DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 4: The Struggle To Fight

Lily chewed her lower lip nervously as she waited on the platform. She wasn't about to step on that train, where Slughorn was definitely going to zero in on her, without James at her side. And where was James? He had promised her he would be here by 10:30, and it was ten minutes to 11:00 now.

"Remus!" she called as she caught sight of a sandy-haired head pushing through the crowds. "Remus, over here!" Remus managed to get to her, followed by Sirius, and gave her a smile. "Remus, do you know where James is?"

Remus sighed. "He's not sure he's going to be able to make the train. Something's cropped up with his dad last night, he's at St. Mungo's. Said he'd try like hell to get here." Both his and Sirius' faces were pale and had dark circles under their eyes, belying a sleepless night. They had both likely spent the night at James' house.

Lily bit back a sob of anxiety. He wasn't going to make it. She was going to have to get on the train by herself.

"But, in Badge-Boy's absence," Sirius spoke up, grinning; Lily somehow knew that he'd been taking great delight in poking fun at James' appointment to Head Boy, "we have been ordered not to let you out of our sight for anything. And that is something we intend to follow." With that comment, Lily knew that James had told them why she wasn't to be out of their sight. "Come on."

Though she wasn't entirely pleased with more people knowing her dirty little secret, she did relax, knowing that she was just as safe from Slughorn with Sirius and Remus as she was with James.

James appeared at Hogwarts near the end of the Sorting; he had evidently Apparated from London and had had a very long night and day, based on his tired, strained face. He slipped in quietly, almost unnoticed, and slid into the empty seat next to Lily, giving her a quick kiss in welcome. He sent a nod of recognition to Dumbledore, watching him from the staff table. "Are you all right?" James asked her softly.

Lily gave him a small smile. "I'm fine, James," she replied softly. "How's your dad?"

James made an indistinct sound. "Not doing so well."

"Yamovsky, Ronald' was Sorted into Ravenclaw and McGonagall took the Hat away, the Feast appearing on the tables.

"Tuck in," Dumbledore advised and the Great Hall exploded with the sounds of conversation and laughter.

"So?" Sirius asked expectantly, looking at James. "What'd the Healers say?"

James sighed, mussing his hair in frustration. "Nothing I wanted to hear," he muttered, taking a helping of chicken. Lily put a gentle hand on his thigh, and he relented. "He's been committed into long-term care. There's no way he can live on his own. Can't even be left on his own for more than an hour."

"They give you any sort of time frame?" Remus asked quietly. Lily tried to figure out what he was talking about, then it struck her: James' father evidently wasn't expected to live much longer.

"Year, maybe," James replied, voice edged with same dull pain she'd heard in fifth year, when his mother had died.

Lily struggled against James' arms that night. Tears blurring her vision, she tried to overcome the spells placed on her. She had never tried to fight going to Slughorn, scared of what would happen if she did. Her mind was screaming at her to stop fighting against James and her body was trying to get away, trying to get to Slughorn.

"Fight it, Lily," James whispered in her ear, one muscled arm wrapped securely around her waist: never in her life had she been more grateful that he was a Quidditch player. "Fight it, I know you can. I'm not going to let you go."

Lily shook her head, crying in frustration. What was she shaking her head at: no, she couldn't fight it or no, don't let her go? "Please, James…" she begged, again not knowing what she was asking: please, James, let me go or please, James, don't let me go?

"I'll stay up all night if I have to," James murmured, tightening his hold and stroking her hair away from her face. "I'm not going to let him hurt you, Lily. I made a promise, and I'm going to keep it."

Lily sobbed again and buried her face into his chest, still fighting against her own traitorous body. It had to get easier. It just had to.

She finally stopped struggling at 2 AM. Physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted, Lily collapsed back against James' chest, still crying as he wrapped his arms around her and rocked her gently. He laid soft, gentle kisses against her head. "It's okay, it's okay," he soothed. "You got through."

"Thank you, James," she whispered.

