Chapter 14
BPOV
I pulled Alice aside, while the other girls finished their meals. "Alice, have you seen Edward? I'm worried that he's not here yet. I've been trying to pretend nothing is wrong and have been successfully distracting myself with other things, but I really expected him to be home long before now."
"You worry too much, Bella," Alice smirked. "He just wanted to pick up something special for you, in case you two would be able to steal a few moments alone together."
I blushed. "Oh, have you 'seen' it then?"
She scoffed. "No, he told me before we left school today. You know I can't see anything when I'm surrounded by wolves. You're the one who told me that. You told me how I can't get any visions at all when I'm in close proximity to any of the wolves. Maybe if Leah was completely on the other side of the room right now, I could possibly 'see' something, but certainly not with her this close to me. All I get is a bad headache. Besides, I can't 'see' anything whenever any of the wolves are involved. The entire Volturi guard could descend on our house tonight, and I would be just as completely clueless as the rest of you, since the wolves are with our family and would join us in the fight against them. I love the werewolves and all, but they put a serious hurting on my gift. I'm really not used to being so blind, and I really don't like it. I'm hoping if I get to know them well, I might be able to learn to 'see' them, to expand and develop my talent to encompass them as well. Of course, I have no idea whether or not that will work. Do you know how I feel to have to say something like that about my own future? Ever since I woke up to this existence, I have relied on my visions of my future to keep me on the right path. Now, I have to guess just as much as the rest of you. It sucks to be normal."
I laughed. "Yeah, it sucks to be normal, says the hyperactive, vegetarian vampire pixie who lives comfortably amongst both werewolves and humans. What the heck do you know about normal, Alice? Sorry, babe, but you don't get to whine about being normal until you can't jump fifteen feet straight up into the air and run faster than a jet airplane."
"Thanks for being so supportive, Bella."
"Hey, that's what friends are for, right? To drag you out of your self-pity pit when you've dug it too deep?"
She looked at me in surprise and cocked her head curiously. "I never really thought of it that way before." Her expression turned mischievous. "Don't worry; Edward will be here before too long. I refused to let him interfere with the early evening festivities, so he decided to make the trip to Seattle to get what he wanted. The way he drives the Vanquish, it shouldn't take him long at all. I'm sure he'll be back before ten."
I grinned and shook my head slowly. She was so 'Alice'.
MikePOV
I had parked my SUV just inside the Cullens' long driveway, close to the road. I had pulled it off into the trees, parking behind some bushes. I was sure that all the guests had already arrived, but I didn't want to risk any latecomers noticing my vehicle where it didn't belong. The last thing I wanted was to end up facing Chief Swan over trespassing charges. I had only recently earned the kind of trust relationship I wanted with my parents, and I had no desire to endanger my freedom. Obviously, I didn't care enough to stop what I was doing, but I was certain I wouldn't get caught.
What was the good of having all the nifty surveillance equipment at the store if I never got to use it? Besides, this could easily be classified as research—trying to learn how the different equipment worked. It would help me make the sale, as I would appear knowledgeable and trustworthy to a potential buyer if I could demonstrate the proper uses of the item I was selling. It had worked for me before, in the past. So, I was really helping my parents by testing out the equipment tonight. Yeah, that sounds good, just in case.
I hiked through the woods toward the house, using a GPS devise to maintain my sense of direction. I had overheard the Cullens making references to dogs at their house over the past couple of days, and I didn't want to alert them to my presence. If the dogs started barking, someone would be sure to come out and investigate. Why did they have to get pets now, when they never did before? It's like they were deliberately setting out to ruin my fun. I took a roundabout pathway so I would come out on the correct side, facing the wall of windows, but kept myself downwind from the house, so I wouldn't alert the dogs. I was wearing mufflers on my feet and stepping carefully as I approached the house, knowing how excellent canine hearing is.
I finally made it to my destination. I was at least a football field's length away from the house, which should keep me effectively hidden. I looked around and saw a tree that had fallen against another tree, making a triangle with the ground. I went to the base of the trunk and started walking up it, like walking up a rough round slide. As I got higher off the ground, I went to hands and knees, lowering my centre of balance. The binoculars were hanging from a strap around my neck, and I moved them onto my back so they wouldn't bang against the trunk. I crawled up until I was about eight feet off the ground. At this height, I had an unobstructed view of the house and yard. I could see figures, but couldn't see enough details to even pick out faces.
I pulled my trusty binoculars around again and peered through them at the beautiful women inside the house. To my extreme disappointment, they were all simply eating dinner. They hadn't even changed into pajamas yet. How boring. Well, on the bright side, that means I haven't missed anything either.
Speaking of missing out, I turned to look at the boys in the yard. Most of them had already finished dinner, and they were engaging in some roughhousing and arm wrestling. I saw that half of them were from La Push. How confusing. I thought the natives didn't like the freaks. I mean, the pale faces are supposed to be the enemy, right? Well, I don't think they'll ever find faces paler than the Cullens'. So how come they're all buddy-buddy all of a sudden? I narrowed my eyes in frustration. Does that mean the perfect Cullens would start coming to First Beach now? That's one of the places I was intending to invite Bella, since I knew Cullen wouldn't come. Jerk ruins everything.
I let loose a massive fart and smirked. It accentuated my opinion of Cullen perfectly. To my surprise, as soon as I let go, I saw almost every guy freeze and turn their heads in my direction. What the heck? I know they couldn't possibly have heard that. I couldn't hear the conversations they were having. It was just a freaky coincidence. Must be an animal somewhere in front of me. I zoomed in my binoculars for a closer look and saw Emmett Cullen meet my gaze. I dropped the binoculars and almost fell off the trunk. I put my hand over my rapidly beating heart and tried to calm myself. There is no way he could possibly see me all the way out here, especially in the dark.
