*****This is a work of fiction! I do not own the characters, they belong to EL James. The story line details belong to me.*****
I didn't really know where I wanted to go, but all I knew was that I didn't want to be at work right now. Sawyer and Preston were silent as they sat in the front staring ahead. We drove through most of the business area when it dawn on me that I should talk To Dr. Flynn, he would understand what I was going through. I mean hell he has been seeing Christian for several years, maybe he could help me shed some light on the matter.
"Sawyer, I want to see Dr. Flynn," I say as he slightly turns in his seat to acknowledge my words. A few minutes later we were pulling up to Dr. Flynn's office. It was make or break time. I needed to know this was all going to be alright or if it wasn't what to do.
Sawyer got out of the SUV before me and opened my door.
He then proceeded to follow me inside the building, but stopped outside the office door.
"Mrs. Grey, are you sure you want to do this right now," he says.
"Sawyer, come on. This is just the good old Doctor. It's not like Mr. Grey is here," I say walking through the door and stopping causing Sawyer to slightly bump into me. "Shit," I say through clenched teeth. Sitting in front of me was Christian with his hands deep in his hair. He looked up barely to acknowledge the interruption.
*********Fifty Shades Shattered***********
It has been the hardest month for me in my entire life. I hated the man I was that night, the look in Ana's eyes devastated me. I just felt so out of control; my life falls apart when I am not in Control. I should have been excited; hell I should have been dancing for joy. Yet, all I could think about was how she ruined our life. Yeah, that was just wrong, but I felt like Ana was trying to ruin me.
After watching Ana sleep last night I had made up my resolve that I needed to talk with Dr. Flynn on what I should do to keep myself from hurting Ana again. I really wanted to be the man she deserved. All this hatred and unworthiness I feel needs to be dealt with so that I can move on. I know I can't keeping blaming the crack-whore and her pimp for the rest of my life, but for so long they have been the easiest people to blame. I know Ana thinks that Elena holds some blame in our problems as well. I don't totally agree.
Ah! All the thinking I am doing is causing me a headache so I place my head in my hands, but am interrupted by voices outside the door. I am usually Dr. Flynn's early appointment. I keep my head down until I hear her voice say, "shit." I keep my eyes on her face, the face I long to kiss.
"Sawyer," I say dismissing him leaving Ana and I alone in the room. She quietly moves toward the other side of the room to sit on a couch. Her blue eyes bore into my gray eyes.
"Ana," I say breaking the silence.
"Mr. Grey," she replies. Then we sit there and wait. I want to ask her so many questions, but don't have the voice to ask them. Finally Dr. Flynn opens his office door.
"Ah! Mr. and Mrs. Grey," Dr. Flynn says as he walks out the door.
"John," I say looking directly at him.
"So I didn't know both of you were coming Christian or I would have been here sooner," Dr. Flynn says.
"That's okay I just thought you might have some spare time today to talk," Ana says softly.
"John, I'll make another appointment. I should be getting back to the office I seem to be slipping away," I say half joking, but meaning every word spoken.
"Mrs. Grey," I say as I walk toward her, nut she puts her hand up to me.
"Mr. Grey, right now isn't the time or place," she says softly moving her eyes from John to look toward me.
"Will you meet me tonight for dinner?" I ask moving closer to the door.
"No, I have plans," she whispers. What plans did she have? I would have to talk with Sawyer when I got outside.
"Okay," I say quietly trying to hide the over controlling freakiness of my voice with the sound of reason as I exit the office laving Ana and John alone to discuss God knows what.
*********Fifty Shades Shattered***********
The look on Christian's face when I told him I couldn't see him was one of devastation and complete utter horror. I couldn't believe that I let him walk away from me, but this was something that I needed to do. I really needed to talk with John to see what to do with Christian's fear of this baby or if it is just the control issue.
"So, um Mrs. Grey," John says as he ushers me into his office. He goes straight for the chair behind his desk and I sit in front of him in one of the plush looking chairs.
"I really don't know where to start at, but Christian and I have been living separate lives for a month. I'm not sure if I want to continue in this marriage or if it is even worth fighting for," I say real quickly. I felt that I needed to lay it all out in front so that he would know exactly where my mindset was, where I was coming from.
"Mrs. Grey, I know that Christian," I interrupted him.
"Please call me Ana," I say as I twist my hands in my lap. I was nervous as heck. He looked at me puzzled but nodded for me to continue.
"Ana," he said picking up his pen.
"Has Christian told you about all of our problems," I asked.
"Christian has a lot of different demons that he is trying hard to control. He tends to overreact in situations in which he really doesn't have much control in. For example the night you told him you were pregnant. Christian reacted in the only was he knew how to, by pushing you away. Remember what he said once in your couple session about not knowing how to love anyone else," he said looking curiously at me.
I was trying to let the words he told me sink in. I knew that Christian always thought the worst about things, but never considered the outburst to have been caused by fear. Yes, that could explain several things about him pushing me away. He didn't have the best start in life and of course that would have caused some damage, hell that was why he was so out of control as a teenager. Then that damn Mrs. Robinson takes advantage of an innocent boy trying to cope with the life he's been dealt with. Damn! This talk only made me realize my heart would die if I didn't have Christian in my life. I would take him in any form, even as a friend just to have in my life.
"Thank you, Dr. Flynn. Like always you have given me something to chew over," I say as I get up to exit the door.
"Ana, just remember Christian does love you, maybe he has a poorly inexcusable way of showing it, but no matter you are it for him," John says as I let his words linger in my mind walking out of the building. Sawyer is standing next to the front door waiting for me. I walk behind him as he opens the door and I get in.