Chapter 4 - ("Leaving is the hardest thing to do")

Grace was sitting up in her bed, sighing as she flipped through pages of her pink Bible. More than anything she wished that she could say that she had been praying for Jack and herself frequently. She wished that she could say that she had been reading her Bible and trusting the Lord 100%, but she wasn't do any of those things. She knew that she should have been, but things were getting harder and harder and more and more she was doubting her faith. She felt terrible for it. She didn't know what to do though. She felt too weak to pray, and too weak to read. She felt helpless.

A knock on her door pulled her out of her thoughts and she didn't bother to say anything as the person opened the door anyway. It was Tom and she already knew what he was going to say.

"Mom says get re-Ady for church." Tom looked at his sister and noticed the frown on her face. She looked terrible.

"What wrong wit you?" Tom made his way on to her bed and sat there as he waited patiently for Grace to explain. He knew that his sister had been through a lot recently and he wasn't just going to walk away with her feeling upset.

"It's nothing Tom. Can you tell mom that I'm not going to church today?" She smiled but it felt fake.

"Why?" Tom pushed.

She sighed, "I just need some time to myself today. I promise I'm not leaving the church again."

He raised an eyebrow at her and she knew that he was doubtful that she wasn't leaving.

"Look Tom these past few days have been crazy with Jack's incident and I've been having a hard time with my faith alright?" That was as much as Grace could bring herself to tell him today.

"Church is good for that," Tom explained.

"I know Tom it's just...today I really need a day off. Every time we go to church you know how people get. It's like the time that I was with Ricky, and it turned into this huge deal for our church. I don't want people looking at me like that again, and asking me questions and being in my business. This time I just want to close myself off from all that. I still believe in God, I still know there's a reason that all of this has happened it's just that...I need to find a stronger faith again on my own, and I really just want to be alone Tom."

"I love you Grace." Tom pulled his sister in for a hug and she found herself smiling a genuine smile this time.

"I love you too Tom. So will you tell mom I'm not coming?" Grace looked up at him with a puppy dog face and Tom found himself laughing.

"Just this...one time." And with that he got up off of her bed and shut the door.

She could hear his footsteps as he walked down the stairs and she could only imagine how their conversation would go. Apparently it went smooth enough because her mom didn't bother to come up to her room to talk to her. Grace heard the door shut and she let out a relieved sigh when she realized that they were finally gone.

Grace had other things to think about as well. Saturday morning her counselor Mrs. O'Malley had called her along with a few other students to tell them that they had been accepted to go to a field trip for future doctors. The field trip would last a week and they would be excused for school. She was supposed to talk with her on Monday and tell her if she was going to go or not, because unlike everyone else who jumped at the opportunity, she had things to think about.

She still hadn't seen or heard from Jack and that worried her, but she had to think about her life and her opportunities as well. This was something that she would have jumped at if she wasn't thinking of Jack. Was it right to just put her life on hold for him?

Interrupting her thoughts her phone rang and she felt herself groaning.

It was Grant.

She answered it after the third ring as she rolled her eyes, "What is it Grant?"

"It's nice to hear your voice too Grace."

When Grant found out that Grace was one of the people that got accepted he was ecstatic to say the least. Even though they broke up he hoped that there wold be a chance that he could talk to her again, and he also hoped that she accepted the trip because nothing would get in their way of talking, not even a 6 foot jock who seemed to win his ex-girlfriends heart.

"Really Grant, is there something you need?" She knew she probably shouldn't have been so rude, but she was angry. She was angry that Jack had been ignoring her, and she was angry that she couldn't make a decision about the field trip.

"I just wanted to know if you had made your decision yet."

"Don't you think that's for Mrs. O'Malley to know and not you?"

"Wow someone's a little upset this morning," Grant chuckled.

Before she could respond to that she heard the doorbell ring.

"I have to go Grant."

"Alright Grace, but just so you know I think that this field trip is a great opportunity for you and I'm not just saying that because I want you to go, although that is part of it. It's a chance for you to redeem yourself. I mean not a lot of people get that shot after being kicked out of a Med Camp, so they obviously saw something in you."

Grace was shocked that Grant was telling her this, but maybe he did have a point.

"Bye Grant." She hung up as she made her way downstairs. She wondered if Tom or her mom decided that they weren't going to church after all.

...

Jack stood outside of the Bowman's house as the nerves began to tingle through his body. Of course he had the key and he could easily open the door himself but he refused to, not knowing how mad Grace was at him. This would be his first time seeing Grace in weeks and he knew that it wouldn't be pretty. He had been a jack ass to her, and he didn't know if Grace could forgive her. But Grace had always been a kind person in his mind, she had to forgive him, he thought to himself, she just had to. He was wearing a plaid shirt and khaki pants and in his hand were some daisies. He didn't know if anything would make up for what he did but he was keeping his fingers crossed.

The door swung open and there Grace was, standing there completely taken off guard. Grace was still in her pajamas. Her hair was up in a messy pony-tail and she wasn't wearing any makeup. Jack thought that she had never looked sexier than how she looked right now. The two of them didn't say anything for a moment, they just stared at each other.