James smiled at her. "You'd best get back upstairs to your dormitory and catch some sleep," he murmured in her ear. "Got a long day today. I'll see you in a few hours."

Lily's breath caught in her throat as she looked at her timetable. Of course it would work out that way. Double Potions, first thing this morning and Thursday morning.

"Relax, Lily," James said quietly, squeezing her knee lightly in reassurance. "He's not going to be fool enough to try anything in a classroom full of students."

"I know," Lily replied, though her voice still held some repressed fear. "You're not going to leave?" she asked, a little piteously.

"I'll be right beside you the whole time," James reassured her. "Now, come on and eat something."

Lily busied herself with her cauldron as Slughorn swept past her on his way to the front, not meeting his eyes: she could almost feel his displeasure emanating from every pore. Once he began to speak, she could hear his displeasure: more snappish than usual. "I hope everybody enjoyed their vacation," he said, sounding for all the world like the first person to have enjoyed it would die. "Now, you are taking NEWTs in June. Therefore, this term will consist of revising those potions that regularly come up…"

Lily concentrated on her potion, mentally coaxing herself to relax. It was a classroom full of students, after all, and James was right next to her, Sirius and Remus just behind them. What was he going to do?

"Excellent work, Lily, as usual," Slughorn's terse voice came from in front of her. Lily nodded her head curtly to show she'd heard him and continued to slice Mandrake roots. "I didn't see you at the start-of-term party last night," he continued, leaning forward slightly to place his hands on the table.

"Lost track of time, I expect," Lily replied calmly, hoping that the slight tremor wasn't evident in her voice.

"Well, I hope you don't lose track of time for the next party," he replied, and as he stood up again and went off, a small, folded piece of parchment was left behind next to her cauldron.

"Don't even open it," James said to her softly, as he reached over and palmed it. Before anybody could even notice, he had tossed the parchment into the fire underneath his cauldron.

As Lily soon found out, it was much easier to fight against the spells when she didn't read the notes ordering her to show up at such-and-such a time. James' advice was solid: don't open any sort of note Slughorn gave her.

When Quidditch practices started up, taking James away from her three evenings a week, Lily learned to involve herself with Dani and Persia, making sure that awkward questions were sure to arise if she got up and left: awkward questions were also an excellent deterrent.

"I miss you, you know," Dani laughed one overcast November evening as the three friends sat around the table in the common room, working on a Divination assignment. "Hardly ever get to see you on your own anymore, you're always with Potter."

Lily gave her friend a small smile, finishing another calculation for their astrology charts with some difficulty. She really wasn't all that good with numbers, never had been. She would've probably died if she had tried to take Arithmancy. "I am, aren't I?" she asked sheepishly. "I'm sorry."

"Ah, it's all right," Persia said with a wave of her hand. "It's worth it to see you all smiley again. Never would've guessed it'd be Potter, though."

"Yeah, I was convinced you were secretly dating Remus Lupin," Dani said, frowning at her when Lily burst out in giggles. "What?"

"Sorry, that's just…" Lily gasped out. "That's just a little funny." She bit back another round of giggles and explained, "It's like saying that you thought I was dating my brother or something."

"Okay," Persia said with a laugh. "So when exactly did you start dating him? I don't remember you saying anything about any date. And then Dani gets her Remus theory, and summer vacation comes and we come back and all of a sudden you're dating James Potter. And looking quite cozy, might I add."

"Well, it's sort of complicated," Lily said, blushing slightly.

"Look at her, she's blushing!" Dani crowed to Persia. "He makes her blush! This is so romance-novel material!"

"How long?" Persia repeated sweetly to Lily, whose cheeks flushed even more.

"Since the end of June," Lily admitted with a smile, laughing when Dani shrieked, "And you didn't tell us?!"

"Man, that's like almost half a year!" Persia exclaimed. "I don't think anybody in our year has gone that long with a single person!"

"Does it seem like forever?" Dani asked eagerly. Lily thought for a moment, sighed and said,

"Sometimes."