I reassured myself and lifted the binoculars back up to my eyes. I immediately noticed three of the La Push guys disappearing around the other side of the house. I looked back to Emmett and found him huddled in conference with Jasper. The two of them kept looking in my direction and then back to the house. I wondered if they were planning on doing something to the girls. I grinned. Maybe they were staging a panty raid. I saw Alice and Rose come to the window and look down at Emmett and Jasper. It almost looked like they were carrying on a conversation, but I knew that was impossible. They wouldn't be able to hear each other through the window. The girls then looked in my direction and evil grins appeared on their faces. They looked back at the guys and said something. The guys shared a look, shrugged, and then started laughing. I wondered if the girls were planning to play a prank on the guys. This was going to be such an entertaining evening.
Suddenly, I heard growling coming from the woods. More growling issued from either side of me. I started trembling. The growling kept getting closer, like something was stalking me. My heart was racing, my adrenaline rushing, my hair standing on end. What the heck was out there? I rapidly adjusted the binoculars and scanned the forest in front of me, looking for the source of the sounds. I saw something and immediately wished I hadn't. Something big with really sharp teeth was headed my way and completely focused on me. I suddenly understood what the chicken feels like when faced with a fox. If I lived through this, I was going to have terrible nightmares. I heard snarling adding to the growling and whimpered. I looked around me without using the binoculars and messed my pants. Directly in front of me and on either side of me, eyes glowed in the moonlight merely six to ten feet away from me. I felt tears running down my cheeks. What were these things? They sort of reminded me of wolves, but they were the size of horses! They must be bears! But bears don't attack in groups. Unless this is a mother and her two almost grown cubs? Who cares what they are? I just want them gone!
"Leave me alone! Go away! Shoo!" I screamed, waving my arms, hoping to scare them away. The growling and snarling was replaced with raspy coughing noises. Huh? Did they have hairballs or something? At least they'd stopped growling. "Shoo! You stupid animals! Don't you know humans are at the top of the food chain?"
I heard loud laughter booming from somewhere nearby.
"Are you sure?" a creepy voice whispered, the voice carrying on the breeze. I really started freaking out.
"Who are you? What do you want?" I yelled, terrified. There was no answer, just creepy evil laughter that sent chills down my spine.
The beast in front of me came forward, reared up on its hind legs, and put its front paws on the trunk on either side of me. Its mouth full of razor sharp teeth was right in front of my face. It licked its chops and opened its mouth wide. I gazed up at the gaping jaws in terror. That mouth was big enough to swallow my whole head! As the teeth slowly began to move toward me, I shrieked and fell backward off the trunk onto the hard ground. I curled up into the fatal position and slowly opened my eyes. I saw three giant mouths open, saliva dripping onto my hair, hot breath on my neck.
"I'm too young to die!" I shrieked at the top of my lungs. How could the world possibly exist without me? How could fate be so cruel as to take me out of the equation in my prime? The women of the world would mourn the loss greatly. They would never get the chance to find ecstasy in my bed.
My heart felt like it was trying to jump out of my chest. My lungs couldn't fill with enough oxygen. As the edges of my vision started fading to black, I could have sworn I saw one of the creatures lift its leg and actually start relieving itself on me. Nah. Must have been my imagination. And then everything faded to black.
EmPOV
I looked at the pathetic human curled up on the forest floor, covered in odoriferous bodily fluids and waste products. I couldn't help the feeling of satisfaction that flooded me, and I heard Jasper chuckle beside me.
"Darn tootin'," Jasper declared. "Creepy perv got what he deserved. What the heck was he thinking, trespassing on our property and spying on us? The waves of envy and lust radiating from him were enough to make me sick."
"Ha! Well, he thinks humans are at the top of the food chain," I snickered. "NOT! He probably thinks they are the smartest creatures on the planet too. Shows how stupid he is."
The wolves had phased back to their human forms and were looking disgustedly down at Newton's unconscious form.
"Coward!" Jared sneered, spitting on the boy.
I rubbed my hands together. "Well, the girls want a piece of the action, so we need to get this piece of trash back to the house and clean it up a bit before we hand it over."
Jake bared his teeth unpleasantly. "You mean we have to touch it?"
I nodded understandingly. "Yeah, sick, I know, but we do have bleach at the house we can use to clean our hands with afterwards."
We all sighed and wrinkled our noses. Sometimes a man's got to do what a man's got to do, whether he likes it or not. So Jasper and I each grabbed an ankle, while Embry and Jared each took hold of a wrist. Jacob was supposed to make sure his head didn't hit anything while we walked back through the woods, but I don't think he was terribly diligent about fulfilling his duties, judging by the state of Mike's hair by the time we got back to the yard.
We set him down in a clear patch, and I ran to get the hose while the others removed his clothes, trying to touch them as little as possible. I started hosing him off to get him clean. There was no way Esme would let him into the house in his current condition. The wolves went to share an edited version of the story with Quil, Seth, and Ben. The rest of the details would be given to Quil and Seth once Ben was asleep.
Jasper nudged Mike with his foot, rolling him over so I could hose off his back. Ick. Maybe the kid should wear a diaper. None of his clothes were salvageable. Jasper tensed and backed up beside me. I looked at him in confusion until a furious Carlisle appeared in front of us. I had been so distracted I hadn't even heard his car come down the driveway.
"Stop this instant!" Carlisle growled angrily. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Wow! I wasn't sure I'd ever heard Carlisle cuss before. I didn't know he had it in him. He must be really, really mad. I immediately stopped spraying water on Mike.
