten home earlier, if he'd stood in front of Kate, if he'd never met any of them they would all be alive and well today. He lashed out and punched the tree, his knuckles smashing into the tough flaky bark. Blood trickled down his hand, and the cuts stung. But he was still angry, angry at the world, at himself, at Ari, at the driver of the other car. He slammed his fist into the tree again. The skin split open and blood flowed freely out. It looked black in the badly lit garden. He dropped his hands to his side and sat down on the ground.
He dropped his head into his hands and let out a long sigh. Too many if's, not enough solutions.
This was pathetic. This wasn't him at all. Kate's death had knocked the Gibbs out of him, he felt weak and defenceless. He was being kicked while he was down.
He stood up strongly, determination showed on his brow. He clenched his fists gritted his teeth and walked back to the hospital.
He entered the waiting room and saw Tony and Ducky engaged in quiet conversation and Palmer asleep on the plastic chairs.
Abby's accident was unbearable, but it was illogical to feel or behave this way. It was not helping the situation.
Ducky looked up and their eyes met. Tony his blood stained hand and stood up.
"Boss, your hand." He said it reverently, so as not to draw attention to them and to maintain the respect between Gibbs and himself.
Ducky was the one to call the nurse to get his hand stitched and bandaged. He reprimanded him for a moment but didn't drag it out.
"Any news at all?" Gibbs asked, his voice back to full strength.
Ducky shook his head.
Gibbs watched as the nurse wrapped the white gauze around his hand.
She floated.
Light seeped in through white mist, and she was floating, hovering in the air. There was very little noise. It smelled clean, antiseptic.
She gracefully dropped her feet on the floor and began to step gently throught he mist. The white substance swirled about her as she moved forward.
She was in a room, a white room, well lit. Everything was white. She looked down at her pale hands and held them out in front of her.
Suddenly a figure appeared.
"Gibbs!" She shouted, running towards him, arms outstretched.
"Oh Gibbs, I was so scared. Something happened." She tried to remember. But when she reached him she went straight through his image and slammed into the wall.
She slid to the floor and turned to see Gibbs turn to face her.
"Gibbs?" She whimpered, more fearful than before.
He looked her in the eye, but he was emotionless.
She crawled up the wall, her back to it. She couldn't take her eyes off him. "Am I dead?" She asked. But still he said nothing.
He took a step towards her but she ducked and ran around him, as fast as she could in the other direction. She ran until she was on a dark road, running along the white lines separating the lanes. She was out of breath but she just kept on running. Suddenly two white beams of light came over the crest of the road, and a ute came hurtling towards her. She raised her arms up as if to shield her face and screamed as the vehicle slammed into her.
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