A/N:
Final chapter. I gave the saying "Nothing comes from nothing" a slightly different interpretation than the one given in the song, so you will finally understand the reason for the title.
There references to my stories "Underneath her wimple" and "The Baroness and the pine cone", but it can be read independently.
A special thanks for my dear, dear friend Valouisa, who also happens to be a wonderful writer herself. I only wish she could try writing some TSOM fan fiction herself one day…
My thanks to all of you reviewed who followed me through this story and kept me going with your words. I promise there will be more reading material for you soon.
At last, but not least, this story would not be without the magic touches of my super-beta Mellie D. This tale would not be the same if not for her help and insight.
Disclaimer: I still do not own anything.
Perhaps
I had a wicked childhood
Perhaps I had a miserable youth
But
somewhere
in my wicked, miserable past
There must have been a moment of
truth
For here you are, standing there, loving me
Whether
or not you should
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must
have done something good
Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing
ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have
done something good
Rodgers and Hammerstein, "The Sound of Music".
"I love you."
Maria had no idea at that moment that Georg von Trapp could count in his fingers the number of times in his life when he said those three words.
Ten times. He had said them for the first time when he proposed to his first wife, then again during their wedding night, and for the last time when she was on her deathbed. And once after each of their children were born. Not because he did not love her, but because words did not come easily to him, so that he had to show her his love in many other ways. It was just the way he was – he had been taught, from the cradle, to keep his feelings to himself, and he had learned his lesson so well that, at times, it took him a while to uncover and accept those feelings.
The way he said it… It was a once in a lifetime moment to Maria. Years later she would tell him if she never heard that from him again, it would hardly matter, because the intensity of it when he said them for the first time had been enough to last for eternity. His face, his voice, his whole stance told her he was serious; that he meant every single one of those three words, and that he did not doubted that they represented an absolute truth. And, because of her religious background, Maria was a believer of absolute truths, of things that could never be doubted or questioned. The fact that Captain Georg von Trapp loved her, and that she loved him became one of those truths, instantly.
This man did not want her only in his bed, as it had been viciously insinuated to her the night of the ball, not only by the Baroness, but by the whispered words she heard from the other guests. This man, this proud, aristocratic man, this fine and brave sea captain as the Mother Abbess had described him the very first time Maria ever heard of him, this dangerously handsome devil who tempted her night and day just by being in the same room with her – this man loved her. Her, Maria, who knew too much about loss but nothing of love, so much that she did not recognized the feeling for what it was the first time it bloomed inside her.
"Oh, can this be happening to me?" The words came out, and she was not able to stop them.
At first he thought she was going to kiss him, but at the last minute, she dropped her head to his chest. She wanted to say she loved him too, but her mouth refused to form the words. She would say it, eventually, but only when she was as sure and in control of herself as he had been, and not before that. More than anything, she wanted that her "I love you" would become to him also an absolute truth, she wanted to be just as profound and as deep in meaning as his words had been.
"Maria… Why do you think I have – no, why do you think we have been in agony since the night of the ball?" He murmured against her forehead.
"I thought… I thought you just wantedme as your… your…"
He stiffened. "You thought I wanted you as my mistress?" The word made her cringe.
"I lived long enough outside those convent walls to know what that means," was her strangled reply.
He pulled back from her, anger in his voice. "And who gave you that silly idea? Who have you been listening to? Because I…."
"It does not matter now." She looked up into his eyes, hoping that he wouldn't push her farther. She hoped in vain.
"Maria…" She knew that tone now. He was not going to her escape so easily. "It does matter to me. I would never dream of asking such a thing of you. It - it would kill us both"
"Some people saw us dancing the Ländler. There was some talk and -"
He cursed. "I heard it too, but I never thought anyone would dare saying anything to you."
"No one said anything to me. I just heard things. You´d be surprised to know how much people say in front of a governess thinking we don´t listen, or because we simply… we simply do not matter."
"That was gossiping of the worst kind, my love. I did what I could to stop it that night, but there are things that are just beyond my power. Is that one of the things you were so much afraid of?"
"I thought you just wanted me," she repeated.
"And, I do want you. I cannot hide this from you, and I won´t – not anymore. And I knew it was true long before I knew that I loved you."
"Oh." Her surprise was evident in her voice.
"Remember that day with Max and Elsa when the subject of the deadly sins came up?" He felt her nod. "Why do you think I forgot the seventh one?"
"Because everyone always forgets the seventh one when they try to name them all." He could hear her smile without having to look at her face.