He cleared his throat as he rocked back and forth on his feet, "Um these are for you."

She took them without saying anything and she kept the door open to silently tell him that he was allowed entrance. He walked inside, keeping his hands in his pockets and looking at anything but Grace. He had gone over a million things to say in his head but now they were all jumbled in with his thoughts of what she was going to say to him, if she was going to say anything.

Grace turned her attention on him as she crossed her arms over her chest. She expected to be angry with him. She was angry with him! But she couldn't bring herself to yell or scream, so she just stood there. The two of them kept this up for a while, but Jack felt like it was finally time to say something.

"How mad are you at me right now?"

Then she just went off.

"Mad?" She chuckled bitterly, "I'm furious with you Jack! You just left without a warning!"

"I know." He walked over towards her now, and he could see the tears in her eyes. He would never forget that he was the one who made her cry. He felt guilty now.

"I sent you a dozen text messages and phones calls and emails! And you just said screw you to all of them!" She wanted to yell at him more, she wanted to push him away and tell him to get out of the house but she felt herself getting all choked up. Her throat was tightening and she was praying to God that she wouldn't cry in front in him right now.

"Don't stop," he whispered.

She looked up at him like he was crazy.

"Don't stop yelling at me Grace. I deserve it. You're right, I left you and I've never felt angrier with myself. I know you can't forgive me for this but I-"

"Forgive you?" She had the most confused look on her face now, "I forgave you the day it happened Jack."

Jack was silent at this. He was amazed at how forgiving Grace was. It was something that he had always loved about her. She accepted him with all of his flaws and he accepted her with hers, though he felt her flaws were nothing compared to his.

"I just don't understand why you left. What did I do Jack?" There were tears running down her face now, and he hesitantly pulled her into a hug. He expected her to push him away, or to yell at him so more, but she didn't. Instead she just wrapped her arms around him and the two embraced for what seemed like an eternity.

"You didn't do anything Grace...I'm sorry. I just...I needed to figure out some stuff on my own ok?"

She nodded at this but he didn't feel like that was explanation enough.

"I was...no, I am a mess right now Grace, and I just feel like it's better to keep our distance. I don't want to hurt you Grace. I've already hurt you so much in the past."

She pulled away from him now as she wiped the tears off of her face, "Jack don't you get it? Pushing me away, keeping your distance, that is hurting me! All I want is for you to be open and honest with me no matter what happens. I love you Jack."

Jack didn't say anything for a moment. He thought about telling her about his encounter with the bartender, and what he planned to do to help him get rid of his problem, but he felt that some things were better left unsaid.

"Remember when my dad died?"

He thought this was a silly statement, how could he forget something like that, "Of course I remember that Grace. You were miserable, and everyone in the church was so upset." He didn't see where she was going with this.

"I was in my bed for days at a time, crying and crying because I felt like it was my fault. And you told me something."

He was still confused.

"You came into my room one day, and you asked me a question. You asked me not to shut you out. And all I'm asking Jack, is that you don't shut me out. Because I really don't know if I can take that right now."

He was taken by surprise at this, but he nodded anyway, "If that's all you ask of me Grace then I think I can do that."

She smiled, "That's all I ask."

For the first time in weeks he held Grace in his arms again. He crashed his lips into hers and the two of them knew that this kiss was much different from all of the other kisses that they shared. As Jack snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her towards him they could both sense the fear and the neediness all wrapped in one. When they let go Grace suddenly blurted out words that took even her by surprise.

"Jack I think I'm leaving!"

Jack looked at her like he had just been slapped in the face, "What do you mean you're leaving?"

She sighed as she took a seat in the kitchen, and he took a seat next to her, "Mrs. O'Malley called yesterday. She told me that I got accepted to go on this field trip for a week for future doctors. I was lucky to be chosen and it's not an opportunity that comes by everyday."

He sighed but he knew that it wasn't right for him to get upset. At least Grace was giving him warning that he was leaving instead of just taking off like he had done to her, "When are you leaving Grace?"

She played with her hands and avoided his gaze, "Tuesday. I have to make my decision final on Monday though...so if you don't want me to go-"

"I don't want you to go Grace," he told her, "But if I told you not to that would be incredibly selfish of me, and I don't really want to add to the list of all of the selfish things I've done in my life."

"I just want to know that you're going to be ok...with me gone."

Jack smiled, "You're not taking off forever Grace, I'll manage."

His mind flashed back to the bartender again and his smile grew even wider, "I'm going to get some help."

Grace found herself smiling as well, assuming that he was going to talk to Dr. Fields or some other counselor.

"Jack I'm really proud of you." She kissed him briefly and then stood up, "I'm going to get changed. Maybe we can spend the day here?"

He nodded at this and she made her way upstairs. When she was out of view he reached his hand into his pocket and pulled out the address that Joe had given him. He couldn't wait to get started with his training.

A/N: Happy New Years everyone! How was your guys' New Years? I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I'll start bringing in more characters pretty soon and the chapters following this will show how Jack does with his training and stuff. Thanks for reading!