"I was just cleaning him up, Dad," I defended myself, hoping to save myself from serious consequences. "You know Esme wouldn't let him in her nice clean house smelling like this."
I saw his jaw clench and heard his teeth grind together as he fought to control his anger. Yikes. I'd never, ever seen Carlisle this close to losing it before, and I didn't want to be within 100 miles of him if he ever did. I could only imagine what over 360 years of suppressed anger and frustration would look like when it finally erupted. Mt. Vesuvius would look like child's play in comparison.
"Would one of you please explain to me why there is a naked boy lying on the ground in our back yard, becoming hypothermic as ice cold water is sprayed on his unconscious form, and his clothes reek of werewolf urine?" He glared at all of us, daring us to explain this to his satisfaction. Jasper squared his shoulders and stepped forward. Dang, that boy is brave.
"Certainly, sir. We found him trespassing on our property, watching our house through binoculars, with waves of lust pouring out of him," Jasper announced stoically. "The wolves kindly volunteered to go and…uh…encourage him to cut short his visit. He was so surprised by their welcoming party that he soiled himself, fell out of the tree, and blacked out."
"And the wolf urine?"
"As I was standing next to him, I felt the sudden overwhelming need to relieve myself as I thought about him panting and wanting to lust over the sight of my Kim in her pajamas," Jared confessed sternly, obviously not even slightly remorseful for his actions.
I saw a sudden comprehension dawn in Carlisle's eyes as he considered Jared's words.
"You mean this sick jerk was hoping to catch a glimpse of my wife and my daughters in a state of undress?" he asked in horrified disbelief. We all nodded solemnly in response. He could see the truth in our eyes. I watched Carlisle's beast peek through his eyes as his demeanor changed. I thought he was furious before, but he was beyond rage now. His fists were clenched and he was gritting his teeth so hard I was afraid he might accidentally hurt himself. Finally, he seemed to come to grips with the situation and come to some kind of resolution. I hoped he had some kind of ideas, because I was fresh out.
He held his hand out to me. I looked down and then handed him the hose. To my surprise, he changed the settings to a more forceful spray and turned the hose on Mike, washing his backside and hair clean. I looked at him in astonishment. I certainly hadn't expected that. What had gotten into him? He grabbed Mike's upper arm and lifted him off the ground.
"Get him some boxers," Carlisle ordered.
"Sir, yes, sir!" I responded smartly, dashing inside to obey. It looked like I may escape consequences after all, particularly if I could stay on his good side. Jasper was brilliant, responding the way he did. Jared too, for that matter. Carlisle would do anything to protect his family, even commit violence. Plus, he still was a vampire, as well as a man, so it wasn't surprising that the threat to his mate would bring out his inner monster. We vampires really can't endure eternity without our mates, so we tend to be a bit possessive and overprotective where they are concerned. Okay, sometimes more than a bit.
I flashed back down the stairs and outside with a new pair of boxers. Carlisle held Mike up in the air while I slipped them on him, careful not to come in contact with any of his bare flesh. I shuddered at the thought. Double eww. Now that he was covered, Carlisle carried him into the house, letting him dangle by the one arm. Alice squealed with excitement.
"The entertainment is here, girls!"
"Isn't that Mike Newton?" Angela gasped in horror, her hand coming up to her mouth. "What happened to him? Why is he here?"
"Apparently, the boys caught him spying on us with binoculars. He was hoping to enjoy ogling us in our pajamas. He was so surprised when the guys surrounded him in the woods that he messed his pants and fell out of the tree where he was perched. The boys removed his soiled clothes and cleaned him up, before bringing him in here," Alice explained.
"I say that since he wanted so badly to join our girls only slumber party, we should have pity on him and show him what he's been missing. We should give him a real girly makeover," my Rosie recommended, with an evil grin. "The full treatment—makeup, hair, clothes, nails, etc."
Bella, Esme, and Leah caught on immediately. I wondered how Esme would respond to such a suggestion. I saw Esme have a quick whispered conversation with Carlisle. She turned back to survey the group of girls.
"Well, I would normally not condone such treatment of an individual," Esme decided coldly. "However, in his case, I will make an exception. Considering that this…boy…fully intended to violate our privacy, hoping to view all of us in our unmentionables, I believe he is in dire need of a lesson."
I heard the shocked gasps as all the girls realized his intentions. I was glad I didn't have Jasper's gift right about now, as I was certain their emotions were not pleasant. I was also glad I wasn't Mike Newton.
"We'll look forward to the results, ladies. Let us know when it is time for a fashion show," I declared, kissing Rose goodbye. I went back out to the group of guys, dragging Carlisle out with me. It was time for us to have some good old fashioned male bonding time while they did their whole 'female thing'.
"I suppose that must have been Mike's SUV parked in the bushes at the top of our driveway, near the road," he sighed, running his hands through his hair. He looked at me apprehensively. "Better be prepared for more fireworks when Edward gets home."
My eyes widened. Mr. Drama King himself was likely on his way now. Carlisle was right. This wouldn't be a pretty sight. Still really, really glad I wasn't Mike Newton.
RPOV
I kissed my Emmett goodbye and began planning the ultimate revenge on Newton. I could see Alice getting excited by some of my choices.
"So what's the plan?" Emily asked nervously. Did she think we would actually hurt him? That would be so unnecessary. By the time we were finished with him, his complete and utter humiliation would be all the recompense we would need for his atrocious behaviour.
"We're going to help Mike feel like he could fit in with us. We're going to transform Mike into 'Michelle'. We're going to show him what it feels like to be treated like an object or a toy for someone else's amusement. We won't hurt him. We won't do anything irreversible. We'll just have a little fun turning our Ken into a Barbie, as a strike against male chauvinists everywhere," Rose replied reassuringly.