"No. Because I could barely bring myself to say the word, with you there, sitting across from me wearing your habit, wimple and all, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to… And still, it came out of your lips so easily, so innocently. I felt – I felt like a bolt of lightning would strike me at any moment, and I would be sent straight to hell, as a punishment for my thoughts. I felt like a cad for thinking about you like that, and yet I could not stop myself.But make no mistake, my love. What I feel for you isn't pure lust, it's a desire to be with you, to know you within and without. To know what drives the fire in your eyes, what makes your heart skip a beat. I -" He paused, trying to find the right words. He continued softly, "I never felt that for Elsa."
Guilt – so he had felt it too… She could never have imagined that, not in a million years.
He was shocked. "You felt it too then. That awful sense guilt."
"Why would you feel guilty about anything?"
"Why would I not? I was supposed to be a nun and there you were, looking at me that way, making me feel things I did not even know existed. You were vying for my heart that I had vowed would belong to God. You – you opened my eyes to a world that I could never dream of – and shouldn't have dreamed of. But once my eyes were opened, they were beguiled by you. You confused my mind by touching my heart."
"You bewitched me from the very first day, when I found you waltzing in my ballroom wearing that convent contraption you used to call a dress."
"Is that why you made me turn around and take off my hat?"
"No, that was only because I was acting like a martinet."
She laughed , and then looked him in they eyes. He could tell that there was another question weighing on her mind, and he cocked his eyebrow in silent supplication for her inquiry. She wrapped her arms around him and bit her lower lip in pondering her next question. He was about to verbally prod her, when she asked in a very confident but quiet voice. "Does… does being obsessive about wanting to rip off your tie and messing up your hair mean that I wanted you to?"
"God, I hope so!" She giggled and he joined her, out of pure relief. "Go ahead. Do it," he encouraged.
Maria decided to leave the tie alone for the moment – he looked far too handsome in that suit. But the hair… She raised her hand from his shoulder, tentatively, and touched it, at last. It was very thick and soft, softer than her own hair. She heard his quick intake of breath, as her fingers played with his hair. It did not take too long for that stubborn lock to fall forward, and she pushed it back, but not before she studied the effect on him, with a look of complete fascination and… something else.
"Well, Captain, I am glad one of us knows what this is all about. I did not recognize any of these feelings until they were shoved right into my face," she said finally.
"You really had no idea? None at all?" Maria shook her head. "And to think that I was angry because I thought you were running from me."
"There is a saying - the nuns would repeat it over and over and again. I made it my motto, and based everything I have ever believed in that."
"What is it? The one about the Lord closing a door and opening a window?"
"No. Another one - nothing comes from nothing."
"Nothing comes from nothing," he repeated. "Yes, I know what you are talking about."
"It means so many things. But it also means that I could not have known something when I had nothing to start from." He gave her a puzzled look. "You see, I would not be able to recognize the taste of champagne because I never drank it. Love between a man and a woman and everything that comes with it was never a part of my world, so how was I supposed to recognize it?"
"You´ll taste your first champagne soon enough." He touched the tip of her nose. "You know now, don´t you?"
"I do – at least I think I do. Only because you showed me. You, the Reverend Mother and…" she as going to say The Baroness, but stopped herself just in time. "But I am still trying to make sense of it."
"Why, Maria?"
"Some day I will tell you everything about my life and you will understand."
He did not press her any further. Stepping back, and took both of her hands in his.
"Do you know when I first started loving you? Not just wanting you – loving you. That night at the dinner table when you sat on that ridiculous pine cone." He laughed, and she joined him.
"What? And I knew the first time you blew that silly whistle. At least, that's what I now know the feeling was."
He touched her face. "Oh, my love."
She smiled against his caress. "What was it about the pine cone?"
He playfully tapped her nose. "That is something I will save for later. Much later."
He kissed her again. Passionately this time, holding none of his love from her. In time, she would learn that Georg could make a kiss the most intimate of experiences. Soon she was responding to it, allowing him to guide her on her first taste of passion. There was nothing for her to do but hold on to his shoulders and let him take them both on that maddening ride.
"Maria?" he spoke finally, against her lips.
"Mmmm?"
"Is there anyone I should go to, to ask permission to marry you?"
Her head shot up. Had she heard him right? Had he just… proposed to her?
Their eyes met, her eyes asking him if she heard him correctly, his eyes pleading for her to say yes. She looked past him for a moment, through the windows of the gazebo out into the world. Earlier in the evening she had sought security from the world and maybe even from him in the glass room. But as she looked out into the moonlight night, she realized she didn't want to face the world outside of the gazebo without him. He was her security – not plates of glass that can shatter at the throwing of a stone. Suddenly she realized he was waiting on an answer from her. She turned her eyes away from the world and looked to her future.
"Did I – did I just hear you ask me to…"
"Yes."
Looking up at him, wonder shinning in her eyes, she suggested, "Well, why don't we ask…"
"… the children?" They both spoke at once.
THE END – or the very beginning…
A/N: To be continued in another story. Coming soon, I hope!