Chapter 17 ("Now I've realized what I've done")
News of Jack's arrest seemed to spread quickly and as usual all of Glen Valley seemed to gossip about it. But after a couple of weeks everything seemed to fall back into place. Clementine's going away party seemed to be a success, and she was happily enjoying her studying in Japan, thanks to the DFS program. Jack's trial was finished a week after he got out of jail, and although it was a tough case for Ally, they made it and even won! Everything seemed to be going good, but Jack was still refusing to go to therapy. His parents tried to push him to go, but he would always find a way to get out of his scheduled appointments.
Jack hadn't seen Grace after the news was shared to all of his friends and family, and she hadn't called him either. He had just gotten a hold of her today, and he had a feeling that she was avoiding him. Either way, it was Saturday morning and he was standing at her door waiting for her to answer. He thought about bringing flowers or something, but then decided against it. As he waited waited with his hands in the pocket of his jeans, he drifted off into thoughts about nothing in particular.
After what seemed like an eternity, Grace opened the door and Jack froze for a minute. He had almost forgotten how beautiful Grace was. She was wearing sweats and a white tank top that Jack swore only Grace could pull off. Her hair was straightened and up in a bun and he could tell she had on makeup, which she didn't really need.
"Jack...? You can come in now."
He jerked himself out of his thoughts of her, "Right, sorry. Thanks for letting me come over Grace."
"No problem. My family's not here right now. My grandma's hanging out with my mom today and Tom's doing...only God knows what," she shook her head just thinking about Tom. He was always up to something.
Jack chuckled at this. Grace's sense of humor was one thing he had missed the most.
"Do you need anything Jack? Food? Water?"
"Nope just you," Jack smiled as he hugged Grace from behind. He kissed her on the cheek and in a low voice he muttered, "I've missed you Grace."
It was things like that, simple, sweet, things that made Grace's heartbeat race even though she was trying to keep calm. She gently moved away from his embrace as she went to sit on the couch. He raised an eyebrow at her even though she couldn't see it, and he joined her on the couch.
"So...how have you been?"
"Fine...Jack I really think we should talk."
He sighed, "If this is about me going to jail then I promise-"
"Yeah Jack I know, I know it won't happen again," she responded.
"Ok...so then why so serious?"
She reached inside the pocket of her sweat pants and pulled out the bag of steroids.
[Play Little Pieces by Palour Steps. I don't own this song. Also I apologize if it doesn't really go with the dialogue, but it matches the mood hopefully. ]
We break and then we go
and we try, we try and stay hopeful
but it seems the more we learn the less we know
I'll try to stay truthful, yeah
Jack felt his body tighten and he looked at Grace, wide-eyed, "Grace...how'd you-"
"They fell out of your pocket the day we went on our dinner date...But more importantly, why are you doing this?"
"Grace look I can explain...it was for my fight...I was just trying to make sure that I win."
"Well congratulations then Jack...You win. But just know that I'm not going to be with someone who does steroids and fights. I mean do you have any idea how dangerous this is!"
Jack could see how furious Grace was with him, and he honestly didn't know how to calm her down.
"Grace I'm sorry...I'm really, really sorry and it won't happen again...Please just trust me."
"Trust you!" She exclaimed, "I wish I could Jack...But honestly I just...I don't think now is a good time for us to be together. The fact that you did any of this in the first place tells me that you have your own problems to work out...The fact that Chloe was the one who found out about all of this before me tells me something else...You don't trust me."
"No, that's not even...Look Chloe just found out. Grace I love you-"
"Then do us both a favor and go see a therapist!" Grace's voice was getting shaky, and he could see the tears falling down her face, he tried to wipe them off but she pushed his hand away, "Get some help Jack..."
If I fall to little pieces
you can fall to little pieces
we can mingle,
we can mingle our debris
"Grace..." He found himself speechless, "Are you saying that you want to break up?"
She glanced down at the floor, and he got the message. His eyes watered and he let out a dry laugh, "But...I just got to see you after weeks, and trust me, it's felt like much longer than that...You have no idea how much I love you. Are you really going to throw all of this away because of one stupid mistake?"
"This is more than just some stupid mistake Jack," Grace looked at Jack harshly, "It's not just about you doing steroids and fighting, it's about the reason behind why you did it. You're scared Jack...I know you're still scared even after all of the fighting. You need real help Jack...help that I can't give you, and I just don't think that with everything you have going on, that there's any space to deal with me right now...It's better this way just understand please." Her voice was cracking, and Jack could see the deep pain he was in.
He questioned if he was the reason was in pain. Was it his fault that she was crying on her couch right now? Was it his fault that she wanted to break up? Maybe it was...Maybe he really did not help after all. Maybe he did need to go talk to someone.
Our secrets have been leaked
into these wild streets
and the ears lending their sympathies
and the years lending vague weight
If I fall to little pieces
you can fall to little pieces
we can mingle,
we can mingle our debris
He had tried for so long to push all of his problems away. He tried to forget about it and convince himself that things were better, that he was better. But the truth is...he wasn't. Even after beating someone up, even after having the courage to fight someone bigger than him, he still felt small and insignificant and he felt like he always would when it came to Mike.
"Grace...I understand."
She looked up at him, a little surprised, "You do?"
"...I...I think...maybe I do need help Grace." When he said this his eyes started watering too, but he refused to cry, "But I just can't imagine not being with you...After everything we've been through Grace."
"I know," she sighed, "But who says it's forever Jack? And I'm still going to be here. I'm still going to be that friend that you can call at 12 o'clock midnight and tell all your problems too. I'm always going to be here for...I'm always going to be your friend."
"I don't know if I can do that Grace. I don't know if I can just be your friend."
She paused for a moment, and then she leaned in and kissed him. When she let go, she tossed him a small smile, "We've been friends before, and we can do it again...until you're ready."
"Ok Grace...but can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"Will you wait for me? To get better I mean..."
If I stay
would you stay with me
no escape plan
no victim's theory
just lovers
just lovers
without a history
just lovers
just lovers
"There's no one else worth waiting for Jack."
A/N: Sorry this was a crappy chapter. I'm bad with endings :( Anyway...My Grace/Jack shipping heart is breaking right now lol...but I didn't promise a happy ending did I?