Alice nodded and laughed excitedly. "I have just the dress!" She ran quickly up the stairs, just barely keeping to human speed.
Esme came over to stand by Emily, placing a soothing hand on her shoulder. "Emily, would you like to help me paint his nails? It may help if you think about what he was trying to do Kim and Leah."
Emily inhaled sharply, and then grinned. "I would be delighted to help you, Esme. After all, it is a 'girls only' party, right? Mike can't possibly be here, but I'm sure 'Michelle' would love to join us." Her smile lit up her face. Even I could see how beautiful she was, both inside and out. I was glad my father had been able to help her. I couldn't imagine how Emmett would feel if he had unwittingly bitten my face in his newborn frenzy. I couldn't believe I was sympathizing with a werewolf and his imprint. What was this world coming to these days?
Alice brought down several large suitcases full of makeover materials and spread them out around the living room. I saw Esme and Emily grab the manicure and pedicure kits, as well as two different colours of nail polish. The dress Alice had brought down was absolutely hideous, but it would fit. It looked like something somebody's bedridden granny would wear.
"Where did you get that terrible dress, Alice?" I wondered, eyeing it with distaste.
She shrugged. "I saw it hanging out of a dumpster last week and felt I would need it for something. I think it suits him, don't you?"
I laughed. "Perfectly. He needs some footless tights to cover up his hairy legs, don't you think?"
Alice tossed me a little box. Pixie thinks of everything. We put on his new clothing as carefully as possible.
Bella and Kim had been sorting through the supplies and had finally made some selections.
"What do you have there, Bella?" I asked. I was surprised to see her blush at my question. She bit her lip, like she wasn't sure whether or not she should answer. "Well?"
"Body glitter," she answered softly. She giggled. "I thought I'd put it on his arms."
I was glad to see her joining in the festivities. It would be awful if one of them were to just sit all folded up on the couch watching in disapproval. That would really kill the mood. Alice and I started pulling out the facial make up we wanted.
"How about you Kim?" Kim was initially just as shy as Bella, but now that she had gotten comfortable with us, she had started showing her sassy side.
"I thought I'd work on his hair," she responded cheekily, holding up hair gel, hair spray, and hot pink hair colouring. I grinned. Yep, she was in up to the hilt.
Leah released an evil laugh—Muahahaha. I looked to see what torturous item she had discovered in Alice's stash. She was brandishing a jar of wax.
"I'm going to go and heat this up now, so I can help 'Michelle' with her five o'clock shadow," she chuckled. Ahh, a girl after my own heart. I smiled. Let the fun begin.
Mike roused a bit while we worked on him, shortly after Leah had ripped the wax off his face. Even I had to shudder a bit at the sight of that. He was still in a dreamlike haze as he gazed at us surrounding him, feeling all of us touching him. He started to mumble crazy things about being in heaven and how he knew we had always wanted him. I rolled my eyes. This kid was positively delusional. I was just getting ready to give him a little tap on his temple to help him go back to sleep, when the front door slammed open, the sound of heavy breathing filling the air. All of us froze, turning to the door as one, to see a furious vampire barely clinging onto his control. Edward.
EPOV
I hummed happily to myself as I got closer to my house. I was fairly certain Bella would love the gift I purchased for her today. I couldn't wait to have her all to myself later, wrapped in my chilly embrace. I turned into our driveway, eager to get back to my one true love, eager to see her face light up the way it always does when she sees me.
My headlights flashed on metal off to the side, and I could clearly distinguish an SUV parked behind the bushes off to the side. The SUV looked creepily familiar, and I lowered my window to confirm the scent. Mike freaking Newton. What the heck was he doing here at my house?
I drove quickly down the drive and caught bits and pieces of various thoughts, but none were focused on the subject at hand. Jacob met me out by where I parked and showed me the evening's activities and revelations thus far. I congratulated his good work in literally scaring the crap out of Mike and laughed at Jared's expressions of distaste. I loved the look on Mike's face when he thought Jacob was going to literally bite off his head. It was a memory I would treasure and frequently remember every time he annoyed me. I was incredulous at the sight of Carlisle hosing Mike down and carrying him around by one arm, but I saw the same memory in several others. Jasper replayed his and Jared's words, and suddenly Carlisle's behavior made sense to me. I actually thought Carlisle had been much too gentle with him.
"So where is Mike now?" I asked bitterly, wanting to avenge my own mate as well.
"The girls wanted their pound of flesh," Emmett offered, maintaining his distance from me. "So we delivered him up as a human sacrifice." His thoughts indicated he believed I would erupt and behave irrationally, so he was keeping his distance but eagerly awaiting the impending scene. I scowled at him. I was not going to overreact and start screaming. I was much too mature to throw a temper tantrum like Emmett was picturing.
I searched the house for Mike's thoughts and zeroed in on them instantly. I looked through his eyes and saw all the girls, even Emily and Esme, with their hands all over him, rubbing and caressing him. He was in seventh heaven. My jaw dropped. This was their idea of punishment? He certainly wasn't feeling punished. He was praising the Almighty for fulfilling his lifelong fantasies. How could they? How could they do this to us? Did Peeping Toms turn them on or something? How could they all betray their lovers, their protectors for this piece of human scum? How could Bella do this to me?
I was crushed. I was enraged. I was falling apart. Jasper stared at me in confused concern.
"What's wrong, Edward? Your emotions are all over the place!" Jasper demanded.
I shook my head in despair. I couldn't tell him what I had seen. I couldn't say the words that would shatter my whole family. But I couldn't live with the lies, the secret knowledge either. I would expose their treachery.
I stormed over to the house. Emmett and Carlisle tried to stop me, but I shook them off of me. I marched up the steps to the door and threw it open with a mighty crash. The girls were indeed all crowded around Mike, all touching him. I saw red.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I screamed. Mike opened his eyes wide, saw my undiluted rage, and promptly fainted again. I didn't care. The women in my life were startled and surprised by my outburst. They were even confused. Only Esme had the slightest remorse, but then her thoughts shocked me even more.
What is his problem?
Is he asking us or Mike?
Relax, brother dear, we're just having a little fun.
Playing with our new Ken doll.
I thought this was supposed to be a 'girls only' slumber party. How come these guys keep coming in here?
I suppose this isn't really the most appropriate behaviour, but Carlisle agreed it would be acceptable.
Carlisle had agreed for Esme to be holding hands with Mike? Had he finally lost his marbles? Had I fallen into some strange alternate universe?
I heard Emmett bust out laughing behind me. Carlisle and Jasper joined in the merriment. I turned around to look at them in complete bewilderment. We just walked in on our mates feeling up Newton the slime ball, and they thought it was funny? Jasper sent me a wave of amusement, which knocked out some of my righteous anger. I turned back around to view the scene again. The girls had all frozen in place with my outburst.
It suddenly dawned on me that Mike was wearing a dress and tights. Next, I noticed his toenails were painted bright red. I realized Emily had nail polish in her hand and was in the act of applying it to his toes. My brain rapidly processed the items held in all the other women's hands, and I felt like a complete fool. I assessed Mike's condition, noting his hair was spiky with a wide swath of hot pink down the centre. He was covered in all kinds of makeup and looked like a really ugly girl. He was wearing cheap clip on earrings and gaudy necklaces, rings, and bracelets that clashed terribly with the most hideous dress I'd ever seen. I finally understood that the girls had been giving him a hellish makeover, and it was only his deluded, confused mind that had made it into something else. He would find out his mistake soon enough.
"Sorry. Uh, never mind. Please, carry on with what you were doing," I mumbled in embarrassment, turning around and exiting as quickly as I had entered.
"Wait!" I heard Bella call. I stopped and turned back. She ran over and gave me a quick kiss.
"I missed you," she murmured sweetly. "Where were you?"
I grinned. "That's for me to know and you to find out," I teased. She ran her hands over my chest before slipping them around my waist, squeezing me tightly and rubbing her body against me. I stiffened, in more ways than one. I tapped her lightly on her nose with my index finger. "None of that, young lady. Behave yourself, or I won't give you your present later," I threatened, uncomfortable with such a display in front of my mother. She pouted up at me, but I just smiled back, gently pushing her body away from mine.
"Mike's ready now," Rosalie announced. My eyes narrowed as I glanced in their direction.
"Fine, I'll take it from here," I promised, a distinct edge to my voice.
"Wait!" Alice shrieked. "I need pictures to document our achievement."
We all smirked as she got out her camera and took several pictures of 'Michelle'. Bella grabbed my hand and looked at me in concern.
"Just take him home, Edward. It's over and done. We've tortured him enough for one night," she urged. Esme and Emily nodded in agreement. After a few moments, Angela and Kim added their agreement as well. Rose and Leah didn't look pleased. Alice had a quick vision and tried to hide her smirk. I ran a finger along my love's cheek and smiled gently.
"I love your compassionate, forgiving nature, my Bella," I complimented her. She smiled at me in relief, failing to notice I had not promised her anything.
I carried Newton out to my car and was intercepted by my brothers.
"Are you really taking him home now?" Emmett asked crossly. I raised both eyebrows, allowing an evil grin to flash across my face, fast enough to alert my brothers to my intentions but too fast for any of the compassionate, forgiving members of our family to notice. What they didn't know wouldn't hurt them.
"I do believe it is time for him to take his leave, don't you? He has overstayed his welcome," I answered politely, as if conversing about the weather.
"Indeed," Jasper returned formally, hiding his amusement.
They decided to help me deliver Mike and his SUV, and Jacob chose to join us as well. Once we were safely away from the house, Jacob asked me what I had planned to do with Mike next. I spoke loudly enough for Jasper and Emmett to hear me from Mike's SUV, which they were driving behind me.
"I do believe Jessica and Lauren could use a new friend, don't you?" Jacob looked confused, as he doesn't know those two, but Jasper and Emmett were suitably impressed with my evil genius. We drove over to Jessica's house, where Lauren was spending the night. I carried Mike over and set him down on his feet on the porch. I asked Jasper to help wake him up enough to stand on his own. He still acted punch drunk. I rang the doorbell and waited for Jessica to answer.
"Edward Cullen!" she gasped, amazed to see me standing on her porch as she had fantasized many times before. Lauren came up behind her to see for herself and was shocked to actually see me there. I intentionally dazzled them, so they wouldn't be thinking clearly and then spun my web of lies.
"Good evening, ladies. I came across this young lady outside a bar, fighting with her date. Her date stormed off, stranding her there, so I offered to take her safely home. She claimed her name was 'Michelle', but she refused to give me her last name. She wouldn't give me her home address either, but gave me your address instead, saying you were a close friend of hers. Does she look familiar to you?" I moved Mike closer to them so he could be clearly seen in the light spilling from the doorway.
"Hey, Jessica, Lauren. What's up?" he slurred to them, weaving a bit. I helped steady him so he wouldn't fall. They peered closely at him, but did not seem to recognize him. Finally, understanding dawned on Jessica's face.
"Lauren!" Jessica hissed under her breath. "That's Mike!" Lauren started to shake her head, but then saw the similarities for herself. She choked on her next breath. They both looked at me, but I projected naïve, innocent charm, pretending I had no idea who was really standing on the porch in front of me.
Jessica smiled stiffly at me and grabbed Mike's hand. "Thanks for bringing her over. We've got it from here."
I gave a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank goodness. I wasn't sure I did the right thing. I had thought I should maybe bring her to Chief Swan instead, underage drinking and all." I shrugged, as if I had actually considered turning him in to the police.
"No!" Jessica yelped. She took a deep breath to calm herself. "Don't worry. I'll take care of hi-er. Of her. Thanks again."
I wished them all a good night. We dropped Mike's SUV off at the bar to substantiate my story and then we were all back in my car for the drive home. I snickered as I told them about Jessica's thoughts and her plans for a few new YouTube videos. They laughed, and I actually felt a stab of pity for the guy. I would never want to be at the mercy of either of those two girls. I shuddered at that thought. For now, I would let my enemy take out my other enemy and save myself the trouble. I had a hot date waiting at home for me, and I didn't intend to waste any more time with thoughts of the Newton kid.
I scooped Bella up in my arms, stealing her away from the others, before she even knew I was there. I was already on the second story and starting up to the third by the time her brain had processed what had happened and who was holding her. I was already through the door of my bedroom before she was able to gasp, "Edward!" in delighted surprise. I had the door closed and locked and her sitting on my bed before she was even finished saying my name.
I stepped back to allow her brain to catch up to the rest of her, and she looked bewildered as she took in our surroundings. She looked me straight in the eye and started laughing. "Not eager, are we, Edward?"
I deliberately leaned in closer, staring into her eyes and exhaling into her face. Her eyes glazed over as I dazzled her. I brushed my lips against hers, light and soft as a butterfly's wings. She groaned, wrapped her arms around my neck, and pulled herself closer, pushing her lips against mine. When she tried to deepen the kiss, I pulled back far enough to look her in the eye again and teased, "That would be the pot calling the kettle black, wouldn't it, love?"
She blushed, her gaze dropping from my eyes to my lips, and her tongue darted out to moisten her own. I couldn't withhold a groan at the sight, and I saw the triumph on her face before I leaned in to capture her mouth again. I proceeded with my plan to kiss her senseless, counting in my head so I wouldn't forget to allow her time to breathe. As I felt her melting into my embrace, I trailed my kisses and gentle nibbles across her face and along her jaw line, up to her ear. I allowed my tongue to trace the contours of her ear then blew my cold breath over the moist surface, causing her to shiver in pleasure. I continued applying my mouth along her neck, tracing down to her collarbone. She whimpered with excitement as I gently sucked on the skin there, making a hickey, effectively marking her as my own.
I pushed her backwards until she was lying on the bed beneath me. I slipped my hands under her shirt, caressing her ribs and sides. I pressed my groin against her hip, needing to be closer to her. I started sliding my hands under the waistband of her pajama pants, needing to feel more of her warm, silky skin, when I heard voices, which knocked me out of my passionate haze.
"Hey, I've been hearing some interesting sounds from up in Edward's room. You think Eddie's finally going to become a man?" Emmett prodded.
"No way! Let me check," Jasper answered, going silent for a few seconds. "Whoa! Their room is absolutely saturated with lust, from floor to ceiling. I wouldn't be able to get within ten feet of that room without growing a third leg. Who knew he had it in him? He was certainly never really interested in physical intimacy before. Bella has really shaken things up, hasn't she? Edward is worried about changing her, but he hasn't even stopped to contemplate how much she has already changed him. It's too late for him now. She's already attached that ball and chain to his leg and it can't ever be removed."
"Well, he doesn't seem to mind his captivity," Emmett laughed. The two of them were standing under my window, foolishly thinking I would be too distracted to monitor their thoughts or their conversation.
I tore myself away from my precious Bella, not wanting her to be embarrassed in front of my brothers any more than absolutely necessary. She protested my withdrawal, as usual.
"Relax, my dear Bella. Don't you want your present now?" I murmured gently. Her eyes opened and flashed to mine.
"What is it? What did you need to go all the way to Seattle to get?" she wondered apprehensively.
I chuckled. Bella was the only female and the only human I knew who could honestly get upset over being given a gift by a loved one. Many may protest, but I could always see their thoughts at the time, betraying the deep internal thrill at being shown the evidence of their partner's love. I figured Bella secretly felt the same way, but without being able to read her mind, there was no way to know the truth. After all, she did tend to protest more than the average person. Not that she has ever behaved like the average person.
I snuck the gift out of its hiding place and handed it to her with a flourish and a bow. She took the box and studied it reverently, running her finger lightly over the raised letters on the top—GODIVA. She looked back up at me, awe shining in her eyes.
"You drove all the way to Seattle to get this for me?" she inquired. I nodded in response. I was shocked when she threw her arms around me and planted a big kiss on my lips. I was positively gaping at her as she sat back down, setting the box delicately into her lap.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she squealed in excited appreciation, doing an excellent Alice impression.
"Well, she certainly likes whatever he got her," Emmett commented rudely. I wished they would go away. They're ruining the moment, even if Bella couldn't hear them.
"Yeah, her emotions remind me of Alice's," Jasper agreed. "Excitement, love, lust, sexual frustration, longing, hunger, happiness, hope, and joy. Impressive. It's hard to get that much excitement out of Bella, but she is stoked now." Then again, they do have their uses. It was really nice to be able to get a read of her emotions. Hmmm. Obviously, expensive, gourmet, overpriced chocolate was on the list of exceptions to the 'don't waste your money on me' rule. I smirked. Everybody has a price, and I think I just found hers.
"I've always wanted to go into that store, but I was too embarrassed, so I contented myself by looking through the window at the items on display," she confessed. She looked at me and giggled. "It must have been torture for you to go into that store. You certainly never had a need to before you met me."
"Anything for you, love," I admitted. It had been torture to have to smell the strong chocolate odor emanating from that store.
"Wow! I bet Eddie went into the naughty store. I never knew he had it in him. Our Eddie is just full of surprises tonight," Emmett exclaimed to Jasper on the ground below. Both of them pictured my face upon being confronted with a lot of sexually related items for sale. I rolled my eyes. Those two really needed to grow up. Thankfully, Bella was once again enraptured with her gift and didn't see my eye roll. She would have interpreted it as a personal affront.
"I'm just happy to be able to please you," I proclaimed. "It will bring me pleasure just to see you enjoy it." I saw her struggling with the cloth ribbons tied around the box and offered, "Do you want me to take them off for you?"
"No, thanks, I'll do it. I'm afraid you'll tear the cloth, and I'd rather keep them," she answered, smiling at me as she was finally able to untie the ribbons and open the box.
She gasped as she opened the lid and saw the delicacies inside. She picked up one of the chocolate covered strawberries, examining it with delight. "It's so big! I didn't even know they could grow this big. Trust you to get the biggest one ever."
I chuckled. "I'm sure there are bigger ones out there somewhere."
"Maybe," she conceded. "But this one sure is a mouthful. There's no way I can fit this in my mouth. I'll have to alternate sides, I guess." She took her first bite out of the huge strawberry and squealed, "It's so cold!" I had been keeping them in the refrigerator so the chocolate wouldn't melt.
"It'll warm up quickly from the heat of your mouth and hands and then it'll get messy quickly. I have a wet wash cloth already prepared for you to clean up with afterward," I cautioned her.
"Incredible! He's put a great deal of thought into this, hasn't he? Already has the wash cloth ready for afterwards. Impressive!" Emmett exclaimed softly.
"Isn't the Boy Scout motto to always be prepared?" Jasper responded. I reviewed my conversation with Bella in their minds. Without the visual cues, they had managed to think of a whole different scenario to match the words we had used. I started to get angry with them for being so disrespectful to Bella and for listening in on our private moment.
Bella moaned, "Tastes so good!" I heard my brothers' mental response to her words and sounds and had a wicked idea.
I dashed over to the desk and wrote a quick note to Bella.
Emmett and Jasper are listening to us, standing right under our window.
Her eyes flashed and her mouth tightened with anger. She opened her mouth to speak, but I held up one finger to stop her and wrote again.
Want to have some fun at their expense?
She nodded eagerly, grinning mischievously.
They've gotten the wrong idea, listening to the words we've said and believe we are doing something 'private'.
She quickly got irritated and grabbed for the pen and paper. I handed them over without protest.
If they believe we are doing that, why are they listening? They're just as bad as Mike!
I stomped down on my amusement, not wanting to give the game away to Jasper.
They are hoping to gain material with which to tease us with later. How about we turn the tables? Why don't we keep our conversation intentionally vague to encourage them to continue thinking inappropriate thoughts? Then, when the time is right, we bust them and show them what we were really doing. They'll look like fools, get lectured by Esme and Carlisle about invading our privacy, and we'll be able to tease them afterward.
She nodded vigorously, holding up her thumb to indicate her agreement with the plan.
"If you don't mind, Edward, I'd like to try something else, something new."
I grinned. "By all means, Bella. It's both educational and adventurous to try new things. A win/win scenario. Please, try anything you want."
She picked up another chocolate and bit into it. She started moaning and moaning. I couldn't help getting a little aroused myself at those sounds. I was jealous of the chocolate momentarily for drawing forth the sounds of ecstasy, but then reminded myself that I was the one who gave her the chocolate, so I was still the one who brought her such pleasure, in a roundabout way.
"It's all yours, baby. Just for you. I want you to take all of it, enjoy all of it," I teased, gesturing to the still full box of chocolate. "As much as you want, as often as you want. I'll be happy to oblige you anytime."
She smirked. "Thank you, honey. You're so sweet. I've definitely found something 'to die for'."
I had to clamp down on my amusement once again. She was priceless. "Don't talk about death so casually. You know how it upsets me!"
"You're right, honey. This is worth living for!" she exclaimed. "This makes it all worthwhile. I think I could live on this alone, it's that good."
I heard my brothers' minds boggling. Bella leaned over and kissed me, pouring her love into it. I let loose a groan of my own. A stray thought from Emmett had me growling softly. Bella couldn't hear it, but she could feel the vibrations from my chest. My brothers heard it loud and clear, but interpreted it into their mental scenarios. Bella pulled back, and I grinned at her to reassure her of my feelings. She gave an unconscious sigh of relief, before reaching for another chocolate, putting the half eaten one back in the box.
"Bella!" I cried out, considering it unsanitary. She just smiled and shrugged. She grabbed another chocolate, a raspberry crown. When she bit into that one, she moaned again in ecstasy. I found myself wishing my taste buds still appreciated human food. I desperately wanted to know, to experience the flavours that could cause such feelings in her. "So you like it? It tastes okay?" It was obvious she liked it, and it tasted better than okay.
"So sweet, so creamy, so yummy," she murmured. "I could eat this every day and never get tired of it."
I chuckled at her statement, then laughed harder at my brothers' response. Bella looked at me inquiringly. I dashed off another note.
You should see their faces of disgust at your last words. They couldn't handle it—thinking of their little sister like that.
Her eyes widened as she realized what they had been thinking. Then she giggled, rolling around on the bed. I grabbed the box of chocolate before she could smash it and stood up beside the bed.
"Hey, where are you going with that? I wasn't finished yet," she protested as she lunged for the box. I held it out of her reach. She put her hands on her hips and demanded, "Give it to me!"
"Not unless you ask me nicely," I taunted.
"Dude, what is up with him?" Emmett wondered.
"I guess he knows a lot more about this stuff than we thought. Must be all the things he's gleaned from other peoples' minds," Jasper declared.
Bella looked up at me through her lashes and pouted out her lower lip. "But it's mine! You said it was. You said it was all mine, all for me. So how come you get to decide when I can and cannot have it."
I smirked again. "I'd be happy to give it to you, if you ask me nicely."
She sighed and nodded in defeat. "Will you please give it to me, Edward?"
"My pleasure. Anytime," I replied, handing the box back.
She took it and inhaled deeply, "Mmmm." She looked through her choices and got a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. She picked up the gold foil wrapped chocolate covered cherry and gave me a coy smile. "I really want to share this with you, Edward. Please take my cherry." She handed me the piece of candy.
I looked from her to the candy in confusion. "Are you sure?"
She looked me in the eye and then waggled her eyebrows and leered. "Absolutely sure. I want you to take my cherry, Edward. I was saving it for a special time, but I love you, and I want to give it to you. My gift to you tonight. I want to share this with you."
I looked into my brothers' thoughts and realized the double entendre. I solemnly took the candy from her. "Thank you for this precious gift, love. I hope you won't regret it."
"I won't," she assured me. "Love is all about finding the balance in give and take, between two people, sharing their lives together. I want to give you this; I want you to have it."
I gently unwrapped the candy, smiling at her. I tapped her chin with my index finger. "Open for me, love." She held her mouth open. "I'm going to put the whole thing in; I know you can handle it. I am certain it will fit." She nodded her acceptance, so I put the candy into her mouth, onto her tongue. She gasped at the feeling of my cold fingers on her tongue. I moved my hand away, and she bit down on the candy, moaning in pleasure as the sugary syrup gushed onto her tongue. She savoured the flavour, chewing slowly. I started kissing her neck, causing her heart to race, adding credence to our plot.
"Do you want more, Bella?" I offered, gesturing to the box again. She caught on to what I was doing and played along admirably.
"Oh, yes, please more, Edward!" she exclaimed. "I need more, Edward. It's just soooo good. Please more, yes!"
Seeing her sitting calmly on my bed, gushing over a box of chocolate, I was shaking with the effort to contain my amusement. "Careful, you might get addicted," I warned with a smile.
"I'm already addicted!" she confessed happily. I picked her up bridal style and began spinning in a circle. I concentrated on her face and it was funny to watch her eyes jerk trying to keep up with the rapid spinning.
"Edward!" she yelled.
"Bella!" I yelled back.
"Enough! Please!" she cried. I stopped abruptly, setting her back on the bed. Her eyes kept jerking for a few minutes. She groaned, falling back onto the pillows. "I'm sooo dizzy. I just want to lie here for a while and recover."
"Whatever you want, dear," I chuckled. I saw my brothers' faces again, looking at each other with a mixture of awe and disbelief.
"I've gotta see this," Emmett muttered. "How did he bring her pleasure so quickly?
"I need to make sure he didn't hurt her. She's awfully dizzy," Jasper agreed.
I heard them scaling the wall up to my window, so I grabbed Bella and sat in front of it, with her in my lap, the box of chocolates in her hands. I pointed to the window, and she understood my brothers were coming. Their heads peeked into view, and they gasped at the sight of us sitting there waiting for them, fully clothed and calm.
"Come on in, boys," Bella invited. They cautiously raised the window and climbed inside, crouching beside it in case they needed a fast getaway.
"Would you care for some chocolate, boys? It's really quite yummy, sweet and creamy," she offered, holding out the box toward them.
They did a double take, rapidly re-evaluating our conversation in context of the current revelation.
"Chocolate?" Jasper asked in astonishment. "She was that ecstatic and euphoric over chocolate?" We nodded, and both Jasper and Emmett simply gaped at her in bewilderment, speechless for once, as they processed this new information.
Bella giggled and then casually mentioned, "Well, they do say chocolate is better than sex."
"Who does?" Emmett demanded.
"Women," Bella admitted. "Women in general. As a societal whole. It's one of the questions we exchange during girl talk. How does your man's loving compare to chocolate?" She grinned at their distinct discomfort.
There was a knock on the door, and I knew their wives were on the other side, so I unlocked it and let them inside. Rose and Alice strolled over to their husbands, each offering a comforting embrace to their spouse.
"Don't worry, teddy bear, I think your love is better than chocolate," Rose reassured Emmett, rubbing his back.
"Me too," Alice agreed, kissing Jasper on the cheek.
"Yeah, but chocolate tastes like dog poop to you," Jasper pointed out in distress.
"Yeah!" Emmett agreed. He hadn't thought of that until Jasper mentioned it.
The girls stood up and exchanged a look.
"Yeah, we know," Rose replied. "But we still think your loving is better."
"Absolutely!" Alice declared forcefully, nodding her head vigorously.
They hooked arms together and started for the door. "Coming, Bella?"
"In a little bit," Bella answered, leaning back against me and snuggling closer.
They nodded. "We'll be waiting," Alice warned. "If you're not down in thirty minutes, I'm coming to get you."
They walked to the door, but paused briefly in the doorway. Knowing we would all hear, Rose whispered, "Good thing they didn't ask us about blood!"
"Yep!" Alice laughed. Then they raced down the stairs, leaving their husbands staring blankly after them.